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Theme song[]

[The intro begins with a shot of the Warner Bros.' water tower. The camera zooms in to the shield of tower, of which the Warners open while singing and jump out. ]

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: It's time for Animaniacs and we're zany to the max

[The scene then cuts to Dr. Scratchansniff sitting in while watching a television; the Warners (wearing lab coats) appear and tickle his feet, sending him into hysterical laughter and Yakko sends Scratchansniff crashing into the floor with the lever of the examination chair.]

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: So just sit back and relax. You'll laugh till you collapse.

[The show's title appears with them singing]

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: We're Animaniacs!

[Yakko and Wakko walk in a silly way along the Warner Bros.' studio lot while Dot hops in.]

*Yakko and Wakko: Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot: And the Warner Sister Dot

[The siblings do a double take and run with Ralph the Guard chasing them with a net]

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

[Ralph locks the Warners in the water tower, but they appear on his head under his hat]

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

[They run away outside the lot.]

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

[They are hit by the show's title with them singing again]

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: We're Animaniacs [Dot appears posing on a stage and Yakko talks to an annoyed yak, who splashes his face into the soup .] Dot is cute and Yakko yaks. [Wakko eats food from a truck loading it into his mouth. Bill Clinton is playing a saxophone before the Warners pop out of it. ] Wakko packs away the snacks, while Bill Clinton plays the sax! We're Animaniacs!

[Yakko plays a bunch of characters from the show (mainly their 'special friends') like a xylophone. Pinky and the Brain are introduced; they are standing on top of the Earth.]

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe. [The Brain turns on a huge magnet with an awestruck Pinky gazing at the power beam, before Saturn crashes into the two. The Goodfeathers are standing on top of a power line; Squit hugs Bobby and Pesto before they are hit by Slappy's purse.] Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse. [Buttons chases Mindy across a steel beam, while Rita sings and Runt smiles while the Warners singing.] Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse. [Two writers in their office go crazy, Yakko and Dot throw away a script, of which Wakko eats.] The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?

[The cast are then seen walking, and show their contracts]

*All: We're Animaniacs! We have pay-or-play contracts!

[In a lavender background, the Warners appear singing.]

*All: We're zany to the max [Backed up by the cast (colored in blue), Dot puts slices of bologna in Yakko's slacks, of which Wakko is pulling.] There's baloney in our slacks! [Zooms out with the cast singing in a dark-colored background.] We're Animanie- Totally insane-y

*Warners: Pinky and The Brain-y

[The show's logo appears one last time with the Warners singing the show's title (zooming letters), proclaiming "Those are the facts.", and the song ends.]

*All: Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

Pinky and The Brain intro[]

[The ACME Labs building zooms in. Pinky is in the running wheel and explained how The Brain is doing for tonight.]

*Pinky: Gee, Brain, what do ya wanna do tonight?

*Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.

[The Brain explains how they will take over the world and opens the cage alongside Pinky. ]

*Chorus: They're Pinky and the Brain, they're Pinky and the Brain. One is a genius, the other's insane. To prove their mousey worth, they'll overthrow the earth. They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain.

[The ACME Labs' building zooms out]

Spell-Bound[]

(Greensleaves)

*Merlin: Only I, the all-powerful Merlin, have the wizardry skills to create matter from nothing. I am fat with magic. (Laughs, waves wand) Sonny Tufts, Sonny Bono, Lorna Luft, Yoko Ono (puts magic, which turns into fire, which goes into pot), Paula Abdul, Chip and Dale, Hillary Clinton, Quinton McHale

(Brain tries to write, but Pinky starts playing lute)

*Pinky: (Plays lute, singing)

I wish I were a windowsill

So I could be uh um...

*Brain: An imbecile?

*Pinky: Odds bodkins! Good rhyme, Brain. (Giggles) Narf!

*Brain: Now, be quiet, Pinky. Merlin is about to unlock the secrets of the universe.

