Opening Segment[]
*Warners (singing): We're slippin' on the ice [Yakko and Wakko fall over] Just slippin' on the ice [Dot holds onto street light, slams into wall] For a fabulous pratfalln , just follow this advice
*Yakko and Wakko: Let your feet take a flip
*Dot: I've broken my hip
*Warners: We're slippin' and slidin' on the ice
[Crash]
*Dot [spoken]: I've fallen and I can't get up.
Theme Song[]
(music, snow)
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
It's time for Animaniacs
And we're zany to the max
So just sit back and relax.
You'll laugh till you collapse.
We're Animaniacs!
*Yakko and Wakko:
Come join the Warner Brothers
*Dot:
And the Warner Sister Dot
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.
They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.
But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.
We're Animaniacs
Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.
Wakko packs away the snacks
While Bill Clinton plays the sax
We're Animaniacs
Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.
Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.
Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.
The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?
*All:
We're Animaniacs
We have pay-or-play contracts
We're zany to the max
There's baloney in our slacks!
We're Animanie-
Totally insane-y
*Yakko:
Citizen Kane-y
*Warners:
Animaniacs! Those are the facts!
Slappy the Squirrel intro[]
*Warners (singing):
The crankiest of creatures in the whole wide world,
Our next cartoon Features Slappy the squirrel
*Slappy (spoken: Enough with the singin' already.
*Warners (singing):
That's Slappy!
'Twas the Day Before Christmas[]
(Skippy looks out, house next to city and lights)
*Slappy: Skippy, you should have been asleep hours ago.
*Skippy: I know, Aunt Slappy, but I can't sleep. I keep hearing Santa's sleigh.
*Slappy: Ah, that's just the L. A. P. D. choppers. Santy ain't comin' till you're asleep, kiddo. So get to bed.
*Skippy: But I'm not tired. Tell me a story. Please.
*Slappy: Ah, for the love of Al Gore. All right. One story. Then dreamland, okay?
*Skippy: Promise.
*Slappy: Okay, let's see. Oh, you wanna hear about the time I stuffed live piranha down the pants of Sonny Tufts?
*Skippy: No, a Christmas story.
*Slappy: Sonny was drinking eggnog at the time.
*Skippy: No, aunt Slappy. Just read.
*Slappy: All right, already, Mr. Story-Editor. Sheesh. (Hacks)
*Skippy: Spew!
*Slappy: Ahem. "The Day Before Christmas. "'Twas the day before Christmas in winter's deep freeze. But in Burbank, L. A. , it was 90 degrees. Now, tonight is the night Santa comes to the lot, bringing presents for Yakko, Wakko and Dot (shows them on water tower, with signs and decorations). The kids were excited. They rushed to prepare. But others looked on with a growing despair."
*Thaddeus Plotz: These gifts for the Warners, someone's got to see to it. They must be delivered. I want you to do it.
*Otto: But I did it last year, or have you forgot? Those kids drove me bonkies and kissed me a lot. They made me stay up singing carols all night, and then I got creamed in that big pillow fight.
*Hello Nurse: But why bring them presents when Santa will do?
*Thaddeus Plotz: It's a clause in their contract. If we don't, they can sue. There must be a person who'd deliver this stuff. But where can I find someone stupid enough?
*Ralph: Duh, good night, Mr. Costner. Go ahead, pass on by. Merry Christmas.
*Mindy: Okay, I love you. Bye-bye.
(Button's nose gets squashed by closing car window, gags)
*Ralph: Duh, good night, Mr. Hippo.
*Flavio: Good night to you too (holding gifts).
*Marita: Come along, Flavio. We've more shopping to do.
(Anvil present lands on mime)
*Runt: I'm hungry.
*Rita: Be quiet. We don't wanna get caught. There might be some trash cans with food on the lot.
*Ralph: Duh, good night, Mr. Keaton. That's a lovely sedan.
