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Theme song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

While Bill Clinton plays the sax

We're Animaniacs

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, We have no script,

Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animanie-

Totally insane-y

Here's the show's name-y

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

Testimonial #1[]

*Sykman: The Warner brothers? What's to say? Put your hand in a bowl of nuts, pull out three: that's the Warner Brothers and their sister, Dot. Nuts. Crazy. But these kids knew from comedy. We were all in Vaudeville together on the same bill. Me, Jack benny, George Burns, the Warners and Milton Berle. Who, by the way, didn't like the kids too much. Berle and Yakko were always going at it. Yakko was always with the anvils on Berle's head. We'd hear a noise, we'd look, and there was Berle with an anvil on his head. I think it made him funnier. One time, Milton was on-stage and Yakko said: "Come on, let's go watch his act." so we all sat in the front row, and I look over and Jack Benny and Wakko are making gooky faces at Berle. Then Dot and George Burns start making the gas noises and the things, and Berle didn't know what to do. But the audience was howling, it was so funny. And Yakko, with that razor wit. Berle says, "What are you guys doing during my act?" Yakko looks at him and says, "Helping." That's comedy.

Intermission[]

*Narrator: 1930. Hollywood musicals take the world by storm. That same year, the Warner Brothers make their very first all-musical sound cartoon.

Babblin' Bijou[]

(Dot sees a man and jumps, makes kissing noises,)

*All: shh!

(Dot jumps on all of the first row's heads, stopped by Yakko and Wakko)

*First row: ooh! Ooh! Ee! Ah! Oh! Ooh! Oh! Ee! Oh! Ah! Ee! Ooh! Ee! Ah! Oh! Ah! Ooh! Ooh! Ee! Ah! Ooh! Oh! Oh!

(Guard growls. Dot charms and kisses him. Yakko and Wakko laugh. Warner Trio gets kicked out, and they enter using a ladder, and Wakko's body. They are up in the balcony. The guard runs, but the Warner Trio are sailing in the popcorn machine. Wakko eats, guard chases them. Warner Trio hides in projeector, and enters film. Dot chases man and kisses him. Wakko kisses a horse-like animal. Dot falls on them.)

Testimonial #2[]

*Chorus girl: Oh, Dot was precious. She was a real doll. And Wakko, the things that would come out of his mouth. Lizards and cars and tents and anvils. I've never seen an audience laugh so hard! (laughing) @e were all in the Ziegfeld follies together. It's common knowledge Milton Berle and Yakko didn't get along.

*Man: Yes, we already talked about that with Sy Sykman.

*Chorus girl: I won't go into that, then. Anyway, after a show at the follies we would paint the town red. Really. Wakko would have a paint can and paint everything red. He was so cute. At that time, dot and Fannie Brice were good, good pals. They'd go around calling everyone "Kid." We'd go to the algonquin after a show, everybody was there. I remember one night, Wakko lost his lunch in Robert Benchley's hat. Anything for a laugh with that kid. Did I mention that Milton Berle didn't get along with Yakko?

*Man: yes.

*Chorus girl: I won't go into it then

Potty Emergency[]

(Woman screams)

*Video (Alien): Earth woman, I will eat your brains.

*Video (Woman): No. Anything but my brains!

(woman screaming)

*Wakko: (drinks abyss boy) I have to potty.

*Yakko: Wha-

*Wakko: I have to potty.

*Yakko: What?

*Wakko: I have to POTTY!

*All: shh!

(Woman screams)

*Wakko: I'll be right back. Let me know if he eats her brains.

*Wakko: Potty emergency. Potty emergency. Excuse me.

*Fat woman: Go around the other way.

*Wakko: I have to potty! Thank you. Ohhh. (gasps) Out of order?

*Unseen woman: who are you? Get out! (woman screams) (women shouting)

*Wakko: Potty, potty, potty. (grunting)

(horn honks, bell rings)

*Manager: yeah?

*Wakko: Can I use your bathroom?

*Manager: Bathroom's for paying customers only. You gotta buy something first.

*Wakko: But I don't have any money.

*Manager: Then you can't use the bathroom!

*Wakko: But it's a potty emergency.

*Manager: Am-scray (kicks Wakko out).

