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Theme song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

While Bill Clinton plays the sax

We're Animaniacs

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, We have no script,

Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animanie-

Totally insane-y

*Dot:

Here's the show's name-y

*All:

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

Mime Time[]

*Narrator: It's Mime Time. Today on Mime Time, gathering imaginary flowers.

(Bees go around the Mime and sting him. Mime screams)

*Narrator: The end.

O Silly Mio[]

(Tonite only, carmen. Sold out!

*Diva: (Sings C major scale while Gunter plays piano. Gunter's glasses break. Gunter puts on new glasses.) Let's do it again, Günter. This time, in full voice.

*Gunter: (Gulps) Yes, Miss Bruntwind (plays note).

*Diva: (Sings loud high c, blows the piano away along with Gunter)

*Wakko: Weed Memlo, our first director.

*Dot: That's just the way I remember him.

*Yakko: This stained-glass window is a fitting tribute to his hackery.

(Window breaks)

*Warner Trio: Hey, knock it off!

*Diva: Who said that?

*Warner Trio: Over here.

*Diva: Ew.

*Yakko: Say, you think you could keep it down a little bit?

*Diva: No!

*Wakko: But you broke our window.

*Diva: I don't care.

*Yakko: That went well.

*Diva: Again, Günter.

*Gunter: (plays note)

*Diva: (Sings loud high c. Gunter flies out of window, Warner Trio's support collapses and window breaks again)

*Wakko: Whoa. Whoa, whoa!

*Warner Trio: Cut it out!

*Diva: You pests again.

*Yakko: What're you doing? Torturing a clown?

*Diva: (Gasps) How dare you! Horrid children. (Gasps)

(Warners are on the diva's piano)

*Dot: Couldn't you keep the noise down a little bit?

*Diva: Noise? You dare refer to the great Madame Bruntwind's voice as noise?

*Wakko: Uh-huh.

*Diva: I'll show you noise. (Inhales deeply, singing loud high a. Gunter is crushed by piano)

*Yakko: Of course, you know, this means Warners.

(orchestra tuning, fanfare playing, cheering & applause, orchestra playing bizet's "Habanera")

*Diva (singing):

L'amour est un oiseau rebelle

Que nul ne peut apprivoiser

Et c'est bien

*Warner Trio:

Ah. Ah. Ah. (Stick tongues out with food)

S'il lui convient de refuser

(Bruntwind vomits)

*all: eww!

*Diva:

L'amour est enfant de bohême

Il n'a jamais jamais connu de lois

Si tu ne m'aime pas je t'aime

Si je t'aime prend garde à toi

*all:

Prends garde à toi

*Diva:

Si tu ne m'aimes pas je t'aime

Mais si je t'aime

*Warner Trio:

Prends garde à toi (megaphone)

(Diva crashes into drum, muffled shouting)

*Yakko (spoken): Drum? Is someone stuck in a drum?

*Man: This woman is stuck in a drum.

*Yakko: Aha! Don't worry, we'll have her out in no time. The instrument, please. (Dot gets chopsticks the size of her) Bigger. (Dot gets chopsticks the size of Yakko) Bigger! (Dot gets chopsticks the height of Yakko) Perfect. Wakko?

(jazz music playing, Diva's muffled shouting, Wakko hits drum. Audience cheering)

*Dot: Beautiful hit by Wakko.

*Yakko: Could be a home run. How do you do?

(Diva screams)

*Man 2: I got her. I got her. I got her. I got her!

(Wakko makes it to home base)

*Yakko: Safe.

(All cheering)

*Dot: Get your hot dogs! Ice cold hot dogs! (organ plays "Charge")

*Diva: Sing, you fool. Sing!

*Man 2: (Sings middle c)

*Yakko: May I?

*Man 2: Of course.

*Yakko: (Holds middle c)

(Singing)

Darling, I love you with all my heart and soul,

(Pushes face in diva's breasts)

Unfortunately you're too heavy to hold

(Drops Diva)

You and I will live in splendid bliss

Now, give me a big kiss

(Kisses Diva)

*Diva (spoken): Get out of my life!

