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Theme Song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

While Bill Clinton plays the sax

We're Animaniacs

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animanie-,

Totally insane-y...

*Warners:

Cockamamie

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

Of Course, You Know This Means Warners[]

*Narrator: A world at war. The year 1942. And as brave American and allied soldiers continue their relentless march towards victory in Europe and the Pacific, a different type of soldier maintains the home front.

(Women are shown working in a bomb factory.)

*Narrator: Working in factories, rationing important resources, and going that extra mile for Uncle Sam. Stars of radio and the silver screen pitched in by appearing in short patriotic training films. Stars like Ronald Regan, Jimmy Stewart, and yes, even the Warner bothers and their sister Dot. And now, for the first time since it’s 1942 debut, we present:

(A screen reads the text Warners take the Homefront directed by Colonel Floot Tipton. An American flag waves in the background. A house with a garden growing plants is shown. A different narrator speaks here.)

*Narrator: Here we have a typical American home. Manned by Yakko, Wakko, and Dot.

(Each Warner comes on screen as their name is said.)

*Narrator: Three typical Americans.

(All the Warners make faces at the camera.)

*Narrator: Well, maybe not so typical.

(Wakko starts filling up a watering can with water.)

*Narrator: With the wartime produce shortage, many Americans are growing backyard victory gardens.

(Wakko waters plants.)

*Narrator: Hold it! You poured all that precious water into the ground?

(Wakko shakes his head, and points to Dot, who is holding a lever. She pulls it, and the garden lifts up, and wrings itself out. Wakko holds the watering can under it to collect the water.)

*Narrator: Well that’s more like it! What do you call your invention?

*Dot: Oh, this is a Rube Goldberg device.

(She opens an outhouse, an elderly man is shown inside, cranking a turning lever while wheezing.)

*Narrator: And who’s that?

*Dot: Oh, he’s Rube Goldberg.

(Rimshot. The scene changes to a recycling center.)

*Narrator: Here at the recycling center, we find a group of generous citizens, who’ve each brought something to contribute to the wartime need for scrap metal.

(The Warners drive up in a truck full of metal appliances. They get out of the truck.)

*Narrator: Look, our patriotic three have gone the extra mile. Tell us, where did you find so much scrap metal?

*Dot: Oh, it was just lying around in the background.

(The camera zooms out, and half-dismantled metal buildings and a bridge are seen. It all collapses, and a quick instrumental of The London Bridge is Falling Down is heard as it does so. The scene changes, and the Warners are standing on the side of the street.)

*Warners: Taxi! Taxi! Taxi!

(A taxi pulls up. The Warners reach for the door handle, it stop when the Narrator talks.)

*Narrator: Hold it! Every ounce of gasoline needs to be saved.

(The taxi drives away.)

*Narrator: Find some other way to get where you’re headed.

(The Warners think for a moment, then all get on an invisible tandem bicycle. They drive own the street, scaring people and ringing the bell on the bicycle.)

*Narrator: Now that’s saving gas for Uncle Sam!

(Wakko honks an invisible bike horn at a woman walking down the street. She screams and runs away. The scene changes to a dog chasing a car tire and barking.)

*Narrator: Say, what about the tire drive? The rubber and ties can be recycled to make many other needed things.

(Down the road, Wakko comes out of a manhole and sets the top to the side.)

*Narrator: Wakko Warner uses canine instincts to guide his tireless quest for rubber.

(Wakko uses a pair of tongs to grab the back tire off of a car. He throws it in a stack with other tires. He then climbs in the stack and walks around, wearing it.)

*Wakko: I’m very tired.

(The scene changes, the Warners are walking down the sidewalk.)

*Narrator: Think you’ve done all you can for the war effort? Uncle Sam still needs scrap nylon,

(A large metal barrel labeled scrap Nylon lands in front of the Warners.)

*Narrator: to make mosquito nets, binocular lenses, and toothbrush bristles.

*Dot: Where do we get nylon?

