(Hearts of Twilight/The Boids. The original Animaniacs volumes both list this as being episode 20.)
Opening Segment[]
(The Warners have outlines of their front and faces facing sideways from the POV. Shadows of the Warner trio run up to their outlines. They are replaced with actual views of them. They then take a deep breath, and say)
*Warner Trio: Fla-meel!
Theme song[]
(music)
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
It's time for Animaniacs
And we're zany to the max
So just sit back and relax.
You'll laugh till you collapse.
We're Animaniacs!
*Yakko and Wakko:
Come join the Warner Brothers
*Dot:
And the Warner Sister Dot
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.
They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.
But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.
We're Animaniacs
Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.
Wakko packs away the snacks
While Bill Clinton plays the sax
We're Animaniacs
Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.
Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.
Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.
The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?
*All:
We're Animaniacs
We have pay-or-play contracts
We're zany to the max
There's baloney in our slacks!
We're Animanie-
Totally insane-y
Citizen Kane-y
Animaniacs! Those are the facts!
Hearts of Twilight[]
(lukewarm music)
*Narrator (singing):
This is the beginning,
The beginning of our story,
The beginning
*Thaddeus Plotz (spoken): That maniac director is millions over budget! I thought I told you two to stop him.
*Employee 1: We've tried everything, T.P., but he's locked us out of the sound stage.
*Employee 2: We even sent over 5 of our best accountants to pull the plug, but, they never came back.
*Employee 1: Isn't that scary?
*Thaddeus Plotz: Get out of my bubble! We need someone who's cunning enough to get inside that soundstage and stop that director. Someone who's brave, daring, and stupid enough to go on this mission. Gentlemen, we need, the Warners!
*Yakko: You rang?
*Employee 1 and 2: Aah! (fly into ceiling)
*Dot: They really should switch to decaf.
*Yakko (narrating): That's how it began. We listened intently as they explained our mission. We had each been selected for our unique abilities. That's dot. Her specialty-- cuteness. That's Wakko. His specialty-- the mallet. That's me. My specialty-- two paddleballs at once!
*Thaddeus Plotz: Your job, Warners, is to get from this office here to soundstage 64, here, and stop that director! Any questions?
(All try to get attention)
*Dot: Do you think I look cute as a blonde?
*Wakko: Why do cats purr?
*Yakko: Who's chubbier; Perry Mason or Scotty on Star Trek?
(Others groan)
*Thaddeus Plotz: Good luck, Warners.
*Yakko: Thank you, sir. All right, Wakko, let's roll!
*Wakko: Oops. Sorry. Ha ha ha ha!
*Yakko: We began our journey to sound stage 64. Wakko drove. Uhh. then I decided to drive.
*Narrator (singing):
This is the middle,
The middle of our story,
The middle.
*Yakko (narrating): we pushed our way into the very heart the studio. The sights we saw.
(Flaming car gets out of the studio tour exit, with screaming)
*Yakko: The carnage, the destruction,
(Amusement park makes people swing fast, who scream)
*Yakko: The senseless violence.
(Two people fight off the building. One falls onto the car.)
*Yakko: The horror.
(Sign shows studio tour, $27.50)
*Yakko: The horror. Finally, our journey was over. There it was-- sound stage 64.
*Yakko (spoken): Careful, sibs. There could be a trap around here.
*Dot: Thank you, amazing Kreskin.
*Yakko (narrating): We had been captured by the missing accountants, now disciples of the director.
*Accountants: Froinlaven. Froinlaven. Froinlaven. Froinlaven.
*Accountant 1: Stop with the chanting!
*Yakko: Bravo!
*Dot: Encore!
*Wakko: Faboo!
*Yakko: Did you choreograph that? Uh, you should be very proud.
*Accountant 1: Who are you that have come here, man?
*Yakko: We're here to stop the director from making his movie.
*Accountant 1: Ha ha ha ha ha! Stop him, man? Whoa! Wrong! Wrong! You know what he is, man? He's the thinker, the tinker, the plotter, the planner, the genius, man! What, in France they don't know, he's king there, man. Comedy's his crown. He rules with funny words. Funny words like Froinlaven!
*Warner Trio: Aah!
*Accountant 1: He doesn't have his ending, man. And you're gonna stay in there till he finds his ending.
*Dot: Let me handle this. Oh, mr. Crazy person? All we want to do is give the director a big smooshy kiss and say hi. (licks popsicle)
*Accountant 1: Whoa. You're cute, man. You got this whole cute "Don't make me stay in here" thing happening, man.
*Dot: Please let us out of the cagey-wagey!
*Accountant 1: Oh, uh, you're working your weirdness on me, man, your cute weird-ness. O.K. I'll let you out.
