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Theme Song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

While Bill Clinton plays the sax

We're Animaniacs

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animanie-,

Totally insane-y...

*Wakko:

Chicken chow meiny...

*Warners:

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

Intermission[]

(The Warners run out of the gate of the movie lot. Wakko stops and looks back, then keeps running. Ralph runs after them.)

Karaoke-Dokie[]

(The Warner lot is shown.)

*Dr. Otto Scratchansniff: Und now, kids, I would like to sing an oldie but goodie. With my own lyrics. (To the tune of I’ve been working on the railroad) Tell me all about your feelings, it’s how I earn my pay.

(The door of the water tower opens and the Warners look out.)

*Otto: I will analyze your problems, und help zem go away. Everybody now!

*Wakko: Is that Dr. Scratchansniff?

*Yakko: Either that or someone’s got a weasel in a headlock.

*Otto: Feelings!

*Wanrers: Scratchansniff.

*Dot: Let’s check it out.

(The Warners jump from the water tower and fall through the air.)

*Yakko: Hold it!

(The Warners all stop in midair.)

*Wakko: Oh. Whoops.

(Wakko runs down, puts down a swimming pool with a diving board, then runs back up, still in the air.)

*Dot: Thank you.

(The Warners all hit the diving board and bounce onto the ground in front of the pool. They run to a building that says Karaoke for Kids today.)

*Yakko: Karaoke for kids.

*Dot: Karaoke?

*Wakko: Sounds like a dessert!

*Dot: Or a vaccine.

*Otto: Feelings!

(The Warners all cringe.)

*Yakko: Or an illness.

(The Warners all walk inside. There are tables with adults sitting at them, but there is a stage at the front of the room with a crowd of kids in front. Otto is on stage. The children clap.)

*Otto: Oh, thank you kiddies, you’re too kind. Thank you.

(The kids are seen, all looking bored. Ralph is backstage, working a machine. The Warners run up to him.)

*Yakko: What’s that thing?

*Ralph: Kare, uh, ohhhh, okay!

*Yakko: Oh, that explains it.

(Ralph takes out a book.)

*Ralph: Yeah, you choose a song, I play da mosic, and den you sing for kids! Like, (snaps) You know, la la la la laaa!

(The Warners grab the book.)

*Dot: We wanna sing too!

(They flip through the book.)

*Dot: See if they have Disco Duck.

(Ralph takes out a clipboard, which shows rows of scribbled names.)

*Ralph: Then I sign you up and you wait your turn.

(Ralph writes on the clipboard.)

*Dot: A more hideous phrase has never been spoken!

(Dot falls down dramatically, Yakko catches her.)

*Yakko and Wakko: (angrily) Here here!

*Ralph: Well tough toenails! Willie Slackmer is next! (calling out) Uh, Willie Slackmer! You’re up!

(Willie is shown at a food counter.)

*Willie: The parfait, please.

(The Warners all see Willie and raise their eyebrows. Willie walks around, shaking all the kids’ hands.)

*Willie: De-lighted, thank you, yes, thank you. Thank you my, little friends my, small friends.

(Willie approaches the microphone.)

*Willie: Maestro, if, you please.

(Ralph presses a button and turns on music. The Warners are seen in the back of the crowd, sitting in chairs, looking bored. The lights dim, and a spotlight shines in Willie.)

*Willie: Bye, bye, black sheep. Have you, any wool. Yes sir, ooh, yes sir.. three bags full.

*Dot: I think there’s something missing.

*Yakko: Like talent?

*Willie: Three bags, three, bags… three bags full.

(Willie blows bubbles. The audience claps.)

*Willie: Thank you my, little friends, my, small friends.

*Yakko: Our turn!

(The Warners run up to the stage. Yakko runs up to the microphone, and Wakko and Dot run into Willie, sending all three off the stage.)

*Yakko: Okay, let’s hear it for Mr. Slackmer! Yipee, yahoo, what a guy, wow.

