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Theme song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

While Bill Clinton plays the sax

We're Animaniacs

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animanie-

Totally insane-y

*Dot:

Here's the show's name-y

*Warners:

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

Opening segment[]

(Warners come out of sewer, struggle to get through hole with lid, Ralph then gets out, struggling)

Video Review[]

(Acme mini mall, Video revue closes at night. Categories are seen. The Last Boyscout has a man come out, playing a trumpet. Awakening has a man talking)

*Man: Are you waking me up? Are you waking me up? I guess you are because I am up

(Three Men and a Baby has three men cry, a hand rocks them until crying stops. The hand is from a woman in the Hand That Rocks the Cradle. Sheep bleat, but get told to be silent by the same woman. The sheep go silent, from the Silence of the Lambs. Bugsy gets Bugs Bunny.)

*Bugs: Eh (eats carrot). Who'd you expect, doc, Warren Beatty?

(Dog from Beethoven barks from Beethoven's 5th symphony. Warners come out of Animaniacs.)

*Yakko (singing):

Hey, look at this store

*Wakko:

There's movies galore

*Dot:

We've seen them a thousand times over before

*Warners: And that's why our brains Don't work anymore.

*Yakko:

The Player is a movie about finding fresh new scripts

Like Rambo III and Rocky V And Star Trek number 6

*Dot:

Eva joined with Zsa Zsa and they formed a Sister Act

(Both scream, shots fires, they run.)

But both were Unforgiven because neither one could act.

*Wakko:

The hand that rocked The cradle

Once belonged to Hook you see

But it got bored and so it joined The Addams family

*Yakko:

Amadeus was a genius, Beethoven was a dog

The Muppet Family Christmas is about a pig and frog

*Dot:

There was a sled named Rosebud and a citizen named Kane

He rode it till the snow was melted now he's Singing in the Rain

*Wakko:

The princess bride got married to the handsome prince of tides

Which now makes her dad The Fisher King, the father of the bride

*Warners:

And pretty soon you'll find them all Inside the TV Guide

(Animaniacs billboard shown)

Along with the all the stars you like to see.

*Dot:

Like Hitchcock and Spielberg and Oliver Stone

*Yakko:

(Turns muscly, punches)

Shirley MacLaine and Sylvester Stallone

*Wakko:

Francis Ford Coppola Hepburn and Tracy

*Dot:

Robert Zemeckis and Martin Scorsese

*Yakko:

Clint Eastwood, John Wayne Allen and Mia

*Wakko:

(The Godfather 3)

Robert De Niro and Andy Garcia

*Dot:

Sophia Loren, Streisand Joan Crawford

*Yakko: (Next to Oscar)

Paul Newman, Rock Hudson Spike Lee, Peter Lawford

*Warners:

Jack Nicholson, Brando and Marilyn Monroe,

And that's all the people we know.

(Oscar falls, Warners run away, pant.)

*Warners (spoken): Hello, nurse!

(Yakko goes up to the Babe, rolls tongue out. Dot goes to movie with Mel Gibson. Wakko eats Mystic Pizza. Yakko tries to kiss Hello Nurse, but kisses a man instead. Yakko falls off shelf, screaming. Yakko's pants get caught by hook, and Edward Scissorhands cuts the attachment. Yakko falls again, and lands in plane in Top Gun, which zooms off past Wayne's World.)

*Teenagers: Excellent.

(Wakko plays tic-tac-toe with Malcolm, but Yakko zooms past.)

*Plucky: (to Dot) I'm the mightiest duck of all.

*Daffy: Says who, you diaper-clad upstart?

(Yakko zooms past both, Plucky and Daffy land in Duck Soup.)

*Man: Say the secret word and the ducks come down.

(Yakko zooms into Star Wars near the unfinished death star. Yakko's plane gets shot down. The plane smokes, spins around and goes past the Doctor, collides into Jurassic Park.)

