Newsreel of the stars[]
*Narrator: "Newsreel of the Stars," dateline Hollywood 1930. The Warner Brothers studio. Here at the studio's new animation department the artists toil endlessly to come up with cartoon stars. Ultimately creating three new characters: the Warner Brothers and their sister Dot.
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: Hellooo, nurse!
*Narrator: Unfortunately, the Warner kids went totally out of control.
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: Boingy, Boingy, Boingy, Boingy!
*Narrator: The trio ran amok throughout the studio! ...until their capture. The Warners' films, which made absolutely no sense, were locked away in the studio vault, never to be released. As for the Warners themselves, they were locked away in the studio water tower, also never to be released. Publicly, the studio has disavowed any knowledge of the Warners' existence to this very day... when the Warners escaped!
Theme song[]
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
It's time for Animaniacs
And we're zany to the max
So just sit back and relax.
You'll laugh till you collapse.
We're Animaniacs!
*Yakko and Wakko:
Come join the Warner Brothers
*Dot:
And the Warner Sister Dot
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.
They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.
But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.
We're Animaniacs
Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.
Wakko packs away the snacks
While Bill Clinton plays the sax
We're Animaniacs
Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.
Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.
Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.
The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?
*All:
We're Animaniacs
We have pay-or-play contracts
We're zany to the max
There's baloney in our slacks!
We're Animanie-
Totally insane-y
Pinky and the Brain-y
Animaniacs! Those are the facts!
Yakko's World[]
*Narrator: And now, the nations of the world, Brought to you by, Yakko Warner.
*Yakko:
United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama,
Haiti, Jamaica, Peru,
Republic Dominican, Cuba, Caribbean,
Greenland, El Salvador, too.
Puerto Rico, Colombia, Venezuela,
Honduras, Guyana, and still,
Guatemala, Bolivia, then Argentina, And
Ecuador, Chile, Brazil.
Costa Rica, Belize, Nicaragua, Bermuda,
Bahamas, Tobago, San Juan,
Paraguay, Uruguay, Suriname,
And French Guiana, Barbados, and Guam.
(Faster music)
Norway, and Sweden, and Iceland, and Finland,
And Germany, now in one piece,
Switzerland, Austria, Czechoslovakia,
Italy, Turkey, and Greece.
Poland, Romania, Scotland, Albania,
Ireland, Russia, Oman,
Bulgaria, Saudi Arabia, Hungary,
Cyprus, Iraq, and Iran.
There's Syria, Lebanon, Israel, Jordan,
Both Yemens, Kuwait, and Bahrain,
The Netherlands, Luxembourg, Belgium, and Portugal,
France, England, Denmark, and Spain.
(Even faster music)
India, Pakistan, Burma, Afghanistan,
Thailand, Nepal, and Bhutan,
Kampuchea, Malaysia, then Bangladesh, Asia,
And China, Korea, Japan.
Mongolia, Laos, and Tibet, Indonesia,
The Philippine Islands, Taiwan,
Sri Lanka, New Guinea, Sumatra, New Zealand,
Then Borneo, and Vietnam.
Tunisia, Morocco, Uganda, Angola,
Zimbabwe, Djibouti, Botswana,
Mozambique, Zambia, Swaziland, Gambia,
Guinea, Algeria, Ghana.
(Much faster music)
Burundi, Lesotho, and Malawi, Togo,
The Spanish Sahara is gone,
Niger, Nigeria, Chad, and Liberia,
Egypt, Benin, and Gabon.
Tanzania, Somalia, Kenya, and Mali,
Sierra Leone, and Algiers,
Dahomey, Namibia, Senegal, Libya,
Cameroon, Congo, Zaire.
Ethiopia, Guinea-Bissau, Madagascar,
Rwanda, Maore and Cayman,
Hong Kong, Abu Dhabi, Qatar, Yugoslavia...
Crete, Mauritania, then Transylvania,
Monaco, Liechtenstein, Malta, and Palestine,
Fiji, Australia, Sudan!
Cookies for Einstein[]
*Narrator (written and spoken): Bern, Switzerland, 1905, home of cheese, clocks, chocolate and neutrality... ...But mostly chocolate
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot (singing):
Open your doors and buy our cookies.
Yodel-idel-adel-adel-yadel-odel-eee,
So (board) the scouts, get out your wallets
Yodel-idel-adel-adel-yadel-odel-eee!
