Theme song[]
(music)
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
It's time for Animaniacs
And we're zany to the max
So just sit back and relax.
You'll laugh till you collapse.
We're Animaniacs!
*Yakko and Wakko:
Come join the Warner Brothers
*Dot:
And the Warner Sister Dot
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.
They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.
But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.
We're Animaniacs
Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.
Wakko packs away the snacks
While Bill Clinton plays the sax
We're Animaniacs!
Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.
Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.
Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.
The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?
*All:
We're Animaniacs
We have pay-or-play contracts
We're zany to the max
There's baloney in our slacks!
We're Animanie-
Totally insane-y
Here's the show's name-y
Animaniacs! Those are the facts!
Good Idea, Bad Idea[]
*Narrator: It's time for another good idea, bad idea. Good idea - playing the piccolo in a marching band. Bad idea - playing the piano in a marching band. The end.
Roll Over, Beethoven[]
(Vienna, Sausage Capital of Europe, 1811 in captions. Beethoven plays chopsticks, stops, plays looney tunes' theme, stops, plays Animaniacs theme, plays sour notes, gets angry and the pile of paper falls on Beethoven.)
*Beethoven: Ach! Terrible! No! No! No! No! No! What is wrong with you, beethoven? Why can't you write a follow-up to your beautiful fourth symphony? What? I said, "Why can't you write a follow-up to your beautiful fourth symphony?" I don't know.
(knock on door)
*Beethoven: Go away, stupid people!
(Warner Trio runs in.)
*Yakko and Wakko (singing):
We're the von Warner brothers
*Dot:
Und the von Warner sister, too,
*Warner Trio:
We're chimney sweeps extraordinare
We'll clean your flue for you!
*Beethoven (spoken): Leave me alone, stupid, common, everyday peasants.
*Yakko: We're not pheasants. We're not even birds. Although I'd like to give you a bird. Here. (gives Beethoven a turkey)
*Beethoven: Ha! I cannot be disturbed! Now, go away disgusting children. I am composing the greatest symphony in the history of the world. And you yucky kids bother me.
*Dot: But how do you really feel about us? (kisses Beethoven)
*Beethoven: Pleh! Pleh! Pleh! Pleh!
*Wakko: Hey, can I play your horn?
*Beethoven: No!
*Wakko: Puuu! Bleh! Hey, where's this been?
*Beethoven: In my ear.
*Wakko: Pleh! Pleh! Pleh! Pleh! Pleh! Pleh! Pleh! Pleh! Pleh! Pleh!
*Wakko: That's revolting.
*Yakko: You really shouldn't be putting stuff like that in your ear. You'll go deaf.
*Beethoven: I am deaf!
*Warner Trio: Too late.
*Beethoven: Oh. Uhh! Yuhh!
*Dot: Hey, what are all these funny marks on these papers? They look like cute, little spoons.
*Beethoven: It is music. You wouldn' understand it, dumb, simple-minded girl.
(Dot plays moonlight sonata movement 3)
*Dot: Just a little thing I do.
*Beethoven: Now, see here!
*Dot: Where?
*Warner Trio: Where? Where? Where?
*Yakko: Where?
*Wakko: Where?
*Dot: Where?
*Warner Trio: Where? Where? Where? Where?
*Beethoven: Do you know who I am?
*Yakko: No, but maybe if you hum a few bars.
*Beethoven: I am Ludwig van Beethoven, world-famous composer, and pianist.
*Yakko: You're a what?
*Beethoven: A pianist.
*Yakko: (kiss) Good night, everybody!
*Beethoven: But that is wha I am, a pianist.
*Yakko: I think we've heard enough outta you.
(Yakko puts soap in Beethoven's mouth, Wakko cleans)
*Yakko: Now we're going to clean your chimney. And if your language is any indication, mr. potty mouth, it must be filthy. Uh-huh. Just as I suspected. Di-sgusting.
(Wakko eats a bit, gets a clock)
*Yakko: Oops. Look at the time.
