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Theme Song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

While Bill Clinton plays the sax

We're Animaniacs

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animanie-,

Totally insane-y...

*Yakko:

Miss Cellany

*Warners:

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

Goodfeathers Intro[]

*Singer: When the birds hit the street lookin' for food to eat

That's Goodfeathers

*Chorus: That's Goodfeathers

*Singer: When I'm cooin' at you and you're cooin' at me

That's Goodfeathers

Take no guff 'cause they're tough

Strut their stuff no cream puffs

That's Goodfeathers!

(Martin Scorsese statue falls on Goodfeathers.)

With Three You Get Eggroll[]

*Squit: As far back as Pesto could remember, he never wanted to get stuck eggsittin’. Especially for his sister, Sasha. But one day, she made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.

*Sasha: Sit you big clam-head, or I’ll twist your beak!

*Pesto: Ow! Alright, I’m sittin’, see? Is this your egg or what? Ratatouille, I’m sittin’!

(Kiki and Lana land.)

*Kiki: Hiya, Pesto. (giggles)

*Lana: You’re adorable on that nest. (giggles)

*Pesto: Adorable? What’s that supposed to mean? Are you sayin’ that I am adorable?

*Sasha: Don’t start with that Pesto! You mess up, Pesto, I’ll stuff ya in a dumpster.

(The girlfeathers fly away.)

*Sasha: Y’know, I’m so exhausted!

*Lana: I can’t wait to get to Jerry’s.

*Kiki: Did you get a preen? Do you like the color of my beakstick? it’s tickle-me-pink!

*Sasha: I love it!

*Pesto: (sighs) Eggsittin’ for sissy birds and feather-wings. What do I look like, a peahen over here?

(Pesto stands up and looks at the egg.)

*Pesto: Yo! Coo’ egg. It’s me, your uncle Pesto. (coos, sits down) Rock-a-bye eggy, under my tush. (falls asleep, snores)

(Bobby and Squit land. Bobby taps Pesto on the neck, which wakes him up.)

*Bobby: Hoo-hoo, look what we got over here. Mr. Pesto-on-the-nesto. (laughs)

*Pesto: Wha-wha-wha-what’d I do?

*Squit: You eggsittin’ Pesto?

*Pesto: Who? What? Me? Nah, do I look like I’m stuck eggsittin?

(Pesto gets up and the egg rolls off the nest and into a gutter, and starts rolling.)

*Pesto: I ain’t no embryo, yo.

*Squit: No matter what you do, Pesto, eggsittin’ included, You’re still the most macho bird I know.

*Pesto: What do you mean by that?

*Squit: I said you’re macho, that’s all.

*Pesto: Are you sayin’ I’m one of the village people here to disco for you? Is that what you’re sayin’?

*Squit: No, I’m not sayin’ that!

*Pesto: You’re sayin’ that I am macho.

*Squit: Yeah, yeah, that’s what I’m sayin!

*Pesto: Dat’s it! I’ll give ya macho!

(Pesto attacks Squit, and both yell. Bobby sees the egg rolling towards a hole in the gutter, and he walks after it. It goes down the hole, then falls through metal balconies. It lands in a pile of leaves on the ground.)

*Bobby: Hey, yo, Pesto! The egg you’re not eggsittin’ just hit the street.

(Pesto gasps, looks back at the nest, and gasps.)

*Pesto: Mother of (incomprehensible), we gotta get that egg!

(The Goodfeathers fly down and land by the egg.)

*Pesto: Ha! Got it!

(Pesto grabs the egg, but all are spayed by a hose.)

*Squit: Yaoww!

*Bobby: Don’t hose me!

*Pesto: Hey, I’ve got water up my beak!

(The water flows down the street, the egg goes with it.)

*Pesto: It’s rollin’ down town!

(The birds all fly after it, and Pesto grabs the egg right before it goes into a storm drain.)

*Pesto: I got it!

(The birds all get caught in a street sweeper. The egg flies into the air, bounces down a tree, then rolls around the hood of a car, which is open.)