*Yakko: You shouldn't go breaking people's windows.

*Diva: Ohh (throws Yakko)! Play! (orchestra resumes playing)

La, la, la, la-ha-ha-ha-ha

Tra, la, la, la-ha-ha-ha-ha

Tra, la, la, la-ha-ha-ha-ha

(Wakko lifts Diva off the ground using a hook)

Tra la la la la la la la- oh!

Tra, la, la, la-ha-ha-ha-ha

La, la- whoa!

Tra, la, la ooh! la ooh!

Tra, la, la, la la la la la oohh!!

Tra la la- ooh!

La la la- ooh!

Ooh... AAH!

(Falls, slams into ground, roses are given to Diva. Wakko throws a potted plant, then a tree and then a very big tree. Dot drops a rose and the floor collapses under Diva, for about 30 meters. Diva gets a rose which is thrown. Wakko dances)

*Yakko: You know, uhh. I think I could really get to like opera.

Rita and Runt intro[]

*Warner Trio:

Like Abbott and Costello

Like Sonny and Cher

Like Martin and Lewis they're a perfect pair

(Runt slides mud into Rita)

Like Laurel and Hardy,

(Runt lets go of the piano, which squashes Rita)

Like Fontanne and Lunt.

They're perfectly mismatched,

They're Rita and Runt.

(Both come out of trash can. Runt hugs Rita.)

Puttin' on the Blitz[]

*Narrator: 1939. In wartorn Europe, the army of the third reich invades Poland. As Warsaw falls to the enemy forces, polish freedom fighters fight back.

(Soldiers march)

*Rita: You know, Runt, we never should've taken that left turn at Pacoima. This doesn't look like Burbank.

*Runt: Definitley not Burbank.

*Rita (singing):

Just look into my eyes,

Tell me what you see.

This looks more like Van Nuys

Than Burbank to me.

Just listen to the call

Oh, and ain't it sweet?

No matter how we fall,

We land on our feet

Oh, you and I

We're like a masquerader

Who travels incognito,

With a friend.

No matter where you go,

You'll see me later.

I know we'll be together, in the end.

(Hugs and kisses Runt)

*Runt (spoken): ah. Rita! (Hugs Rita)

*Soldiers: halt! Stop them! Desist! (men shouting in german) Anschluss!

*Rita: Soldiers! Let's scram!

(Father and Katrina run by, hide)

*Soldier: check ze alley.

(Man comes out of a car with Newt)

*Man: where is he?

*Soldier: He can't be far, herr commandant. Search the area! The leader of the polish underground must not escape the city.

*Man: Jawohl.

*Katrina: (Waves) Shh.

*Father: They're looking for me, not you. Katrina, darling, this is important. If anything should happen, no matter what-

*Katrina: No.

*Father: You know where the station is? Now, this is your ticket. The train leaves at 5 P.M.

*Katrina: Papa? Papa. Papa!

*Rita: Do you believe this guy? Abandoning her just like that. Of all the low-down, dirty-

(Katrina gasps, knocks down a plank)

(Newt growls)

*Man: Was is it, Schnappsie? What do you hear?

(Newt barks and runs. Sniffs, growls and barks. Sees Kielbasa. Rita comes out and hisses.)

*Runt: Deck him, deck him, definitely deck him, Rita.

(Newt growling, Rita hissing, they fight. Rita gets thrown to the wall)

*Rita: How 'bout a little support, huh, Runt?

*Runt: You're a good dog, Rita. You fight very nicely. Definitely, definitely a good dog.

(Fight continues, Rita gets Newt by the tail. Throws him into a trash bin. Newt whimpers, Rita hisses, and Newt runs away)

*Katrina: Oh, what a wonderful cat. Thank you, thank you.

(whistle blowing) (footsteps approaching)

*Runt: Hey, wait for me! (Runs)

(whistle blows)

*Man: Halt! You've done a good job, Schnappsie.

