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Opening Segment[]

(An Animaniacs Special Presentation. Opening shot shows cameramen, Warner Trio as silhouettes.)

*Yakko and Wakko: Hi, we're the Warner brothers.

*Dot: And the Warner Sister.

*Yakko: And we'd like to invite you and all the members of your household-

*Dot: To gather around the TV set and join us now-

*Yakko: For a very special episode of Animaniacs.

*Dot: And what's so special about it?

*Wakko: (Lifts the bottom of his shirt, revealing his tummy) I'm not wearing any pants.

Theme song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

While Bill Clinton plays the sax

We're Animaniacs

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, We have no script,

Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animanie-

Totally insane-y

*Yakko:

Miss Cellan-y

*All:

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

Intermission[]

(Explosion comes from inside Animaniacs test kitchen)

*Yakko: Welcome to the Animaniacs test kitchen. We're cooking up something really different for today's show. All we need are our ingredients.

*Yakko (singing):

A dash of Pinky and The Brain,

A cup of Slappy Squirrel

A tablespoon of Goodfeathers

Add Rita, Runt, then swirl

We add a pinch of hippos

Buttons and Mindy too

Wow top it off with Skippy Squirrel

What's that make?

*Warner Trio: Animaniacs... stew!

*Wakko: What have we come up with?

*Yakko: Just watch.

In The Garden of Mindy[]

*Chorus (singing):

They're Mindy and the Brain, Mindy and the Brain

One's a small child and the other's... The Brain

He uses his lobe To overthrow the globe

She's whimsy, they're Mindy and the Brain Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain

(Title screen)

*Mindy: (Babbles) Hi, lady.

*Mom: It's "Mom." Now, listen, honey. Mommy has to go to a better-parenting conference. You stay right here and play.

*Mindy: Okay, lady. I love you. Bye-bye.

*Mom: Now, Brain, you keep an eye on Mindy while I'm gone. I always get an attitude from him.

*The Brain: At last, that meddler is gone. I'm free to begin my plan to conquer the world. First, I'll use telepathy to open the cage (uses telepathy to open the lock using shovel). Now to get Mindy. Come, Mindy. It's time for us to conquer the world.

*Mindy: Why?

*The Brain: By right of superior intelligence I am best suited to guide the destiny of this planet.

*Mindy: Why?

*The Brain: My empirical powers give me the mandate.

*Mindy: Why?

*The Brain: Because it's something I want to do!

*Mindy: Okay. I love you. Mwah (grabs the Brain, kisses).

*The Brain: I am uncomfortable with that. Now listen closely, Mindy. Using the gardener's weedkiller, some manure, and a little zooecia grass I will construct a powerful stink bomb. We'll use the lawn-mower engine to construct a rocket and fill it with the gas. When precisely launched, the prevailing winds will spread the gas across the world's capitals. As the stench drives government officials out into the streets, we will rush in and seize power. Do you understand?

*Mindy: Mousy (puts fluffy outfit on Brain)! Pretty Brain mousy.

*The Brain: I am mortified.

*Mindy: Little mousy, big head.

*The Brain: Put me down, Mindy, or I shall have to hurt you.

*Mindy: Okay. I love you. Bye-bye (drops the Brain, who bounces into manure)!

*The Brain: I sense I've completed the first step of my plan: finding manure.

(Flies buzzing, Brain mixes a potion with a scarf on his nose and mouth.)

*The Brain: Pungent aroma, if I do say so. Now to construct the rocket.

*Mindy: Buggy. Buggy!

*The Brain: All right, Mindy, bring me the mower. Soon the world will be mine.

*Mindy: Whoa! Buggy go fast. Wee!

*The Brain: Whoa! (knocked up into the potion) Gaah! (spits, grunt)

*Mindy: Buggy go round. (Laughs, harness pulls her back.)

*The Brain: (Mower rams into The Brain, screams, both go up tree, causing tree to be shredded of its outer layer)

*Mindy: Silly Brain!

*The Brain: This is most unexpected.

(The Brain gets chopped into little pieces, mower falls on him)

*Mindy: Ehh. Brain smell like poo-poo.

