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Theme song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

While Bill Clinton plays the sax

We're Animaniacs!

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animanie-

Totally insane-y

Here's the show's name-y

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

Hello Nice Warners[]

*Female singer:

The hills are quite full, of big rocks and boulders,

With igneous rock, sedimentary too,

The hills are quite full, of big rocks and boulders,

(Warner Trio comes out of nowhere)

*Yakko (spoken): Hello, nurse!

*Dot: Nice singing.

*Wakko: Hey, wanna watch me pretend to throw up?

*Female singer: (gags)

(environment falls apart)

*Ralph: Uh, have you seen any three little kids around here, anywheres?

*Female singer: They went that way.

*Ralph: Oh thanks. (runs, runs back) Hey, by the way, ah-I really liked your singing. (runs)

*Warner Trio: (run into building, audition in process)

(pianist plays)

*Director: Take the word, animal, transpose the letters m and n, and you get aminal. That, in a nutshell is comedy. Who are you?

*Yakko and Wakko: We're the warner brothers!

*Dot: And the Warner Sister.

*Director: Alright kids, look. Listen, let's not waste time. I'm a busy man, I got a movie to direct. I got comedy to think about, and plan and plot, and so forth and so on. After all, I'm a comedy genius. This is Louie, he's a genius too. Give him your music.

*Wakko: Music?

*Director: For the audition, you sweetheart of a weird-looking kid, for the movie. Look, you want to audition or talk with me all day?

*Yakko: Given the options, we'll audition. Wakko, the music, please? (dumps lots of music)

*Warner Trio (singing):

Three little maids from school are we,

Pert as a schoolgirl, well can be,

Filled to the brim with girlish glee,

Eee, three little maids from school.

*Dot:

Everything is a source of fun (throws camera)

*Wakko:

Nobody's safe 'cause we care for none (clicks, throws dvd player)

*Yakko:

Life is a joke that has just begin (car)

*Warner Trio:

Three little maids, from school.

*Director (spoken): I'm bowled over. That is good stuff. You kids got it. You got that something, that special zingy thing, that thing that only comes from here.

*Yakko: That's just a spaghetti stain.

*Director: You see what I'm saying? That's clever. You're wacko.

*Yakko: No, this is Wakko.

*Director: You're funny.

*Yakko: No, I'm Yakko, and that's Dot.

*Dot: Haven't we met before?

*Director: Oh, I love these kids. They're so funny. Nice kids that look like puppies. Flameel! Where are you nutty funsters going?

*Yakko: Jan Murray's house?

*Director: You kids are gonna be in my movie.

*Warner Trio: Movie?

*Director: Who were you just looking at?

*Yakko: The people watching on TV.

*Director: Peoples, what peoples? Hello nice people in the TV! I don't see any. Hey, where'd you kids go? There you are. Nice kids, we're with a movie, gonna do a thing!

*Warner Trio: Aaah! (run, see Ralph)

*Ralph: Uuh, where are they?

*Yakko: Alright, mr. penzoil head, you talked us into it. We'll do your movie.

*Director: Oh, you'll do-- the mov- you'll do the-- happy--I am-- so much. Oyl!

*Warner Trio: Be afraid, be very afraid

(blackout, scene change.)

*Director: Alright, here's the first scene. A lady's gonna want some shoes that are too small.

*Yakko: So?

*Director: So, that's funny my little kid with the cheeks. Alright, let's do it. Morty, roll it. Action

*Yakko: Hello, large nurse!

*Woman: I should like to see some shoes, please.

(Yakko takes shoe off foot)

*Yakko: What a big feet you have.

*Wakko: Wakko, get this woman a size 16.

*Woman: No, I want a size 6.

*Yakko: Heh heh heh, courtesy laugh. Wakko, get this woman a size 6. (stretches and slaps it on)

*Director: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut! Sweethearts, what is that with the stretching of the shoe? That's funny ho ho. I want funny ha ha.

*Yakko: Yeah, but-

*Director: Please don't speak, I'm directing. I've been doing comedy for many years, and the key to humour is the bucolic propensity of the known against the backdrop of universal truths. Here's how I do that scene. Go sit.

(Yakko gets Stanislavski moment).

*Director: Nice lady! A size 6 is too small for your fat foot.

*Woman: (hits)

*Director: Don't with the hitting! I'll make it should fit. (babbling) See? now, that's funny. You kids do it just like that. Action.

