Animaniacs Wiki
Advertisement
Animaniacs Wiki

Theme song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

While Bill Clinton plays the sax

We're Animaniacs

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animanie-

Totally insane-y

Here's the show's name-y

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

King Yakko[]

(shows a map. Likus surrounds a river, and is south of a mountain. Dunlikus is north-west of Likus, and has mountains west and north in it. North is Ihadenov. South of Likus is Enovisenov)

*Narrator: Here among the dramatic Aramean Mountains in the Hinkle River Valley, lies the tiny kingdom of Anvilania. The world's largest producer and exporter of one thing -- anvils. (microscope) And on this very day, the citizens of Anvilania are awaiting the arrival of the heir to the throne. The man who's been chosen as the new king.

*Soldiers (one at a time): The king approaches! The king approaches! The king approaches! (into Hello Nurse's face)

*Hello Nurse: I heard.

*Soldier: Uh, excuse me, prime minister.

*Soldiers (in harmony): The king!

*Hello Nurse (singing):

Good folk of Anvilania, we welcome our new king,

So raise your hammers high, and let the anvils ring!

*Crowd:

We let the anvils ring

*Soldiers:

To welcome our new king.

The king!

(tires screech)

*Yakko (spoken): Hello, my name's Yakko, and I'll be your king this evening. If you need anything, just ask.

*Wakko and Dot: (pop the car, walk towards entrance)

*Hello Nurse: May I present myself? I am the prime minister.

*Yakko and Wakko: Hello, prime minister nurse!

*Dot: Boys. Do they get better when they get older?

(trumpets ring)

*Hello: We welcome you with the national anthem of Anvilania, as sung by one of our national treasures. Mr. Perry Coma.

*Perry (singing):

An-vil-a-nia,

An-vil-a-ni-a

An-vil-a-ania-h

(everybody sleeps except for Warner Trio)

*Dot (spoken): That's the national anthem?

*Wakko: It's not all bad.

(Yakko and Dot create bags, push air and pop them)

*Hello Nurse: Aah! *Crowd: Huh? *Hello Nurse: Good Anvilanians, I present the heir to the throne.

*(singing):

Let us introduce ourselves

O people of this land

*Wakko:

We are the Warner brothers

*Dot:

With sister close at hand.

*Yakko:

I bet you all are wondering

Who is this young unknown?

And why am I inheriting

The Anvilanian throne?

*Men:

Yes, why?

*Women:

Yes, why?

*Crowd:

Oh, please, please tell us why.

*Yakko:

The bottom of the family tree

Starts with Yakko; that is me.

I'm the cousin to the sister

Of the son's niece's brother

Of the uncle's daughter's father

Of the nephew's sister's mother

And my grandpa's only cousin

Was the King's daughter's sibling,

But they're all gone,

*Crowd:

So that is why,

*Yakko:

I am now your king!

*Crowd:

He is now our king!

*Yakko:

Yes, I am now your king!

Repeat what I just said!

*Crowd:

Repeat what I just said!

*Yakko:

And let the anvils ring!

(Fast xylophone solo, Wakko hits his head on an anvil)

*Warner Trio:

Old King Yakko's mania

(Anvils play "E-I-E-I-O")

*Warner Trio:

Was for Anvilania!

(Anvils play "E-I-E-I-O")

*Yakko:

So good citizens, I pledge to you

I'll do the best that I can do

For honor, country and the king,

Let the anvils ring!

*Crowd:

Let the anvils ring!

*Yakko:

Let the anvils ring!

*Chorus:

Let the anvils ring!

(Wakko and Dot hit a large anvil, everybody falls over)

*Hello Nurse (spoken): Come, your majesty, it is time for your coronation.

(soldiers shake and clothes fall off)

*Very Arch Bishop: I crown thee, Yakko, king of Anvilania, holder of the scepter, wearer of the medals, and defender of the anvils. (hands items to Yakko, who struggles)

*Yakko: Do you have anything in a (sanzabelt?) with a scooch more room?