*Merlin: I win, you win, Edwin Newman. Lee of Kathie, Regis Philbin (creates pie). Lo. I've created a nice pie. (Eats) Ooh, blueberry. Zort!

*Pinky: That was great, huh, Brain?

*Brain: A pathetic waste of magic. I would never squander such mystical powers on mere pastry.

*Pinky: Poit, but what if you were eating dinner and forgot dessert?

*Brain: Maybe then.

*Merlin: Of course King Arthur will want some of my pie. So will his knights. Bunch of pigs. I'll eat my pie in the dungeon. And it will be yummy and good, and all mine.

(The Brain unlocks lock with jagged tail)

*Pinky: Egad, Brain, you astound me!

*Brain: I'm afraid I always will, Pinky. Merlin's spell book contains the power of the universe. Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?

*Pinky: Sure, Brain, but how are we gonna find chaps our size?

*Brain: (Whacks Pinky with head.) Pay attention, Pinky.

*Pinky: Right-o.

*Brain: With the help of the spell book, we will use Merlin's magic to take control of the world.

*Pinky: Egad, Brain, brilliant! Oh, wait, um, no. Where will you find a magic spell for that?

*Brain: In the table of contents, Pinky.

*Pinky: Oh, well, very good.

(Shows spells up to 822 pages. Take Over The World Spell goes from page 614 to page 703.)

*Brain: Let's see, "Tabby cat turned into duck. Tadpoles, magic uses of. Tahoe, how to win at blackjack." Nah. Ah, here we have it. "Take Over The World Spell." Page 614. With this spell, Pinky, the entire planet will be forced to acknowledge me as their ruler.

*Pinky: Egad, Brain. That's brilliant. And I, minstrel-mouse Pinky, shall chronicle your deeds in song.

(singing)

He conquered the world without effort or pain

He's the boss they call him

Uh, call him

*Brain: Brain?

*Pinky: Oh, right-o. Brain (out of tune). Good one.

*Brain: Stop singing, Pinky, or I shall have to hurt you (throws Pinky). Now, come. We must assemble the spell's ingredients.

*Pinky: Ready when you are, Brain.

*Brain: All right, Pinky. We will need: Six lizard legs.

*Pinky: Check.

*Brain: Three eyes of newt.

*Pinky: Check.

*Brain: Two hedgehog spleens.

*Pinky: Check.

*Brain: One half-eaten gingerbread cookie that's been left on the counter overnight.

*Pinky: Check.

*Brain: Only one ingredient remains, Pinky. A red dragon's toenail clipping.

*Pinky: Red dragon's toenail clippings, che- Oh (starts falling, screams, ladder smashes into Brain. Toenail clippings and bottle goes in pot, which explodes violently.)!

*Brain: Pinky, what happened?

*Pinky: Uh, gee, Brain, about those toenail clippings? Um, I'm afraid we're fresh out.

*Brain: Drat! (On window) Pay attention, Pinky. To obtain red dragon toenail clippings we must cross the Enchanted Forest filled with witches, goblins and ogres. Then we must climb the Murky Mountain and enter the lair of the horrible red dragon and steal some of his toenail clippings.

*Pinky: But how are we gonna get past all the dangers, Brain? Narf!

*Brain: Fear not, Pinky. Merlin's magic wand will protect us. Behold. Charlie Sheen, Ben Vereen Shrink to the size Of a lima bean! (Shoots at polearm, which changes to the size of a lima bean.)

*Pinky: Egad, Brain, that was amazing!

*Brain: It's just a small thing I do. (Chuckles) Now, forward, Pinky, to the Murky Mountain and world conquest.

*Pinky: (Plays lute, singing)

We're in the woods all dark and inky,

To conquer the world go Brain and...

La, la, something...

*Brain: Pinky.

*Pinky: Oh, that fits. Ha, narf!

(Unicorn rubs back on sign, surrounded by flies, grunts. Directional signs shown,)

*Brain: The signpost will guide us, Pinky. Let's see. "Glade of Woe." No. "Chasm of Despair." No. "Pit of Barbecue." Hm, perhaps later. Ah, Murky Mountain! This way.