*Warner Trio: Oh, lady! Oh, lady! Oh, lady! Oh, lady! Oh, lady! Oh, lady!

*Wakko: Nice lady!

*Warner Trio: Oh, lady! Oh, lady! Oh, lady!

(Woman screams)

*Wakko: Nice lady!

*Director: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut! Wrong, wrong, wrong! You kids are terrible. You stink!

*Yakko: I think we have a difference of opinion.

*Director: If you can do it any better, then why don't you direct.?

*Warner Trio: Okay.

*Yakko: Alright, sweetheart, in this scene we don't want funny ha ha, we want funny uh-oh.

*Director: What's funny uh-oh? Uh oh!

(Piano falls on director)

*Yakko: Alright, in this scene (megaphone)

*Director: Oy, too loud. Make with a whisper, don't with the loud maker talk.

*Yakko: Alright, sweetheart, now, we're going to do the tragic ending to the famous movie, old screamer, about a boy's love for his sick, old dog.

*Director: I'm the boy?

*Yakko: No, you're the dog. And, action!

*Wakko: Oh, oh, oh, screamer, you're so very sick.

*Director: Bark, woof, bark. Froynlaven.

*Dot: Oh my child, Wakko, boy, it's best that we put old screamer out of his misery

*Director: No, bark woof. No.

*Wakko: But ma, how would I ever live without old screamer?

*Director: Yeah, bark!

*Dot: Because I bought you this new cuddly puppy!

(bark)

*Wakko: Oh, a cute little puppy. Goodbye old screamer.

*Director: Ow, bark. Hurt. (squashed by mallet) I should go home.

*Yakko: Please, don't speak, I'm directing. (megaphone)

*Director: Woah, no more with the thing of loud.

*Yakko: Now, in this next scene, you're the famous archeologist Illinois Smith. You're about to grab the ancient bowl of surprise. And, action!

*Director: (grabs bowl)

*Dot: Hurry Illy, the monster's coming!

*Director: Monster, with teeth and paws?

(rumble, monster appears and growls. reveals to be Wakko)

*Director: Oh, monster!

*Dot: Pro-tect me Illy, I'm frightened! (runs away)

*Director: You're frightened? I have to potty!

*Dot: Illy, use your whip!

*Director: I think it's a not working whip. Hoil! (struggles) Hoil! (gets whip, which wraps around a platform, which collapses on him)

*Yakko: Cut, cut, cut!

*Director: The rocks fall down go boom.

*Yakko: That was good, but uhh... I wanna do it again.

*Director: Again, more again, to do on with the hurting? I have to go. I-I gotta leave. Shouldn't yes to go. Maybe we shouldn't work together. You're good, but not for me to work, I should go, leave I should. Bye, I go.

*Yakko: Are you sure?

*Director: Oh yeah, going is good, staying is bad, bye. (collides into many boards)

*Yakko: That man is a genius.

Hip Hippos theme[]

*Flavio and Marita (singing):

The jungle was nice,

But way behind the times,

For two endangered hippos,

With hip and trendy minds.

So they flew their ranch rover

To the city's neon glow.

Flavio and marita,

The hip hippos!

La Behemoth[]

(Marita runs on a treadmill, Flavio reads a book, maid cleans, Flavio snaps his finger)

*Maid: Sir?

*Flavio: I'm hungry, I must meal. Apple, me. (eats, snaps finger) Grape, me. (eats, snaps finger) Banana, me.

(Maid continues cleaning)

*Marita: Can't you clean, without being seem?

*Maid: Ma?

*Marita: You are skinny, very skinny, and it is confusing to my pulse rate.

*Flavio: (throws banana)

*Marita: Woah, huh! (Marita, Flavio and Maid all collide)

*Maid: Eyy... Mum? Sir, I quit! (leaves)

*Marita (singing):

Flavio, Flavio, Flavio.

*Flavio:

Marita, Marita, Marita.

*Flavio and Marita:

What shall we do,

What will become of us two?

The help is gone,

The maid is through;

What will become of us two?

*Bird (spoken): Uh-oh. Now who'll clean our cages?

*Marita (singing):

I'm calling up the agency to find a new housekeeper

*Flavio:

She's calling up the agency to find a new housekeeper

*Marita:

A chambermaid, a gourmet chef a trendy carpet sweeper

*Flavio:

A chambermaid, a gourmet chef a trendy carpet sweeper

*Marita (spoken): Why are you repeating everything I am singing?

