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Dot’s Poetry Corner[]

*Narrator: And now, Dot’s Poetry Corner.

*Dot: (clears throat) Jack Sprat. Jack Sprat could eat no fat, so he became macrobiotic and a giant pain in the neck. Thank you.

*Narrator: This has been another visit to Dot’s Poetry Corner.

Theme Song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

While Bill Clinton plays the sax

We're Animaniacs

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animanie-,

Totally insane-y...

*Yakko:

Dana Delany

*Warners:

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

Baloney and Kids[]

*Kid: Baloney and Kids is brought you by this station and other stations that lack clever programming.

(The station’s logo, which is the Warners is shown, along with the letters SBS, and the words Stupid Broadcasting Service. Then we can see the logo of Baloney and Kids, which is Baloney and five children marching along a line, though the line bulges downward when Baloney steps on it because of his weight. Children start singing the theme song. When Baloney reached the end of the line, it flips over and flings the kids out of frame.)

*Kids: (singing to the tune of Yankee Doodle)

Baloney is our friendly friend

That we made up ourselves

He likes to play and sing all day

That we made up ourselves

(The scene changes to an elementary school classroom. There is a stuffed dinosaur on a stool, which is bright orange, with an aqua stomach and aqua spots. Two kids come in.)

*Boy: Boy, there’s nothing better to do after school than stay at school and play!

*Girl: I love school so much, I wish I could marry it!

(The boy looks confused for a moment, but then stops.)

*Boy: Hey, we can pretend!

(The stuffed dinosaur sparkles, then becomes real, and is about the size of an adult.)

*Baloney: Did someone say pretend? (laughs)

*Boy/Girl: Baloney!

(The children both run and hug Baloney)

*Boy: We brought some new friends to play!

*Baloney: Oh goody, goody! (laughs)

(The boy motions to the door.)

*Boy: Come on in! It’s Yakko, Wakko, and Dot!

(The Warners are pushed inside your a man. They glare at the door, but then smile politely when a spotlight shines on them. Baloney walks towards the Warners, who back away.)

*Baloney: (laughs) I’m so glad you’re here! There’s nothing like new friendly friend to make me feel all warm and yum-yum-doodle-dum inside! (laughs)

(The Warners try to run, but Baloney grabs them and swings them around. Baloney drops the Warners, who pant. The cameras are shown on the film set. The boy and girl who introduced the Warners clap. Baloney then grabs the Warners again.)

*Baloney: All set for some gosh-n-gollyacious fun and game-a-loo’s? (laughs, drops Warners)

(The Warners get up.)

*Baloney: Are ya?

*Yakko: Uhhh, I don't think so. Gotta run. We’ll just catch a cab, thanks.

(Baloney puts on a cab driver’s hat and pretends to turn a steering wheel.)

*Baloney: Neato completeo yippe! Let’s all get a pretend cab! (laughs) Vroom, va-room!

(The boy checks his watch.)

*Boy: Gee, I’d like to, Baloney, but I’ve got to do my homework before I help my mom make dinner!

*Girl: And I’ve got to iron my bed.

*Boy/Girl: Yay!

(The boy and girl happily run past the Warners.)

*Yakko: Wait! Take us!

(The boy and girl leave. Baloney ales to them with his cab driver’s hat.)

*Baloney: Bye bye, kids! Have funny-fun yum yum fun fun yum fun!

(Baloney steps away from the door, and the Warners can be seen on their knees before the door closes. Baloney turns to the Warners.)

*Baloney: Looks like it’s just us! (laughs)

*Dot: (sarcastically) Imagine our delight.

*Baloney: Imagine? Why I’d love to imagine! But I need a little help from the prince and princesses of props!

(Two women and a man come in, all are attractive and wearing royal hats. One princess and the prince are wheeling in a whiteboard, while the other princess is holding a box.)

*Yakko and Wakko: Hello princesses of props nurses!

(The prince and princesses of props leave.)

*Baloney: Now, wanna sing the imagine song?

*Yakko: Uh, not really. Is that cute girl coming back?

*Baloney: Cute girl? Goshems, Yakko, I don’t know what you’re talking about!

*Yakko: There’s a shocker.

(Song starts, Baloney puts each letter on the whiteboard as it is said.)

*Baloney:

'I' is for 'Imagine'

'M' is for 'Me'

'A' is for the letter 'A'

(Warners are shown looking bored but still watching.)

'G' is for 'Gee'

'I' is for ... 'Imagine'

'N' is for 'Nice'

'E' is for 'Egad, I said "imagine" twice!' (laughs)

*Yakko: (sarcastically) Great song..