*Wakko: Maybe later. Potty, potty, potty, potty. Can I use your potty?

*Man 1: no!

*Wakko: Potty emergency. Potty emergency. Can I--?

*Woman 1: go away!

*Wakko: May I--?

*Woman 2: no!

*Wakko: Can I--?

*Man 2: no!

*Wakko: Do you mind--?

*Woman 3: out!

*Wakko: Ooh, I have to potty. Try not to think about it, Wakko. Just don't think about it.

(Water flows everywhere)

*Wakko: (groans) A gas station! (grunting)

*Man: you need the key. (chuckles)

*Wakko: Potty, potty, potty, potty, potty, potty, potty, potty.

*Man: careful, I haven't cleaned it in a year. (Laughs hard)

*Wakko: Aahh! Aah! I can't potty in there. It's disgusting. (groaning) I know I've got a potty in here someplace. (Gets a bunch of ridiculous objects out of his bag. Elvis comes out) Where are you, potty? Here, potty. A potty!

*Old woman: Huh?

*Man: No.

*Woman: (gasps)

(Wakko runs into an alleyway with his toilet, then runs onto a stage. Stage opens. All notice Wakko. Wakko travels to the Himalayas. He goes to the top, but there are people.)

*Wakko: I'm gonna explode!

(Woman screams)

*Wakko: Excuse me! Potty emergency!

*Alien: Get out of our movie. You're ruining everything!

(Wakko sighs with relief, toilet flushes)

*Wakko: (kisses alien) Thank you.

*Aliens: Ew, disgusting. He didn't even wash his hands.

Testimonial #3[]

*Old Man: Milton berle didn't like yakko.

*Man: yes, we've talked about that already.

*Old Man: Oh, well, enough said then. The Warner Brothers and their sister Dot, they were the biggest things to hit Hollywood. Bigger than Jacob Puntridge, bigger than Sally Saucy. Big, big, big. I remember they were discovered at Schwab's pharmacy. Wakko was eating a milk shake. But I mean the whole thing. The glass, the straw, everything. One of the scouts for Warner Brothers studio was there and before you could say "Sal Mineo," they got a big contract. Bigger than Berle ever got. He didn't like them.

*Man: yes, we've heard.

*Old Man: Anyway, these kids made a few cartoons, but the studio didn't know what to do with 'em. Crazy they were. They made absolutely no sense. And then when they pantsed Jimmy Cagney, somethin' had to be done. Like chickens with their heads cut off. Funny chickens, but too much for the studio. They locked them up in that tower. I hadn't heard about them in years. But now, what? They're out of the tower, I hear. I hope Berle doesn't know. He doesn't like them.

Sir Yaksalot[]

*Narrator: Camelot, the most celebrated kingdom in the history of Britain. A kingdom of peace, prosperity and singing.

(Bison plays note on harmonica)

*Bison and 3 people (singing):

A happy place is Camelot,

We like to sing all day.

But we can't sing the movie score,

Or else they'll make us pay.

*Narrator: And in this castle lives king Arthur and his knights of the round table.

(All eat voraciously)

*Arthur: Oh, good knight, please pass the ketchup! (chuckles)

*Narrator: But one day, a great evil came upon the land.

*All: Evil. Evil. (They get flamed and scream. Buildings burn)

*Old Man: fear not. We shall calm the beast by singing.

(Bison plays a note, but got squashed by the dragon's foot.

*3 people: Camelot

*Narrator: King Arthur sent all his knights to slay the dragon.

(all singing, flamed, all screaming.)

*Arthur: My bravest knights burnt to a crisp! Merlin! Merlin!

*Merlin: It's magic.

*Arthur: Oh, great merlin, use your powers to conjure up a brave and powerful knight to slay the dragon.

*Merlin. Eye of newt, an ounce of sprite, send to us, a great big knight. It's magic (squashed by armor).

*Yakko: Honey, we're home. Did you call for the bravest, most daring knight in all the land?

*Arthur: Oh, yes.

*Yakko: Well, too bad, you got us.

*Dot: What a silly mix-up.

(Warner Trio kisses Arthur)

*Wakko: It's all right?

*Merlin: It's okay.