(They all think for a moment.)

*Yakko and Wakko: We know.

(The scene changes, women’s legs are shown., and the women can be heard chattering. The camera pans to show a line formed to a building that says Nylon Collection Center. Yakko and Wakko collect pairs of pantyhose at a counter, and put them in the nylon barrel.)

*Yakko: Uncle Sam is grateful, girls.

*Wakko: And so are we.

(Dot is leaning against the barrel, eyeing them critically.)

*Dot: Boys.

(An expensive-looking car drives up. A man gets out and walks over to the Warners. Dot joins her brothers at the counter.

*Narrator: But what’s this? Jay Edgar Hoover has come to accept the Warner’s scrap nylon collection on behalf of the U.S. government.

(Yakko salutes while Wakko and Dot get the barrel. They hand Jay the barrel, and then all salute.)

*Narrator: And G Man Number One gives them a little something in return.

(Jay holds out three identical medals. He puts them over each of their necks.)

*Yakko: Hey, lookit, our medal says courage! Ain’t it the truth, ain’t it the truth!

(The scene changes to The Hotsy USO Club.)

*Narrator: What about the USO? That wonderful place where top Hollywood talent comes to entertain our boys on leave.

(A band plays, and the audience members clap and cheer. A spotlight falls on a microphone in front of a curtain, and there is a drumroll. The Warners step out from behind the curtain, Dot is in a dress and Yakko and Wakko are in suits.)

(song starts)

*Warners:

Over hill, over dale

Through the sleet and slush and hail

On the home front we’re marching along

*Yakko:

Give me junk

*Wakko:

Give me scraps.

*Warners:

Or we’ll sit right in your lap.

(They bounce off a policeman’s lap.)

On the home front we’re marching along,

For it’s stuff, we need

In this fight for victory

(They pull down an Uncle Sam banner.)

Uncle Sam sure needs it, are we wrong?

*Crowd:

No sir!

*Warners:

With your help, we’ll see

A stunning victory

From the homefront, we’re marching along

(The Warners jump down from the stage, the music continues. The crowd cheers. The Warners leapfrog over each other, row an invisible boat on the floor, then get up and tap dance.)

*Wakko: Hey, can’t these guys play fast?

(Wakko runs up to the stage, running on top of the band members heads. He runs up to the drummer and makes a gookie face at him, and the drummer screams and runs away. Wakko starts drumming in his place. The band watches him play. Wakko continues to play the drums, using his tongue to hit the cymbals. Yakko and Dot continue dancing. They bump into two people, knocking them over. Dot looks at one, and there are hearts around her head. He runs, and she runs after him. Yakko stands there and watches. She grabs him around the legs and throws him down. Wakko leaves him drum set, drumming on the floor and the wall. Dot drags the man into the spotlight, and starts dancing, holding one of his fingers. He tries to pull his finger away, but cannot. Dot spins around, still holding the man’s hand, and they crash into Wakko’s drum set. Wakko grabs the drums and throws them into the recycling bin. Everybody from the crowd throws things into the bin until it is full. The Warners take off their suits and dress so that they are wearing their normal clothes, and put the fancy clothes into the recycling bin. Dot goes over and kisses the man on the lips. He runs away, screaming, and jumps into the recycling bin.)

*Narrator: Well, that was certainly one huge jitterbug!

*Dot: No, this is!

(Dot pulls a rope on the curtain, and it opens to reveal a giant insect. The insect buzzes and flaps its wings. The audience members scream, flip over their tables, and run out the door. Dot drags her brother in front of the door, all are wearing army uniforms.)

*Dot: Come on, we’re on duty!

(Dot puts army helmets on her brothers.)

*Yakko and Wakko: Yes sir!

(Dot puts an army helmet on herself, and the three Warners march out the door.)

*Wakko: I love being air raid wardens.

*Dot: (shouting to the street) Turn out those lights!

(All the lights in the buildings turn off. Wakko takes out a bag, and a ladder rises out of it. Wakko gets on the ladder, which continues rising towards the moon. Wakko eats the moon, turning the screen black.)