*Dot: Oh, no! Yakko! Is there a doctor in the house?

*Crowd: (Medicine Man, "Docter" Achihigo, Dr. Giggles and the Doctor.) Take two aspirin, and call us in the morning.

*Yakko: Relax, I'm fine.

(Dinosaur comes out, roaring)

*Yakko: Relatively speaking. Whoa. Tsk, tsk, tsk. You haven't been flossing.

*Dinosaur: Oh?

*Dot: When's the last time you went to the dentist, young man?

*Wakko: (Opens teeth) These teeth need cleaning. Uses soup. Dinosaur hiccups.)

*Yakko: Better give him the bill later.

(Warners retreat past Soap Dish, to the Last Boyscout, Ben Hur. Horses ride away.)

*Man: Hey, give that back.

(Man hides when Dinosaur stomps past. A river runs through 2 has a river, which the horses stop. The Right Stuff is present, and then a bridge comes from the Bridge on the River Kwai forms. Warners run away without horses.)

*General: Charge. (Roared at) Retreat.

(Books with Taps and Howard the Duck shown, bugle plays. The Bodyguard, Sneakers and the Doctor are present.)

*Bodyguard: (Goes on to face dinosaur.) Leave them alone, man.

(Dinosaur roars, Man shrieks. and runs away with sneakers. Field of Dream present and Warners take hot air balloon from the Wizard of Oz. Dinosaur roars and tries to get them, but Warners get away. Tomatoes are suddenly thrown from Fried Green Tomatoes. Dinosaur roars and continues. Dracula bites hot air balloon. Hot air balloon slowly falls.)

*Dot: Let's drop a sandbag on him.

*Yakko: I got a better idea. Come on (Leaves hot air balloon, approaches Heaven's Gate and Ishtar). Let's drop a bomb. (Drops Heaven's Gate, which explodes. Dinosaur suffers.) Bombs away! (Warners drop Ishtar, Howard the Duck, Dune, 1941, Leonard Part 6. All had a box office less than 100% of budget, except for 1941, which had a box office 300% of budget, and this ranges to less than 10% of budget. They explode on impact with dinosaur. Dinosaur roars, climbs up using Jacob's Ladder.) Guess we showed him.

(Dinosaur roars)

*Yakko: Uhh... Maybe not.

(Warners take car from Batman, driving off.)

*Dot: I wanna drive.

*Yakko: No, I'm driving.

*Wakko: I never get to drive.

(All scream, fall into Backdraft. Car explodes, fire.)

*Rain Man: Fire. Definitely, definitely fire.

(Thunder crashes, rain falls down with pull of string. City Slickers has rain jackets. Warners wear these, Dinosaur roars and Warners run away. Lorenzo's Oil creates oil, Dinosaur slips on oil. Warners hide in the Great Escape. Dinosaur slides past and falls into the Abyss.)

*All: Yay!

*City of Joy: Yippee!

*All (singing):

We're glad the dinosaur Is gone

He was an easy mark

But if we ever miss him

We can rent Jurassic Park

So when it comes to clunkers

Like The Babe Or like Presidio

Don't pay 7.50

Just catch 'em on home video

As for us, it's bye-bye time

So long, now toodle-oo

We've had quite enough of this

Video revue

(Warners go into their water tower.)

Pinky and The Brain intro[]

(music)

*Pinky: Gee Brain, whaddaya wanna do tonight?

(Pinky runs on wheel)

*The Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.

*Chorus:

They're Pinky and The Brain

(Brain unlocks cage.)

They're Pinky and The Brain

(The Brain writes the theory of everything, Pinky jumps around in straightjacket.)

One is a genius

The other's insane

To prove their mousey worth,

(Both get zapped)

They'll overthrow the Earth.

They're dinky, they're Pinky and The Brain, brain, brain, brain, brain

When Mice Ruled The Earth[]

*H. G. Wells: At last, I've done it. I've finished. The end. The Time Machine by H.G. Wells. Too bad it's just science fiction and not science fact. (Reveals machine) I suppose there are some things that man cannot meddle with.