(Newt growls)

*Man: Now we must follow them. The child will lead us to the father.

*Katrina: Hurry, papa's waiting at the train station. We're going to a new home far away. There'll be a big backyard and trees and flowers. (sighs) and we'll all be so very happy.

*Rita: Poor kid's living in a dream world.

*Runt: Yeah. Dream world. So sad.

*Rita: She really believes her dad's waiting.

*Runt: Very sad.

*Rita: That human's long gone.

*Runt: Sad.

*Rita (singing):

Don't leave it up to fate,

For the odds are slim.

Don't gamble with your life,

You can never win.

We'll see her to the train,

Then we'll leave Warsaw.

After the child is reconciled

With her papa.

*Katrina (spoken): Hurry or we'll be late!

*Runt: Wow. Look at all the rocks, rita. Hundred and forty-seven. Yeah, definitely, definitely, 147 rocks.

(All run)

*Commandant: there they go, Schnappsie.

(clock chiming, Warner Trio imitating train chugging, chased by Ralph)

*Man (over pa): Departing 4:05 on track number 9 with stops in Krakow, Gdansk, Hamburg, Berlin, Frankfurt, Alsace-lorraine, Nancy, and Paris.

*Announcer: All aboard!

*Katrina: I don't see papa yet.

(tooting, engine chugging)

*Katrina: papa! Papa! Papa!

*Rita: I hate this part.

*Father: Katrina!

*Katrina: Papa?

*Father: Katrina! Katrina, darling! Run, Katrina!

*Runt: This is good, definitely good.

*Father: You can do it, darling.

(Whistle blows)

*Commandant: After that girl!

*Runt: Uh-oh.

*Commandant: Stop her! He'll never leave without his daughter. Grab her!

(Newt barking)

*Father: That's right, darling, just grab my hand.

(Newt barks, growling, yelps as he is stopped by Runt and kicked)

*Katrina: Oh, daddy!

*Runt: Have a nice life, Rita.

*Commandant: Sic him, Schnappsie!

(Runt and Newt fight)

*Rita: It was nice while it lasted.

(Rita yowls as she fights Newt, defeats Newt. Newt whimpers and runs away.)

*Runt: Gee, Rita, you were on your way to a nice new home with a big backyard and everything. What happened?

(train whistle)

*Rita: Well, there's always tomorrow.

(Singing)

You know I should have my head examined.

The fact is I could not go without you.

I'm fond of your slow wit, and your bad hairdo.

We'll always be together, me and you

(sighs)

*Runt (Spoken) Gee, you're sweet, Rita. Definitely sweet. Definitely, definitely sweet.

The Great Wakkorotti: The Summer Concert[]

(upbeat music)

*Announcer: And now performing another classical work, the great Wakkorotti.

(applause, applause stops with Wakko's hands. Wakko nods, and Yakko plays Ponchielli's "Dance of the hours" on the piano)

*Wakko:

UR-UR-UH!

UR-UR-UH!

UR-UR-UH!

UR-UR-UH!

UR-UR-UH!

UR-UR-UH!

Uh. Uh. UUUH!

UR-UR-UH!

UR-UR-UH!

UR-UR-UH!

UR-UR-UH!

UR-UR-UH!

UR-UR-UH!

Uh. Uh. UUUH!

(Dot comes in and gives Wakko soda, then walks off.)

UR-UR-UH!

UR-UR-UH!

UR-UR-UH!

UR-UR-UH!

UR-UR-UH!

UR-UR-UH!

Uh. Uh. UUUH!

(Piano stops, applause starts.)

*Wakko: Excuse me. Oh, excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Mime Time[]

*Narrator: It's mime time. Today on mime time, climbing an imaginary mountain.

(Mime tries, rocks fall on the mime, and then a big one falls on the mime)

*Narrator: The end.

End[]

(Animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Runt: It's over. It's definitely over.

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