*Dot: This time, Wakko’s definitely gone too far.

(The Warners pop out of the darkness.)

*Yakko: Well, bye-bye everybody!

Rita and Runt Intro[]

(music)

*Warner Trio:

Like Abbott and Costello

Like Sonny and Cher

Like Martin and Lewis they're a perfect pair

(Runt slides mud into Rita)

Like laurel and hardy,

(Runt lets go of the piano, which squashes Rita)

Like Fontanne and Lunt.

They're perfectly mismatched,

They're Rita and Runt.

(Both come out of trash can. Runt hugs Rita.)

Up a Tree[]

(Rural farmland is shown, with multiple fields and just one house, tree, and railroad track. A fly buzzes over corn crops, sees a moving train, and flies into it. The fly goes down towards Runt, circles around him, and lands on his nose, waking Runt up. The fly leaves Runt’s nose, so Runt crouches down, and then stands up, looking around for the fly that is buzzing around his head. He tries to bite at it, but fails. It flies forward, so Runt crouches down and slowly walks after it. He jumps out of the train, chasing and biting at the fly. He chases it through a path in a cornfield. The fly flies out of reach, and Runt looks after the train, which is leaving by now.)

*Runt: That’s a good train. Wake up, Rita!

(Rita sits up on top of Runt’s head, yawning.)

*Rita: Are we in Chicago?

*Runt: No, it’s-it’s Nebraska, definitely Nebraska. Or Kansas. Definitely Ohio.

*Rita: Ya blew it, Runt.

(Rita jumps down from Runt’s head.)

*Runt: You’re just cranky ‘cause I woke you up from your nap.

*Rita: I am not cranky.

(Rita walks away with her tail in the air.)

*Runt: You’ll definitely like Nebraska, Rita. We’ll live on a farm. Farm folks are friendly. Definitely, definitely friendly. What’s so great about Chicago, anyway?

*Rita: Are you serious?

(song starts)

The Sears Tower, The Northlake Shore

The loop downtown, meat packers galore

The magnificent mile, and the elevated train

Deep-dish Pizza

And the stock exchange

*Runt:

But it ain’t got, what we got: corn.

*Rita:

Michigan Avenue, Frank Lloyd White

Wrigley Field and dancing all night

Oprah Winfrey, Lake Michigan,

Muddy water blues, and Michael Jordan

*Runt:

But it ain’t got what we got: corn.

*Rita:

Just to be fair, I wanna ask ya

What’s so great about Nebraska?

*Runt:

It’s…

Da…

Corn!

Definitely the corn.

(Song ends, Runt sees the fly again. It lands on his nose. He tries to bite it, but it flies away, then buzzes in fast circles around his head.)

*Runt: I gotta get the fly!

(It flies past Rita, and Runt kicks her over trying to get to the fly.)

*Rita: Whoa! (she lands on her back) Hey, watch it. Now I’m cranky.

(Growling is heard, and the shadow of a dog’s head is seen over Rita. She looks up at the large dog in front of her. The dog is black and white with a red nose, and wearing a red collar with yellow spikes.)

*Rita: The friendly farm folk Runt was yapping about.

(The dog bites at Rita, who jumps and runs away. She runs into the corn, and the dog follows. She runs through the field, then up into a tree, which the dog runs straight into. Rita climbs onto a branch as the dog continues to bark at her. Rita starts shaking with fear after looking down at the ground. Runt is seen chasing the fly towards the tree. The dogs are both running circles around the tree momentarily, then run face-first into eachother.)

*Runt: Uh, hello friendly farm dog.

*Dog: Whadaya doin’, buddy pal? Say, mind if I sniff ya?

*Runt: (backing away) Uh, no thanks. That’s-that’s okay, no sniffing. Definitely no sniffing.

*Dog: No problem. (walks back to tree, resumes barking)

*Runt: What you got up the tree, huh?