*Pinky: (Plays lute, singing)

We strolled right past a candy house

Made of sweets that taste good to a...

Ooh...

*Brain (spoken): Mouse! Now, stop singing and keep an eye out for- (gets flamed) Danger.

*Witch: I'm expecting pudgy German children. Now, get the heck out of here.

*Brain: Pinky, the wand. Charlie Sheen, Ben Vereen. Shrink to the size Of a lima bean.

(Witch screams in high-pitched voice)

*Pinky: Odds bodkins, Brain. You're a regular wizard, poit.

*Brain: Thank you, Pinky. One has to stay cool in pressure situations. (Fire grazes Brain's head.)

*Pinky: Um, got a spot of fire on your head, Brain.

*Brain: What else can happen?

*Hansel: (Grabs Pinky and Brain.) Oh, look, Gretel. Mices.

(Both throw to each other)

*Gretel: Ach, ja, Hansel. We are playing with little, filthy mices.

*Both: Ugh! Filthy mices!

(Pinky and The Brain thrown)

*Slappy: Beat it, ya mouse. You're ruining my cameo.

*Pesto: Your cameo? Hey, what about our cameo, huh?

*Slappy: Ah, quit your whining over there.

*Pesto: Hey, who you tellin' to quit whinin'?

*Bobby: She's talkin' to you.

*Pesto: I ain't whinin' (annoying voice).

*Bobby: Yeah, ya are. Now, quit it.

*Pesto: I'm not whinin', you're whinin'.

*Squit: Are we gettin' paid?

*Brain: Come, Pinky. Let us return to the story.

(Approaches bridge)

*Pinky: (Plays lute, singing)

To find the dragon all hot with steam

We must cross this little...

Brook? No. Um, fjord?

*Brain (spoken): Stream. It rhymes with "steam."

*Pinky: Oh, right again, Brain.

(Brain sighs, goat gets snached.)

*Brain: Something under the bridge grabbed that billy goat. Trolls live under bridges. They eat billy goats. Do you follow me, Pinky?

*Pinky: No, Brain.

*Brain: The wand, Pinky (whacks Pinky with wand.)

*Pinky: Zort!

*Brain: We'll outwit the troll by using stealth.

(Pinky drops wand)

*Troll: Ouch!

*Pinky: Sorry, there.

(Troll growls)

*Brain: I sense the worst is behind us.

(Pinky and The Brain get grabbed.)

*Troll: Mm (slurps) appetizers.

*Brain: The wand, Pinky.

(Troll slurps again)

*Brain: Charlie Sheen, Ben Vereen, shrink to the size of a lima bean (Shrinks troll). No good will come of this (Pinky lands softly, Brain lands on his head).

*Troll: Jerkface. (Throws Brain at cage, opening the cage with goat and Rita and Runt.

*Pinky: Are you okay, Brain?

*Brain: All my thoughts are in Dutch. Huh. (collapses).

*Pinky: (Plays lute, sings.)

The Murky Mountain's the end of the trail,

Soon we'll have A dragon's...

Uh...

*Brain (spoken): Toenail! A red dragon's toenail. And once we possess it, Pinky, nothing will stand between us and total world domination.

(Warners come down beanstalk with male harp.)

*Harp: Everyone loves someone someday.

(Wakko cuts beanstalk with chainsaw, which falls.)

*Dot: Timber!

(Giant falling towards Pinky and The Brain)

*Pinky: What do you make of that, Brain?

*Brain: (Gets wand) The wand, Pinky. Charlie Sheen, Ben Vereen Shrink to the size (gets squashed).

*Giant: Duh, hey, youse guys, come back with my harp!

*Pinky: Hey, Brain, you don't look so good.

*Brain: Something unpleasant has happened to me. I'm not well (flat).

(Swords stuck in rocks.)

*Brain: We're here, Pinky. The end of our quest. The cave of the red dragon.

