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(The Flame/Four Score and Seven Migraines Ago/Wakko's America/Davy Omelette. Uses order listed in dvd volumes and complete series.)

Theme song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

While Bill Clinton plays the sax

We're Animaniacs

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, we have no script,

Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animani-

Totally insane-y

Eisenhower, Mamie

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

The Flame[]

*Flame: (yawn) Is it hot in here? I definitely feel warm. (sees mirror) Oh, my gosh, there's a fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Aah! I'm on fire! Put it out! Put it out! Put it out! Wait a minute. I am a fire. (laughs) Imagine my embarrassment. I wish someone would tell me these things. I'm always the last to know. (moved) Hey, whoa there, fella. Put me down. What do you think you're doing? Oh, taking me on a little tour of the place? I can deal with that. Nice pad you have here. Hey, not so fast, pal. I'll fall off this thing. Slow down. Slow down! Aah! Hah. That's better. Now where are we going? Up there? Are you crazy? It's dark up there. Count me out. I'm scared of the dark. If you're going up there, go alone. Hey, what are you doing? I told you I don't wanna go. Turn around, will ya? Go back down. I don't want the darkness to get me. I'm scared of the dark. I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared --huh? Hey, who turned on the lights? Oh, that's right. I did. But where did the darkness go? Oh, ran down the stairs, huh? I see ya hiding down there. I guess I showed you who's boss. No stupid old darkness is going to scare me. Yeah, you're nothing but a big chicken. Ooh! Ooh. Whoa! Check out this place. Very impressive. (put down on a desk next to paper) So what are we doing here? Oh, you're a writer. Burning the midnight oil, huh? No problem. I'll keep you company. Ha ha ha! Ahh, a cool breeze. Nice. I was born to dance. Get down. (Makes shadows dance by dancing) Whoa! It's a tornado! Batten down the hatches! Hoist the mizzenmast! Shut the window! Shut it already! (Flame struggles)

(Tom Jefferson closes the window, pages fly away)

*Flame: Whew! (knocked off desk) Whoa! Mayday! Mayday! We're going down! Huh? (flames burn a paper) Uh-oh! Hey, you guys, are you crazy? Knock it off!

(Tom Jefferson pours water over the burned letter)

*Flame: It wasn't my fault, honest. It was my evil cousins who did it. But next time, be more careful, will ya? My relatives can't be trusted. Hah! O. K. Let's get back to work here. You keep on writing, and I'll keep the darkness away.

(clock chimes 1:00) (clock chimes 8:00)

Tom Jefferson: ahh! Finished.

*Flame: At last. I knew we could do it. Let's see what you wrote. "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal and that they are endowed by their creator, with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." Not bad, Jefferson. So what are you going to call this?

*Tom Jefferson: The Declaration of Independence.

*John Hancock: (writes signature) Drafted July 4, 1776.

*Flame: Glad I could shed some light on the situation. Good luck with that independence thing. (yawns) as for me, I'm gonna to take the res of the day off. (yawns) Maybe you should do the same. We could call I a national holiday. (dies)

(July 4, 1776 in captions)

*Flame: I guess they took my advice.

Wakko's America[]

*Ms. Flamiel: Well, class, are you ready for your lessons?

*Warner Trio: Yes, Miss Flamiel.

*Ms. Flamiel: Very well, then, let's begin. Today's categories are, astrophysics, chaucer, Latin, nuclear fission, TV movies, and the United States, and please remember, students, your responses must be in the form of a question. Yakko, you're reigning champion. So please select.

*Yakko: Ok, I'll take TV movies for 100.

*Ms. Flamiel: She has made even more TV movies than Lindsay Wagner.

(ding)

*Ms. Flamiel: Wakko?

*Wakko: Who is Valerie Bertinelli?

*Ms. Flamiel: That is correct. Select again.

*Wakko: O. K. I'll take the United States for 500.

*Ms. Flamiel: The daily double. Wakko, you can wager all or part of your money.

*Wakko: I'll blow the wad.

*Ms. Flamiel: Alright then, in the category of United States, the answer is... The names of all fifty states and their capitols.

*Wakko: Okay. Here goes (brings maps)

*Wakko (singing):

Baton Rouge, Louisiana; Indianapolis, Indiana;

And Columbus is the capital of Ohio,

There's Montgomery, Alabama; south of Helena, Montana,

Then there's Denver, Colorado under Boise, Idaho.