*Dog: A cat.

*Runt: Oh, a cat. A cat! Where’s a cat, I’ll crush ‘em, I’ll thrash ‘em, I’ll squish ‘em, I’ll mush ‘em! (growling) Where!?

*Dog: Up the tree, you kook.

*Runt: Oh.

*Dog: Say! Mind if I sniff ya now?

*Runt: No, no sniffing, definitely no sniffing.

*Dog: No problem. Let’s bark.

*Runt: Ok.

(Both dogs bark. Rita is up in the tree, trembling. She slips a little off the branch, and yelps. She clings to the branch.

*Rita: Knock it off, Runt!

*Runt: That’s not a cat, that’s a Rita! Rita’s a dog!

*Dog: You better check in to a vet, buddy pal.

(A whistle is heard.)

*Dog: Ah, that’s my master. I gotta go. (walks away, but turns back) Say, you mind if-

*Runt: No! (looks up tree) Rita, you need help?

*Rita: (wrapping tail around branch) No, no, no, I’m happy as a pig, come to supper.

*Runt: Ok, Rita, have fun. (sees fly) I gotta get the fly! (runs off)

*Rita: Wait! I-

(Rita reaches out to Runt, but then flips upside down on the branch and clings to it immediately.)

*Rita: (very weakly) ..can’t.. get down..

(Rita’s head flips upside down, song starts, Rita sings weakly.)

I’m dizzy, and tizzy

I’m acrophobic.

(The screen flips so she is no longer upside down.)

Muddled, befuddled

I think I’m going to be sick.

(She clings to the back of the branch so she is closer to the tree.)

In a spin so unlucky

I can’t stand heights.

(Birds start to land on the branches near her.)

Somebody look at me

I’m helpless as a kitten up a tree.

(Birds giggle.)

Giddy, tiddly

I'm hyperventilating.

Whirling, twirling

This is humiliating.

Reeling 'round I can't swallow

My mouth is dry.

(coughs)

I hate this vertigo

Oh, how I wish I was in Chicago.

(Two of the birds move closer to her, one lands on her head and pecks her. All of the birds laugh.)

*Rita: (spoken) Well, as long as I’m up here, let’s do lunch. (swipes at a bird then clings to branch, the birds fly away) Whoa! Nevermind!

(The birds all laugh hysterically in front of her. The birds start singing.)

*Birds:

'Fraidy cat, 'fraidy cat

Streak of yelly down your belly, cowardly cat!

Ho-o-o-ow absurdy

Too sca-a-a-red to nab a birdy

‘Fraidy cat, 'fraidy cat!

(The birds all laugh hysterically.)

*Rita: (spoken) I'm not afraid. I'm just a little cranky!

*Voice: Shoo! Gone! Get!

(An orange cat slides down the tree, pounces at the birds and hisses, driving the birds away. The cat turns back to Rita.)

*Cat: Howdy! I’m Mabelloota Marabella Missy McCoy! Shoot, call me Ma.

*Rita: Am I glad to see you, Ma! (runs and hugs Ma) Can I hold on to your tail on the way down?

*Ma: Down? I been stuck up here since ‘72. Survive by chawin’ bark. (eats a piece of bark)

*Rita: Ew..

*Ma: Yep. Might as well resign yourself, Pepper Pot. 'Gonna spend the rest of your life up here.

(Rita looks down, the black and white dog runs back to the tree, and starts barking again.)

*Ma: It’s not so bad, really, once you get used to it.

(Ma pushes Rita out on a branch, and she cautiously walks out on it and starts singing.)

*Rita:

Why not live up a tree?

To jump is too risky

(Rushes back and hugs Ma.)

Won't even try.

Is this my destiny?

(Song ends, Runt is still chasing the fly.)

*Ma: Yep, you’re stuck up here forever, honey.

*Rita: No way.

(Rita climbs out to the edge of the branch, which sways. Ma looks sad to see her go. Rita jumps off the edge, and falls. Ma runs to the edge of the branch and watches her fall.)