*Dot: Some girls got it, some girls don't.
*Accountant 1: But first, you got to say the secret password, man. Nobody sees the director unless they know the password.
*Accountants: Froinlaven. Froinlaven. Froinlaven. Froinlaven.
*Yakko: Would it be, froinlaven?
*Accountant 1: Whoa. They have spoken froinlaven! Go in, we should let them. (opens cage)
*Accountants: Froinlaven. Froinlaven. Froinlaven. Froinlaven.
*Dot: How'd you know?
*Yakko: It just came to me.
*Accountants: Froinlaven. Froinlaven.
*Dot: What are you gonna do with those?
*Yakko: Nothing. It's just fun.
*Wakko: I see him. Come on.
(all sneak around)
*Taker: The wretched clown, the ending scene. Take 6,437.
*Director: And, action. I saw a snail slithering across a railroad track. Oo ey gooey was his name.
(Fly flies into Director's mouth)
*Director: (spits) ohh! I ate a bug! Cut! Cut! A bug, I ate, with little wings. (spits 3 times) Bleah! Everybody take five. I need to be alone. Get outta here, now! I got to postulate a new ending. Ending. Ending. (eats bagel)
*Yakko: Hi there.
*Director: Hoil (spits)! Don't with the scaring! It's not a good thing.
*Wakko: Are you going to eat that?
*Director: Who are you? I want answers.
*Yakko and Wakko: We're the warner brothers.
*Dot: And the warner sister.
*Director: I dunno how you got in here, but heads will roll for this infringement. This I promise.
*Warner Trio: Hmm.
*Director: Look, kids, I don't sign autographs. It cheapens us both-- me, the artist, you the, whatever you are. Now scoot. Hoil! How'd you, with the going-- you were there, but here now. You are for me to see. How'd you do?
*Yakko: You understand any of that?
*Wakko: I think he said Hoil! How'd you, with the going-- you were there, but here now. You are for me to see. How'd you do?
*Yakko: Thanks for clearing that up.
*Director: Look kids, from the bottom of my heart, I say this to you now-- leave already! Ohh! Again with the popping and scaring. Why won't you go and leave?
*Yakko: The CEO, Mr. Plotz sent us. I'm afraid it's over. We have to stop your movie.
*Director: Stop the mov-- the thing on film? I can't- no, it's not finished. I don't have an ending. I won't let you.
*Dot: Don't make us use these.
*Director: Froynlaven! Froynlaven! You kids'll never stop me. Not until I have my ending.
*Yakko: It's over.
*Director: It's not.
(spears surround Warner Trio)
*Yakko: O.K. So it's not over. But I just might have an ending for your movie.
*Director: Oh, an ending that a people, a person like me could have, to do? Oh, what is it, nice boy with no eyebrows? O.K. I'm ready for my ending!
*Dot: You want it?
*Director: Ooh, yeah!
*Yakko: You really want it?
*Director: Yeah. Give. Froynlaven!
*Yakko: And... action!
*Director: (smashed by giant mallet) Ugggghhh! That's an ending?
*Filmer: The microphone was in the shot.
*Yakko: O.K., everybody, let's do it again!
*Director: Oh, I don't want that.
*Yakko: And... action!
*Director: The hurting, the hurting. Cut. Print. That's a wrap.
*Yakko: Let's go home.
*Narrator (singing):
That's the ending,
The ending of our story.
The ending,
That's the ending,
The ending of-- oof! (car smashes into him)
That's the ending,
The ending,
The ending,
The ending.
Intermission[]
(Dot and Yakko watch the next cartoon with the film going through Wakko's eyes.
The Boids[]
*Squit: As far back as Bobby could remember, he always wanted to be in the movies. Bobby was sure we could get parts in the Boids. Why? Because we were Boids.
*Bobby: Bada-bing. This is it.
(They walk onto set)
*Bobby: We're going to be stars. We're going to be somebodies.
*Squit: I dunno, Bobby, you can't just walk on a set with no experience and expect to be hired.
*Pesto: This is hollywood, Squit. Land of no reality. So, keep your reality checks to yourself, you demented ding-dong.
(Director squishes Goodfeather Trio)
*Bobby: (coo) show biz. You really do got to start at the bo-hottom.
*Squit: The director was so impressed with us, he hired us as stunt birds.
*Bobby: Did you take my seed? Did you take my seed?
*Crow: Yeah, I took your seed. I ate it, and I'm digesting it.
*Pesto: Oh, yeah? Well, digest this, you feather-fanny. Take Bobby's seed, I'll peck you till Tuesday.
*Director: Places!
