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Opening segment[]

(Warner's World of Baldness on sign)

*Yakko: Hi, I'm Yakko Warner, and I want to shave you bald and spray-paint your head for $19.95. Sure, you can go elsewhere to get shaved bald and have your head spray-painted, but it can cost you as much as $100, $200, up to $300 dollars! But here at Yakko Warner's world of baldness and spray-paint, we'll shave you bald and spray-paint your head for just $19.95. Has your head lost its luster and sheen(?) ?

(Ralph's orange hair revealed, Ralph roped to chair.)

*Yakko: Is unsightly hair covering that beautiful chrome-dome finish? Well, just come down to Yakko Warner's, and we'll use our own patented beezer-cut electrolysis-ism and latex-based poster paint guaranteed to bring back that showroom sheen. Why, on a bright summer day, your friends will need to wear sunglasses just to look at your gleaming cueball. We'll shave you bald, and you choose your favorite color-- puce, coral, mustard brown, salmon, minty lime, and my own personal favorite, new lavender. Not only that, we'll also throw in a free wash and hot wax at no extra charge.

*Ralph: Aaaahh!

*Yakko: What's that? You don't want to be shaved bald? Then, try our new customized hair-plucking process, where Wakko Warner himself will gnaw every hair follicle out of your head with his bear teeth.

(Wakko bites Beethoven's hair off)

*Yakko: As long as you wind up bald, we're happy. Don't delay,

(3 Dots seen doing work, another walks by)

*Yakko: Operators are standing by, so call for an appointment today. Yes, we want to shave you bald, and spray-paint your head for just $19.95. Oh, heck, who are we kidding? We'll shave you bald and spray-paint your head for free! So, please, we beg of you, come on down to Yakko Warner's world of baldness! And remember, I'm not only the president of Yakko Warner's world of baldness, I'm also annoying!

(Warner Trio all have their heads shaved and spray-painted)

Theme song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

While Bill Clinton plays the sax

We're Animaniacs

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, We have no script,

Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animanie-

Totally insane-y

Pinky and The Brain-y

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

Pinky and The Brain intro[]

*Pinky: Gee, Brain, whaddaya wanna do tonight?

*The Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.

*Warner Trio (singing):

They're pinky and the brain,

Yes, pinky and the brain.

One is a genius,

The other's insane.

They're laboratory mice,

Their genes have been spliced.

*Wakko and Dot:

They're dinky.

They're pinky and The Brain, brain, brain, brain,

*Yakko:

brain.

Opportunity Knox[]

*Scientist: ah-choo! Just a few more steps, and I'll have the cure for the common cold. Ah-choo!

*Pinky: (giggles) Oh, this is going to be great, Brain. Narf!

*The Brain: Quiet, pinky.

*Scientist: Ah-choo! This should do it (drinks potion). Ah, ah... it worked! I cured the common cold!

*The Brain: Now, pinky.

*Scientist: Ah-choo! Ah-choo! Ah-choo! Then again, maybe not. Ah-choo! Well, back to the drawing board. Ah-choo! Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

*The Brain: Success, Pinky.

*Pinky: E-gad, Brain, what is this stuff?

*The Brain: A new strain of pollen I created myself, Pinky. It causes a temporary but uncontrollable fit of allergic sneezing in man. No human is immune. Do you realize what we'll do with this pollen?

*Pinky: Um... open a boutique?

*The Brain: Yes, that's it, we'll open a boutique and sell ladies' clothing and pollen.

*Pinky: E-gad, Brain, what fun! I like this idea, I do (laughs)!

*The Brain: Focus, Pinky, focus! We shall do no less than go to Fort Knox, Kentucky, keeper of the nation's gold supply. There, we will expose the guards to our pollen. And while they're sneezing uncontrollably, we'll move into the vault and take the gold! For he who controls this nation's capital controls the nation. Off to Fort Knox.

*Pinky: Oh, wait, but isn't the nation's capitol in Washington, D.C.?

*The Brain: (whacks Pinky) Capital as in money, Pinky. Come on!

*Pinky: But, how are we gonna get to fort knox, brain?

*The Brain: We'll simply borrow one of the lab's technological resources. (gets key in drawer) The minivan.

(Warner Trio chased by Ralph)

*Pinky: Won't we get in trouble, Brain?

*The Brain: Get in trouble? Pinky, we're going to take over the world. Besides, we'll have the van back by 8 A.M.

*Pinky: Oh, all right then. Oy! Nice threads, Brain, but, uh, why the disguise?

*The Brain: If we are to succeed in our mission, I must pass for an average, nondescript motorist, Pinky. So while we're driving, call me mr. Perkins.

*Pinky: Say no more. Brilliant, brain.

*The Brain: Mr. Perkins!

*Pinky: Ooh, right, right. Narf! Mr. Perkins.

*The Brain: Pinky, start your engine.

(Pinky turns key)

*The Brain: Now depress the brake.

(Pinky holds brakes down)

*The Brain: Yes. Now I'll shift the transmission into gear, and, you give it the gas (changes gear).