*Pesto: Sweet Scorsese! Let’s grab it!

(The egg falls into the car, and the hood closes.)

*Pesto: Open up, you flat-footed, egg-snatchin’, flightless losers!

(The car starts, and the birds hold onto it as it drives away.)

*Pesto: Aw, man, I’m a dead bird!

*Bobby: This limo’s gotta stop sometime, right? When it does, bada-bing, we get the egg.

*Pesto: Yeah, yeah, that’s it! We get the egg! You’re a genius, Bobby!

*Squit: Bobby’s right. Don’t worry Pesto, we’ll get the egg.

(Pesto glares at and hits Squit.)

*Squit: Hey, what’d I do?!

*Pesto: Nothin’. Just felt like whackin’ somebody.

(The limo goes into a car wash. The birds scream as they are covered in soap and scrubbed by brushes. A flap in the carwash hits the birds, which fly off and under a hot wax dispenser, which activates. The limo comes out, shiny, and the birds stumble out stretched and with messy feathers. The birds are then seen flying in the city.)

*Pesto: That’s it, that’s it, that’s it!

(The limo comes to a stop. A man gets out and lets out a woman, who has a long coat that touches the ground. The egg is on the end of the coat.)

*Bobby: Bada-bingo!

(The egg flies off when the lady goes over a step, and the door slams behind her, flinging the bird away. They land on the sidewalk in front of the egg. A kid comes and picks up the egg.)

*Kid: A egg!

(The kid walks away, then goes into a house.)

*Kid: Hey, ma, I found a egg!

*Ma: Oh, no, out! Not in the house, Zacky! What is it with you and eggs?

(The child leaves the house and walks back behind the house.)

*Pesto: Hey, put the egg over there!

(The kid walks away, still holding the egg.)

*Squit: He’s leavin’.

*Pesto: We got it now!

*Bobby: We get it, we but it back, all nicey-nice!

(The birds fly after the kid.)

*Squit: Your sister will never know it was missing!

(The birds fly to where the kid was, but then find a massive pile of many eggs. The birds all gasp.)

*Pesto: When Sasha gets through with me, I’ll be stuffed beak-first in a dumpster!

*Bobby: Hey, just pick one. An egg’s an egg, y’know what I’m sayin’?

*Pesto: Forget about it, we can’t pull that off. Not with Sasha. She’d know if it was her egg or not.

(The Godpidgeon can be heard talking.)

*Pesto: The Godpidgeon!

(The Goodfeathers all rush in line. The Godpidgeon sticks out his foot, which the Goodfeathers all kiss. The Godpidgeon says something,)

*Bobby: The Godpidgeon said take all the eggs. Then Sasha gets her egg, and she gets bonus eggs!

*Pesto: Yeah, chicks like eggs, that’s why they’re always having ‘em!

*Bobby: Yeah. Women. Forget about it. Eggs this, babies that, bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-baow.

*Squit: (coos) Anybody notice the Godpidgeon had gas?

(Squit adds an egg to a large pile on top of Sasha’s building. He looks at the egg, then sits on it. Pesto looks through the eggs, and Bobby is sitting on an egg as well. Bobby’s egg starts hatching.)

*Bobby: (coos) Something’s crackin’ out over here.

(The egg hatches, revealing a ducking. It quacks at Bobby.)

*Bobby: Are you quackin’ at me? Are you quackin’ at me?

(The duckling kisses Bobby in the cheek, and Bobby blushes.)

*Pesto: A-ha.

(Pesto picks up an egg. All the other eggs start hatching, revealing various birds and reptiles. They all crowd around the Goodfeathers. The girlfeathers fly back to the tower and spot what's happening.)

*Girlfeathers: (Gasps)!

(All the girlfeathers fly land, with Sasha right in front of Pesto. She snatches the egg out of Pesto’s hand.)

*Sahsa: Rigatoni, what’s goin’ on?

*Squit: Well, you see, when your egg rolled downtown we-

(Bobby covers Squit’s mouth.)

*Pesto: Your egg went for an eggroll.

*Sasha: What do you mean by that?