*Wakko:
Yodel-eh-hi-hu
Yodel-uh-ha-ha
Yodel-eh-hi-hee
Yodel-idel-adel-yadel-yodle-diddle-dodle-doodle
doba-dee-dee!
Sorry, it's the chocolate talking.
*Swiss Female (spoken): Hot Chocolate. Hot Chocolate
*Wakko: Helloooo Swiss nurse, miss.
*Yakko: Oh no you don't. We got cookies to sell. Well scouts, there it is. The last house in the city. And we only need to sell one more box of cookies to get our merit badges.
*Dot: Albert Einstein. He sounds dreeamyyy.
*Einstein: If the sun is P, and gravity is H, it makes a ppphhhhh. No no no no, the theory of relativity has escaped me. Why can't I get it, WHY?
(doorbell rings)
*Einstein: This better be important, I'm thinking about black holes.
*Yakko: Like blackheads, you must be a dermatologist.
*Einstein: I am not. I am Albert Einstein, world-famous physicist.
*Yakko: Oh. I've never had a cyst, but Wakko's got a wart you can look at.
*Einstein: Eww. Vat do you kids want?
*Wakko: You wanna buy a yummy box of kids scout cookies?
*Einstein: Cookies? Vat would I do with cookies?
*Dot: Ya eat 'em, silly moustache man. Woah, dumber than advertised.
*Einstein: No I don't want cookies. I'm trying to unlock the mysteries of the universe. Now be good little scouts, and run away.
*Wakko: Bye, merit badges
*Dot: Oh, Oh! My heart aches with the sorrow of a thousand scouts. No merit badge, I mourn my loss, (sobs into her hands)
*Yakko: Say, those acting classes are really paying off.
*Dot: Think so?
*Yakko: Don't worry sibs, we'll sell that nice man a box of cookies or die trying, or try dying, or do some tie dying.
*Einstein: And now, to measure the speed of light. Boy, that's quick. OOH!
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: Hello! (all kiss Einstein)
*Einstein: Phh
*Dot: Well how about it kid. Want some cookies?
*Einstein: No, no, no cookies!
*Yakko: How about a chia pet?
*Einstein: No! I- oh look at that. Oh it's got little fuzzy grass. Well- no I can't, I can't. Don't you understand? I can't be disturbed. I'm trying to figure out an equation that explains the universe.
*Yakko: Shouldn't you stick to skin disorders?
*Einstein: I am not a dermatologist.
*Yakko: Alright, alright, we got the picture, if you don't want any cookies, then just leave.
*Einstein: I am not going to leave, this is my house.
*Yakko: Alright then, you leave.
*Einstein: Fine. (walks out, slams door), Grrrrrr! (kicks Yakko, Wakko and Dot out the house)
*Wakko: Now what?
*Yakko: Now, it's time for the hard sell
*Einstein: No more disruptions. (Pulls down window folds, third one has Yakko, Wakko and Dot on it)
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: Hello!
*Einstein: Aargh! YOU!
*Yakko: No, this is a "ewe". We're just plain old us.
*Einstein: Why won't you leave me alone?
*Yakko: Boy, have we got a deal for you. For a limited time only, when you buy our cookies, we'll throw in the amazing Acme pocket-fisherman. The pocket-fisherman comes complete with fishing pole, tackle box and potty. He may be small, but he eats.
*Dot: But wait, there's more. You'll also get the amazing Acme hair magnet. A unique solution to fine limp hair,
*Wakko: Smile! (camera flash), you didn't smile).
(Einstein has tongue out in picture)
*Yakko: To get the cookies, pocket-fisherman and hair magnet. Here's how to order
*Dot: Hi, I'm Dot, an operator here at Acme. Order now, and we'll also throw in "Unexplained Mysteries of Fudge". Call now.
*Einstein: (sobs incoherently)
*Wakko: I don't think he can take much more, captain. He's about to blow.
*Yakko: I guess you really don't want any cookies, huh.
*Einstein: How can I eat cookies when the Theory of Relativity has escaped me? It's all wrong. ALL WRONG. I am a failure. Einstein is a dummy. Stupid Einstein dummy-boy.
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot (singing):
Hey Einstein!
Whenever we're feeling blue, here's what we always do.
When your face is long, sing the Acme song, you'll feel so fresh and new.
*Yakko:
There's the a that's first, there's a c that's next,
there's an m you're almost done.
There's the e, it's last, now spell it out,
a-c-m-e, that's fun.