*The Brain: Perhaps man cannot, my dear Mr. Wells, but mouse can. (Unlocks cage) Come, Pinky. Time to put my plan into action.

*Pinky: (Runs on wheel.) Just a sec, Brain. I think I'm finally getting somewhere.

*The Brain: By utilizing invisible forces of nature, we shall make this time machine work.

*Pinky: But how, Brain?

*Brain: With this. (Shows paperclip)

*Pinky: Um, Brain, it's not quite invisible, is it? See, I can see it quite plainly. (Hit by paperclip) I can even feel it.

*Brain: This paper clip (Grunts, bends paperclip) will serve as an antenna, grabbing neutrinos from the cosmos- (Grunts, bends paperclip into bunny ears. Turns machine on.) -and providing ignition for this craft.

*Pinky: Astonishin', Brain. Um, will it also roast marshmallows? (Whimpers, sees Brain's fist)

*Brain: Actually, it might. But first, we shall travel back to the primordial era, alter the course of evolution, and then return to the present to a world dominated not by humans, but by mice. And they shall choose me as their leader.

*Pinky: Egad, Brain. Brilliant! Oh. Oh, wait. No, no. Um, why will they pick you?

*Brain: Because I'm very likable. (Smirks, machine turned on.) Now, Pinky, let us begin a journey that will end (Echoing) when mice rule the Earth.

*Images: A house divided cannot stand. Let them eat cake. I came, I saw, I conquered.

*Brain: Here we are, Pinky, at the dawn of time.

*Pinky: (Yawns) Narf, Brain. Wake me at the noon of time.

(Drums play.)

*Pinky: What was that (looks around)?

*Brain: Engine knock. Behold, Pinky. Our ancient prehistoric ancestor.

(Mice runs, squeaks and tries to get berries. Man tries to get berries, struggles and flails)

*Brain: This is a crucial time in the development of our two species.

(Man gets berry)

*Pinky: What, lunch?

*Brain: We will teach the prehistoric mice how to leap up, and grab the best food. They will eat it and grow strong, leaving the crumbs for mankind. Our ancestors will prevail.

*Pinky: (Bounces into air with bouncy shoes.) Narf! Whoo! These are fun, Brain! Wee (bumps into trees with berries, berries fall out) Narf! Poit! D'oh! Eee! Zort! Aie! Doi! Poit! D'oh!

*Brain: Pinky, cease and desist.

(Man grabs Brain)

*Brain: Unhand me, you future Neanderthal.

(Brain gets flung into tree, knocking berries down. Shot shows many men using this to get fruit.)

*Pinky: Where are we going now, Brain?

*Brain: Forward, to another key evolutionary moment, after a brief stopover in 1853.

*Pinky: Why 1853, Brain?

*Brain: Because, Pinky, that's when aspirin was invented. (Back to time machine, travels 500000 years later.) Pinky, if mice have weapons before man, they can rule the bearded bipeds. We must demonstrate this to our ancestors.

*Pinky: Right. With this charming selection, you'll just wow them at the cookout. And the tops are removable for easy cleaning. Narf.

(Brain whacks Pinky)

*Brain: Some mice have more evolving to do than others. Observe how technology triumphs.

(Brain hit by club)

*Brain: We're too late.

(Back to time machine)

*Brain: All is not lost, Pinky. We can still travel forward to the next key moment in mouse evolution. Then we will return to a time when-

*Pinky: Oh, oh, oh, can I say it this time, Brain?

*Brain: Oh, all right.

*Pinky: (Echoes) When mice rule the Earth!

*Brain: If mice are first to control fire, they will rise above mankind. Look, primitive Neolithic rodents. Look and learn. One of the primal forces of nature (smashes rocks into thumb).

*Pinky: That would be pain.