(Crows line onto line)
*Bobby: Fuhgeddaboudit. That bird's a nobody.
*Squit: Yeah and we were somebodies.
*Director: I need a manicure. Good evening. Scene 50, take 1. And, action!
*Pesto: Ey, make room on the perch.
*Crow: You're not in this shot, birdbrains.
*Pesto: We're in every shot, you beaky walnut eater. You got a problem with that? Tough!
(falls onto rail, which collapses)
(squawk)
*Director: But. Bad evening. Who cued the stunt birds?
*Crowd: Who cued the stunt birds? I didn't. Oh, man. Get the donuts to the set. What. (Warner Trio runs through with Ralph)
*Goodfeather Trio: Ohh!
*Crow: You goodfeathers stink.
*Bobby: We stink? Excuse me. We stink?
*Pesto: Eh, why don't you go take some acting lessons? Then maybe you'll figure out we do not stink in this picture.
*Crow: O.K., boys, if you say so.
*Other crow: Why are you giving them such grief, cawcaw?
*Crow: Because I enjoy being rude. It's my job. I'm a star, Charlie. (laughs)
(Woman screams with bird around her)
*Director: Cut. Bring in the stunt bird.
(Stunt bird attached to Woman by string)
*Director: And, action!
(More screaming, woman smacks bird, strings cut)
*Bobby: Bada bing. You're looking at the new king of show biz.
*Director: And, action!
(Woman screams, birds screech)
*Director: Cut! Norman, on action, you will launch the stunt birds.
*Bobby: I'm asking ya, is this the good life, or what?
*Director: Action!
*Goodfeather Trio: Aah!
*Director: Cut! Sound problem. Let's do it again. Quickly! Quickly! Action!
*Goodfeather Trio: Whoa!
*Director: Cut! Good. But let's do it again with feeling. Action!
*Goodfeather Trio: (smashes into glass)
*Director: Cut! We got it. Places for the fireplace sequence.
*Pesto: Eh, get your beak's outta my eye!
*Bobby: That better be your foot.
*Squit: I like your costume, Pesto.
*Director: And, action!
(Goodfeather Trio dropped down chimney)
*Actor: Eh (platform falls on Goodfeather Trio), sorry!
*Director: Uh... cut.
*Pesto: Being a big-time stunt bird is painful.
*Squit: Can we quit, guys, while we're still alive?
*Bobby: I don't mind the pain. I like it. I'm a somebody. Am I talkin' to me? Am I talkin' to me? Uhh...
*Other crow: Those pigeons are big-time losers, huh.
*Squit: Us, losers?
*Other crow: Ain't it hilarious watching them suffer?
*Crow: Those birds will quit before the day is over. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
*Bobby: Are you laughing at me? Are you laughing at me?
*Crow: Yeah, I'm laughing at you, because you're the victim of self-delusion, and I think it's funny.
*Pesto: See if you think this is funny, ya big wing-ding. Here comes johnny!
(Goodfeather Trio kicks Crow off the pole, laughs)
*Squit: That crow was just jealous.
*Pesto: That big buzzard was just threatened by our acting versatility.
*Squit: And our good looks, right?
*Bobby: Yeah. Get used to it. Us stars got to put up with stuff like this all the time.
*Pesto: Hey, Bobby knows this industry. (kicks Squit)
*Squit: Hey, what'd I do?
*Pesto: Nothing. I just felt like whacking something.
*Director: Good evening. And, action!
(Woman walks into door, birds attack)
*Goodfeather Trio: Ow! Uhh! Ow! Ow! Ugh! Ow! (gets hit)
*Bobby: I've hit the big time. Ugh! I'm a box office smash. I have never felt better in my life. I love being a stunt bird.
*Squit: I've had enough. I quit.
*Pesto: (coo) I'm with you.
*Safe birds: Oh, you poor things. If you were the stars, like us, you could just sit in the cage, and be pretty and never get hurt.
*Bobby: You must be chirpin' to me. Bada bing. I just got a rush of brains to the head.
*Director: Places for scene 207, take 103. And action!
*Bobby: We're not the fall birds no more, Goodfeathers. We are safe in a gilded cage.
*Man: Oh, let me help you into the car, dear.
*Pesto: (coo) We're stars now, Bobby.
*Squit: Yeah, I guess we are.
(Car reverses into Goodfeathers, smashes)
*Man: I hope we didn't forget anything. We're off.
*Bobby: That's entertainment.
*Squit: We had a short, one-day career in the movies. But, hey, as Bobby would say, it's better to be a somebody for a day than a nobody for a lifetime.
End[]
(Animaniacs theme instrumental)
*Warner Trio: Flam-eel!