*Wakko:
Now, backwards!
There's the e that's last, there's the m, it's next,
There's c, you're almost done
There's the a, it's first, what's first is last, e-m-c-a, we're done.
*Yakko (spoken): Pretty good, Wakko, but your a always looks like a 2.
*Einstein: (augmented chord violin noises), (writes e=mc^2), That's it. That's IT! The theory of relativity, e equals mc squared. Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared. You kids is geniuses! e equals mc squared! e equals mc squared! e equals mc squared!
*Announcer: The nobel prize in physics goes to Albert Einstein and the Warner Brothers.
*Dot: And the warner sister.
*Yakko: Hey, it's no merit badge, but it'll do.
Pinky and the Brain intro[]
(music)
*Pinky: Gee Brain Whaddaya wanna do tonight?
*The Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot (singing):
They're Pinky and The Brain
Yes Pinky and The Brain
One is a genius
The other's insane
They're labratory mice
Their genes have been spliced
*Wakko and Dot:
They're dinky, they're Pinky and
The Brain, brain brain brain
*Yakko:
brain.
Win Big[]
*The Brain: I hope you're prepared, Pinky. For tonight's plan to take over the world promises to be extra-ordinary.
*TV: (laughs)
*The Brain: Pinky?
*Pinky: Yeh HEH HEH HEH HEH EH!
*TV: Bang, zoom. Bang! zoom! Right in the kisser!
*Pinky: EH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH! Bang! zoom! Right in the kisser! Narf! EH HEH HEH HEHY
*The Brain: You watch too much TV, Pinky.
*Pinky: Bang! zoom!
*The Brain: Stop saying that Pinky or I shall have to hurt you.
*Pinky: Oh, okay, sorry Brain. NARF!
*The Brain: (shoots paperclip which ricochets into lock, manually unlocks cage)
*Pinky: E-gad, you astound me, Brain.
*The Brain: That's a simple task, Pinky. Once we construct the super-conductive magnetic infindibulator, the world will be ours. Pinky?
*TV (narrator): It is often said when a golfer tees off, elvie,
*(Alvey): What is 4, alex?
*Pinky: What is narf, eh, what is POIT!
*The Brain: What is an inordinately short attention span, alex?
(xylophone noises)
*The Brain: The plans, Pinky, for the super-conductive magnetic infindibulator. Shall I explain how it works?
*Pinky: NARF! Challenge me.
*The Brain: I'm sure I will. By using the infindibulator to deplete hydrogen and promote gravitational collapse, we will produce a magnetic charge from the centre of the Earth so strong that every person who has loose change in their pockets will be magnetically drawn to the ground and stuck there.
*Pinky: E-gad Brain, brilliant, uh-oh, no wait, what if they take off their pants?
*The Brain: (surprised xylophone noise) Then we'll have to take over the world quickly. Every item we need is here in the lab save one; the infindibulator. I know where we can get one. The farmer's almanac.
(both grab a book which lands on top of them)
*Pinky: Hrmmmmgh!
*Brain: (kicks Pinky to the page)
*Pinky: Thanks! Ah, here we are. Build your own infindibulator with things you have 'round the home. Only 99 thousand dollars. Huh! 99 thousand dollars! NARF! Ooh, where we gonna get that, Brain
*TV (host): Beep! Sorry Matilda, that's incorrect! How much did you wager? (Matilda cries) All of it? Oh that's too bad because you could have won 99 thousand dollars.
*The Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
*Pinky: I think so Brain, but where are we going to find a duck and a hose at this hour?
*The Brain: (angry muffled trumpet noises), the money, Pinky. I can go on that show and win the money for the infindibulator!
*Pinky: E-gad Brain, oh no, but the questions on gyb-parody are incredibly hard. I mean, you'd have to get every single one right.
*The Brain: Quiz me. Ask me anything.
*Pinky: NARF! Eh, okay. What is pie.
*The Brain: the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter having a value of 8 decimal places of 3.14159265. But ask me something difficult, Pinky.
*Pinky: Uh, he, uh, NARF! oh OKAY! What TV character says "Bang! Zoom!"
*The Brain: I told you to stop saying that. (whacks Pinky) I don't care who says that.
*Pinky: Ralph Kramden. Tada! (bows)
*The Brain: We must prepare.
(planning music)
*Pinky: Nnnng. Nnnng.
*The Brain: Mmmmmmh. Mmmmh.
