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Dot's Poetry Corner[]

*Narrator: And now, Dot's poetry corner.

*Dot: Ah-em. "Ode to Jack" Jack be nimble, Jack be quick Jack jumped over the candlestick, and burnt his butt. Thank you.

(Audience clicking)

*Narrator: This has been another visit to Dot's Poetry Corner.

Theme song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

While Bill Clinton plays the sax

We're Animaniacs

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, We have no script,

Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animanie-

Totally insane-y

*Dot:

The rain in Spain-y

*All:

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

Good Idea Bad Idea[]

*Narrator: It's time for another good Idea, gad Idea. Good idea - cleaning up litter. Bad idea - cleaning up kitty litter. The end.

Rita and Runt intro[]

*Warner Trio:

Like Abbott and Costello

Like Sonny and Cher

Like Martin and Lewis they're a perfect pair

(Runt slides mud into Rita)

Like laurel and hardy,

(Runt lets go of the piano, which squashes Rita)

Like Fontanne and Lunt.

They're perfectly mismatched,

They're Rita and Runt.

(Both come out of trash can. Runt hugs Rita.)

Smitten With Kittens[]

(Jazz music starts.)

*Waiter 1: (Brings cake, lights with candle, but cake explodes. Moustache aflame, waiter shrieks.) Sacre bleu. Cheesy, mon dieu (runs away).

*Old Woman: Put a little Blistex on it, La Poot. Ho-ho-ho.

(Another waiter comes in with dishes, and exits)

*Old Woman: He'd pitch a fit if he saw you in here. But I don't care. I like company for dinner. Hoo. Here's a little sausage for you.

(Runt eats it before Rita can)

*Rita: Runt. You ever hear the word "share"?

*Runt: Oh, sure, Rita. She's a pretty lady with tattoos.

*Rita: I won't even bother.

(Runt runs to flowing table cover, bites and grabs with teeth.)

*Waiter 2: Hey! Wah!

(Runt growls, pulling waiter with him.)

*Waiter 2: Let go, you big mongrel. Whoa!

*Old Woman: Be kind to animals, everybody. They're reincarnated relatives.

(Waiter 1 chases, dodged. Waiter 2 screams because he is flung into the wall, and hits the wall.)

*Rita: Runt. Gimme that.

(Waiter 1 runs toward Rita and Runt, who go out of the way. Waiter 1 slams into wall.)

*Rita: So much for dinner.

*Waiter 1: Get up, lazy loafer boy. They are getting away.

(Rita and Runt run away, Pinky and The Brain pop head out of trashcan.)

*Waiter 1: Alley cat. Mongrel dog. I am pitching a fit all over you.

*Rita: You blew it, Runt. We had a one-way meal ticket to Feed-me-ville. And you threw it all away for a lousy game of chew-tug. (Licks herself)

*Runt: (Sees glowing eyes.) Uh-oh. Definitely "uh-oh." (Runs away. Gasps.)

(3 cats come out and meow.)

*Runt: Look. I have puppies.

(Runt pulls out a cigar and stuffs it in Rita's mouth, whom promptly spits it out.)

*Rita: They're not puppies!

*Runt: W- what else could I have?

*Rita: My head hurts.

(Kittens meow and purr, surround Rita.)

*Rita: Poor little things. Abandoned, huh? Get used to it.

*Kittens: Mama.

(Singing)

Milk, milk, milk, milk

Milk, please, mama

'Scuse our 'tude

But we're gonna faint If we don't get food

Milk, please, mama mama, please

*Runt (spoken): Yup. You're a mama with a family, Rita. Like Vicki Lawrence. Definitely Vicki.

*Kittens: Mama, mama, mama.

*Runt: Or Meredith Baxter Birney. Definitely. Definitely a mom like Meredith Baxter.

*Rita: I'm nobody's mama. Back off!

*Kittens: Mama?

*Rita: You got the wrong cat.

(Singing)

I'm nobody's mama,

Got no family.

I'm a career cat,

And my career Is all about me.

No one can tie me down I'm going places.

Straighten up don't make those silly sad faces

It's rude.

*Kittens:

Mew?

*Rita:

All right, I'll get food.

But that's it. After that, you're on your own.

I'm too independent.

They're so small.

How could I care for them?

Do I care at all?

I could never stand "Help me, Mama. Feed me, mama"

"Need me, Mama Don't leave me, Mama"

I'd never tolerate that.

On the other hand,

"Oh, my, Mama I love you, Mama"

"I will never Leave you, Mama"

No, you've got the wrong cat.

And did I mention

They'll want too much attention?

I'll worry about 'em each day every minute

I gotta tell you My head isn't in it.

I won't let my heart talk

'Cause it's ruled By my biological clock

Which is ticking away,

No way, I mean what I say.

I'm a single cat stray.

I'm nobody's mama!

*Waiter 1: (Gets cat in dish) That is that. Au revoir, kitty cat.

(Waiter hit by old woman.)

*Old woman: (Holds Rita)

(Runt growls, then pants.

*Kittens: Ew (refuses to eat fish, sniffing).

*Rita: Eat it, or I'll drop your sweet little tushies in the pound.

*Runt: Roseanne. Definitely a mom like Roseanne.

(Kittens meow, approach old woman.)

*Old woman: Oh, I love calicos. Little rainbows.