*Warner Trio: Lunch!
(Yakko brings out large table with cans)
*Dot: Vienna sausage. How apropos(?).
(Dot swallows sausage whole. Eats corn. Beethoven stops playing, all eat loudly. Yakko burps notes to 5th symphony. Dot does.)
*Beethoven: Ooh! You disgusting children. How can you eat lunch? You haven't even started working?
*Dot: We're in a union.
*Yakko: Hey, you wanna file a grievance? Here's the paperwork.
(Beethoven collapses under paper)
*Yakko: Management.
(Beethoven plays chopsticks. Warner Trio sings hum beginning of 5th symphony. Beethoven tries to play again, but stops.)
*Beethoven: Stop tha infernal humming. (sobbing) I am at a loss.
*Yakko: You know, I think what you do is the most interesting thing in the whole wide world. I wish someone would explain it to me.
*Beethoven: Really? Oh, hee! Well, it's quite complicated, you see, but a composer tries to capture the essence of life that surrounds us. You see? A brilliant composer, like myself, writes music that expresses my moods and- (sees Yakko playing with tongue)
*Yakko: Heh heh heh heh heh.
*Beethoven: You dare to make fun of the great beethoven?
*Yakko: Yes, of course not, mr. potty mouth. You're very tense. You need to relax. (whistles)
(Dot rushes down onto piano wearing a sensual red dress and high heels)
*Dot (singing):
Another tune, another song
But, ol' Beethoven, something's wrong
He's uninspired, he's very tired
He's writin' hooey
(kisses Beethoven)
*Beethoven: I have had just about all I can take from you!
*Wakko: Sorry, you're still a quart(?) low. You'll have to take some more.
*Yakko: I'm sorry to interrupt your pout, mr. potty mouth, but we've go to chimney sweep. To the chimney, forward, ho!
(Warner Trio hums beginning to 5th symphony)
(Beethoven plays chopsticks, but stops)
*Yakko: Aren't you done yet?
*Beethoven: That's it. I have had it! Ooh-whoa! (climbs latter to block the chimney)
(Warner Trio hums beginning of 5th symphony, Beethoven blocks top off, lights fire under chimney)
*Yakko: That's a lovely fire.
*Beethoven: Oh!
*Dot: Wanna see our pet?
(roar, Beethoven falls into fire and sniffs,]
*Beethoven: Aah! (flies and crashes through roof)
*Wakko: (Plays a boogie-woogie)
*Beethoven: Why, you, you!
*Yakko: We're not you yous. For your information, I'm a me me. That's a he he, and that's a she she, and you're a pianist. (washes Beethoven's mouth with soap)
(Warner Trio floods the house with water)
*Beethoven: Get out! Und stay out!
*Yakko: That schmo will never amount to anything.
(Beethoven plays beginning of 5th symphony)
*Beethoven: That's it! I am a genius!
(Beethoven plays beginning of 5th symphony)
*Dot: Whose chimney's is next on the list?
*Yakko: Oh, no! Not that Van Gogh grouch again.
*Wakko: Maybe a sunflower will cheer him up. (picks flower)
(Warner Trio runs away)
Good idea, Bad idea[]
*Narrator: It's time for another good idea, bad idea. Good idea - feeding stray kittens in the park. Bad idea - feeding stray kittens in the park, to a bear.
(Bear rejects and roars, mr. skullhead holds up a sign that says "help me!")
*Narrator: The end.
The Cat and the Fiddle[]
(Shows Cremona, Italy, late 1690's on screen)
*Customer: Oh, maestro Stradivarius. You build the best violins. What is your secret?
*Stradivarius: It's all in the strings. Most violin catgut comes from sheep, but for my violin strings, I use 100% catgut made from 100% musical cats. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
*Rita (singing):
Somewhere, I can hang my hat,
Somewhere, for a dog and cat,
Somewhere, just imagine that,
We'll find a place called home.
A place we've been searching for,
A place we've been waiting for,
So long, we've been searching for,
So long, a place called home.