(Yakko, Wakko, and Dot all sit on a stool towards the back of the stage.)

*Yakko: And now, for your listening pleasure. A little song we call-

*Willie: Stop, it’s, still my turn. My, little friends, my, small friends.

*Dot: But we’re next on the list.

*Willie: Not, quite.

(Willie’s arm stretches to grab the list, and he shows it to the Warners. The list has Willie Slackmer from 2-84.)

*Yakko: Looks like an election ballot from Chile.

*Ralph: (imitating Willie) He’s right you, little kids, you, small kids.

*Dot: Oh, don’t you start that too.

(The Warners get off the stool, and Willie gets on.)

*Willie: And now, an, interpretation, of another favorite. Maestro. John. Jacob. Jingleheimer Schmidt. His name.. is my name too. Odd.

(The Warners are in their chairs at the back of the audience again.)

*Dot: (grabbing Yakko’s shoulders) We’re gonna lose our audience.

*Yakko: I’m gonna lose my lunch.

*Wakko: He needs help.

(The Warners all wink at the camera.)

*Willie: Whenever, we go out, the people, always shout, there goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.

(The Warners are seen in the back, each with their own microphones.)

*Warners: La la la la la la la!

(Willie falls off the stage. Yakko steps forward.)

*Yakko: And now, for some singing!

*Willie: What is, going on?

*Yakko: We are as soon as you get off.

*Willie: But, I’m entertaining my, little friends, my-

*Warners: (monotone) Small friends. Yeah, we know.

*Willie: I’m trying, to fill their lives, with joy.

*Yakko: (imitating Willie) Then you, should stop singing, right now.

(Willie grabs the microphone and walks back to the stage.)

*Willie: Maestro, next number.

(Ralph plays music again.)

*Willie: Jimmy crack corn, and I, don’t, care.

*Wakko: That makes two of us.

(Wakko grabs the microphone from him.)

*Willie: Return that-

(The microphone is thrown back, and lands in Willie’s mouth. The Warners are shown on the other side of the stage, Yakko is in a chair with Wakko next to him, and Dot has a net. Yakko has a fishing pole attached to the cord of the microphone.)

*Yakko: Oho, I got one! And he’s a fighter!

*Wakko: Must be 300 pounds!

(Yakko reels Willie in, and Dot catches him in a net. Then Willie gets attached to a hanging scale, while Yakko and Dot pose next to him, and Wakko holds a camera.)

*Wakko: Smile!

(Dot lifts the corner’s of Willie’s mouth to make him smile. The camera flashes, and the Warners run to the front of the stage. Dot has the microphone, Yakko has a guitar, and Wakko has a tuba.)

*Dot: And now, friends, the Warner trio is pleased to sing-

*Willie: Cease!

(Willie runs up to the Warners, who drop their instruments. Yakko silently imitates Willie as he talks.)

*Willie: I’m, not angry I, am, calm, and cool. But, you must-

(Willie looks at Yakko, who looks away and whistles the Animaniacs theme, but resumes imitating Willie when he resumes talking.)

*Willie: You must, accept the fact that-

(Willie looks over at Yakko again, who is now reading a newspaper, but quickly resumes talking.)

*Willie: That, it’s my turn, to- (looks at Yakko) Stop it!

*Yakko: Your turn to stop it?

(The Warners all jump and cheer.)

*Warners: Yay!

*Yakko: We we’re gettin’ tired of stopping it all by ourselves!

*Willie: That, not, what I said.

*Yakko: Oh, now now now, no fibbing. Wakko?

(Wakko pulls out a tape of Willie saying it was his turn to stop it.)

*Willie: I’m, not, leaving the stage, until I, sing, all my songs!

(The Warners fall off the stage.)

*Yakko: Well I guess he’ll just have to sing all, his songs!

*Willie: Maestro, if, you please.

(Ralph is about to start the music, but the Warners run up to him.)

*Yakko: Hey, it’s the Goodyear Donut!

*Ralph: Where! (gets up, runs) Chocolate!

