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Theme song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

While Bill Clinton plays the sax

We're Animaniacs

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, We have no script,

Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animanie-

Totally insane-y

*Wakko:

Where's Lon Chane-y

*All:

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

Draculee, Draculaa[]

(Transylvania. Home of Terror. Warner Trio dig quickly)

*Yakko: (Views map) I know we're not rabbits, but it's a Warner Brothers tradition.

*Dot: So this is Pencil-vania.

(Wakko eats rock)

*Dot: Diiiiiiii-sgusting!

*Yakko: Not as disgusting as Willard Scott in a leotard. But anyway, according to the map, we made it! Pencil-vania! Our homeland. As cartoon characters, we were drawn, ergo, mom and dad must be pencils! So let's get the lead out, and find our family tree.

(Lightning strikes, turns tree into ash)

*Dot: Hope that wasn't it.

(Wakko sprinkles salt on a rock)

*Yakko: On second thought, let's start this search tomorrow

(Wakko eats rock)

*Yakko: I'm tired.

*Wakko: I'm hungry.

*Dot: I'm cute. Hey, I can't help it if I'm cute.

*Yakko: Now to find a place to spend the night.

(Sees Tilton, Lambada Inn, and mansion)

*Yakko: Hey, there's a great place! We're not that stupid, we just know the plot. C'mon!

(Warner Trio has a running start, but walks into the mansion)

*Yakko: Ooh. It's so scary!

(Ups, Driver, Ok to Leave, Plasma, on front, porch, written. Ring bell written. Wakko rings bell, bonking his head. Dracula comes in from a taxi.)

*Dracula: Don't wait for me. (Walks with cloak wrapped around) Aah. Ignorant little travelers. It's been many years since any have come willingly to me. Who are you?

*Yakko and Wakko: We're the Warner Brothers.

*Dot: And the Warner Sister.

*Yakko: I'm Yakko. Does Batman know you're wearing his cape? So badly.

*Wakko: I'm Wakko. (kisses Dracula) Did you miss me, huh?

*Dracula: Please. You're washing off my old spice.

*Dot: I'm Dot, but you may call me princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca, the third. Tee hee.

(Dracula sees the blood vessels in Dot's neck. Says Type O, unleaded 87 octane with marks. Dracula looks close, each of his hands connected.)

*Dot: I get this from guys all the time.

(Dracula looks closer at Dot's neck making it stretch)

*Dot: Snap out of it!

*Dracula: Ahem. I... am count Dracula. (bows)

*Yakko: Didn't you use to teach math on sesame street?

*Dracula: Stop your silly chatter and enter. The night is long and I hunger for company.

(Warner Trio dash off, leaving Dracula on the floor)

*Dracula: (growls, door slams in his face) Let me in, you little weasels.

*Wakko: That guy sure dresses funny.

*Dot: This is pencil-vania, Wakko. He's probably Amish.

*Yakko: I'll handle him. I saw witness twice. (Opens door, clears throat) Greetings, good amish farmer. How's it going with thee? Is there a place hither where we may sleep yon?

*Dracula: Impudent child. You can't make a fool out of me.

*Yakko: Well, you can't blame a guy for tryin'.

*Dracula: Puny mortals. Now witness the power of the undead. (Turns into big bat)

*Yakko: Neat trick.

*Wakko: Hey, look at me. I'm a bat too.

*Dracula: You are not a bat.

*Wakko: Oh, you're right. But this is (whacks Dracula with bat, with a face and wings on it.

*Dracula: Oh, I'm not well.

*Yakko: Good farmer, mayest we see-eth our rooms now?

*Dracula: Why, certainly. Walketh this way. (Walks clumsily. Warner Trio imitates. Dracula goes into a room which has banging and screaming). You boys will be sleeping in the, uh, Mary Poppins suite. It's very cozy. (Inside growling)

*Yakko: Sounds like howard stern.

*Dracula: (Pats Yakko's head) Uh, yes, the plumbing is old. Now, nighty-night (opens door and forces Yakko and Wakko in). Whew.

*Yakko: (On Dracula's back) Velcro.

*Dracula: Here is your bedchamber, filled with the pretty stuff of a young girl's dreams.

*Dot: Nice decorating. Let me guess, Satan? Anyway, I'd like to stay up and gab, but I'm feeling just a wee bit sleepy. (Goes on bed and snores).

(Dracula sees insert fangs here)

*Yakko: Hey, whatcha doing, mister? You gonna suck her blood? Empty her tank? Turn her into one of your legion of zombie vampires who only live to do your evil bidding? Or are you gonna make out and play kissy face and hope your dad doesn't butt in and ground you? Huh? How about it, mister?