Ow!
They don't see us, they'll never know,
But they could be us,
Like that, just like that .
Out here, in the shadows
And out here, there's a promised land ,
Out here, we'll all understand,
And make this place our home.
This place our home.
*Runt (spoken): Rita, you sing the sweetest songs.
*Rita: Yea, That and a person with token will get us a ride on the subway.
*Runt: They got subways in Italy?
(Rita sniffs)
*Rita: Hold the phone.
(Rita sniffs, gets milk)
*Rita: Something's fishy here.
*Runt: Fish? I like fish. It's an acquired taste, you know.
*Stradivarius: Look what we have here-- a cat.
*Runt: A cat? A cat? Where's a cat? Grrr. (sniffing) I'll tear him apart. Tear him apart. Definitely.
*Rita: (hiss)
*Stradivarius: Oh, a feisty one. I like a cat with guts. How about some nice, hot fish soup?
*Rita: Ooh.
*Stradivarius: Eat, and enjoy. My home is your home.
*Runt: (sniffing) Hi, Rita.
*Rita: Get in here.
*Runt: Gee, thanks, Rita. Hey, nice digs. Definitely nice digs. Yeah. These are- These are digs. (sniff) Ahh. Mmm. Mahi-mahi.
*Stradivarius: Yes. Magnifico. Another beauty. Soon we make beautiful music together. Eh, cat?
*Runt: (snoring with Rita)
*Stradivarius: Wake up, dog. I've got something for you.
*Runt: Huh?
*Stradivarius: Good dog. Now, fetch.
*Runt: (barking)
*Stradivarius: Dumb animal. It's just us now. Kitty want to play? It's yarn, a nice ball of wonderful yarn.
*Rita: I'm a sucker for wool. (meow) (purring) (meow)
*Runt: Get the ball. Got to get the ball. Got to get the ball. Oh, boy. Balls. Lots of balls. These are definitely balls.
*Grocer: Crazy dog, look what you do to my nice, ripe tomatoes! (throws ball away)
(Warner Trio runs away with pizza)
*Rita: Look at me. I'm just hanging around.
*Stradivarius: What is this? That dog's not as dumb as I thought. So, you like the game, do you? Let's see you fetch this one.
*Runt: (barks)
*Stradivarius: Stupid mutt.
*Runt: (grabs ball, which is attached to hand of Stradivarius)
*Stradivarius: Let go. Arrr! I said, let go! Hee hee hee! Ha ha ha ha! (shoots ball out of cannon) Fetch! What are you waiting for, boy? Go.
*Runt: (barks)
*Stradivarius: And have a nice life, mutt. Now to string that violin.
*Rita: Life is good. (purring and snoring)
*Stradivarius: Let me tell you about the cat and the fiddle. Hi, diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle-
*Runt: (barks)
*Stradivarius: Impossible.
*Runt: (barks)
*Stradivarius: Go away!
*Runt: There's the ball. I see the ball.
*Stradivarius: Prepare to make beautiful music.
*Runt: Oh, door's too small, Definitely too small. Well, here goes nothing. 1, 2, 4, go. Oh boy, I see the ball. (bark, tries to get ball, knocking violins down)
*Stradivarius: What are you doing?
*Rita: Oh, Runt.
*Runt: I found it.
*Stradivarius: Get out. Both of you, get out!
*Runt: I, uh, I guess we better go. (They went outside, it was nighttime) Gee, I--I messed things up, huh? Yep. Definitely messed things up.
*Rita: Oh, forget about it. That guy was a yutz.
*Runt: Yeah. I liked him, too.
*Rita (singing): Out here, in the shadows
And out here, there's a promised land ,
Out here, as the day is long,
We'll find ourselves a home.
*Rita and Runt:
A place called home.
*Runt: Gee, Rita. You're definitely a good dog. Definitely, definitely a good dog.
*Rita: Woof!
End[]
(Animaniacs theme instrumental)
*Warner Trio: Clap on. clap off, clap on, clap off, show's over!