(Yakko sits down where Ralph was, and Wakko and Dot pull back the curtain, revealing a whole organ attached to the small machine Ralph was at, though this organ didn’t have keys to play. The music starts.)

*Willie: Oh, my darling, oh, my darling, oh, my darling-

(The music speeds up.)

*Willie: Clementine.

(Wakko is turning a lever to speed up the music.)

*Willie: You are lost and gone forever, oh, my darling, Clementine.

(The music speeds up even more, Willie sings to keep up with it.)

*Willie: Old McDonald had a farm, EIEIO.

(Willie is visibly sweating, and the kids are laughing at him struggling. The Warners are seen backstage, working the machine, each wearing helmets and goggles.)

*Yakko: Only two more songs!

*Willie: London bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London bridge is falling down, my, fair, lady.

(The kids are laughing a lot watching Willie try to keep up with the fast music. Pipes above the machine start to break.)

*Wakko: She can’t take any more, Cap’n.

(Willie is running in fast circles on stage, his stool is turned over.)

*Willie: Round and round the Mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel.

(The children can be seen laughing, the Warners quickly leave.)

*Willie: Monkey thought it was all in fun, pop-

(The machine explodes. Once the smoke clears, Willie is charred.)

*Willie: (strained) Goes the weasel.

(Willie falls over, and his toupee falls off. The Warners are seen by the broken machine.)

*Yakko: What do you think?

*Wakko: It’s still workin’!

*Yakko: Let’s go, sibs!

(The Warners run to the stage, but are stopped by Ralph.)

*Ralph: Hey, youse, there’s no Goodyear Donut!

*Yakko: Good for you, Ralph, but we’re on.

*Ralph: Oh, no you’re not.

(Ralph picks up the Warners.)

*Ralph: There’s still one more person before you.

*Dot: Who?

*Ralph: Lenny Neeboy, you’re up!

(Lenny walks up to the stage and grabs the microphone.)

*Lenny: Maestro. This, old man. He played one. He played knickknack on my thumb.

(Yakko grabs the list and flips the paper over. Lenny is listed many times before Yakko, Wakko, and Dot.)

*Lenny: With a knickknack paddy whack, give your dog a bone. This old man came rolling home.

*Dot: Oh, I get it, it’s a whole Star Trek gag thing. Uh-huh-huh.

*Warners: Cut it out, already, please?

Pinky and the Brain Intro[]

(music)

*Pinky: Gee, Brain, whaddaya wanna do tonight?

*The Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.

*Warners:

They're Pinky and The Brain

(Yakko unlocks cage.)

Yes, Pinky and The Brain

(The mice are shown in x-ray, Brain has formulas and gears in his head, and Pinky has no brain.)

One is a genius

The other's insane

They’re laboratory mice

(Both get zapped)

Their genes have been spliced

They're dinky, they're Pinky and

The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,

*Yakko:

Brain.

Cranial Crusader[]

(A field is shown at night. A car drives down a road.)

*Narrator: As the Caped Opossum’s awesome vehicle, the Power Possum, roars from our hero’s latest crime-busting trial, the Caped Opossum puts pedal to the metal and sweeps back to his top-secret possum lair!

(The vehicle parachutes to a door, which opens. The vehicle goes inside, then the door closes. The vehicle stops, and the door opens and a man gets out. It is a person wearing a possum mask.)

*Possum: Chalk up another win for law enforcement victory, Al.

*Al: Exceptional, sir. Remote?

(Al has the remote on a platter.)

*Possum: Thanks. (grabs remote) Let’s see if I made the 11:00 news.

(Possum and Al walk away. Pinky and the Brain are on a shelf near the car. Pinky is holding a comic book.)

*Pinky: What spectacular adventure awaits the Caped Opossum in his next glorious issue?

(Brain grabs the comic book from him.)

*Brain: Grow up, Pinky!

(Brain looks at the comic book.)

*Brain: This Caped Opossum is a self-obsessed nocturnal loon with a dreadful fashion sense.