*Pesto: I said it went for an eggroll, that’s all!

*Sasha: What, are you sayin’ my egg went out for Chinese food, is that what you’re sayin’?

*Pesto: No, I’m not sayin’ that! I-I said it went out for an eggroll!

*Sasha: An eggroll.

*Pesto: Yeah, th-that’s what I’m sayin’!

*Sahsa: That’s it!

(Sahsa jumps on and attacks Pesto, much like Pesto would attack Squit. Squit and Bobby laugh, but Kiki and Lana jump on them, and attack them too. The scene changes, and the Goodfeathers can be seen shoved in a dumpster.)

*Squit: So Sahsa never asked Pesto to eggsit again.

Buttons and Mindy Intro[]

*Mindy: Buttons, oh Buttons!

(Buttons runs, then falls down a deep hole)

*Mindy: (laughs) Silly puppy!

Mermaid Mindy[]

(A map is shown, with Mermaid Reef near Great Barrier Island. At Mermaid Reef, Mindy plays in a sand yard. She is tied in a kelp harness attached to an anchor. Mindy plays with a fish.)

*Mindy’s Mom: Hi Mindy! Hi Buttons, how are ya? Now, Mindy, I’m gonna be inside admiring my conch shell. Be a good girl and stay out of trouble.

*Mindy: Okay mermaid lady!

*Mindy’s Mom: Please don’t call me mermaid lady. Call me Mom, Mommy, Mama, but not mermaid lady!

*Mindy: Okay mermaid lady I love you buh-bye!

*Mindy’s Mom: (as she swims to her house) Maybe it’s a passive-aggressive thing, I don’t know. Now, Buttons, listen up! I want you to keep an eye on Mindy and stay out of the garden! I just planted the kelp bed and I don’t want you to mess it up!

(Buttons barks, Mindy’s Mom closes the door to the house as she swims in)

*Mindy's Mom: (inside her house) There's my conch. (Buttons then takes a nap

*Mindy: (builds a small mountain of sand, until she sees a jellyfish) Pretty jelly!

(Mindy swims after it, but can’t go out of the yard because she is tethered to an anchor. She grabs a passing swordfish and turns it on like a chainsaw, then cuts her harness off. She lets go of the swordfish and swims after the jellyfish. Buttons sees the cut-open harness, and Mindy swimming away, so Buttons chases Mindy. The jellyfish swims into a shipwreck, and Mindy looks through the window.)

*Mindy: Jelly?

(Mindy swims in the ship, and Buttons tries to go in but gets stuck in the window. The jellyfish swims out of another window, and Mindy follows.)

*Mindy: (laughs) Silly puppy.

(Mindy follows the jellyfish, and Buttons sticks his head out of another window, the pulls himself out of the original window, and his neck is stretched when it comes out. He pulls his tail and his neck goes back to its normal size, then Buttons swims after Mindy. A clam with a pearl necklace on its tongue eats a passing posh, then burps. The jellyfish swims by the clam, and so does Mindy, but she stops when she sees the pearl necklace. She gasps.)

*Mindy: Bootiful.

(Mindy grabs the necklace, and Buttons sees her in the clam. Buttons pushes her out of the way, and the clam snaps shut. There is a visible stuff le from inside the clam, then the clam spits out a flat, brown cylinder with a nose on the end. It floats to the ground, then Buttons’ arm comes up and pulls the nose until Buttons returns to his normal size.)

*Mindy: Jeeelllly! Jelly jelly jellyyy!

(Buttons sees a large squid near Mindy, which looks like it is about to grab her. Buttons pushes Mindy out of the way, but then the squid taps him on the shoulder. It grabs him and squeezes him. Mindy swims upwards following the jellyfish, both circling a fishing net with a dolphin caught in it. Mindy stops by the dolphin.)

*Mindy: Want me to help you out of the net, mr. funny nose?

(The dolphin nods.)

*Mindy: Kay.

(Mindy jumps out of the water and then goes back in. Two fishermen are seen on a boat.)

