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Theme song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

While Bill Clinton plays the sax

We're Animaniacs

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, We have no script,

Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animanie-

Totally insane-y

*Wakko:

Chicken chow mein-y

*All:

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

Good Idea Bad Idea[]

*Narrator: It's time for another good idea, bad idea. Good idea - taking a deep breath before jumping into a swimming pool. Bad idea: taking a deep breath after jumping into a swimming pool. The end.

Moby or Not Moby[]

*Yakko: (Pops out of barrel) So this is the love boat. You must be doc.

*Ishmael: Call me Ishmael.

*Yakko: Call me Ishtar.

*Wakko: Call me irresponsible.

*Dot: Call me any time, but not collect, okay, big fella?

*Yakko: Hi, we're stowaways. Are you gopher?

*Muscular man: No, I Queequeg.

(Warner Trio sniffs)

*Yakko: Sorry to hear that. Next time, don't eat so many prunes.

*Wakko: Hey, look. They've got miniature golf onboard.

*Warner Trio: Fore! (Hit golf balls, which hit a door)

*Ahab: Who dares disturb my brooding? Starbuck, have you sighted Moby dick?

*Mate: Ach! Negative, captain. We must quit this mad quest.

*Ahab: Ye craven bilge rat. We'll search for moby *** until-- what?

*Yakko: Captain Stubing, you mind if I steered the boat so we can go water-skiing?

*Ahab: What? Yes. Go away. We'll search for moby dick until the seas dry up and the fish flop around in their underwear because all the water's gone. We'll search until-- huh?

(Boat tilts)

*Ahab: What in the name of Neptune's pantry? Give me that wheel at once!

*Yakko: You're the captain.

*Ahab: (Spins around) Whoa! who are ye?!

*Yakko: We're the warner brothers, captain stubing.

*Dot: And the warner sister. Say, would you see if there's anything stuck in my teeth?

*Wakko: You know, if you shaved your beard, you'd look just like Ernest Borgnine.

*Ahab: Mark ye well that I am captain ahab. Cursed by vengeance to roam the seas until I find Moby dick. You stowaways earn your keep aboard the pequod. Now find me a white whale. Okay.

*Yakko: Look. A white whale.

*Ahab: Where? Where?

*Warner Trio (singing):

Monkeys always look!

Monkeys always look!

*Ahab: Stop your tomfoolery. Find me that whale!

*Yakko: Thar she blows!

*Ahab: Where? Where?

*Dot: (plays trumpet, speaks as Louis Armstrong) That's high c on the high seas. Yeah.

*Yakko: So, what do you say, cap? Let's look for something else now.

*Dot (normal voice): yeah. Who cares about a white whale? Let's dress up like ghosts and scare the crew.

*Ahab: Don't ye understand? All I live for is to catch moby, and destroy him for his oil, conquer him for his blubber, stomp on his big whale head and make perfume from his brain.

*Yakko: Captain, you've gotta go on shore leave more often.

*Warner Trio (singing):

Captain Ahab you're a dummy,

Killing whales is really crummy.

Get a clue and don't be scummy,

Early in the morning

*Ahab:

No more singing man the harpoon,

Moby dick is mine, it's high noon.

Spear him now on with the cartoon,

Early in the morning.

*Warner Trio:

Stop your wailing, stop your moaning.

Pun intended, stop that groaning.

Don't kill whales and start atoning,

Early in the morning.

(Drops Ahab from up high)

Watch Star Trek 4 or ask your teachers,

Whales are kind and loving creatures.

They've got eyes and facial features.

Killing whales is stupid.

*Ahab (spoken): Get moby dick. All hands stand to. Man the longboat!

*Yakko: Or woman the short boat. That way, everybody's covered. Stroke.

*Warner Trio: You have a cute beard.

*Ahab: Stroke.

*Warner Trio: you have a wonderful voice.

*Ahab: Stroke.

*Warner Trio: Have you ever considered a career in radio? (row)

*Ahab: Faster, me hearties. Row till your giblets turn to gravy. You're mine, moby dick!

*Dot: No, please don't kill the whale.

*Wakko: We wanna take him home for a pet.

*Yakko: We have an enormous bathtub.

*Ahab: Agh! Back to your posts and row, ye miserable little barnacles, or I'll run ye through.

*Yakko: Wait, please!

*Ahab: Vengeance is mine at last. Begone!

*Warner Trio: Oh, captain Ahab, don't look behind you.

*Ahab: whoa-- w-w-whoa. So long, moby dick.

(Moby dick throws spear)

*Yakko: Hey, captain Ahab. Tell moby all about stomping on him, and making blubber cakes and stuff out of his oil.

*Ahab: (chuckles) Oh, I was just funning the youngsters about all that. I certainly wasn't serious-- aah! (in moby dick's mouth (screaming)

*Pinocchio: Say, nice leg.

*Ahab: get me out of here!

*Wakko: So long, captain ahab.

*Dot: Enjoy your new home!

*Yakko: Don't play around moby's blowhole. Alas, we're alone, adrift on the open ocean without food, water, or facial moisturizer.

*Wakko: That's right, kids. Always remember, a moisturized face is a happy face.