*Baloney: Thanks! Let’s hug!

(Wakko and Dot brace themselves, Yakko puts his hands in front of himself.)

*Yakko: Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh, why don’t you just go ahead and image that too, huh?

*Baloney: Okay! (laughs) I love me! (crosses arms) Yum-yum-doodle-dum! (laughs)

*Yakko: Yeah..

(The Warners are all holding suitcases)

*Yakko: Well, it’s been fun, friend, but we’ve got to get back to planet reality now.

*Baloney: Greta idea! Let’s play astronauts in outer space! (laughs, hops around) Hello mission control! (laughs)

(The Warners rush up to a large control panel with screens and buttons, Yakko and Dot are wearing a headset.)

*Yakko: Hello, Baloney. (imitates his laugh) Our sensors shows that you’re out of oxygen.

*Wakko: (holds up hand) Goodbye.

*Dot: You’ll be remembered as a hero.

(Baloney grabs his throat and pretends to suffocate.)

*Baloney: (strained) Maybe we should stop pretending.. (coughs)

*Yakko: (no longer at control panel) That could be tough. We have very strong imaginations.

*Baloney: (hugging Yakko) You’re silly. (laughs)

*Yakko: Boy, that’s the pot calling the kettle black. (pushes Baloney away)

*Baloney: I know! Let’s make masks and guess who we are!

(Baloney hops around.)

*Baloney: (singing)

I hold up a mask

Lingy-lingy-loo

You guess who I am

Lingy-lingy-loo (laughs)

*Wakko: Are we being punished?

*Yakko and Dot: Yes.

(Baloney makes a mask on a paper plate, but the face drawn on the mask is obviously himself.)

*Baloney: Guess who? (laughs)

*Wakko: Is it… Abraham Lincoln?

*Baloney: (laughs) No.

*Dot: Hm.. could it be Nancy Kerrigan?

*Baloney: (laughs) No!

*Yakko: Is it a.. big fat polyester dinosaur who’s the color of an international house of pancakes with a paper plate over his face?

*Baloney: No! It’s me! Baloney!

*Warners: You’re kidding!

*Baloney: Now why don’t you make masks and I’ll guess who you are!

(Baloney pushes the Warners over to a table.)

*Yakko: Um, because we’d rather have lunch with the princesses of props?

(Wakko nods. The Warners are shown at the table, drawing on paper plates. They all hold up their masks, which are realistic drawings of people.)

*Baloney: Hm.. gee! (scratches head) I don’t know who you are!

*Yakko: I’m Vladimir Horowitz!

*Dot: I’m Gertrude Stein!

*Wakko: And I’m Gustav Anvil, the inventor of the anvil!

(Baloney points and laughs.)

*Baloney: All those were good masks!

*Yakko: Hey, Wakko gave me another idea! (stands up) Let’s sing the anvil song!

*Baloney: Gee, goshems, Yakko, I don’t know that one!

*Yakko: Don’t worry, you’ll catch on real quick.

(Dot grabs Yakko’s arm and drags him away a few feet.)

*Dot: Yakko, is our use of falling anvils going to be a bit excessive?

*Yakko: ..Yup.

*Dot: Okay.

(Yakko and Dot walk back over to where they were.)

*Warners: The anvil song!

(song starts)

*Yakko:

An anvil's black and shiny

*Dot:

It's very heavy too

*Wakko:

So watch out, my chubby friend

*Warners:

Or one will fall on you!

*Baloney: (spoken) On me? Heh hah huh huh!

(An anvil falls on Baloney’s head, making a loud clanging noise.)

*Dot: (spoken) That wasn't pretty.

*Yakko: But it had to be done.

(Wakko and Dot nod.)

*Baloney: Heh huh huh huh huh!

(Baloney starts to get up, the Warners run away. Baloney grabs the anvil off his face and casually tosses it behind him.)

*Baloney: Great song! Heh huh huh huh! Neato completo yippie!

(The Warners are now hiding behind sandbags and barbed wire, Yakko and Dot have binoculars. They are all wearing army uniforms and helmets.)

*Wakko: It's unstoppable!

*Yakko: Call in the National Guard!

*Dot: Or Tonya Harding's bodyguard!

*Baloney: Let's sing it again! I lovey-dovey loved it!

*Warners: Okay!

(song resumes)

*Yakko:

It's made of solid iron

*Dot:

It weighs a ton or two

*Wakko:

We know you'd like to meet it

*Warners:

It wants to meet you too!