*Pinky: Oh, that's not true, Brain! He’s a crime-fighting genius! Narf!

(The news is on, and criminals are being seen led away into a police van.)

*Reporter: Tonight, the Caped Opossum’s calling card was found again, making a near-perfect record for the masked marsupial, having captured every major criminal, except for arch-fiend, Johnny Batnote.

*Possum: (gasps) That cursed Johnny Batnote. He’s the only thing that stands between me and true superhero fame.

(Possum cries while him and Al walk into another room, Al’s arm on his shoulder.)

*Possum: At this rate there’ll never be a move about me!

*Al: There, there, sir.

*Brain: Pinky, are you pondering what I’m pondering?

*Pinky: Well, I think so, Brain, but I can’t memorize a whole opera in Yiddish.

*Brain: Pinky, you are a threat to tolerance.

(Brain unlocks their cage with his tail.)

*Brain: I shall become a costumed, crime-fighting hero and thwart Johnny Batnote, overshadowing the Caped Opossum. Then, I will use the superhero’s fame and forum to rule the world!

(Brain opens the cage.)

*Pinky: Egad, Brain, brilliant! Oh, wait, no, a real hero needs more than a costume!

*Brain: You mean, a novel type of jet propulsion?

*Pinky: No, your own comic book!

(The scene changes to in front of the Possum’s car, where Pinky hops down, wearing a costume and mask.)

*Pinky: Ta-da! The Pink Wonder is ready for action! Brain?

(Brain is shown, also in costume.)

*Brain: Call me by my new heroic identity, the Cranial Crusader!

*Pinky: Narf…

*Brain: When I apprehend arch-fiend Johnny Batnote, I will leave this, my heroic calling card. The Cranial Crusader has arrived! To the driver’s seat, Pink Wonder!

(The mice hop into the car and start driving.)

*Pinky: Zounds, you’re a good driver, Brain!

*Brain: I’ve watched a lot of Dukes of Hazard.

(Pinky is using his tail and ink to draw in a book.)

*Pinky: The Cranial Crusader blasted off into the night! Va-room!

*Brain: Be quiet, Pink Wonder.

*Pinky: I’m just working on your comic, Brain!

(The car pulls to the edge of a cliff, overlooking several warehouses.)

*Brain: Shh, Johnny Batnote’s hideout is among those warehouses. We must get closer.

*Pinky: Too bad we can’t use the Power Possum’s prehensile tail hook to lower ourselves down.

*Brain: Wha.. who says we can’t? Where’s the button for that thing?

(Brain pushes a button, and the tail hooks onto a tree behind them, the cord stretching over a railroad. Brain flips a switch, and lowers the car down. A train starts coming in the distance. The train snaps the cord, and the car falls down. The mice scream and are pressed against the back window, along with a remote.)

*Brain: Fire reverse thrusters!

(Pinky presses a button on the remote, the car accelerates downwards faster.)

*Brain: I said reverse thrusters!

(The car crashes into the ground. Pinky climbs on top of a phone book.)

*Brain: A little help. Yoo-hoo, Pink Wonder.

(Pinky opens the phone book to a page, in which there is a mouse-shaped hole and Brain’s tail sticking out. Brain gets out of the hole.)

*Brain: (dazed) Did you know this phone book has three separate listings for nitro-burning funny cars?

(The scene changes to show Brain in front of the cars control panel.)

*Brain: Now the question is, which gadget shall I use to ferret out that criminal’s vile lair?

*Pinky: How about the legendary Power Sniffer, Cranial Crusader?

*Brain: Uhhhh-of course. Pink Wonder, the, power sniffer. Let’s activate!

*Pinky: Right!

(Pinky presses a button, folds down the handles of a camera, flips a switch, and presses a red button.)

*Brain: You seem to know much of the crime fighter business, Pinky.

*Pinky: I learned everything from these comic books, Brain!

(Pinky tries to pull a lever, but breaks it off instead.)

*Brain: My confidence in this mission is dwindling.

