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Theme song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

While Bill Clinton plays the sax

We're Animaniacs

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animanie-

Totally insane-y

Andromeda Strain-y

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

Opening Segment[]

(Warner Trio peeks out of the water tower's top. A cannon comes out, launching the Warner Trio away.)

Space Probed[]

*Wakko: Look at all those stars!

*Dot: They make me want to write poetry, or bake a ham; I forget which.

*Yakko: (Yawns) Well, sibs, I say we turn in.

*Wakko: What do you want to turn into? I know, How about a bat? Or an elephant! (Trumpets) Or a monkey! (monkey noises)

*Yakko: Don’t look at me; he's your brother.

*Warner Trio: (snoring)

*Wakko: arf! Arf! Woof! Woof!

*Yakko: (sleepily) ThatsridihowamisupposedtogetanysleepWakkobarkinglikeAdogallnightgimmeabreakI'mjust...

*Dot: TURN OUT THAT LIGHT!!! It attracts insects.

*Wakko: (wakes up, hammering, goes back to sleep)

*Ship: (sucks in the Warner Trio)

*Yakko: Uh, something tells me we're not in northern Wisconsin anymore.

*Dot: Really, what?

*Yakko: Well, call it a hunch, sibs, but, I think we've been abducted by aliens.

*Dot: Aliens? What'll we do?

*Wakko: Go find the cafeteria?

*Yakko and Dot: Yeah!

(Warner Trio runs away, alien meets with toe.)

*Toe: Have you captured the Earth creatures?

*Alien: Yehsoblusiod (Yes, oh great one in captions)

*Toe: Excellent. Begin your examination. And bring me a q-tip.

*Alien: Hetolobolobluosloukuoueytolokoslobloblopuckarcfaga (Okay, in captions)

*Yakko: Nope. No eats in here. C'mon!

*Dot: Oh look, it's an alien! How cute!

*Warner Trio: Aww!

(Warner Trio surround alien)

*Dot: I can see myself in your big eyeballs. (puts on lipstick) Want some? There. (puts lipstick on Alien) Aren't you pretty? (kisses alien)

*Alien: yech! (spits) Keyshudeghbuhdledebgnodgrha (I hate kissy stuff! in captions)

*Yakko: al-right! It's a foreign film!

*Yakko and Wakko: Aa, Yoda. Bokutachi wa Waanaa Buraazasu da! (Hi, yoda! We're the warner brothers. in captions)

Dot: Und der varner seester! (And the warner sister. in captions)

Alien: Do gigidigbdu...Ni megoduchigodye gezundheit, bee deguia I troh Digidugidah. (My fellow beings...  These are typical earth creatures. in captions)

*Warner Trio: (switch these and are, Yakko adds a question mark to the end) blaaaaaaah!!

*Wakko: Hey! What gives?

*Yakko: We’re either going to be examined ... Or dry-cleaned.

Alien: Mydoh owhesd ehr ivlegses. (I will now test their reflexes. in captions)

(Alien hits Yakko and Dot's knees.)

*Dot: hee-hee!

(Then he hit's Wakko's knee. Wakko instinctively gets his mallet out and whacks the alien)

*Wakko: Sorry, yoda. It's my reflexes.

Alien: Leggdadohn aw, huit? Wonchu joyn meatna dezur. (Let's move on, shall we? We will now inspect their bodies. in captions)

*Yakko: "...Inspect their bodies"? Ex-squeeze me? uhh... I think I should warn you -- we've eaten within the last twenty-four hours. Look! It's big fat scotty from Star Trek! (puts Alien in his original place)

(Warner Trio all escape)

*Alien: aaaaaghhhh! Woooaaaghhhh-hahhhh!  Whoaaa-aaaaaaiiihhh!

*Yakko: Whoa! That'll leave a mark!

*Dot: No, don't get up, really!

*Yakko: Hey, listen, Yoda! While you're recuperating, you mind if we take a look around? Maybe ... Play a game of tag?

*Alien: yegh! (no in captions)

*Dot: (adds "Problem" after "No") Hey, thanks!

*Yakko: Oh, by the way ... Tag!! You're it!!

(They run off.)

*Yakko: There you are! (sees Elvis, Amelia, bigfoot and Jimmy Woffa) Everybody's lookin' for you guys!