*Very Arch Bishop: And now, the national anthem.

*Warner Trio: Not again!

*Perry (singing):

An-vil-ay-niah,

An-vil-ay-ni-ah

An-vil-a-ay-nia-h

(everybody sleeps. Warner Trio gets bags and pops them.)

*Crowd: Huh? Huh?

*Arch Bishop: King Yakko, your throne

*Wakko: The throne? How do you lift the lid?

*Dot: Since when do you lift the lid?

*Crowd: Your highness!

*Yakko: My highness, what? Did I sit in something?

*Hello Nurse: May I introduce the court jester?

*Yakko: You may.

*Jester: Hey, I want to tell you folks, hey, this anvil was so big...

*Crowd: How big was it?

(anvil squashes Jester)

*Jester: I don't know, uh, I can't see the cue card.

*Hello Nurse: Your majesty, now would be a good time to greet the people with your address.

*Yakko: Dresses would be Dot's department

*Dot: I'm introducing a new fall line.

*Hello Nurse: Polka dot?

*Dot: If you insist.

(Yakko plays the following notes as semi-quavers on an accordion, Wakko and Dot dance)

g-d-b-d-g-d-b-d,

g-e-c-e-g-e-c-e

d-c#-d-e-f#-d-e-f#

g-rest-b-rest-g-rest-rest-rest

*Hello Nurse: No, no, I meant for the king to give his address to the people.

*Crowd: Hooray. (whistles)

*Yakko: Citizens of Anvilania, I stand before you, because if I was behind you, you couldn't see me.

*Crowd: (stone faced)

*Yakko: Thank you, and now for my address. King Yakko, care of the castle, anvilania 90210. As your sovereign leader, I promise not to abuse my total, unyielding, supreme and absolute power over you. But I must ask you one thing -- can you do this... Laddle-laddle-daddle (stretches mouth wide)

*Crowd: Laddle-laddle-daddle (imitates)

*Yakko: Ooh, very good. How about this? Waahoo- Waaoo (stretches mouth down and puts foot behind his head)

*Crowd: Waahoo- Waaoo (imitates)

*Yakko: My, people. Now here's an old favorite. Eeeh! (sticks tongue out and pulls ears)

*Crowd: Eeeh!

*Yakko: Good. Now how about this! Blb!

*Crowd: Blb!

*Yakko: Very nice. Okay, now this. Wey-now-weis!

*Crowd: Wey-now-weis!

(transition to Dunlikus)

*Umlatt: So, the new king of Anvilania is a child. A kid, a pushover.

*Spink: A kid, a pushover.

*Umlatt: Anvilania has always made a fortune off those anvils, but soon that fortune will be mine, MINE! do you hear?

*Spink: I hear, I hear. But how will you take over the country?

*Umlatt: I will go there and demand they surrender. The king is a child. He will crumble before me. It will be like taking anvils from a baby. Ha ha ha ha ha! (The camera zooms into his mouth, blacking out the screen) Ooogh! Get the camera out of my mouth.

(Commercial break.)

*Yakko (singing):

In dear old Anvilania,

Everyone's our friend

*Dot:

We want to meet you all,

*Wakko:

And shake you by the hend.

*Wakko (spoken): Hend, hend! It rhymes!

(trumpet)

*Announcer: Dictator of Dunlikus, Umlatt.

*Dot: Oh, boy!

*Wakko: The clown is here!

*Dot: Yay!

*Yakko: Are you here to entertain us, mr. clown?

*Dot: Where are your magic tricks?

*Wakko: I want a balloon-animal that looks like a woodchuck!

*Umlatt: Please, please, get off me. I am the dictator!

*Yakko: Okay, Dick. Or is is mr. Tator? You mind if we call ya Richard? I know, let's play musical chairs!