*Fisherman: Look, a mermaid! Quick, trap her! We’ll get on Nightline!

(The fishermen reel in the net, which loosens it enough for the dolphin to get out. Mindy follows the jellyfish towards the net. The squid squeezes Buttons, but Buttons tickles the squid under the nose with his tail. The squid sneezes, and Buttons bounces off a treasure chest, the clam, and then upwards. He hits the bottom of the boat, then floats back downwards, where Mindy is caught in the fishing net. Buttons tugs on the net to try and free Mindy. On of the fisherman sticks a stick in the water to try and catch Mindy, but gets Buttons instead.)

*Fisherman: Ah, trash fish.

(The fisherman flings Buttons back into the water. Buttons sinks, then lands on sea urchins. He yelps and whimpers. The scene changes to a polluted part of the ocean, with trash, barrels, and greenish water. Mindy swims around looking for the jellyfish, then sniffs the water.)

*Mindy: Ewww, stinky.

(Mindy plugs her nose and continues swimming. An electric eel comes out of a car tire. Buttons pulls the spines from the sea urchins out, then yelps when he sees an electric eel chasing Mindy. Buttons swims after them, and bites the eel, and gets zapped badly, then explodes, leaving Buttons charred. The eel swims away. Mindy continues to chase the jellyfish around, going around rocks.)

*Mindy: Peek-a-boo, I see you.

(Three small fish swim, which all get eaten by a bigger fish. That fish is eaten by another fish, which is eaten by a large shark. Buttons swims slowly, still charred, then sees the shark chasing Mindy. Buttons yelps, and swims after them. A large hand grabs Mindy out of the water, and Buttons is eaten by the shark. Neptune is seen lifting Mindy out of the water. The shark spits Buttons out, who spits out small fish, then two larger fish. The shark taps him on the shoulder, and Buttons swims away, making the shark chase him. Neptune carefully studies Mindy in his hand.)

*Neptune: Mindy, you did right by saving the porpoise from the nets. That was good.

*Mindy: Beardy head.

*Neptune: No, Mindy, I am Neptune. Ocean ruler and protector of all the sea.

*Mindy: Beardy head.

*Neptune: Call me Neptune, call me King, call me Ocean Ruler, but don’t call me beardy head!

*Mindy: Ok beardy head I love you buh-bye!

(Mindy kisses Neptune on the nose and jumps back into the water.)

*Neptune: Strange child..

(Mindy swims back to her yard and puts her harness back on. The jellyfish swims up to her.)

*Mindy: Jelly..

(The jellyfish swims away, and Buttons can be heard whimpering. The shark is chasing Buttons through the kelp garden. Buttons swims into his doghouse, which the shark bumps into. The shark swims away, dazed. Buttons sticks his head out and makes a noise of relief.)

*Mindy’s Mom: Buttons! (she swims to her doghouse) Bad merdog! Didn’t I say stay out of the garden? Look at my kelp bed, it’s ruined! They’ll be no treats for you tonight.

(Mindy swims up to Buttons.)

*Mindy: It’s okay Buttons I love you buh-bye.

Katie Ka-Boom Intro[]

(Phone rings, answered by Katie)

*Narrator (singing):

She's Katie Ka-Boom, Katie Ka-Boom

She lives in a house with a garden in bloom

Her family knows that any time soon

Their little lady, Katie goes ka-boom

(House literally gets vaporized)

Katie Ka-Boom: Call Waiting[]

(Katie’s Mom is sorting through the phone wire, which stretches across the floor.)

*Katie: Guess what Bobby told Gracie in history class? Oh, hold on, I just got beeped.

*Katie’s Mom: Katie?

*Katie: Hello? Hi Christa. I’ve got Wendy on call waiting, hold on. Wendy, I have Chris on the other line. Whoops, I just got beeped again. Hello? Hi, Iya, can you hold on?

(Katie’s mom follows the phone wire, which is looped through the kitchen, living room, and on the stairs. Katie’s brother is playing with a plane in the living room.)

*Katie: Christa, Iya says hi. Oh, hold on, I got beeped again. Hi, Gracie, can you hold on a sec?