Texas has Austin, then we go north,

To Massachusetts' Boston and Albany, New York.

Tallahassee, Florida; and Washington, D.C.,

Santa Fe, New Mexico and Nashville, Tennessee.

Elvis used to hang out there a lot, you know.


Trenton's in New Jersey; north of Jefferson, Missouri,

You've got Richmond in Virginia, South Dakota has Pierre,

Harrisburg's in Pennsylvania, and Augusta's up in Maine,

And here is Providence, Rhode Island next to Dover, Delaware.

Concord, New Hampshire; just a quick jaunt

To Montpelier, which is up in Vermont.

Hartford's in Connecticut, so pretty in the fall.

And Kansas has Topeka, Minnesota has St. Paul.


Juneau's in Alaska, and there's Lincoln in Nebraska,

And it's Raleigh out in North Carolina, and then,

There's Madison, Wisconsin and Olympia in Washington,

Phoenix, Arizona and Lansing, Michigan.

Here's Honolulu, Hawaii's a joy,

Jackson, Mississippi and Springfield, Illinois,

South Carolina with Columbia down the way

And Annapolis in Maryland on Chesapeake Bay.

They have wonderful clam chowder.


Cheyenne is in Wyoming, and perhaps you'd make your home in

Salt Lake City out in Utah, where the buffalo roam.

Atlanta's down in Georgia, and there's Bismarck, North Dakota,

And you can live in Frankfort in your old Kentucky home.

Salem in Oregon, from there we join

Little Rock in Arkansas, Iowa's got Des Moines,

Sacramento, California, Oklahoma and its city,

Charleston, West Virginia and Nevada, Carson City!

That's all the capitals there are!

(buzzer)

*Wakko: huh?

*Ms. Flamiel: Oh, I'm so sorry. You failed to put your response in the form of a question.

(Wakko hits himself with guitar, Yakko and Dot shrug)

Davy Omelette[]

*Narrator (Singing):

Orphaned in a swamp in Mississippi raised

By a Cajun couple in a Tepee

The biggest papoose that you ever did see

He was full-grown when he was only 3.

Davy, Davy Omelette

Mighty large frontiersman.

*Man: Ooh-whee, Davy, wagon train attack. Uh, beggin' your pardon, ma'am, but what happened?

*Old woman: A grizzly bear done us, been ambushed us.

*Man: Well, ma'am, stop rockin' yourself silly. Your troubles are over. You see, this here's Davy, Davy Omelette, mighty large frontiersman.

*Old woman: Well that's a peculiar name.

*Man: It's Cajun, named after a, French egg dish.

*Old woman: I know what an omelette is, boy! I'm talking about Davy.

*Man: Well that's shor for Davidson.

*Old woman: Y'all can come on out! Davy Omelette's here!

*Orange man: Davy Omelette? Why I heard telling wrestled a 6-ton bull moose to his knees and hung his long johns out to dry on its antlers.

(Warner Trio runs out of wagon)

*Young woman: Davy Omelette? Well I heard, Tim, he roped a rabid coyote with a bolt of lightning, tamed him, and taught him to eat grass.

*Part bearded man: Davy Omelette? I hear tell he's a chicken.

*Man: Them's lies you're telling, boy.

*Orange man: You better stop spreading tall tales, mister.

*Young woman: Go back east!

*Part bearded man: He's a chicken, I tell ya! A giant chicken!

(fight)

*Bear: hoo!

*Davy Omelette: (smiles)

*Bear: (whimpers and runs away)

*Man: Did you see that? Davy Omelette grinned down a bear.

*All: Ya-hee! Yee-haw! Yee-haw! Woo hah! Ha-huh-ha!

(Davy Omelette gets rid of boots, dances and his hat pulled off)

*All: (laughs at old woman who has hat on her)

(Davy Omelette laughs)

*Man: Did you hear that? Somebody just laughed like a chicken. Well, I'll be a sway-backed marsupial. He is a chicken.

*Part bearded man: I told you that guy was a chicken.

*Old Woman: Hey, bear, come on back for supper! We're having pioneer chicken!

(Bear comes back, Davy Omelette runs, being chased)

*Narrator (singing):

You wear a disguise to look like human guys

But you're not a man

You're a chicken Boo

Intermission[]

(Warner Trio flies a plane, Ralph hangs on but is hit by a tree, the plane gets destroyed.)