*Warner Trio (singing):

You never know when we're gonna stop,

We might go on forever.

You can get sick, waiting for us,

Or we could stop-

(all pause, all jump on the chair)

*Wakko (spoken): Darn! a tie.

*Yakko: I know, we'll have a tiebreaker. Pin the tail on mr. Tator! (wraps blindfold)

*Wakko: (puts bullseye on Umlatt's rump)

(Umlatt stops the game)

*Umlatt: Stop! You obnoxious creatures! I am not mr. Tator. I'm not the entertainment! That's your entertainment!

*Jester: H-hey, take my anvil-

(anvil squashes Jester)

*Jester: Please

*Yakko: Well, if you're not the entertainment, you shouldn't be wearing a costume. Dot, let's help this man out.

(Dot brings shirts, Wakko puts polka-dot shirt on Umlatt)

*Umlatt: Polka dot?

*Dot: Again? Oh, alright.

(Yakko plays the accordion, with the following notes, Dot and Umlatt dance)

g-d-b-d-g-d-b-d

(d,f#)-rest-(c,e)-rest-(c,e)-rest-rest-rest

e-c-a-c-f#-c-a-c

(c,e)-rest-(b,d)-rest-(b,d)-rest-rest-rest

g-d-b-d-g-d-b-d

(Beauty and the Beast dance through the screen)

g-e-c-e-g-e-c-e

d-c#-d-e-f#-d-e-f#

g-rest-b-rest-g-rest-rest-rest

g-d-b-d-g-d-b-d

g-e-c-e-g-e-c-e-

*Umlatt: (rips off shirt) No, no, no! This is a uniform of a great man!

*Yakko: Does he know you're wearing it?

*Umlatt: I am umlatt of Dunlikus, and I am here to demand you surrender Anvilania to me. I give you 24 hourse to vacate.

*Yakko: Vacation, already? This is only my first day on the job!

*Umlatt: I demand your surrender!

*Yakko: I will not surrender. You surrender.

*Umlatt: Me surrender?

*Yakko: Alright, I accept. Hand over the keys to your castle.

*Umlatt: Don't be ridiculous. I'll go to war before I surrender.

*Yakko: Well then go ahead, and donn't come back until you've learned some manners, young man.

*Umlatt: Nng! Very well, you silly child. This means war!

*Yakko: I thought that meant touchdown.

*Wakko and Dot (cheerleading):

Yay!

Push 'em back, shuffle back,

Way back!

*Umlatt: I'll see you on the battlefield!

*Yakko: Wait, you forgot to get your parking validated!

(Umlatt slams door)

*Yakko: Oh, poo. A war.

*Yakko (singing):

And so I stand corrected,

Not everyone's a friend

The dictator, he wants a war

So our country will defend!

*Crowd:

This means war!

*Very Arch Bishop and Hello Nurse:

This means war!

*Fancy costumed people:

This means war

*Crowd:

This means war!

*Warner Trio:

Of course, you know,

this means war! Yes!

*Hello Nurse: Hurry, your majesty. These are desperate times. You must meet the cabinet.

*Yakko: Hello, I'm Yakko, nice to meet you (high voice) oh the pleasure's all mine.

*Hello Nurse: Sire?

*Yakko: Wait 'till we're alone. (enters room) Gentlemen, please be seated. Ah-ah-ah-ah, I didn't say "simon says". Simon says, please be seated. So what's the plan?

*General 1: The situation is grave. Our army hadn't been to war in 200 years.

*Yakko: They should be very well rested, then.

*General 2: First, we must prepare the troops.

*General 3: No, first we must get new weapons.

*Yakko: Eh-eh. You're both wrong. First, we must have a new national anthem.

*Wakko: (plays piano)

*Wakko and Dot (singing):

Oh the anvil shine

In my old Anvilanian home.

(all salute)

*Yakko: Thank you, please be seated. Huh, very good. Simon says, please be seated.