*Baloney: Huh hu--

(Baloney is again crushed by an anvil with makes a clanging noise. Baloney gets up from the hole in the ground and pulls the anvil off his face.)

*Baloney: (spoken) Yay! (laughs) Let's do it again!

*Yakko: Now it's gettin' scary.

(Baloney walks towards the Warners, laughing, his stomps shaking the ground. A cuckoo clock on the wall goes off.)

*Clock: Yum-dum-doodle-dum! Cuckoo!

*Baloney: Oh, darn. My friendly friend tells me that it's time for us to go.

*Warners: Aww.

*Baloney: I know, I know. But we still get to sing the goodbye song! (laughs)

(The Warners and Baloney all line up in a line, holding hands.)

*All: We love you

*Baloney: I love we

*Warners: He's as dumb as dumb can be

*Baloney: (spoken) Yup, uh huh! Huh huh huh!

*All: (sung) But we found a way that we can get along

*Baloney: I stand still

*All: For the Anvil Song.

(The Warners all run away)

*Baloney: Uh huh huh huh huh huh huh!

(Baloney is hit with yet another anvil, making a clanging noise. Baloney laughs.)

*Yakko: (looking up) Who’s droppin’ those anvils anyway?

(The prince and princesses of props are shown on a high platform with anvils on it.)

*Princess 1: Take us with you!

*Princess 2: Don’t leave us, please!

*Prince: Free us from the lumpy thing!

*Prince/Princesses: Take us with you!

(The prince and princesses all fall and land in a Warner’s arms, with Yakko and Wakko catching princesses and Dot catching the prince.)

*Yakko: Neato complete yippee.

(The Warners each kiss their prince/princess. Baloney stands up, dazed and laughing.)

Buttons and Mindy Intro[]

*Mindy: Buttons, oh Buttons!

(Buttons runs, then falls down a deep hole)

*Mindy: (laughs) Silly puppy!

Super Buttons[]

(Buttons is running on a racing track, he has a superhero top and cape. He passes greyhounds.)

*Narrator: Faster than a speeding greyhound!

(Buttons gets hit by a bus. He then lands in an alleyway in front of a Doberman.)

*Narrator: More powerful than a Doberman Pinscher!

(Buttons growls, the Doberman retreats, whimpering. Buttons follows him, but then several Dobermans come out of the shadows. Buttons whimpers. The Dobermans jump on and attack Buttons. Buttons is then seen flying over the city.)

*Woman 1: Look! Up in the sky!

*Man 1: It’s a bird!

*Woman 2: It’s a plane!

*Man 2: No, it’s Super Buttons!

*Woman 1: And I hear he’s not housebroken!

(The crowd runs screaming.)

*Narrator: Yes, Super Buttons. Strange family pet, with powers and abilities far beyond mortal mutt.

(Buttons chases a frisbee.)

*Narrator: Yes, Super Buttons, who can retrieve a frisbee really fast. Who can bend cold steel with his bare hands.

(Buttons is hit by a train, then is shown bandaged.)

*Narrator: And, who, disguised as Buttons, mild-mannered pet of Super Mindy,

(Mindy hugs Buttons.)

*Narrator: Fights a never-ending battle to keep Mindy out of harms way.

(Buttons keeps Mindy from stepping on a nail. He then waves goodbye to her and sits on the nail, then yelps and jumps. Buttons is then shown further bandaged.)

*Mindy: (hugs Buttons and laughs) Silly puppy.

*Narrator: Super Buttons!

(In the city, a house with a yard is shown. Mindy is in the yard, tethered to a tree. Buttons is in his doghouse on the other side of the yard. Mindy is playing with a top. Mindy’s Mom and Dad fly down in front of her, both also dressed in superhero outfits.)

*Mindy’s Mom: Now, Mindy, you be good out here. Your father and I need a rest after defending truth, justice, and the American way!

*Mindy: Okay super lady!

*Mindy’s Mom: Please don’t call me that. Call me mommy, mom, or mother, but not super lady.

*Mindy: Okay super lady I love you buh-bye!

*Mindy’s Mom: Maybe she got into some kryptonite.

*Mindy’s Dad: Now, Buttons, keep an eye on Mindy and see that she stays out of trouble.

(Buttons barks at Mindy’s parents as they go inside. Buttons lays down in front of his doghouse, yawns, and goes to sleep. A bird lands in the branch of Mindy’s tree and chirps at her. The bird lands in front of Mindy.)