*Dot: Isn't there a single ship anywhere that will take pity on us? (sobs) any ship will do.

*Skipper: hey, little buddies.

*Yakko: We shoulda been more specific.

Good Idea Bad Idea[]

*Narrator: it's time for another "Good idea, bad idea." Good idea - going alpine skiing in the winter. Bad idea - going alpine skiing in the summer.

(Mr. Skullhead bumps around on rocks)

*Narrator: The end.

Buttons intro[]

Mindy: Buttons! Oh, buttons!

(Buttons falls down hole trying to get to Mindy)

*Mindy: (Laughs) Silly puppy.

Mesozoic Mindy[]

(Booms heard, dinosaurs see Mindy, run from laughing)

*Mindy: Ooh!

(Buttons yawns)

*Woman: Buttons. Mindy. We chugga-mugga go hunt.

*Man: You, Buttons. Ugga guard cave. Ugga guard Mindy.

(Buttons agrees)

*Woman: And no tonga tar pit.

*Mindy: Okay, lady. I love you. Bye-bye.

*Woman: No munga "Lady." mugga-munga "Mom." mugga munga needs therapy.

*Mindy: (giggles, sees egg falling, legs sticking out, egg runs away.) Ooh. Eggy. eggy.

(Buttons chases Mindy)

*Mindy: Eggy. Eggy. Huh?

(Dinosaur chases Buttons)

*Mindy: Hello, mr. Men. What you doing? Why? Why? Okay. I love you. Bye-bye. Ooga-booga. Nice kid.

(Buttons gets thrown into air, goes on wheel.)

*Mindy: Stinky poo. Ah-choo!

(Volcano explodes Buttons, who gets thrown into air again)

*Man: Chugga-ugga wheel. Tonga fire.

*Both: Who knew?

(Mindy goes on a treacherous path, Buttons falls trying to act as a platform)

*Mindy: Buttons silly.

(Mindy steps on saber-tooth cat, Buttons gets eaten, then pushed out.)

*Mindy: Eggy.

(Dinosaur comes)

*Mindy: Hello, what you doing? Why? Why? Okay. I love you. Bye-bye.

(Buttons barks)

*Mindy:

*Egg: Mama. Mama. (squeaks) Mama.

(Dinosaur smacks Buttons and Mindy into tar pit)

*Mindy: Wheee!

*Man: Buttons! Ugga-chugga tar pit!

*Woman: Buttons tonga bad dog!

(Buttons whimpers)

*Mindy: Buttons. Okay. I love you. Bye-bye.

(Buttons whines)

Good Idea Bad Idea[]

*Narrator: It's time for another "Good idea, bad idea." Good idea - kissing a loved one. Bad idea - kissing a total stranger.

(Stranger growls and punches mr. Skullhead away)

*Narrator: The end.

The Good, The Boo and the Ugly[]

*Eli: Hey, that's my meatball!

*Man 1: Not no more. I own this town and everything in it, including this meatball (eats).

*Eli: Sheriff's gonna hear about this.

*Man 1: What sheriff? (laughing)

*Old man: That was the third sheriff this week.

*Lee: Dang plundering outlaw.

*Woman: If only there was a man in this town man enough to stand up to him.

(Clicking, Boo walks in, woman gasps)

*Eli: You know who that is? The man with no personality. Some say he robbed a bank and saved a puppy at the same time.

*Lee: Is he for the law or agin it?

*Old man: Nobody knows, 'cause he ain't got no personality.

*Woman: Some say that high-plains drifter is a chicken.

*Old man: Ma'am, you may be the fastest spaghetti slinger in the west, but you sure ain't no judge of character.

*Woman: That guy's a chicken, I tell you. A giant chicken.

*Lee: No man who saves a puppy is a chicken. (walks to Boo) Stranger, we'd be much obliged if you helped us out.

*Old man: You rid this town of that darn outlaw, and we make you sheriff.

(Boo and Man 1 fight. Boo gets a whip, which takes away man 1's gun. Then Boo and man 1 fight, leading to man 1 getting slammed onto the floor.)

*Both: he did it!

(Fight continues, whip is around man 1.)

*Old woman: He's a chicken.

*Man 1: I got me a fistful of feathers.

*Old woman: Lookie here, a few feathers more.

*Woman: I told you that guy was a chicken!

*Boo: (clucks)

*Old man: No chicken can be sheriff of this town.

*Lee: And no durn chicken could have saved a puppy.

*Old woman: Run him outta town, boys.

(All chase him out)

*Boo: (clucks "Main theme" from the good, the bad and the ugly)

*Narrator (singing):

You wear a disguise to look like human guys

But you're not a man, you're a chicken Boo

Good Idea Bad Idea[]

*Narrator: it's time for another "Good idea, bad idea." Good idea - doing your own yard work. Bad idea - doing your own dental work.

(Chair spins, leaving mr. Skullhead falling apart, arm detached where he was.)

*Narrator: The end.

End[]

(Buttons theme)

*Buttons: (Whimpers heavily)

*Mindy: (Hugs Buttons, who panics and runs, Mindy chases)

(Animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Mindy: Okay. I love you, Bye-bye!

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