*Hello Nurse: Your majesty, if i may?

*Yakko: I wish you would.

*Hello Nurse: Now, if we position our army on the northern border here, and a battalion of tanks on the left flank, here, we can force the attackers into this narrow valley. What do you think, your majesty.

*Yakko: What, oh, I dozed off there for a second.

*Hello Nurse: I said, what do you think?

*Yakko: I think we should divide into teams and play shuffle-board. I'll take you, you and you if you'll have me (points to Hello nurse)

*General 1: But your highness!

*Yakko: It'll be your highness if you don't stop calling me that.

*General 1: We must prepare!

*Yakko: Very well. Dot, Wakko. Wakko, as the king of Anvilania, I appoint you general of the armed forces. Prepare the troops.

*Wakko: (salutes and goes away)

*Yakko: Dot, I appoint you minister of girly things I don't understand.

*Dot: That covers a lot of ground.

*Yakko: I know, we need uniforms!

*Dot: What about these?

*Everyone else: Polka dot?

*Dot: Not again. Huh.

(Dot dances with general 1, Yakko plays accordion. The tune is shown in semi-quavers)

g-d-b-d-g-d-b-d

(d,f#)-rest-(c,e)-rest-(c,e)-rest-rest-rest

e-c-a-c-f#-c-a-c

(c,e)-rest-(b,d)-rest-(b,d)-rest-rest-rest

g-d-b-d-g-d-b-d

g-e-c-e-g-e-c-e

d-c#-d-e-f#-d-e-f#

g-rest-b-rest-g-rest-rest-rest

(stop)

*Yakko: Now, on with the plan. The meeting is adjourned. You're all dismissed. Ah-ah-ah-ah! Simon didn't say.

*Dot: I think this uniform needs something. Something that says I'm here to destroy you, but with a sense of fun. I got it! Wear your underwear outside your pants! Hey, it worked for Madonna.

*Yakko: Troops, you're about to head into war. I won't lie to you. Some of you may not return, and the rest of you definitely won't. Now, although war is a cruel and brutal affair, it is also dangerous and stupid. You may get squashed like a bug, smooshed and oozing, or crunched like shredded wheat into dust, or ripped apart.

*Army: Aah! (runs away)

*Dot: Maybe you should've lied, just a little bit.

*Yakko: So? We'll go to war ourselves. How hard could it be?

*Wakko: This hard.

(giant army marches)

*Yakko: Mmm. We're gonna need a few commercials to figure this one out. (The screen irises out, Yakko’s nose falls off) Hey, I need that! (puts nose back on)

(Commercial break.)

(Warner Trio push a wooden anvil)

*Dot: You think this plan will work?

*Yakko: It better. We don't have any more commercial breaks.

*Spink: No sign of the Anvilanian army, your dictatorship.

*Umlatt: What?

*Spink: There's no sign of the Anvilanians!

*Umlatt: Thank you. Wait, what's that?

*Soldier: It's a present for the dictator!

*Spink: It's a present for you.

*Umlatt: What?

*Spink: A present for you!

*Umlatt: Thank you! Bring it in!

*Yakko: Hit it!

(opens and reveals Parry)

*Perry (singing):

An-vil-ay-niah,

An-vil-ay-ni-ah

An-vil-a-ay-nia-h

*Spink: It's their secret weapon. (yawn, falls asleep)

*Umlatt: What?!

*Soldiers: (snoring)

*Yakko: I worked! Come, my siblings! We must capture the flag. (sticks in flag)

*Dot: King Yakko, now that you've won the war, what are you going to do?

*Yakko: I'm going to dis-

*Umlatt: Hold it right there.

*Dot: Hey, how come you're not asleep?

*Umlatt: What?!

*Yakko: Enough with the what jokes. We win, mr. Tator. War's over. Go on home, now, you have no army. No hard feelings, okay.