*Thaddeus Plotz: Give him a Santa suit. Ralph is our man.
(Back to water tower)
*Yakko: So 'twas the night before Christmas and all through the house-
*Dot: Some creatures were stirring.
*Wakko: Including a mouse.
*Brain: Tonight, my dear Pinky, our plan is unfurled. We'll steal Santa's sleigh and take over the world.
*Pinky: Brain, you're a genius. You simply astound me. (Whacks Brain off water tower, who screams) Narf! Brain's gonna pound me. (Crash)
*Dot: The stockings were hung so our names clearly showed.
*Wakko: In hopes that old Santa would leave a big load.
*Yakko: Mwah (kisses). Good night, everybody. The children were nestled all fast in their beds.
*Wakko: While visions of sugarplums danced in our heads. (Eats thought cloud) Deee-licious!
*Yakko: (Yawn) We were all feeling tired when we turned out the light. (Turns light off and on again) Forget it. There's no way I'm sleeping tonight.
*Dot: When out on the lot, there arose such a rumble.
*Yakko: We sprang from our beds-
*Wakko: And we all took a tumble.
*Yakko: And what, to our wondering eyes, did we view?
*Dot: But a cat and a dog in the garbage. P-yew.
(Bells ring)
*Yakko: Then to our surprise we heard distant banters of a miniature sleigh and eight pigeons with antlers.
*Pesto: I'm dying here. Oof!
*Squit: This sure ain't no fun.
*Bobby: The guy in the suit, he must weigh a ton.
*Dot: With a little old driver so lively and quick.
*Wakko: We knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick.
*Ralph: Duh, now, Bobby. Now, Squit. Now, Pesto. Now, Vixen. On, Comet. On, Cupid. On, Richard and Nixon. To the top of the tower. Come on now. Let's fly.
*Pesto: I just got a hernia thanks to this guy.
*Yakko: So up to the rooftop Santa was hurled.
*Brain: As soon as it lands we'll take over the world (squashed, stepped on). Pinky, I am in considerable pain.
*Pinky: Narf! Zort! Poit! Gak! I'm with you, Brain.
*Yakko: It was a time of excitement. The moment drew near.
*Dot: There was no doubt about it.
*Wakko: Santa was here.
*Squit: Your antlers look cute, Pesto.
*Pesto: All right, that's it! (fights Squit)
*Bobby: Oh, Pesto! It's Christmas. Quit whackin' on Squit. Y
*Yakko: And while the pigeons with antlers were having their kicks, Santa fell through the roof like a sack full of bricks.
(Ralph falls through ceiling)
*Dot: He was dressed all in fur with a glaze in his eyes, 'cause the fall knocked him silly.
*Ralph: Uh, happy Easter, you guys.
*Wakko: His face, how it twinkled. His dimples, how merry.
*Dot: His cheeks were like roses.
*Yakko: His gut, that was scary.
*Wakko: He spoke not a word, but instead went right to it. He emptied his bag.
*Ralph: Ah, that ought to do it.
(Presents fall)
*Yakko: Then laying his finger inside of his nose- which the dear network censor finds totally gross.
*Wakko: Lumbering, up the tree trunk he rose.
(Ralph climbs to sleigh)
*Dot: He sprang to his sleigh and signaled the flock.
*Ralph: Duh, giddyap, birdies.
*Yakko: Then they dropped like a rock.
(Crash)
*Wakko: And we heard him exclaim from up high in the sky
*Santa: Season's greetings to all.
*Yakko: And we saw him fly by.
(Santa drops presents for everyone)
*Runt: Thanks, Santa.
*Rita: We mean it.
*Runt: Yeah, thanks a whole lot.
*Santa: And merry Christmas to Yakko, Wakko and Dot.
*Skippy (real): And merry Christmas, Aunt Slappy, and to you girls and boys. As for me (Yawn) I'm going downstairs to open my toys (runs).