*King arthur: Please, I beseech you, slay the dragon! I am but a coward, I'm afraid.

*Dot: Well, you're pretty brave to wear those tights.

*Man: dragon! Dragon! Dragon! Dragon!

*Yakko: Would someone stop that man from yelling "Dragon"?

*Man: dragon! Dragon! Dra-- (squashed by anvil, which is drawn by a paintbrush

)

*Yakko: Thank you.

(Dragon slams against a wall)

*Arthur: Aah! Please, you must help me!

*Yakko: Alright, but if you kiss me, you're slaying your own dragon.

*Arthur: Oh, thank you. (sobbing, kisses Yakko's foot)

*Dot: Maybe we should slay him.

*Yakko: Come. To the war room. Where is the war room?

*Arthur: Actually, we don't have a war room.

*Wakko: You do now.

*Yakko: Through this door are the greatest minds of dragon-slaying. By the way, you have a run in your tights.

*Arthur: (gasps) Where?

*Warner Trio: Monkeys always look, monkeys always look.

(Arthur grumbles, and then gasps. Scientists walk around, generals discuss.

*General 1: The dragon has to be stopped. We must attack. And now, dr. Yamamoto will speak. You may begin.

*Yamamoto: This dragon is of great scientific value. It must be studied. And now, Perry Mason.

*Perry: I fear for all humanity.

*Yakko: On second thought, uhh... forget the war room. Well, looks like it's just us against the dragon. Head-to-head. Toe-to-toe.

(dances and sings)

Grab your partner, do-si-do.

Bow to your partners left and right

Now grab his arms and fling him out of sight

Now promenade

*Arthur: (grumbles)Eenough! What about the dragon? The dragon! The dragon!

*Yakko: Would someone stop him from yelling "Dragon"?

(Anvil created above Arthur)

*Arthur: The dragon! The dragon! The dragon!

*Yakko: Come, siblings, we have a you-know-what to slay!

(Meanwhile, the dragon continues to terrorize Camelot.)

*Yakko: Comedy. Dragon comedy. The best dragon comedians at all of Camelot, right here. Free peasant with every drink. Oh, yes, right this way, sir.

*Dragon: Hm?

*Dot: And now, dragons and dragettes, the Camelot comedy cabaret presents, the funniest dragon in all of camelot; Henny dragon.

*Yakko: Ah-ha-ha. Thank you. Thank you. You're too kind. Hey, how 'bout that lady in the lake? I mean, how long can she hold her breath?

(Wakko plays drums, dragon chuckles)

*Dot: Candy? Gum? Dynamite? On the house, sugar.

*Dragon: God bless you (blushes).

*Dot: Don't mention it.

*Yakko: And, hey, how 'bout that King Arthur, huh? You know, I'll never forget the first time we met, but I'm trying.

(Wakko plays drums, dragon laughs, breathes fire)

*Yakko: I'm slaying him. Hey, what's green and stands in the corner? A naughty frog.

(Dragon laughs, breathes fire)

*Yakko: No, really. You've been a great audience. We're out of here.

(Dynamite explodes building. Dragon falls apart, revealed to be mechanical. Pinky and the Brain emerged.)

*Pinky: (laughing) "Naughty frog." Narf! (laughs)

*The Brain: Hysterical, Pinky! (throws gear at Pinky).

*Pinky: Zort!

*Arthur: Mice? But, why?~

*The Brain: We were trying to destroy Camelot in yet another attempt to take over the world. Come, Pinky! Back to the drawing board!

*Pinky: "Stands in the corner. Naughty frog." (laughs, gets poked)

*3 people and bison: They're dinky, they're pinky and The Brain, brain, brain, brain (squashed by dragon's leg.)

*Arthur: You've saved Camelot. I can't thank you enough!

*Yakko: Well, try anyway.

*King arthur: I knight thee, Sir Yaksalot, Sir Waksalot, and Lady Dotsalot. They have slayed the dragon.

*Crowd: the dragon! The dragon! The dragon!

*Yakko: Would someone stop these people from yelling "Dragon"?

*Crowd: The dra-

(Anvil squashes crowd)

*Warner Trio: thank you.

End[]

(Animaniacs theme instrumental)

Warner Trio: Goodbye, nurse!

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