*Umlatt: Ha! I don't need an army, now, because I've got you. And once you're gone, I'll have your country as well. (laughs)

*Yakko: Wait, you're forgetting something.

*Umlatt: What?

*Yakko: Well, being an evil villain, you are contractually required to explain your plan before you get rid of us.

*Umlatt: Oh, right. After I've disposed of you, I will control Anvilania, and then finally, the anvils will all be mine! (laughs)

*Warner Trio: Anvils?

*Umlatt: Yes, I will have all the anvils!

*Yakko: Ex-squeeze me, this whole thing is about anvils? Why didn't you say so?

*Dot: Here you go. You can have my anvil.

*Umlatt: I don't want this tiny thing.

*Yakko: Well, then have this one.

*Umlatt: No!

*Wakko: Don't look at me. I'm keeping mine.

*Umlatt: No, no! I want big anvils, and lots of them.

*Yakko: No problem. Wait right here. Actually, wait right here.

(anvil smashes Umlatt)

*Yakko: Those kind of anvils?

*Umlatt: Yes.!

*Yakko: Okay. (hits Umlatt with a big anvil)

*Dot: (adds a slightly smaller anvil)

*Yakko: Factory direct to you. No middle-man. I am the king! (squashes Umlatt with truckload of anvils)

*Umlatt: Huh!

*Yakko: Fire!

(anvils attack Umlatt and destroy his castle)

*Warner Trio: Sends enormous anvil

*Umlatt: I... blee... wo...

*Dot: Poor little evil 'fella who asked for it.

*Wakko: Here. You can have my anvil after all.

*Umlatt: Aah! (smashed anvil)

*Yakko: Well, that completes the delivery. Just sign here.

*Umlatt: Ooh! You win! I give up! I surrender! Do with me what you will!

*Yakko: Mr. Tator, I think I've got a punishment for you that's fair, just and clever. Or maybe just fairly clever.

*Umlatt: Whatever.

(Warner Trio returns home)

*Warner Trio (singing):

We thank you all for your support,

And of the war we now report,

*Yakko:

Our country had been threatened by a mean and crafty man,

*Dot:

He wanted all our anvils

*Wakko:

And our country in the can.

*Warner Trio:

We gathered up the bravest men,

But they all ran away,

*Yakko:

So Wakko, Dot and I the king went off the earn our pay

*Dot:

The battle, it was fierce,

*Yakko:

but we rolled with the punch

*Yakko and Dot:

The odds, they were against us,

*Wakko:

Six hours without lunch.

*Warner Trio:

We fooled the old dictator and his castle was destroyed,

But we're not mean, and now with us,

He's gainfully employed.

*Umlatt (spoken): This anvil was so big...

*Crowd: How big was it?

(anvil squashes Umlatt)

*Umlatt: This big.

*Yakko (singing):

So now, won't you join us?

For country and the king?

*Warner Trio:

Raise your hammers high, and let the anvils ring.

*Crowd (part):

Let the anvils ring!

*Crowd:

Let the anvils ring!

(ding, ding, ding ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! ding! ding! ding! DING! Castle collapses)

*Yakko and Wakko: Polka dot?

*Dot: Why not?

(music starts, Yakko dances with Hello Nurse, Wakko dances alone, Dot plays accordion. Song is made into semi-quavers again)

g-d-b-d-g-d-b-d

(d,f#)-rest-(c,e)-rest-(c,e)-rest-rest-rest

e-c-a-c-f#-c-a-c

(c,e)-rest-(b,d)-rest-(b,d)-rest-rest-rest

g-d-b-d-g-d-b-d

g-e-c-e-g-c-e-rest

d-c#-d-e-f#-d-e-f#

g-rest-b-rest-g-rest-rest-rest

(bb,d)-e-rest-f-(g,b)-rest-rest-rest

(black out)

End[]

(animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Warner Trio: Goodbye, Nurse!

Advertisement