*Ma: What a Pepper Pot!

(Rita lands on her feet, but sees the black and white dog. She gasps. The dog growls at her and she backs into the tree. She climbs a few steps up backwards, then hisses while her fur stands up.)

*Ma: (yells, jumps on the dog’s head) Your little tune inspired me to jump, Pepper Pot!

(Ma rides away on the dog, who is whimpering because Ma’s claws are in his back.)

*Ma: Yeehaw!

(Rita walks back through the corn to Runt, who has something in his mouth.)

*Rita: Come on, Runt, let’s hit the road for a safer place. You know, I’m feeling lucky. I wonder if- what’s with the cheeks, Runt?

(The fly buzzes around in Runt’s mouth.)

*Fly: Help me!

(Rita gasps, backs away, then runs away.)

*Runt: Rita?

(The fly flies out of runts mouth, and flies away. Runt shrugs.)

*Runt: Rita sure could use a nap. She’s definitely, definitely a cranky dog.

(Runt bounds down the path after Rita.)

Wakko’s Gizmo[]

(A trash can is rattling around at the base of the water tower. Wakko comes out, holding a small yellow marble.)

*Wakko: Found it!

(Wakko jumps out of the trash can, onto a trampoline, and in the door of the water tower. Inside, Dot is on a laptop and Yakko is eating cereal.)

*Wakko: (running past) Found it!

*Yakko: Found what?

*Wakko: The final component! (shows them the marble) The ultimate piece! The last thingy. (runs somewhere else)

(Yakko and Dot both look the direction that Wakko ran. Yakko shrugs, then him and Dot follow Wakko. Wakko is opening a vault door.)

*Yakko: The last thingy for what?

*Wakko: My invention!

(Wakko opens the door, a very bright light shines out. Wakko goes inside, and his siblings follow. Inside is a large contraption made of wood planks and some other miscellaneous objects. There is a ladder on the side, which Wakko climbs up.)

*Wakko: You are about to witness, the Wakko-Gulified Transgobulator. I made it myself.

*Yakko: (to Dot) Didn’t I see this in a David Copperfield special?

(Wakko puts the marble on a ramp made of two rulers. It rolls down a small wooden staircase, and rolls around a saucer with a coup on it. It rolls from the saucer to a metal ramp, turning back and forth in a zigzag line but still moving forward as it bumps into objects. It falls into a spiral, and from there to a pinwheel with marble-sized cups on the end. The marble falls from here onto the top of a can, which is one of a series of three cans, foiled so that can move in a circular motion. The cans pass the marble to each other, and from there to a button, which pulls rope from a fishing pole. This makes a stuffed rabbit fall into a fish tank with a piranha in it. The piranha bites the stuffed animal, which pulls a second rope. This moved a coat hanger that was keeping a roller skate in place. The roller skate has an axe in it. It falls down a small ramp made of books, which cuts two ropes. These ropes were attached to trophies with people on top, and were attached to the small people. When the ropes are cut, the first trophy hits a quarter with a golf club, while the second hits a golf ball. The quarter flies into the coin slot of a vending machine, while the golf ball presses a button to make candy fall out of the vending machine. This triggers a mouse trap that was placed under the machine. which flings a toy plane. The plane knocks over a phone, which makes a message play off a box with two capstans. There is a rope attached to one of the capstans.)

*Message: Hello, this is Wakko Warner, and I’d like to order a jumbo pizza with the works.

(The winding rope winds up a wind-up toy shaped like a person, then comes off, making the toy walk. The toy is holding a bottle of instant plant food. It walks, and bends over, pouring the plant food into a pot labeled venus fly trap. This makes the pot heavier, pushing up the other end of the scale it’s on. The other end of the scale rises, and flips a switch, that turns on a lamp over the fly trap. The pot shakes, and quickly grows. It bites a rope with a fly on the end of it. This rope is attached to the trigger of a toy gun that fires two toilet plungers. It pulls the trigger, and the plungers fly in between Yakko and Dot, who gasp and move out of the way. They fly across the water tower, and one hits the back of an empty suit of armor on a scooter board. This makes the suit of armor move forward. The other plunger presses a button, which opens the door of the water tower. A delivery man stand up with a pizza in his hand.)