*The Brain: I must rethink my present career.

*Mom: What's that horrible smell? Is that you, Brain? Have you been allowing Mindy to feed you old cheese again? Bad mouse. Bad, bad mouse.

*The Brain: I hate being chided. She'll be gone soon. Then I can begin my plans for tomorrow. Another plot to take over the world. But first, a bath.

*Chorus (singing): He's stinky, they're Mindy and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain

(Scene changes)

*Chorus:

They're Pinky and the cat,

Yes, Pinky and the cat,

Her name is Rita, he's a lab rat

*Pinky:

A mouse.

*Chorus:

They live inside a cage,

Making less than Minimum wage

It's dinky, they're Pinky and the cat, cat, cat, cat, cat

*Pinky (spoken): What do you want to do tonight, Rita?

*Rita: I don't know. Eat you for supper?

(Rita eats Pinky, gulps.)

*Rita: So far this is my favorite episode.

*Pinky: Narf! Oh, roomy accommodations, Rita.

*Chorus (singing): She ate the rat 'cause Rita is a cat, cat, cat, cat, cat

(Scene change)

*Dot (singing):

We've been mixing up The scripts

*Wakko:

All the livelong show

*Yakko:

Putting characters together ,

Who normally wouldn't go.

And... action!

No Place Like Homeless[]

(The cartoon begins with Runt roaming the streets with Pesto.)

*Runt: Pesto, you're supposed to sing. Rita always sings. D-d-definitely sings here.

*Pesto: What am I, a nightingale? "Oh, someone listen to me warble. Coo. Look at me. I'm warbling. It's so pretty." Forget it. (sighs exasperatedly)

*Runt: Okay, Pesto, I forgot it.

*Pesto: Boca Raton, what a nanook.

*Runt: I wish we'd find a nice home. When are we gonna find a nice home, Pesto?

*Pesto: How am I supposed to know? Am I intimate friends with Donald Trump? Do I work for Century 22? Are my pockets bulging with real-estate listings awaiting your perusal?

*Runt: Uh, I don't know, Pesto. I just thought us dogs definitely should have a roof over our heads. Definitely a roof for dogs.

*Pesto: What did you say?

*Runt: That us dogs should have a home.

*Pesto: Are you calling me a dog? Are you saying that I'm ugly? That you don't want your friends to see me? That because my face doesn't shine like a crown of a king, I must be some kind of a beast?

*Runt: Gee, Pesto. All I was saying-

*Old woman: Here, boy. Here, big doggy. Mm-mm. Come here, boy. Get out of the rain. Oh, my.

*Runt: Oh, boy. A nice human (steps on Pesto).

*Pesto: Ow! What are you, an elephant? Watch it, Jumbo.

*Old woman: Oh, you poor dog. Come inside and dry off.

*Runt: Woof!

*Old woman: (Screams) Don't move, doggy. A horrid pigeon just landed on your back. It probably wants to suck out your blood (whacks Pesto with broom). Oof! Nasty, nasty bloodsucking bird. Nosferatu.

*Pesto: Pia Zadora.

*Old woman: Come, boy. Let's go inside my house where it's nice and warm and filled with stuff (slams door on Pesto's tail feathers).

*Pesto: Julius La Rosa, that hurts.

*Old woman: You'll rest here and be a dog, and I'll go get you a nice big bone. Mm-mm. (Yawns)

*Crackers: (Squawks)

*Old Woman: Ow. Be nice, Crackers. We have company. See? It's a big dog whom I shall call Scout or Mr. Mumphead. I haven't decided.

*Crackers: (Whistles) Crackers. Crackers.

*Old Woman: Don't be jealous. You're the dearest thing in the world to me, which should give you some idea of my values. Mm-mm.

(Runt snores)

*Pesto: What do I look like here, a doorstop? Ronzoni! Now, to wake up Runt so we can get the heck outta here.

(Crackers squawks loudly)

*Runt: (Snorts) Oh, boy. Something scared me. Something definitely scared me.

*Pesto: What are you doing with the fur sticking up? I don't understand, is this something dogs do?

*Runt: Something scared me, definitely scared me.