(A large nose comes out of the hood of the car.)

*Pinky: Voilà, Brain, the power sniffer!

(The nose sniffs in the direction of a warehouse, then the car starts to drive forward towards it.)

*Pinky: Egad, it must really smell something stinky!

(The car crashes through the side of the warehouse. The nose goes limp. Pinky and the Brain get out of the car.)

*Pinky: Oh, sorry, Cranial Crusader.

*Brain: It’s quite all right, Pink Wonder, for, in your perversely original way, you’ve led us inside arch-fiend Johnny Batnote’s criminal lair!

(Many instruments are shown inside the lair, such as guitar, drums, and harp.)

*Pinky: How can you tell?

*Brain: Now to thwart the arch-twerp Johnny Batnote. This should be child’s play.

(Pinky and the Brain and run over by a piano.)

*Johnny: If that’s not a song, you, my name’s not Johnny Batnote!

(Johnny picks up the mice.)

*Johnny: Miniature crime fighters? I’ve got to get out more.

*Brain: Actually, we are two lab mice dressed for a plan to take over the world!

*Johnny: (laughs) You’re welcome to take over the world, as soon as I blow it up! (singing) Oh, I’m Johnny Batnote, arch-fiend, felon slime. The public didn’t like my songs and so I turned to crime.

(Johnny puts the two mice in the hole of a pin in an ornamental egg. There is a rope attached to this pin, and the pother side of the rope is attached to a metronome. Johnny starts the metronome, slowly pulling the pin out of the egg.)

*Johnny: When my metronome yanks out your firing pin, my music box egg grenade will play lovely music for a few precious seconds, before kaboom!- It gives me your last downbeat.

*Brain: You call that a diabolical plan?

*Johnny: Oh, there’s more! When I hear the downbeat, I’ll play my missile-launching pipe organ and blow up the world! Is that diabolical enough?

*Brain: Yes!

(Johnny sits down at the organ and gets ready to play. Pinky sees his comic book under one of the feet of the egg.)

*Pinky: Narf! My comic book!

(Pinky pulls himself and Brain out of the pin. They pull the comic book out, but tip over the egg. It falls off the table, and then the pin lands. The egg, flying in the air, can be heard playing music. Brain lays down his calling card, which is next to a bottle of ink.)

*Brain: Pinky, let’s get out of here!

(Brain and Pinky run. The egg bounces off the strings of a piano, harp, and guitar, and then under Johnny’s feet.

*Johnny: What’s keeping that downbeat?

(Johnny hears the egg ticking under him and looks down. His pupils get very large, then the egg explodes. Missiles fire from the warehouse, and Pinky and The Brain run into their car and drive away. The ceiling is falling in, and pieces of it fall down. This causes the ink to spill onto the calling card that Brain left. A drum falls on top of Johnny. The scene changes, and Pinky and the Brain are watching the news from their cage.)

*Reporter: In other news, tonight, arch-fiend Johnny Batnote was finally captured by a masterful crime-fighter and a great hero.

*Brain: Here it comes, Pinky. Our validation!

*Reporter: The Caped Opossum.

*Brain: What?!

*Reporter: Authorities sight the Caped Opossum’s calling card, found at the scene of the blast.

(The calling card is shown, which has been covered up by ink in a way so that it looks like the Caped Opossums calling card. Brain uses a toothpick to press a button on the remote to turn off the TV. Brain walks over to Pinky, who is reading a comic book.)

*Brain: This is the last time I’ll let comic books get in the way of intellect, Pinky. We must forget tonight, and plan for tomorrow night.

*Pinky: What are we doing tomorrow night, Brain?

*Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

*Pinky: Oh, right, I remember. (writes in comic book) Try to take over the world.

*Warners:

They’re dinky,

They’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,

*Yakko:

Brain.

The Chicken Who Loved Me[]

(A building is seen in London called the secret service. There are three people inside.)

*Man 1: The situation in the Tahiti is critical, P.