*Mindy: Birdy pretty!

(Mindy tries to grab the bird, which flies away. Mindy gets up and tries to walk after it, but falls because she is attached to her harness. The bird lands on the fence of Mindy’s yard. It chirps at her, then flies away. Mindy tries to run after it, but can’t because of her harness, so she uses her strength o break out of it. She tosses the broken harness away, and flies after the bird. Buttons wakes up and sees Mindy flying away, so he runs back into his doghouse, and changes into his superhero outfit. Buttons flies after Mindy, who flies into a storm cloud. They both fly out, but it is raining, so Buttons takes out an umbrella. He gets struck by lighting, and is charred and smoking, then falls into a dumpster. He sees a wrecking ball fly into a building, and sees Mindy walking along a wall towards it.)

*Mindy: Birdy, birdy!

(He flies after her, but gets hit by the wrecking ball. Buttons is smashed into the building, and then looks down and sees Mindy walking into traffic.)

*Mindy: Birdy!

(The bird goes under a bus, so Mindy lifts up the bus and looks after the bird.)

*Mindy: Peek-a-boo birdy!

(Mindy tosses the bus aside, and buttons catches it with one hand. It then falls on top of him and crushes him. Buttons slides out from under the bus, and gets a bump on his head. The bird flies and lands on top of a large clock on the front of a building, and Mindy follows, grabbing one hand of the clock. The clock leans downward, but the bird flies inside the building and Mindy follows. Buttons sniffs, then uses x-ray vision to see through the wall of the bank. Two men are holding three people tied together with rope at gunpoint. Buttons gets mad, and sees the two men by the vault. The bird lands on top of the vault, and Mindy goes up to one of the robbers.)

*Mindy: Watcha doin’, mr. man?

*Man: What’s it look like, we’re robbin’ the bank.

(The other man puts dynamite by the vault to blow it up)

*Mindy: Why?

*Man: ‘Cause we’re bank robbers.

*Mindy: Why?

*Man: ‘Cause that’s what bad guys do!

*Mindy: Why?

*Man: ‘Cause maybe our mothers didn’t hug us when we was kids!

(The other man lights the stick of dynamite. The bird flies away.)

*Mindy: Okay I love you buh-bye!

(Buttons comes in through the wall.)

*Man: Yikes, it’s Super Buttons! Scram!

(The two men run away. Buttons realizes he is by a lit stick of dynamite and runs. He goes into an office, and uses the furniture to board the door. He pants, then realizes there are many lit sticks of dynamite in the room. Buttons throws all the furniture away from the door and runs down the stairs. He goes into a trap door, then drills down through the ground. He goes to a deep hole in the ground and lights a match. He ends up lighting several sticks of dynamite, which all explode instantaneously. Smoke comes from the bank as Buttons wanders out, charred. A policeman is talking to Mindy while another policemen puts the two bank robbers in a car.)

*Policeman: We’ve been after these hooligans for months! Why, thank you Super Mindy!

(The bird is on a streetlamp, then it flies away.)

*Mindy: Okay I love you buh-bye!

(Mindy flies away.)

*Policeman: Fine girl.

(The policeman gets into his car and backs up, running over Buttons who had wandered behind it. The scene changes to city hall.)

*Mayor: As your mayor, let me assure you that I have never seen any carnivorous spider people living atop city hall.

(A spider person is seen above him on the side of city hall.)

*Spider: I’d say it’s time the mayor got some new glasses! (laughs)

*Mayor: I’ll give 10 bucks to anyone that sees a spider person.

(Mindy lands by the mayor.)

*Mayor: Heck, I’ll make it uh, 50. Uh, 50 bucks to anyone that sees a, uh, spider person. Bets are off.

(The spider person throws a net at the mayor. Buttons sees and gets caught in he net to protect the mayor and Mindy. The spider person pulls button up and unwraps the net, licking it’s lips. Buttons whimpers and runs. Buttons flies down to the street, and calls a cab, which drives to Acme Hardware. Buttons goes in, buys something, and flies back out. The cab drives back to city hall, and Buttons flies back up to the spider person with a bag in his mouth. Buttons then takes out a bottle of big spray and sprays the spider person. The spider person coughs and runs out of city hall. The spider person also calls a cab and goes to Acme Hardware. They take out a giant flyswatter and hit Buttons twice. Mindy flies back towards their yard.)

*Mindy: Birdy!

(The bird eats a worm from the ground, and Mindy puts her harness back on and continues okaying with her top. Buttons climbs back into the yard.)