*Elvis: You all leave us alone, man.

*Yakko: Can I have your autograph? (covers eyes, faces away from 3 aliens) Hee-hee-hee-hyo-ho-ho-ha-ha! Hee-hee-hee-hyo-ho-ho-ha-ha (wiggles finger)! Hee-hee-ha-ha-ho-ho! ... Tag! You're it!

*Aliens: (laughing)

*Tagged alien: grrrroaaaarrrr!

*Dot: (sees the Alien) you know ... You should meet my pet!

(both roar, their tongues fall in love, they kiss and move away)

*Dot: I hope I'm invited to the wedding!

*Aliens: therweoudaghethulaghdugh!

*Dot: There's a pick-up line if I ever heard one!

(Pinky and the Brain seen captured)

*Dot: Oh! How thoughtful! You're giving me a perm! Do my hair like Betty rubble, would ya? Hey! Those are my thoughts! How about this one? (pictures her and Mel) Helloooo, nurse! Awww ... (melts) Wow... This is great! You try it!

*Aliens: allooooogh, kgnaghsh! (helloooo, nurse! in captions)

*Dot: Aliens. Go fig.

*Wakko: Can I get a root beer? Yoda! (kisses) Didja miss me!

*Alien: (spits) Noooo, nowghiy gauhda foo jersey! (ewww, now I have earth cooties. in captions) Donjoo frigen ovurdhair! (Get on! in captions)

(Wakko walks on his hands)

*Alien: Whadayewe duin! (No! Use your lower appendages! in captions)

*Wakko: "Use your lower appendages." What's an appendage?

*Alien: Lyekh dis!

*Wakko: (falls on lever) Wow! I'm not as good as you, Yoda. See ya later!

*Alien: Nowaid!! Whoap, nodoghn leame aaagh! (Jane!! Stop this crazy thing! in captions)

(Jane returns the lever. Alien stops getting squished)

*Yakko: Oh, come on, don't give up! You can catch me! (panting) I'm *really* tired! ... Nah! Hm. Must be their lunch time!

*Toe: Did you bring me a q-tip?

Yakko: Uhh... not as such. Who are you?

*Toe: Call me...Toe.

*Yakko: Good choice.

*Toe: I am the supreme one. The pinnacle of evolution. In a million years, you will look like me.

*Yakko: But darling! If I look like you, then what will you look like? Maybe you'll look like me! Ah, but then you'll have to live in a water-tower in burbank! Oh! Try that for a million years! Hoo hoo-hoo!

*Toe: Ahh ... I haven't had a nail-buff in centuries! You please me, sub-creature. I choose to grant you one wish. Think and it will be done.

*Yakko: (thinking) helllooo, nurse!

*Nurse: (gasp)

*Yakko: Thanks! You're the nicest toe I've ever met! (chases) Just one little kiss? I've had all my shots!

*Wakko: Gold-robe's it! Gold-robe's it!

*Alien: enh nogh! Eng nogh! (Am not! Am not! in captions)

*Warner Trio: Woah!

*Dot: I wonder if it's got cruise-control?

*Yakko: Hey, yode! Mind if we drive?

*Alien: Bleagh! (No! in captions)

*Yakko: Thanks! (drives, and stops, and goes again. Alien flies onto the screen)

*Alien: Ooagh... (vomits)

(Ship returns Warner Trio to Earth)

*Yakko: Well, sibs, I doubt we'll ever see them again!

*Warner Trio: Uh-oh!

*Toe: would you mind doing my cuticles?

*Warner Trio: eugh!

Pinky and the Brain intro[]

(music)

*Pinky: Gee Brain. Whaddaya wanna do tonight?

*The Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.

*Singers:

They're Pinky and The Brain

Yes Pinky and The Brain

One is a genius

The other's insane

To prove their mousey worth,

They'll overthrow the Earth

They're dinky, they're Pinky and

The Brain, brain brain brain brain.

Battle for the Planet[]

*The Brain: Halloween, Pinky, 1938. The Mercury Radio Theatre presented an adaptation of H.G. Wells' "War of the worlds" that was so realistic, people actually fled the cities believing that creatures from Mars were attacking the Earth. It proved that radio was a powerful tool. And now, pinky, the advance of technology has brought us an even more powerful tool. Do you know what that is?