*Pinky: Hunh (holds accelerator down)!

*The Brain: Now, Pinky, let us, in the vernacular, take this hog out on the road and see who's boss! Pinky, prepare to pass a slow-moving vehicle.

*Pinky: Righty-o, brain.

*The Brain: Call me mr. Perkins! Activate left-turn indicator now!

(Pinky turns on windscreen wipers)

*The Brain: Let's try that again, Pinky.

*Pinky: Narf! Wrong switch. (Sits on left turn light)

*The Brain: Exemplary work, Pinky. But we're slowing down. Quickly! Step on the gas.

*Pinky: Gas. Check.

*The Brain: Maintain pedal pressure, Pinky. We're halfway around the freight vehicle.

*Driver: Yeah, breaker, breaker, 1-9. This here's big red. What's your handle, good buddy? Over.

*The Brain: The name's Perkins. Mr. Perkins. Just an average, nondescript motorist. (accelerates past truck)

*Driver: I gotta quit eating them double-onion chili dogs. (belch)

*The Brain: (snoring) huh? Ohh. Pinky, I'm in need of some music to keep myself raptly alert. And use the cruise control this time, so we don't lose speed.

*Pinky: Cruise control on, bra- uh, um, mr. Perkins.

*The Brain: (yawn) Stellar, Pinky. Now see if you can locate a local radio station frequency.

*Pinky: Narf! Wrong knob

(Loud rock plays)

*The Brain: turn off the radio, Pinky!

*Pinky: Hey, this knob's loose. Whaaaaa (ejected by cigarette burner)! Hoo-hoo, ha ha! What do you know? The lighter works.

*The Brain: The radio, Pinky.

*Pinky: Ooh, right. I almost forgot. (clicks) whew! Suddenly I feel downright feverish, I do. Whoo-waaaah! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Ooh, narf! Eee! Zort! Ow! Poit! (screams as his tail is on fire)

*The Brain: No need to entertain me personally. I'm quite awake now. Kentucky, Pinky. We made it!

*Pinky: All right, brain!

*The Brain: Mr. Perkins! Fort Knox is mere miles away. Nothing can stop us now.

(siren)

*The Brain: Good evening, officer. Was I exceeding the speed limit?

*Officer: By 100 miles an hour.

*The Brain: I'm sorry. You see, I'm mr. Perkins, an average, nondescript-

*Officer: Can I see your license and registration, please.

*Pinky: We don't have any. Zort!

*The Brain: If you must know, we are two lab mice out to control the world by seizing its gold assets. But when we assume power, rest assured our budget will result in substantial new funding for law enforcement.

*Officer: Oh. Well, you b-best be on your way then.

*The Brain: Thank you, officer.

*Officer: Oh, man, I do miss them witless teenage speed demons.

(Warner Trio chased by Ralph)

*The Brain: It's time to make our move, Pinky. Now, pinky.

(Both sprinkle pollen on the guards)

*Pinky: Egad, this is even better than a Duck Tales episode, Brain.

*The Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

*Pinky: Oh, I think so, brain, but balancing family and a career? It's all too much for me.

*Pinky: The gold, pinky. It's all ours. Let's move it out. 1, 2, 3, and lift!

(Both try to lift the gold)

*The Brain: I believe my plan has a fatal flaw.

(Gold squashes both)

*The Brain: I'm in intense pain, Pinky.

*Pinky: Ditto, Brain. Zort!

*The Brain: Fear not, Pinky, for the unwieldy atomic weight of gold will not thwart us tomorrow night.

*Pinky: Why? What are we doing tomorrow night, Brain?

*The Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky... try to take over the world.

*Chorus (singing):

They're dinky,

They're pinky and the Brain, brain, brain, brain, brain, brain.

Good Idea, Bad Idea[]

*Narrator: It's time for another good idea, bad idea. Good idea- stopping to smell the roses. Bad idea- Stopping to feel the roses.

(Roses polk skullhead's finger)

*Narrator: The End.

Wings Take Heart[]

(Moth man wakes up, sees female butterfly. They meet. Moth man chases, and they fly into a city. Moth man gets hit by car and separated. Moth man keeps getting hit by cars and moved around. Then, it happens with a motorcyclist, and Moth Man gets hit by sign. Vulture approaches, sends to nest. Moth man escapes because a fire burns down a forest. Vultures escape, and Moth man tries to escape. Helicopter floods the place with water. Moth man is on a leaf, and sees female butterfly. Moth man remembers that he can fly. The two kiss, and then Moth man gets slapped. Moth man chases again)

Wheel of Morality[]

*Yakko: It's that time again.

*Wakko: To put cucumbers in our ears?

*Dot: To make fun of the disney channel?

*Yakko: No. It's time to learn the day's lesson. And to find out what it is, we turn to the wheel of morality. Wheel of morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson we should learn. Moral number five. And the moral of today's story is, if you can't say something nice, you are probably at the icescapades.

*Dot: That is so, true.

*Wakko: (belching) excuse, me.

(whistle)

*Warner Trio: Yike!

End[]

(Animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Pinky: ZORT!

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