Good Idea Bad Idea[]
*Narrator: It's time for another "Good Idea, Bad Idea." Good idea - singing Christmas carols to your neighbors.
*Skullheads: (Out of tune) Fa la la la la La la la la
*Narrator: Bad idea - singing Christmas carols to your neighbors on the 4th of July.
*Skullheads: (Still out of tune) Fa la la la la La la la la
(Firework falls, explodes on them, they fall.)
*Narrator: The end.
Jingle Boo[]
(Shows gift shop, people walking, then chicken Boo)
*Crowd: I've never seen a better Santa Claus. He looks so real. I almost believe he's Santa myself.
*Girl 1: I want a Baby Go-Burp for Christmas. Please, oh, my Santa.
(Toy burps, got by girl.)
*Girl 1: Oh, thank you, Santa. You're the best Santa in the world. Mommy, Mommy, look. It's Baby Go-Burp.
(Toy burps)
*Boy 1: Santa, I've been very good, and what I want is a Mister Dude action figure, complete with polyester power suit and Dude accessories. (Gets toy) He is the real Santa. Yay!
*Boy 2: No. No, Dad, don't make me.
*Crowd: Isn't he a little old to be afraid of Santa Claus? Son, what the heck's wrong with you? It's just Santa Claus.
*Boy 2: He's a chicken, Dad. A giant chicken. He'll peck my eyes out!
*Crowd: (Laughs) He should get that boy into therapy. He has issues.
*Boy 2: Don't make me sit on a chicken. See?
*Crowd: There's no reason to be afraid of jolly old Saint Nick.
*Boy 2: (Gasps) You mean jolly old Saint Chick. (Grunts, pulls off beard causing setup to collapse, screams seeing Boo)
(Boo screams)
*Crowd: He is a chicken!
(Chicken Boo shakes, clucks)
*Crowd: A chicken!
*Sabina: Mommy! Mommy! I got chicken germs on me!
*Manager: What is the meaning of this? Good heavens, it's a chicken!
(Boy 1 and Sabina cry)
*Crowd: He's traumatized the children. We'll never shop here again.
*Manager: (Growls) You're fired.
(Boo clucks)
*Manager: Maybe they let chickens play Santa in Arkansas, but that's not how we do things here in New York City. (Kicks Chicken Boo high into the air)
(Chicken Boo screams)
*Santa: Ho, ho, ho, Chicken Boo, just this once, because it's Christmas, we're giving you a happy ending.
*Elves (singing):
Dashing through the snow with a chicken in a sleigh
O'er the fields we go clucking all the way
*Elves and Chicken Boo:
Cluck, cluck, cluck
*Elves:
Bells on chicken feet ring making spirits bright
What fun it is to ride and sing the chicken song tonight
Jingle Boo Jingle Boo Jingle Boo away.
Oh, what fun it is to ride with a chicken in a sleigh
Jingle Boo Jingle Boo Jingle Boo away.
Oh, what fun it is to ride with a chicken in a sleigh
(Boo clucks)
The Great Wakkorotti: The Holiday Concert[]
*Announcer: And now performing another classical work, the great Wakkorotti.
(Applause and cheering. Wakko signals the stop of the applause, and then for Yakko to play. Yakko plays jingle bells)
*Wakko:
(belching)
Buh-buh Bruhg!
Burh-buh Bruhg!
Buh-buh Bruhg, beh Bruugh!
Uh-uh bruhg, beh
Uh-uh brugh, breh
Breh breh bruh breh bruugh!
Buh-buh Bruhg!
Burh-buh Bruhg!
Buh-buh Bruhg, beh Bruugh!
Uh-uh bruhg, beh
Uh-uh brugh, breh
Breh breh bruh breh bruugh!
(Dot cleans face, adds perfume to Wakko's mouth and dusts him. Dot shakes and gives Wakko soda, then walks away.)
Buh-buh Bruhg!