*Pinky: Um ... The rubber band?

*The Brain: The workings of your mind are a mystery to me, pinky.

*Pinky: Ooh, I love a good mystery, Brain!

*The Brain: Television, Pinky, is our new tool! We will pirate the airwaves and stage a hoax like "War of the Worlds".

*Pinky: Three cameras, brain?

*The Brain: Yes! A technique pioneered by the great Desi Arnaz! And with them, we will scare the people of the cities, leaving no resistance behind! We will have taken over the world!

*Pinky: Egad, brain, brilliant! Oh, oh, wait, no, no -- why would they be scared of us? We're so small, um, we're practically the size of mice, Brain!

*The Brain: We are mice, pinky.

*Pinky: Oh, right. Well, there you are then. Nya-ha-ha!

*The Brain: It's not a question of size, Pinky. It's a question of scale. Watch the monitor.

*Pinky: Zounds, brain! You're gigantic!

*The Brain: Television, Pinky -- the great deceptor!

*Pinky: Narf!!

*The Brain: How is my disguise, Pinky?

*Pinky: Oh! Is that you, brain?

*The Brain: You flatter me, pinky. Now, throw the switch and let us begin -- The battle for the planet!

*Guy 1: Huh?

*The Brain: We interrupt your regular broadcast to bring you this important news bulletin!

*Guy 2: What is that?

*Guy 1: Someone's pirated the tv lines!

*The Brain: Scientists have just reported that a large unidentified flying object seems to be heading towards earth! There is no cause for alarm ... but there probably will be.

*Viewers: (inhale)

(Warner Trio runs by)

*The Brain: We take you now to our satellite view of the planet, perhaps to catch a glimpse of this fearful courier of the unknown!

*Pinky: Whooosh! Wheeee, whooosh!

*The Brain: I've just received word that the ufo is about to crash-land near-by! There should be a great explosion! ... I said, there should be a great explosion!!

*Pinky: Oh, oh, right, brain! Narf! Sorry, brain!

(Things fall over)

*The Brain: We'll go live to the crash site momentarily. I'm reporting to you live from the crash site, and I...I'm at a loss for words. Can we get a shot of this very frightening scene? I am now positioned close to the ... Well, I can only assume that this is a vehicle from outer space, it's occupants here to destory the earth. Wait -- there's a strange noise emanating from inside ... something seems to be coming out of the ship!

*Pinky: (wails)

*The Brain: Oh my! It's hideous! Ladies and gentlemen, I can hardly describe this terrifying creature before me, except to say -- run for your lives! Go on, empty the cities! Leave everything behind!  I -- I don't know how long I can stay on the air. I'll try to get to our aerial view in chopper 5!

*The Brain:  (flapping jacket) chopper 5, high above the city. The horrible creatures from mars, invading, destroying -- everything in their path! Oh, the humanity!

*Pinky: (screeching)

*The Brain: This is no hoax, ladies and gentlemen! I urge you to run for your lives while you can! We're not making this up just so we can take over the world! Oh, no! It's heading this way!  Run for your lives!  Run for your lives!!!

*Pinky: (wailing) waaaaaaaggghhhhh! Yeaaauuuuh...!

(Pinky's can at the back opens up. Pinky flies around and impacts the camera. Camera feed stops)

*The Brain: We did it, pinky. Brilliant performance! Undoubtedly, the population has fled in fear from their terrifying enemy! Hah! Let us make haste!  To the whitehouse! (Newspaper falls on them) "'battle for the planet' is a comedy smash! World laughs together! Stay home for this one!"

*People: (laughing hysterically)

*The Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

*Pinky: I think so, brain, but if we didn't have ears, well, we'd look like weasels!

*The Brain: No, Pinky! Our hoax! No one went anywhere! No one fled the cities, they found us ... Humourous.

*Pinky: Where are you going, brain?

*The Brain: Back to our cage, Pinky. We must plan for tomorrow night.

*Pinky: Why? What are we going to do tomorrow night?

*The Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world!

*Warner Trio: They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain brain brain brain brain!

End[]

(Animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Warner Trio: Goodbye, nurse!

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