*Pinky: Nrnrg.
*The Brain: That does it. I'm going in. (xylophone and violin noises as he gets to the head of the suit) Honey, I'm home.
*Pinky: Yeh heh heh heh. I liked your funny joke, Brain.
*The Brain: I am not devoid of humor. Prepare for departure.
(machine noises)
*Pinky: (crack as he gets stepped on)
(machine and xylophone noises)
*The Brain: Taxi. Taxi.
(Warner trio seen running from Ralph T. Guard)
*The Brain: A television station, please.
*Taxi driver: You got it! Woah, hey h-heh if you don't mind me asking, bub, uh, what happened to your head?
*The Brain: Nothing. I am a mouse in a large mechanical suit.
*Taxi driver: Heh he heh heh, okay, alright, my bad for asking, right?
(claps start)
*Narrator: This is Gyp-parody. our returning champion, Alvey, and please welcome, Deloris, and Brian!
*The Brain: Uh, that's brain, not Brian.
*Narrator: And now your host, Alex Quebec.
*Host: Let's start with our returning champion.
*Alvey: Uh, I'll take ancient shoe sizes for 200, Alex.
*Host: (bing) Socrates' pupil, Plato wore his sandals this size.
*The Brain: (beep) What was 7 and a half? (ding)
*Host: That's correct, Brian.
*The Brain: That's Brain. I'll take King's name Moshoeshoe for 200.
*Host: (bing) He ruled Lestho in 1820.
*The Brain: (beep)
*Host: Brian
*The Brain: Who was king Moshoeshoe the 1st. (ding)
*Host: Correct. Select again, Brian
*The Brain: Brain, Isle of yap for 400
*Host: (bing) Three yappian island neighbors
*The Brain: (beep)
*Host: Brian
*The Brain: What are Bikar, Ailuk, and Ailinglaplap (ding)
(claps)
*The Brain: What is inversely proportional to square of the cubed distances between them. (beep) What is the crust of Io. (beep) What is a Regus Philbin (ding)
*Host: That concludes round 2. And it looks like our challenger, Brian
*The Brain: Brain.
*Host: will be the only one to play final gyp-parody. So far having answered every single question correctly. Have you made your wager?
*The Brain: Yes, Alex.
*Host: Any plans on how you'll spend your winnings?
*The Brain: Yes, I plan to take over the world.
*Host: (violin doubt noise) hah huh, my fault for asking.
*Pinky: Go Brain! NARF! We almost got all our money! In the words of- (flicked back into the pocket by Brain
*Host: Now, for 99 thousand dollars, here's the final gyp-parody answer. In the category "quotable quotes", (bing) This classic TV character is known for saying "Bang! Zoom! Right in the kisser!"
*The Brain: (surprised violin noise) Um, (gulp) uh, who is-a
*Host: 5 seconds
*The Brain: I-um, who is-a
*Host: 2 seconds
*The Brain: Who is-a... Pinky
(brrrrzzzz)
*Crowd: Oh
*Host: Ooh, That's incorrect. The question is, who is Ralph Kramden. And how much did you wager?
*The Brain: Everything
*Host: Which leaves you with nada. I'm so sorry. And that wraps up our show. Good night, everybody!
(time skip)
*Pinky: How about wheel of misfortune?
*The Brain: No.
*Pinky: You could win the money on 10 thousand dollar pile of mud.
*The Brain: No, Pinky, I'm going back to the cage to get some rest for tomorrow night.
*Pinky: Why, Brain? What are we going to do tomorrow night?
*The Brain: Same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.
*Wakko and Dot (singing):
They're dinky, they're Pinky and
The Brain, brain brain brain
*Yakko:
brain.
Wheel of Morality[]
*Yakko: It's that time again!
*Dot: To get our rabies shot?
*Wakko: To make bubbles with our spit?
*Yakko: No. It's time to learn the day's lesson. And to find out what it is, we turn to, the wheel of morality. Wheel of morality, turn, turn, turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn. Moral number 2. And the moral of today's story is... if at first you don't succeed, blame it on your parents.
*Wakko: How deep.
*Yakko: I don't know about you, but I'm touched.
*Dot: In the head.
(whistle)
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: Yie!
(Ralph T. Guard chases them, xylophone music)
End[]
(Animaniacs theme instrumental)
*Yakko: I'm Yakko
*Wakko: I'm Wakko
*Dot: And I'm cute.