Burh-buh Bruhg!
Buh-buh Bruhg, beh Bruugh!
Uh-uh bruhg, beh
Uh-uh brugh, breh
Breh breh bruh breh bruugh!
Buh-buh Bruhg!
Burh-buh Bruhg!
Buh-buh Bruhg, beh Bruugh!
Uh-uh bruhg, beh
Uh-uh brugh, breh
Brah brah brah bruh bruugh!
(Applause and cheering)
*Wakko (spoken): Excuse me. Oh, excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.
Good Idea Bad Idea[]
*Narrator: It's time for another "Good Idea, Bad Idea." Good idea - finding Easter eggs on Easter morning. Bad idea. Finding Easter eggs on Christmas morning.
(Mr. Skullhead smells bad smell, collapses)
*Narrator: The end.
Toy Shop Terror[]
[Music. Locked and closed toy shop has Warners barge in through toys. Warners run around. Yakko finds scooter, knocks construction down, Wakko and Dot make rectangle of blocks which is smacked down by Yakko. Warners run, then put on skates. The old man running the thing tumbles in bed. Warners are running around on skates, crashing into a pile. the oldm an wakes up, listens and then turns on Burglar alarm. This goes through wires, opening a box. Wakko eats 4 toys, and Warners carry piles and place them back into pile. Warners yawn, but hear fizzling. This comes from a box, which opens revealing a large mechanical robot, which chases. The Warners outmanoeuvre the robot, putting it in a door, closed, but the robot comes out, and continues chasing. Robot chases Wakko, Warners all go into buckets. Robot has to choose, and then Dot comes out of the second one, spinning the robot's ears so it smashes into pile. Yakko puts saddle on robot, and Wakko rides on saddle. Robot smashes into wall, then Yakko puts skates on robot., sets it crashing into a chest, which is soon locked. The chest bounces around with Warners on it. Robot breaks free, chases again. Warners set the robot into a wall, and blocks fall on it. Warners cycle away from robot, and then run on walls to escape. Meanwhile, the old man listens. Chase continues, then Yakko gives chemistry set which explodes on robot. Robot survives, but Warners stack on each other to blow the robot into dust, and it does. Yakko knocks door of owner]
*Yakko: Uhh... this toy isn't suitable for children under 3.
*Dot: Actually, we're looking for a doll that goes potty. You got one?
[The owner growls, tries to grab Warners, who run out]
Yakko's Universe[]
*Yakko:
Everybody lives on a street in a city
Or a village or a town for what it's worth.
And they're all inside a country which is part of a continent
That sits upon a planet known as Earth.
And the Earth is a ball full of oceans and some mountains
Which is out there spinning silently in space.
And living on that Earth are the plants and the animals
And also the entire human race.
It's a great big universe
And we're all really puny.
We're just tiny little specks
About the size of Mickey Rooney.
It's big and black and inky
And we are small and dinky
It's a big universe and we're not.
And we're part of a vast interplanetary system
Stretching seven hundred billion miles long.
With nine planets and a sun; we think the Earth's the only one
That has life on it, although we could be wrong.
Across the interstellar voids are a billion asteroids
Including meteors and Halley's Comet too.
And there's over fifty moons floating out there like balloons
In a panoramic trillion-mile view.
And still it's all a speck amid a hundred billion stars
In a galaxy we call the Milky Way.
It's sixty thousand trillion miles from one end to the other
And still that's just a fraction of the way.
'Cause there's a hundred billion galaxies that stretch across the sky
Filled with constellations, planets, moons and stars.
And still the universe extends to a place that never ends
Which is maybe just inside a little jar!
*Warners:
It's a great big universe
And we're all really puny,
We're just tiny little specks
About the size of Mickey Rooney.
Though we don't know how it got here
We're an important part here
It's a big universe and it's ours!
End[]
(Animaniacs theme instrumental)
*Warners: Merry Christmas!