Four Score and Seven Migraines Ago[]

*Narrator: November, 1863, and the union has been ripped asunder by two years of civil war.

(fighting)

*Narrator: As the country seeks to heal its wounds, a train carrying Abraham Lincoln winds its way north to the battlefield at Gettysburg. Once there, the president must make the most important speech of his career.

*Abraham: If I can just come up with an opening. (paper scrunches) Ask not what your country can do for you. nope. We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Nah! Ich bin ein gettysburger. No. People of Gettysburg, hi, I'm president Lincoln. So how about those yankees, huh? Oh, that's terrible. Oh, I give up. I can't even write a simple speech.

(knock on door)

*Abraham: Yes, what is it? Whoa!

*Warner Trio (singing):

Lincoln, Lincoln, we've been thinkin'

Would you, could you think of inkin'?

We request on our behalf.

That you give your autograph.

*Abraham (spoken) : Who are you?

*Yakko and Wakko: We're the warner bros.

*Dot: And the warner sister. I'm the cute one.

*Abraham: Is there something I can do for you?

*Yakko: Well, Abe, you mind if I call you Abe?

*Abraham: No.

*Yakko: You mind if I call you Timmy?

*Abraham: Yes.

*Yakko: How about Diane?

*Abraham: Abe will do. Now is there something you want?

*Wakko: Would you sign our people with beards autograph book?

*Abraham: I suppose there'd be no harm in that. Now, where should I sign?

*Yakko: Sign it right next to Attila the Hun, y'know, for contrast.

*Abraham: There.

*Wakko: Gee, thanks. Mr. Lincoln.

*Abraham: My pleasure. Now, run along, kids. I have work to do.

*Yakko: Oh, you've been working on the railroad?

*Abraham: Yeah. Whoa! (sees Warner Trio in his room)

*Warner Trio (singing):

He's been workin' on the railroad,

All the livelong day.

He's been workin' on the railroad

Just to pass the time away.

*Abraham: Oh, honestly, I need to be left alone. I have to come up with my address.

*Wakko: Everyone knows that. 1600 Pennsylvania avenue.

*Abraham: Not my street address. My address-- my speech I'm supposed to give at Gettysburg. I just can't seem to write it.

*Yakko: Hey, why so tense? You better cut down on the caffeine.

*Dot: And relax. We'll help you write the speech.

*Abraham: If I could just come up with a great opening.

*Yakko: Openings? No prob. We know some grand openings. Friends, romans, Gettysburgers, lend me your ears.

*Abraham: Nah.

*Wakko: You're entering another dimension.

*Dot: A dimension of sight, and of sound.

*Yakko: That sign post up ahead-- Gettysburg.

*Abraham: I don't think so.

*Yakko: Then how about this opening?

(singing)

I'm lanky and frankly,

This war has got me cranky.

I'm proud to be a yankee

How ya' doin', Gettysburg?

*Abraham (spoken): I'm afraid not. It's no use. Ahh! I give up.

*Yakko: Hey, Abe, lighten up. What kind of talk is that from a man who chopped down a cherry tree.

*Dot: And never told a lie.

*Wakko: And threw a dollar across the river to buy wooden teeth?

*Abraham: That's George Washington, that was a great president. I'm afraid I'll be known for nothing.

*Yakko: Nonsense. You just stick with us, pal.

*Dot: Yeah, and one day they'll name a tunnel after you

*Wakko: They'll put your face on a penny.

*Yakko: Or take 40% off mattresses on your birthday.

*Abraham: That's as long as they don't name a savings and loan after me.

(Wakko plays drums)

*Yakko: You can't give up without a fight. We're counting on you, Abe. This speech is important. You-you have to heal this country, and bring it together because-- you might want to take notes. I'm on a roll. Because four score and seven years ago-- that's 87 years ago for those keeping score-- our fathers brought forth on this continent, uh-uh-uh-uh a new nation conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all people should have a balanced diet, including ding-dongs, and ho-hos and--

*Abraham: Ho-hos?

*Yakko: Yeah, feel free to change any of this.

*Abraham: Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that, all men are created equal.

*Yakko: Nice rewrite.

*Abraham: We resolve that this nation, under god, shall have a new birth of freedom and that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth!

End[]

(Animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Warner Trio: Ciao, America!

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