*Crackers: Crackers. Crackers. (Squawks)

*Pesto: Excuse me. What did you say?

*Crackers: Crackers. Crackers.

*Runt: Aw, gee, Pesto. What are you gonna do?

*Pesto: What am I gonna do? I'm gonna teach that bird some manners. That's what I'm gonna do. You know, you belong on a pirate's shoulder, you miserable LaGuardia (approaches Crackers). Do you have something you wanna say to my beak?

*Crackers: (Squawks 2 times) Crackers. Crackers.

*Pesto: Are you calling me crackers? Are you saying I'm a large sodium-covered square here to amuse you?

*Crackers: Crackers. Crackers. Crackers (laughs).

*Pesto: That's it. Hey, here's your saltine-

*Runt: That's gonna be trouble, definitely trouble.

*Pesto: I'll give you a cracker upside the head.

*Old Woman: Stop it. Stop it at once.

*Crackers: Crack-ers. Crack-ers

*Pesto: (Screams, gets whacked)

*Old woman: How dare you suck the blood from my parrot. Horrid, horrid, undead bird!

(Runt catches Pesto)

*Pesto: Did you see me beak him? I beaked him real good. He never laid a wing on me.

*Old woman: Get out! The both of you. You were in this together the whole time. It was a plot to hurt my Crackers.

(Both kicked out)

*Pesto: Don Pardo.

*Runt: Ah, gee, Pesto.

*Pesto: I know, I know. I'm supposed to sing. Fine. La, la La-la, la-la, la-la La-la, la-la, la-la. There. You happy?

*Runt: That was good, Pesto.

*Pesto: You think it was great?

*Runt: No, but it was good.

*Pesto: But you think it was good, right? Hey, you know what? I could be the next Wing Newton.

Katie Kaboom intro[]

(Phone rings, answered by Katie)

*Narrator (singing):

She's Katie Ka-Boom, Katie Ka-Boom

She lives in a house with a garden in bloom

Her family knows That any time soon

Their little lady, Katie goes ka-boom

(House literally gets vaporized)

Katie Ka-Boo[]

*Katie: You're gonna like my parents. They're weird, but they're nice. Wait here. I'll go find 'em. Mom? Dad?

*Mom: We're in here, hon. He's here.

*Dad: Who's here?

*Katie: It's C.B. We're dating.

*Mom: You're dating C.B., the student council president?

*Katie: Yup.

*Dad: We- Th-the captain of the wrestling team?

*Katie: That's him. Wait'll you meet him. I'll be right back. Nobody move.

*Mom: I heard C.B. will be this year's valedictorian.

*Dad: Well, now, I heard he's taking the wrestlers all the way to the state championship.

*Tinker: I heard he's a giant chicken.

*Dad: Tinker!

*Mom: Don't talk about Katie's boyfriends that way.

*Katie: Mom, Dad, meet C.B. C.B., these are my parents. What?

*Dad: Sweetie, can we have a word with ya in, uh, p-- Uh, private?

*Katie: Be right back. What is wrong with you two? I'm so embarrassed.

*Mom: Katie, about C.B

*Katie: Isn't he just dreamy?

*Mom: No, honey. He's a chicken.

*Dad: With feathers and a-- A beak.

*Tinker: I told you he was a chicken. He's not a chicken.

*Boo: (Pecks ground) Bawk-bawk.

*Mom: Katie, darling, we're only trying to protect you from getting hurt.

*Dad: You never like my friends. (harsh voice) You never like anyone I like.

*Mom: Katie. Now, darling, please just calm down.

*Dad: Hit the dirt!

(alarms ring, Boo clucks)

*Katie: You never like my friends. Never. Never! (Roars, explodes, roars Boo's clothes off.)

*Boo: Ba-kaw!

*Katie: Huh? (Normal) You really are a chicken. Why didn't you tell me?

(Boo clocks)

*Katie: (Turns into fire) Why didn't you tell me?! (Roars)

*Tinker: Here we go again.

*Mom: Katie, you're overreacting.

*Katie: I'm not overreacting. I'm dating a chicken!