*Runt: Huh? Rita?

*Rita: Psst.

*Runt: What about the puppies, Rita?

*Rita: Now they're hers.

*Runt: What? Oh. I see.

*Old woman: Where'd my friends go? Oh. I get it. They don't know you, you don't know them. I'll take you to a mama cat downtown with oodles of milk. Ah, who am I kidding? It's me.

(Kittens mew)

*Runt: (waving happily) Bye, bye-bye. Bye. (now sadly) Bye. (Sobbing) Bye. (Sniff)

*Rita: It's, uh starting to rain.

*Runt: You gotta admit it, Rita, those were cute puppies.

*Rita: I hate to break it to you, Runt, but they're cats.

*Runt: Cats? Where? Where are the cats? Why, I'll chase 'em. I'll nip 'em. I'll munch 'em. I'll tear 'em apart. (Growls)

*Rita: Dogs.

(Runt growls)

Dot's Poetry Corner[]

*Narrator: And now, Dot's poetry corner.

*Dot: Ah-hem. "This Little Piggy" This little piggy Went to market, this little piggy stayed home, this little piggy Got her own prime-time sitcom, and it really kills me 'cause I'm so much more Talented than she is. Thank you.

*Narrator: This has been another visit to Dot's poetry corner.

Alas Poor Skullhead[]

*Narrator: And now, the Warner brothers in a scene from Shakespeare's Hamlet. Translated for those viewers who, like Yakko, have no idea what he's talking about.

*Dot: (Giggles)

*Yakko: Alas, poor Yorick!

*Dot: Whoa, check out skull head.

*Yakko: I knew him, Horatio, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.

*Dot: He was funny.

*Yakko: He hath bore me on his back a thousand times.

(Wakko digs, mummy comes out and runs away)

*Dot: He gave me piggyback rides.

*Yakko: And now how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it.

*Dot: I'm going to blow chunks. Gah!

(Wakko digs out octopus)

*Yakko: (Kisses skullhead) Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft.

*Dot: We kissed a lot. Not.

*Yakko: Where be your gibes now? Your gambols, your songs, your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the table on a roar?

(Wakko begins to pull USA rocket out of ground, after pink car.)

*Dot: How come you're not funny now?

*Yakko: Not one now to mock your own grinning? Quite chapfall'n?

*Dot: No one's laughing now. And, by the way, your lower jaw is missing.

(Wakko digs out lady, who hits Wakko.)

*Yakko: Now get you to my lady's chamber. And tell her, let her paint an inch thick, to this favor she must come. Make her laugh at that.

(Skullhead chases lady.)

*Dot: Follow that woman and tell her no matter how much makeup she wears, she's still gonna croak and end up looking just like you. And see if she laughs.

*Yakko: Prithee, Horatio, tell me one thing.

*Dot: (Enters background) What did you find in the hole?

*Wakko: Our next cartoon.

White Gloves[]

(Piano plays in the water tower. Keys and strings thrown. Gloves detach and play on their own, go upwards. A coin drops, one glove goes to get it. Gloves jump on their butts, then hit buts, then point to note, which plays.)

*Wakko: I taught 'em everything they know. Huh?! Hey! Come back! I lose more gloves that way.

(Gloves escape, flying out of water tower)

(Gloves juggle. People clap, then move on. Top hatt dance hall. Trumpets play. Gloves dance. Blue gloves arrive and dance. Then the gloves finish the dance and other gloves clap. Gloves leave, then have a disagreement. Bulldozer squashes them and makes them dirty. Gloves arrive to directional signs saying "anywhere" and "nowhere". Gloves arrive from anywhere to opposite direction to nowhere. Gloves try to get taxi, shiver, and dust covers them. Gloves then walk away to train, chase train. One glove gets on train, the other one grabs on. Morning revealed, a barn is seen. Help wanted, line forms here. An orange glove is marking stamps for requests from a brown glove, a pink glove and a blue glove. The 2 white gloves come and point somewhere, but orange glove rejects it. Orange glove points to sign which says work gloves only. Polive glove chases thief glove, TV lands on one white glove. That white glove gets arrested, dragged to police office, with rip in leg. White glove gets sent out of polive office, upset. White glove mends rip. Traffic jam, piano heard playing. Gloves return back into water tower, land in front of Wakko, who falls off his chair, dazed. Gloves play tune.)

*Wakko: Tomorrow I'll play the xylophone... with my butt!

Good Idea Bad Idea[]

*Narrator: It's time for another good idea, bad idea. Good idea - playing the accordion at a polka festival. Bad idea - playing the accordion anywhere else.

(All fight mr. Skullhead, even the one with crutches.)

*Narrator: The end.

Wheel of Morality[]

*Yakko: It's that time again.

*Wakko: To pretend to throw up?

*Dot: To floss?

*Yakko: No. It's time to learn the day's lesson. And to find out what it is, we turn to the Wheel of Morality. Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn. Moral number five. And the moral of today's story is, early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy but socially dead.

*Wakko: Whoa. The mind boggles.

*Yakko: I don't know about you, but I'm touched.

*Dot: In the head.

(Whistle)

*Warners: Yikes!

End[]

(Animaniacs theme instrumental.)

(Wakko makes gookie-face.)

*Dot: I can't think of the ending of this show.

*Yakko: I can't think of anything else.

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