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"A Meticulous Analysis of History" is a song from Pinky and the Brain performed by the titular mice. It appears in the episode of the same name. The song is set to the melody of "When I Was a Lad" from H.M.S. Pinafore, with brief portions utilizing "Shortnin' Bread" and "Turkey in the Straw."

Lyrics[]

Brain:
Through meticulous analysis of history
I will find a way to make the people worship me
By studying the conquerors of days gone by,
I'll discover the mistakes that made them go awry
Pinky:
So that you can make the same mistakes if you just try!
Brain:
By studying the past so carefully,
I won't repeat the same mistakes of history.
Pinky:
You'll never make another mistake, you see,
Cause you'll fall asleep from reading all that history
Brain:
Pay attention Pinky!
When Cleopatra reigned as Queen,
With Roman leaders she was often seen
But when she had no ruling friend,
She found a poison snake to bite her in the end
Pinky:
A bite down there I really wouldn't recommend.
Brain:
I won't need world alliances,
When I'm commanding everyone's appliances.
Pinky:
Oh no Brain, that would really smart,
To be bitten on the bottom by a Cuisinart
Brain:
Hannibal, book confirms
Tried conquering Italy with pachyderms
Just why he failed, nobody tells
But he never could get past the Roman sentinels
Pinky:
And he couldn't find his weapons in the peanut shells!
Brain:
An elephant is not required
If I can use the media to be admired!
Pinky:
The TV viewers you'll delight
Unless the network puts your show on Sunday night...
Brain:
Atilla was a mighty Hun
He ransacked Asia Minor just for fun
But when he got to Europe's banks
He was routed by an army of heroic Franks
Pinky:
I like mine with sauerkraut and mustard, thanks
Brain:
Why pillage like a criminal?
When I can send out messages subliminal!
Pinky:
Please send a message to that Hun
To see if he can pillage me a hot dog bun?
Zort!
Brain:
Caligula was no Boy Scout
He did things that we can't even talk about!
The Romans knew he'd lost his head
When he filled a vacant Senate seat with Mr. Ed!
Pinky:
What's wrong with being friendly with a thoroughbred?
Brain:
Why rule like such a reprobate?
When I can put the world in a hypnotic state!
Pinky:
When everybody's in a trance
You can make the people do a chicken dance!
Brain:
Pinky, if you don't stop this foolishness
I shall have to hurt you.
Pinky:
'kay...
Brain:
In France, Napoleon Bonaparte
Thought beating Austria was very smart
But when he took on England too
He was beaten up by Wellington at Waterloo
Pinky:
And now he's just a pastry filled with creamy goo
Brain:
Why conquer with depravity?
I'll win the world by undermining gravity.
Pinky:
And even if your plan falls through
Maybe they will name a pastry after you.
Waahahaha!
Brain:
From Genghis Khan to Charlemagne
From Alexander down to Tamburlaine
I find a ruler's tragic flaw
And gain a little wisdom out of each faux pas
Pinky:
Don't forget the former Governor of Arkansas!
Brain:
That concludes my little rhyme
I hope this lesson wasn't just a waste of time
Pinky:
Well Brain, I've learned that one thing's true.
Every one of them has failed, and so have you!
Brain:
Thank you for that vote of confidence.
Now, come, we must prepare for tomorrow night.
Pinky:
Why, what are we going to do tomorrow night?
Sing a song about all the world's cheeses?
Brain:
No, Pinky, we shall try to take over the world—
Through meticulous analysis of history!

Trivia[]

Goofs[]

  • When Pinky holds up the portrait of Bill Clinton, the former president's underwear changes colors.

Errors[]

  • Cleopatra did not commit suicide by allowing an asp to bite her, most historians instead believe she ingested a poison to kill herself.
  • The story of Caligula filling a vacant senate seat with his horse Incitatus is considered by most historians to be false.
  • Napoleon did not immediately lose upon going to war with England (which was actually the United Kingdom), France won 5 wars against anti-French coalitions (the first two wars being part of the French Revolutionary Wars where Napoleon was a general and the latter three being part of the Napoleonic Wars where Napoleon was Emperor) most of them involving both Austria and the United Kingdom. Napoleon first lost in the War of the Sixth Coalition and was forced to abdicate and then exiled. His second and final loss at Waterloo didn't happen until later in the War of the Seventh Coalition after Napoleon returned to France and overthrew King Louis XVIII.

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