*P: That’s why I’ve sent for my best agent. Ah, here he is. Mr. Hooper, this is Boo. James Boo.

(Boo is seen dressed in a suit and sunglasses.)

*P: Great double agent.

(Boo sits down in the chair.)

*Woman: Boo is an expert in counter-intelligence. Nobody does it better.

(She hugs and kisses Boo on the cheek. She faints over backwards.)

*P: Miss Hennypenny’s right, he’s a genius.

*Hooper: He’s a chicken.

*P: What?

*Hooper: He’s a chicken, P. A giant chicken. He’ll never get through to Dr. Not.

*P: Never say never again, Hooper.

*Hooper: I’m telling you, he’s a chicken! I’m gonna go, P.

*P: What? Why did he have to leave, very well. Don’t worry about anything. Boo’s your man.

(Miss Hennypenny gets up.)

*P: Boo, this is for your eyes only. (hands Boo photo) That’s the infamous Dr. Not. He set up a missile (incomprehensible) in Tahiti. Your mission is to go down there and prevent him from destroying the world. (hands Boo pen) I want you to take this with you. The boys in the land told me it’s called a.. pen or something. Be careful, it leaks.

(Boo is seen on a small boat with a fan in the back in the ocean. He approaches an island with two men and a large rocket on it. One of the men is Dr. Not, the other is his henchman.)

*Dr. Not: First we bomb all the major cities, New York, Moscow, then the world! (laughs)

(The henchman sees Boo coming.)

*Henchman: Look!

(Boo’s boat flies over them, and then into the air. He then lands in front of them, kicking sand up into them with his boat. His boat collapses itself into a small suitcase.)

*Not: It’s Boo. James Boo. Great double-A seven! Get him, Day Labor!

(Day Labor approaches Boo, who squirts him in the face with ink from his pen. Day Labor wipes the ink off, but then Boo takes out a small machine. He puts his foot in the handle and turns the lever, and the top part becomes a helicopter. Boo flies up, then takes out a box labeled Hen Grenades. He opens it, and there are six egg-like grenades. The inside of the box resembles an egg carton. Boo takes out one of the grenades, pulls the pin with his teeth, then drops it over Dr. Not and Day Labor. They both run away before the grenade lands, leaving a small crater in the ground. Boo drops another grenade on Dr. Not, but instead of exploding it just breaks like a normal egg in his face. Boo runs into the missile, and he and his helicopter machine fall.)

*Not: Now we’ve got him! I’m through playing around, Boo James Boo!

(Dr. Not snaps, and Say Labor gets a tub with shark fins in it. The sharks stick their heads out of the water.j

*Not: Sink him!

(The sharks jump out of the water and wrestle with Boo. His clothes are thrown off in the process.)

*Not: Heel!

(The sharks stop, revealing that Boo is a chicken. The sharks stop and scratch their heads. Dr. Not and Day Labor gasp, and Boo clucks questioningly.)

*Not: He’s a chicken!

(The sharks jump back into the water. Hooper comes up to Boo with a camera and takes his photo.)

*Hooper: I told you that guy was a chicken!

*Not: Oh, how I like chicken. Fried! (laughs)

(Chicken Boo clucks, then is shown tired to the rocket with rope. The rocket launches, and then goes into space. Chicken boo uses his beak to peck himself free of the rope, but then clings to the rocket, clucking scaredly. The scene changes, and a photo of Boo is seen on a desk.)

*Hooper: I told you that guy was a chicken!

*P: I’m sorry we fouled up, Hooper. I had no idea Boo, James Boo, was a chicken!

*Miss Hennypenny: (tearing up) Yes. The chicken who loved me.. (looks out the window)

(Chicken Boo crash lands on a planet, and the Earth can be seen rising in the background. Chicken Boo hops around in the low gravity.)

*Singer:

You wear a disguise to look like human guys,

But you’re not a man,

You’re a chicken, Boo.

Ending[]

(Animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Yakko: And remember, Yakko spelled backwards is okkay!

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