(Dracula tries again, Dot wakes up and punches Dracula in the jaw, brushes Dracula's teeth. Dracula tries again, Yakko takes Dracula's teeth out.)

*Dot: yoo-hoo! What do you think? Do they make me look like Sheena Easton?

*Dracula: (Puts teeth back on) Foolish little whelp. Now you will learn the meaning of eternal slumber.

*Dot: Slumber? As in slumber party? Let's!

(Warner Trio dresses Dracula up into pink clothing, Dracula gasps)

*Dot: Know any dreamy guys?

*Yakko: Tell us.

*Wakko: Oh, please, please.

*Dot: Let's play with makeup.

(Wakko dusts Dracula's face, Yakko puts on eyelid coloring and eyebrows, Dot puts on makeup, bowtie. Wakko shows Dracula a mirror)

*Dracula: (Screams) Get away from me, you little monsters.

*Dot: Wait! We were just about to order pizza and tell ghost stories.

*Dracula: (Runs to coffin) Peace, at last. (screams)

*Yakko: (coughing) hast thou any coffin drops?

*Dracula (groans, grunts, throws Warner Trio away, goes in coffin)

*Yakko: (Tries opening the lid) Hey, he's locked in.

*Dot: Oh, no. He'll suffocate.

*Dracula: (sighs)

(Wakko gets a chainsaw and cuts the coffin in half)

*Yakko: Hangeth on, kind farmer. We shall saveth thee.

(Dracula got cut in half)

*Wakko: Oops. (giggles, puts halves together again)

*Dracula: (roars, growling) Your lives here have ended.

*Yakko: True, mister Amish man, for we must check out. 'Tis morning!

*Dracula: (whimpers) and me without my sun block.

(Yakko plays "Reveille" on trumpet)

*Dot: Wakey wakey! Rise and shine (Puts clock in Dracula's head). We'd like waffles and a big cheese wheel for breakfast.

(Wakko does a rooster call, Dracula roars and debris flies. Mansion collapses)

*Yakko: Boy. Who knew the Amish could have such explosive tempers?

*Dot: You know, Yakko, maybe this isn't pencil-vania after all.

(Wakko eats rock)

*Yakko: You're right, dot. We never should have taken that left turn at Kennebunkport. Come on! (Digs) Uhh. Pencil-vania, at last. Homeland of our ancestors.

*Tas: (jabbers, blows raspberry, screams)

*Dot: This is Tasmania, not pencil-vania.

(Wakko eats the map)

*Yakko: Let's face it. We need a new map.

Phranken-Runt[]

*Dr. Phrankenstein: Sweep on, you foowish wittle villagers. You'll soon know the power of dr. Phrankenstein. Come, mr. Squeak. It is time the world met my watest cweation. In school, they called me mad and insane. They also called me old hoppy big bottom. I wonder what that meant.

(Rat Crashes)

*Dr. Phrankenstein: Hm, I must speak to the cweaning people. They've overwaxed the fwoors again.

(Warner Trio run around on an Acme cleaner)

*Dr. Phrankenstein: Up, scout. Up. Good dog!

(Dog bites fur)

*Dr. Phrankenstein: Pay attention, scout. I order you to attack the village. Destroy it. Walk all over it.

*Dog: Yes.

*Dr. Phrankenstein: (Laughs with her pet)

(Dog comes back with collar and leash)

*Dr. Phrankenstein: Oh. No, not walkies. I didn't say walkies. I said walk over the village. Oh, follow me.

(Rat squeaks)

*Dr. Phrankenstein: (sighs as dog breaks through glass) See the village? I order you to wipe it out. Now go.

*Dog: Yes

*Dr. Phrankenstein: Soon the world will learn to fear and obey me. First I'll destroy a small village, then a warge village. Then a small town, then a warge county seat. Then a midsize suburb, with easy access to schools and shopping. (laughs with pet)

(Lightning strikes dog)

*Dr. Phrankenstein: Oh, fudgie-poo! A short circuit. Now I'll have to weplace his brain. I couldn't just go out and buy a monster dog that was covered by a warranty. No. I had to be miss do-it-yourself and build my own. Argh.

(Rat crashes)

*Dr. Phrankenstein: Gweat. We're all out of dog brains. I don't ask for much, just one dog brain. That's all I want. A solitary, simple dog brain.

(Rat crashes)

*Rita: I hate being wet.

*Runt: Yep, it's wet. It's definitely wet out here. Uh, I'm sorry I got us kicked out of that count guy's home.

*Rita: What was with that bat fetish, anyway?

*Runt: Don't know, but he hates Italian food. Definitely hates garlic.

*Rita: If we find another house, just follow my lead.

*Rita (singing):

Let's try for two,

What's the sense in stopping now?