(Katie’s mom sees the phone wire leading into the closet.)

*Katie: Iya, Gracie’s on hold.

(Katie’s mom’s shadow can be seen at the closet door.)

*Katie: Mom, I’m on the phone!

*Mom: Katie, sweetheart, your father has to make an important business call.

*Katie: (to phone) I’ll call you back bye! I’ll call you back, bye! I’ll call you back, bye!

*Mom: Thanks, we appreciate your sacrifice. (goes to Katie’s dad’s office) All clear, dear!

*Dad: Ah, thanks, hun. (dials a number) Hello, Bill? Yeah, how about those tigers, huh? Look, sorry it took so long to get back to ya, I was goin’ over these figures here, and- (beep) Oh, darn, there’s a call waiting, can you hold, please? Hello? No, Katie can’t come to the phone, call back. Uh, I’m sorry, Bill, as I was saying- oh, a-alright, then I’ll proceed as-as planned. Thank you Bill, yeah goodbye.

(Katie’s Dad hangs up the phone, Katie walks into the kitchen.)

*Katie: Who called me, Daddy?

*Dad: Oh, uh, just a second, princess. (writes)

*Katie: (annoyed) Somebody called me, who was it?

*Dad: Uh, oh, yeah, it was a boy, uhh.. couldn’t get his name.

*Katie: A boy? A boy?! Oh my golly, was it Jared, or was it Ralph, Mike, or Joel?

*Dad: Oh, uh, I-I’m sorry, honey, I’m not sure, I just, I-I-I don’t know.

*Katie: (angrily) You don’t know? My life is ruined!!

*Mom: Oh, dear, here we go again.

(Katie’s mom puts on army clothes and a helmet. She blows a whistle, and an alarm goes off. Katie’s dad also has in a helmet.)

*Dad: Sound the alarm! Man the battle stations!

(A bell goes off.)

*Katie: (red-skinned and furious) My life is ruined!

(Katie becomes a large green reptilian monster, with dinosaur-like legs, feet, and tail. She growls, then explodes, becoming a robotic phone monster, with a square body, robot feet, phones for hands, and cords for arms. Katie’s mom takes out another phone.)

*Mom: Red alert. Red alert. Teen girl overreacting on oak tree lane. Send in reinforcements.

*Katie: I am not overreacting!

(Katie changes so that she has four short legs instead of two long ones, and has phone buttons for teeth. She growls and her parents run, grabbing Katie’s brother, and the three hide behind sandbags in front of the fireplace. Katie’s mom puts a helmet on Katie’s brother.)

*Dad: N-now Katie, pumpkin, a-aren’t you taking this just a little too-o fa-a-ar?

(Katie changes into another phone monster, this time with a phone for a head and a cord for a neck, with the buttons on her stomach.)

*Katie: Too far? How’s this for too far!

(Katie sticks her tongue, which is a red phone on a cord. out at her family, who scream and run, then hide behind the couch. She becomes another phone monster, which spits a fireball at the couch. Katie’s mom picks a charred book up off the ground.)

*Mom: Oh, so here’s is the new yellowpages.

(Katie’s dad holds up a white and tattered flag.)

*Dad: Now, now Katie, we’re your parents, and we love ya, now please don’t be irrational.

*Katie: I’m not irrational! I’m a teenager!

(Many phones come out of Katie’s mouth. Her house explodes, leaving only the floor and the front door. The door falls down, showing Katie’s family, who are relatively unharmed. A phone that’s still left on the wall rings, and Katie, now human again, answers it.)

*Katie: Hello? Hi Mike. Oh yeah, page 51, questions 3-35. Kay, bye. (hangs up) It was Mike, he needed the homework assignment. (giggles, walks away)

*Dad: She’ll grow out of it, right?

*Mom: (taking off helmet) Let us pray.

*Narrator: (singing)

Her family knows that anytime soon,

Their little lady Katie goes (wall fall down) ka-boom.

Ending[]

(Animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Pesto: Dat’s it!

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