*Flavio: Why am I repeating everything that you-- I do not know. (KISS_

(man on telephone humming)

*Marita (singing):

Hello, hello, Marita hippo here, I'm having an emergency, my life is filled with urgency we need to hire a servant, see! We need a new housekeeper

(man humming)

*Marita (spoken): but--but oh, very well.

*Flavio: Marita, my poor wilting lily. What is the matter?

*Marita: They cannot send us a new maid until monday morning.

*Flavio: Monday morning?

*Flavio and Marita (singing):

What shall we do? What will become of us two?

*Flavio (spoken): Have no fear, marita dea, I have a plan.

*Marita: Pray tell, flavio!

*Flavio (singing):

I'll do the windows and push the vacuum, polish the parlor scrub out the bathroom. (destruction happens)

(spoken)

Oh, this is hard.

*Marita (singing):

I will not worry, I will not fear,

I'll do laundry until help is here,

Fold the towels and starch the shirts

And I'll do laundry until it hurts

(spoken) Ay! This is really not so amusing.

*Flavio (singing):


Dinner is easy, simple like a dream,

Cleaning the chicken, scrubbing the beans,

Add-a two tablespoons into a pot

stir-fry until hot,

(spoken) Perhaps next time, we take out chinese.

(gong)

*Birds (singing):

Poor little hippos, husband and wife,

They haven't a clue, they haven't a life.

A tragic conclusion, see how they cry,

Poor hippopotami.

*Flavio and Marita:

What will we do? What will become of me and you?

(doorbell chimes)

*Maid (spoken): I forgot my feather duster.

*Flavio and Marita (singing):

We realize we've been wrong we've treated you unfair

How can we make it up and show you how we care?

Come clean for us, come clean for us come back and clean for us,

We'll give you anything you ask,

Just say you'll clean for us

*Maid (spoken): Oh, all right.

*Flavio and Marita (singing):

She'll clean for us, she'll clean for us,

She said she really will,

A happy ending, everyone,

She said she'll clean for us!

*Bird:

There's a twist-- an opera with a happy ending.

Slappy Squirrel intro[]

*Warner Trio (singing):

The crankiest of creatures in the whole wide world,

Our next cartoon features Slappy the squirrel!

*Slappy (spoken): E-nough with the singing already.

*Warner Trio:

That's slappy!

Little old Slappy from Pasadena[]

*Narrator (singing):

It's the little old lady from Pasadena,

The little old lady from Pasadena,

(chorus) Go, granny, go, granny, go, granny, go

Has a pretty little flower bed of white gardenias.

(chorus) Ho, granny, go, granny, go, granny, go

But parked in a rickety old garage,

There's a brand-new shiny red super stocked Dodge

And everybody's sayin' that there's nobody meaner

Than the little old lady from Pasadena

(drives)

She drives real fast and she drives real hard

She's the terror of Colorado boulevard.

It's the little old lady from Pasadena. (slappy destroys a building)

If you see her on the street don't try to chase her,

(chorus) Go, granny, go, granny, go, granny, go

You might drive a goer but you'll never lose her

(chorus) go, granny, go, granny, go, granny, go

She's gonna ge a ticket now sooner or later,

'Cause she can't keep her foot off the accelerator, (vroom vroom)

And everybody's sayin' that there's nobody meaner,

Than the little old lady from Pasadena,

She drives real fast and she drives real hard,

She's the terror of Colorado boulevard.

It's the little old lady from Pasadena.

(instrumental)

(Slappy whizzes past Buttons)

(chorus) Go, granny, go, granny, go, granny, go

(Buttons rockets on a fire hydrant)

(chorus) Go, granny, go, granny, go, granny, go

The guys come to race her from miles around,

But she'll give 'em a length then she'll shut 'em down.

And everybody's sayin' that there's nobody meaner, (roadrunner)

Than the little old lady from Pasadena.

(Slappy collides into Wile. E. Coyote)

She drives real fast and she drives real hard,

She's the terror of Colorado boulevard.

It's the little old lady from Pasadena.

(chorus) Go, granny, go, granny, go, granny, go

(chorus) Go, granny, go, granny, go, granny, go

(chorus) Go, granny, go, granny, go, granny, go

*Slappy: And I never took a lesson in my life.

(police sirens)

(chorus) Go, granny, go, granny, go, granny, go

(Slappy gets pulled away by police officer)

End[]

(Animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Warner Trio: Fla-meel!

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