*Pinky: Great, Brain. Now what? Narf!

*Brain: We sneak inside, clip the dragon's toenail, then creep away back to the castle, where we will have all the ingredients to complete the spell. By tonight I will be ruler of this world.

*Pinky: Genius, Brain! But what if the dragon eats us?

*Brain: That would alter our plans. But I believe the dragon is sleeping right now.

(Fire booms, Brain escapes flame.)

*Brain: Or else wide-awake with a bad migraine. In any case, our destiny lies inside. Come, Pinky.

*Pinky: (Playing flute and singing)

We walked into the dragon's cave,

I was scared But Brain was...

Was... um...

*Brain: BRAVE! (Echoes) Brave, brave, brave

(Cave rumbles, dragon groans, shoots fire, goes back to sleep.)

*Pinky: I think we found the red dragon, Brain. Poit.

*Brain: How keen of you to note that. Now to get the toenail and escape. We must be absolutely quiet. Do you understand, Pinky?

*Pinky: (Loudly) Right-o, Brain! You can count on me. Narf! (softly) Uh, I meant, narf.

(Dragon snores, struggles.)

*Brain: Pinky, the dragon is stirring. Try and lull him back to sleep.

*Pinky: Sure thing, Brain. (Plays lute, sings)

Go, my dragon To sleepy land

It's dreamy time, here comes the sand...

Uh, sandboy?

*Brain: (Shouts) Sandman, Pinky! SANDMAN! (Echoes) Man, man, man.

(Rumbles. Dragon wide awake, smashes head into ceiling)

*Dragon: Huh? (Growls) Ooh! (Snarls)

*Brain: The wand, Pinky. Charlie Sheen, Ben Vereen Shrink to the size of-

(Fire burns Merlin's wand.)

*Pinky: (Gulps) What now, Brain?

*Brain: We should flee in terror. Yes, that would be the wisest course (Takes toenail).

(Dragon chases, flying and shooting fire. Pinky and The Brain return through all previous destinations. Drawbridge is closed, dragon slams into it. Dragon searches for other ways, sees in rooms.)

*Woman: Ooh! Peeping dragon!

*Dragon: Ooh. (Goes away, comes back and peeps, then goes away again)

*Brain: Quickly, Pinky, we haven't much time.

*Pinky: This is it, Brain. The last ingredient. Zort!

*Brain: Splendid, Pinky. Drop it into the cauldron. In a few moments, Pinky, I will be master of this world.

(Dragon roars)

*Brain: Listen carefully, Pinky. I must recite this spell exactly, word for word. Once I begin, I cannot stop. So be extra quiet.

*Pinky: Sure thing, Brain.

*Brain: The Take Over The World Spell, Pinky. Here goes. Mystical powers, gennifer flowers. (Breathes)

*Pinky: (Plays lute)

Brain's the boss he'll rule with ease

*Brain (spoken): Magical forces, your might unfurl Grant that I become the-

*Pinky: (singing)

He's number one

The big, uh...

The big banana? Uh, coconut? Um... Uh...

*Brain: Big cheese! It rhymes with "ease." Big cheese!

(Potion explodes, Dragon gets hit, whimpers, cools hand in water.)

*Pinky: Uh, Brain, are you okay?

*Brain: I feel odd. Almost... dairy-like.

*Pinky: Can I get you anything, Brain? Some medicine? A cracker? (Laughs) A cracker! A-hea!

*Brain: If I weren't a large cheese, I would make you pay for that remark.

*Pinky: (Playing lute, singing).

We'll try again to prove our worth,

Escape from the cage and conquer the...

Ooh...

*The Brain: Earth, Pinky. You know, I've been thinking a lot about you and your music. Might I see that?

*Pinky: Sure, Brain.

(Brain slams lute on Pinky's head.)

*Brain: That was very therapeutic.

*Warners (singing):

One's a genius, the other's insane

They're Pinky and the...

Uhh... Brain.

End[]

(Animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Pinky: (Waves) Zort!

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