*Mindy’s Mom: Buttons! You bad dog!

*Mindy’s Dad: We told you to keep an eye kn Mindy and you went out of the yard! Shame on you, shame on you!

*Mindy’s Mom: And there’ll be no treats for you!

(Mindy flies over to Buttons.)

*Mindy: Buttons..

(Mindy kisses Buttons on the cheek. Buttons and Mindy are shown with a globe in the background, but the bird flies by.)

*Mindy: Okay I love you buh-bye!

(Mindy flies off, and an American flag is shown in the background,)

Katie Ka-Boom Intro[]

(Phone rings, answered by Katie)

*Narrator (singing):

She's Katie Ka-Boom, Katie Ka-Boom

She lives in a house with a garden in bloom

Her family knows that any time soon

Their little lady, Katie goes ka-boom

(House literally gets vaporized)

Katie Ka-Boom: The Driving Lesson[]

(The family pulls to a stop in a car.)

*Katie’s Dad: Well, now that you have a learner’s permit, Francis, how would you like to drive the rest of the way home?

*Katie: Yes! (hugs dad)

*Katie’s Mom: I can’t believe it. Our little Katie’s first driving lesson.

*Katie: Me, driving. This is so cool.

(The family gets out of the car and switches spots with each other so that Katie is in the driver’s seat.

*Dad: First thing’s first, now, ya-ya always fasten your seatbelt.

*Katie: I know that, Daddy, I took driver’s ed.

*Dad: Next adjust your mirrors, honey, ‘cause you have to see what’s behind you.

*Katie: (annoyed) I know that, Daddy.

*Dad: Now take a (sniffs) deep breath, there ya go, now start up the car.

*Katie: (mad) I know what I’m doing!

(The car starts.)

*Mom: Listen to your father, Katie. He’s got years of experience.

*Katie: I know how to drive, Mom! (eyes glow white)

*Brother: (gulps)

*Katie: I know how to drive! I know how to drive!!

(Katie becomes a green monster with purple eyes and pointed teeth. The car fills up with green gas. Katie grabs the shift stick and shifts it, then presses the gas pedal. The car drives forward.)

*Dad: (scared) K-Katie, please try to keep a cool head.

(Katie has an orange siren on top of her head.)

*Katie: My head is cool! (roars)

(Katie goes past a stop sign and a bug splats on the windshield.)

*Mom: Katie: You’re overreacting. We’re only trying to help.

(Katie pushes her head up and bends back the hood of the car, which falls off.)

*Katie: I’m not overreacting! I’m a teenager!

(Katie swipes at the front of the car, which comes off. She drives towards two people and a construction machine in the road. The two people jump out of the way as Katie swerves through the equipment.)

*Dad: K-Katie, sweetie, look out for the FIRE HYDRANT!

(The car runs over the fire hydrant, breaking it. The backseat of the car is soaked with water.)

*Mom: Keep your eyes on the road and your hands on the wheel, darling.

*Katie: Maybe you want to try!

(Katie rips out the steering wheel and hands it to her mom. Katie’s brother braces his head.)

*Mom (with megaphone, to street) Attention, attention, student driver on oak tree lane. Clear the area, I repeat, clear the area.

(Various people gasp and scream and run away, including a dog. People and pets are seen running down the street, and others are seen boarding up windows. Katie drives down the street, hitting trash cans and mail boxes. Tahoe drives through a pool, spilling all the water out. She drives through a picnic table, and through a fence.)

*Dad: Mayday! Mayday! Batten the airbags, we’re goin’ down!

*Katie: Stop it! You’re making me nervous!

(Karie crashes through the door of her garage. The steering wheel ends up in a basketball basket above the garage. Her family gets out of the car and kisses the driveway. Katie comes out of the garage holding the Kay’s, now human and calm again.)

*Katie: Thanks for the driving lesson, Daddy!

*Dad: Huh? Oh, yeah, a-any time, princess.

(Katie gives her dad the car keys and goes inside.)

*Mom: Teenagers should be locked away until they’re 30.

*Narrator: (singing)

Her family knows that any time soon

Their little lady Katie goes (steering wheel falls) Ka-boom

Dot’s Poetry Corner[]

*Narrator: And now, Dot’s Poetry Corner.

*Dot: (clears throat) 30 days. 30 days hath September, April, June, and November. All the rest have 31, except for my uncle who was given 30 to life. Thank you.

*Narrator: This has been another visit to Dot’s Poetry Corner.

Ending[]

(Animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Mindy: Okay I love you, buh-bye!

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