Just me and you.

We're the pros with the know-how,

To get kicked out of every place,

We've ever set a paw.

We're not through,

Let's try for two.

(tempo increase)

Home, ahoy told you, boy.

Follow my lead watch my ploy, Runt.

You gotta use your brain and think.

*Runt:

Let's get fed.

*Rita:

Give it a whirl

*Runt:

Hurts my head.

*Rita:

Oh, Runt,

You gotta use your brain

*Dr. Phrankenstein:

Hot dog, check it out.

Santa sent me bwains for scout.

Come on stay with auntie glory,

Forever in my labowatowy

*Rita:

Watch my stuff

*Runt:

Let's begin.

*Rita:

Don't you bark or-

*Runt:

Track mud in?

*Rita:

Hey, Runt,

You just used your brain

*Runt:

Uh, def-uh-def, who, me?

*Rita:

You just used, your brain

(spoken)

The poor-cat-in-the-rain look. It never fails. (meows)

*Dr. Phrankenstein: My goodness. A big wet doggie.

*Rita: Nice following of my lead.

*Dr. Phrankenstein: A big wet doggie. Just what the mad scientist ordered. I'm going to remove your cerebral cortex and place it inside a large monster's head. Doesn't that sound like grand fun?

(Runt barks twice)

*Rita: I'd better check on Runt. A cat's work is never done.

(Rat slurps, then squeaks as it falls off the platform, crashes)

*Runt: What a nice human. She tied me to a little bed so I won't fall off when I take my nap. I sure wish rita was here. Definitely. Yeah, I definitely do.

*Dr. Phrankenstein (singing):

Standing in the web, watching dials twirl

You're wying in the slum, wetme give it a whirl

Wet me open a valve, I'm a hands-on kind of girl!

Soon you'll be better, and Waring to go

I'll wule the world from here to Kokomo

Call me insane, I'm a hands-on kind of dame!

Your cerebellum's gweat for my mowale

Cause I'll be taking over right from this locale

Thanks a bunch, pal, I'm a hands-on kind of gal! Cha cha cha!

(Runt barks)

*Dr. Phrankenstein: You liked my wittle song.

(Runt barks)

*Rita: What a surprise. Runt, in trouble. Having fun?

*Runt: Oh, hi, Rita. I've been having a nap with a sheet and everything.

*Rita: For $50 and a chance for the festiva, how many brain cells does a dog have?

*Runt: Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Nine. Definitely nine.

*Dr. Phrankenstein: here I come, puppy. By the by, are you covered by bwue cwoss? I have to know who to bill. (laughs) oh!

(Runt moves table)

*Dr. Phrankenstein: Oh, a kitty. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have a cat bwain on file.

*Rita: Speak for yourself, honey. (flings table, which turns the phrankenstein on)

*Dr. Phrankensten: Oh! (screams) (squealing)

(thunder crashes, Rita and Runt run away)

*Dr. Phrankenstein: Awise, scout! Catch them! Don't wet them escape! (Screams as dog brings back ball)

*Runt: I was definitely in trouble, wasn't I?

*Rita: good call.

(Rat approaches, Runt gets Rita out of the way and rat crashes, but comes back and Rita and Runt run.)

*Dr. Phrankenstein: That's it, mr. Squeak. Get them. (Dog gets ball) At least something around here obeys me.

(Rita runs, Runt smashes into armor stands, which fall on the rat, rat smashes again)

*Runt: Uh, Rita what should we do?

*Rita: Maybe we should stay here and take a nap?

*Runt: Okay.

*Rita: Jump!

(Dog has ball, rat pops ball, Phrankenstein's dog gets angry)

*Dr. Phrankenstein: Good doggie. Uh, I'll get you a nice wrecking ball.

(Fight, Rita and Runt swim away)

*Dr. Phrankenstein: Heel. Heel.

(dog goes away)

*Dr. Phrankenstein: Origami, mr. Squeak. From now on, I'll make little, fluttery paper animals that can't hurt me. (Moans)

(Rat squeaks, Rita licks herself while Runt swings his fur around, making Rita wet again. Runt spits out frog)

*Runt: Can we jump off the castle again? That was fun.

*Rita: I don't know what that human wanted with you, Runt, but it couldn't have been your brain. Getting bounced from two homes in one night is a new record for us.

(singing)

Let's try for three,

What's the sense in stoppin' now?

Just you and me,

We're the pros with the know-how,

To get kicked out of every place,

We've ever set a paw.

Life's rent-free,

Let's try for three.

*Runt (spoken): Good idea, Rita. Let's try for three.

*Rita: Dogs. Go fig.

End[]

(Animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Dot: I still think they make me look like Sheena Easton.

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