(Boo clucks, house explodes.)

*Katie: Mom, C.B. and I broke up. (crying)

*Mom: There, there.

*Narrator:

You wear a disguise To look like human guys

*Katie: But you're not a man You're a chicken Boo

*Warner Trio:

We found this old computer

And then we fixed it up

We threw in all the characters...

Now they're all mixed up

(Scene change, Skippy in corner, Dot dressed in Slappy's clothes.)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot (singing):

She's the crankiest of creatures in the whole wide world,

This short cartoon features Dottie the squirrel!

*Dot (spoken): The name's Dot. Call me Dottie and ya die.

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: That's Dottie!

*Dot: I warned you (throws bomb).

(Kaboom!)

Baghdad Cafe[]

*Saddam: The time has come for the mother-in-law of all battles. Soon the world will tremble as I, Sodarn Hinsane, unleash my really neat new armies upon the Mideast. Nothing can stand in my way. (Laughs hard)

*Yakko: Uh, excuse me. Is this the Baghdad Cafe?

*Saddam: No. Who are you?

*Yakko (singing):

We're the Warner brothers. We like to sing a lot.

My name's Yakko.

*Wakko:

My name's Wakko.

*Both:

And here's our sister...

*Slappy: Slappy. I'm the cute one. I don't get it.

*Saddam: This old squirrel? She is 10,000 years older than sand. How can you be brothers and sister?

*Yakko: Shh. Don't tell her. She's adopted.

*Slappy: (Slams script on floor) That's it. I'm outta here. Where's Skippy! Skippy?

*Flavio: Aunt Slappy.

*Slappy: You're not Skippy. What the heck's goin' on around here?

*Yakko: Now, now, calm down, sister sibling. We're at the Baghdad cafe for brunch, remember?

*Slappy: No.

*Yakko: And this is the headwaiter.

*Saddam: What?

*Yakko: Garcon, a table for three, please, by the window.

(Bomb hits building)

*Yakko: On second thought, how about something closer to the kitchen? (Brings map on table) This should do just fine.

*Saddam: I am no headwaiter.

*Yakko: Good. Then I won't have to tip ya.

(Wakko eats map)

*Saddam: Stop that! You are eating Kuwait.

*Wakko: Needs salt. (Burps)

*Slappy: Thanks for sharing.

*Saddam: Guard. Guard! Get in here. Remove these pests.

*Wakko: Slappy, your line.

*Slappy: All right, all right. Let me see here. "She leaps into the handsome guard's arms." (Tries to climb) Give me a boost, will ya? I'm old.

(Guard picks up Slappy)

*Slappy: Okay, here goes. (Coughing) Ahem. "Hello, nurse." I don't get it. What does that mean?

*Saddam: Enough.

*Slappy: I couldn't agree more.

*Saddam: Do you know who I am?

*Yakko: Why? Did ya forget?

*Saddam: Little fools, I am the leader of Iraq. The supreme commander. The mighty Sodarn Hinsane.

*Slappy: "Oh, yeah? Well, I'm Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca--" Ah. Forget it (throws script away). I'm done. Here. Have some dynamite down your pants.

(Kaboom!, Saddam falls on dynamite.)

*Yakko and Wakko (singing):

Our story is over. Its ending is happy.

Thanks to Yakko, Wakko And our sister...

Slappy.

*Slappy (spoken): Next time I'm askin' for script approval.

Wheel of Morality[]

(Warner Trio runs)

*Yakko: It's that time again.

*Wakko: To pad out the show?

*Dot: To search for Elvis at 7-Elevens?

*Yakko: No. It's time to learn the day's lesson. And to find out what it is, we turn to the Wheel of Morality. Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn. Moral number three. And the moral of today's story is: You can teach an old dog new tricks, but you can't teach Madonna to act.

*Dot: That makes me feel all kind of warm and squishy. Either that, or I sat in something.

(Whistle)

*Warner Trio: Yikes!

(They ran for their lives as Ralph chases after them and the episode ends.)

End[]

(Animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Warner Trio: Aaah! There's a horrible bug on your shoulder. Aaah! Just kidding. (Laughs)

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