*Delivery man: Pizza for Wakko?

(The delivery man sees the suit of armor coming towards him wielding an ax. The delivery man screams and throws the pizza inside, then runs. The suit of armor falls out of the tower, but the scooter board stays. The suit of armor lands in a headstand on a skateboard on a spiral ramp down the tower.)

*Wakko: So far so good (pizza lands in his hand)

(The suit of armor comes off the ramp on the ground, still on the skateboard. Ralph has a sandwich, but drops it when he sees the suit of armor.)

*Ralph: Duh, it’s one of those, things, uh.

(Ralph runs and grabs the phone, which has rope tied around it. He rips it out of the wall and runs out of his booth with it. The rope pulls on a rack outside, but there are two painters standing on this rack. They stumble. The suit of armor skates up and cuts the rope. Ralph falls backwards, and the painters rack tilts but doesn’t fall over. Dr. Otto Scratchansniff drives out in his car.)

*Otto: Oh, another day, another dollar.

(Since the rack was tilted, the paint cans from it fall onto Otto’s windshield. He crashes into a fire hydrant.)

*Otto: I’m alright, the airbag deployed!

(There is water spraying up from the fire hydrant, which splashes onto a streetlamp above it. This causes it to make electricity, which runs up a wire, that connects to a blimp carrying a massive anvil. This makes the propellor of the blimp spin. It moves forward, breaking off of the wire. It flies over to a farm, but the pinwheel on top of the barn pops the blimp. The anvil falls onto a ramp, which launched a cow on the other end of the ramp into the air. It flies to a rocket launching station, through the window, into the control room, where two people are working the controls of the rocket.)

*Man 1: What the-

(He accidentally pushes the button that says launch.)

*Man 2: Not yet, not yet!

(The rocket launches, and tilts a satellite, which sends a signal to a satellite dish on a building in the Warner lot. There is a rope attached to the satellite dish. The dish tilts towards the signal that it was previously facing away from. This pulls what looks like a parade float with a ramp on the side. There people drive up in a golf cart, then jump out. The golf cart goes up the ramp, and then comes out the other side, going the opposite direction it was before. This goes up the same ramp the suit of armor and skateboard went down earlier.)

*Wakko: (looking out the door) It’s workin’! Stand back!

(The Warners all move to the side. The golf cart slams the door forcefully, and the vibrations from that cause a saw bent around a handle to fling a pie. The pie lands on a poster of Weed Memlo.)

*Yakko: Uhhhh, Wakko, what does all this do, exactly?

*Wakko: (rubbing his hands together) You’re about to see.

(The pie slides off the poster, and hits a lever hinged in the middle. The other side lifts up, bushing a bowling ball. This lands in a compartment of a small Ferris wheel.)

*Wakko: (jumping) This is it! This is it!

(There is a pair of hands on one part of the Ferris wheel, which pick up a robot that’s in a sitting position. The ferries wheel moves up, then down, and sits the robot on a Whoopie Cushion. The Whoopie Cushion farts.)

*Wakko: (laughing hard) It worked! It worked!

*Yakko: (to Dot) You should see how he brushes his teeth.

Good Idea Bad Idea[]

*Narrator: It’s time for another Good Idea, Bad Idea. Good Idea - visiting the circus.

(Mr. Skullhead eats popcorn and watches elephants walk in a circle.)

*Narrator: Bad idea - having the circus visit you.

(Mr. Skullhead’s door heel rings, he answers it and it trampled by elephants.)

*Narrator: The end.

Ending[]

(Animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Yakko: (sniff sniff) There’s that smell again.

(The Warners all look at Yakko’s right foot)

*Warners: Ewwwwww!

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