*Brain: Yah. No, Pinky, fire. Show them how to make fire.

*Pinky: Oh, right. Of course. Ahem. Okay, first then, you take this thingy here, right? And then this thingy here, and you smash 'em together like this: Poit.

(Fire goes to Brain's tail)

*Pinky: E-gad, Brain. I did it. I discovered fire.

*Brain: Yes. Oh! (Screams, runs out into water) Oh, blessed relief. (Gasps)

(Woolly Mammoth trumpets)

*Pinky: Narf. Here, you try. I'm comin', Brain!

*Crowd: (Make fire) Narf. Poit.

*Pinky: Oooga-booga!

(Woolly mammoth roars, scared. Runs away.)

*Pinky: Ooga-booga! Narf!

(Wooly mammoth whimpers)

*Pinky: Zounds, I guess I saved you, Brain.

*Brain: Actually, Pinky, that woolly mammoth was the only thing keeping the saber-toothed tiger at bay.

(Tiger growls, Pinky and The Brain go into time machine.)

*Brain: Look, Pinky. We've succeeded. They've learned to make fire.

(Tiger roars, time machine escapes)

*Pinky: We made it, Brain.

*Brain: Yes, Pinky. Let us return to 1895. (Does so, gasps.

(Both are in room their size. Pinky sits in chair.)

*Pinky: Egad, Brain. We're giant mice.

*Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

*Pinky: I think so, Brain, but culottes have a tendency to ride up so.

*Brain: No, Pinky. We're not giants. We're just the same. It's the world that's changed. For I have created a new world, a mouse world, a perfect world.

*Crowd (all look like Pinky): Narf. Poit. Egad. Poit, narf, egad. Poit, narf. Narf. Poit. Egad. Zoit. Zounds. Poit. Egad. Poit. Zounds. Narf. Poit. Egad.

(Crowd bangs on door, Brain slams shut.)

*Brain: Quickly, Pinky. We must return to the past. I must change it all back again.

*Pinky: But why, Brain? It'd be easy to rule a world of mice like them.

(Banging on door, door opens, time machine prepared.)

*Crowd: Poit. Egad. Zoit. Zounds. Zort.

*Brain: Yes, Pinky, but who would want to?

*Crowd: Narf. Poit. Egad. Poit. Zounds

*Chorus:

They're dinky, they're Pinky And the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain

Wheel of Morality[]

(Warners run)

*Yakko: Whoa, Wakko, Dot, hold up.

(All stop)

*Dot: Why?

*Yakko: It's that time again.

*Dot: Oh, no. Not the Wheel of Morality.

*Yakko: Afraid so. It's time to learn the moral of today's story.

*Wakko and Dot: (throws arms and legs around) No! No!

*Yakko: Hey, come on. The Wheel of Morality adds boring educational value to what would otherwise be an almost entirely entertaining program.

*Dot: But the morals make no sense.

*Wakko: It's totally bogus.

*Dot: Who came up with this stupid Wheel of Morality idea, anyway?

*Yakko: The execs at the Fox Kids Network.

*Dot: Oh. Ha-ha, they did? What a great idea.

*Wakko: Yeah, I love the Wheel of Morality Mmm-mwah! (Kisses wheel of morality)

*Yakko: So... Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn, tell us the lesson that we should learn. And the moral of today's show is... win a free trip to Tahiti.

*Warners: We won, we won, we won, we won!

(Whistle blows)

*Warners: Yike!

(Warners run away, Ralph chases.)

Ending segment[]

(Applause on stage. Music.)

*Warners (singing):

We're so sad we've no more time together

Just to drop an anvil on your head

(Ralph squashed)

And stuff your pockets full of dynamite

(Boom!)

Then tie you to a rhino's head

(Crash into walls, applause.)

*Wakko (spoken): Good night, everybody!

*Dot: Bye!

*Yakko: Spoil your dinner.

(Animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Warners: Ciao, America.

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