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Dot’s Poetry Corner[]

*Narrator: And now, Dot’s Poetry Corner.

*Dot: (clears throat) The Teapot. I’m a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, and here is a note from my shrink. He says I’m getting better! Last week I thought I was a toaster oven! (laughs manically) Thank you.

*Narrator: This has been another visit to Dot’s Poetry Corner.

Theme Song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

We’ve got wisecracks by the stacks

We're Animaniacs

Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animanie-,

Totally insane-y...

*Dot:

Here’s the shows namey

*Warners:

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

Intermission[]

(The Warners fly out of the gate of the movie lot in a plane. Ralph is holding a rope attached to the plane.)

Take My Siblings Please[]

(A book is seen, with the Warners on the cover.)

*Narrator: And now, a fairy tale to delight and relax you. Once upon a time, in an enchanted meadow, lived the Warner brothers, and their sister Dot. The Warners were a happy trio, they loved to gleefully romp about the meadow.

*Warners: Romp-romp-romp-romp-romp-hey! Romp-romp-romp-romp-romp-hey! Romp-romp-romp-romp-romp-hey! Romp-romp-romp-romp-romp-hey! (all pant)

*Dot: I don’t know about you guys, but I’m romped out.

*Yakko: Really? I’ve got at least another 9 or 10 good romps left in me.

*Wakko: Me too.

*Dot: Not me. I’m going to go pick flowers in the forbidden meadow.

*Yakko and Wakko: The forbidden meadow!?

*Yakko: Need I remind you, sister sibling, that to get to the forbidden meadow, you have to cross the bridge where the- (gulp) troll lives.

(Wakko plays the organ dramatically.)

*Yakko: Alright, Wakko, we got the point.

(Wakko gets off the organ and flips it away. It lands loudly, a yell is heard. A man is carried out on a stretcher.)

*Yakko: Wait to go. That’s the fourth assistant director you’ve hit this week.

*Dot: Seeya, I’ll be in the forbidden meadow if you need me. (skips away)

*Yakko: But what about the- (gulps) troll?

(Wakko plays the organ.)

*Yakko: Enough!

*Dot: He won’t bother me.

(Yakko and Wakko shrug, then continue romping.)

*Yakko and Wakko: Romp-romp-romp-romp-romp-hey! Romp-romp-romp-romp-romp-hey!

*Dot: (singing)

Tall and dark and really handsome

The hunk from Upumema's real dumb

And when he strolls, each one he strolls by goes

”Euuaaagheuulgh!"

(Dot continues humming, the troll crosses out a picture of a goat under a bridge.)

*Troll: (burp) Goats give me such gas..

(The troll hears the humming.)

*Troll: Sounds like dessert.

(Dot goes onto the bridge, the troll lands in front of her, Dot screams.)

*Troll: Blah blah blah!

*Dot: Who does your hair, sweetie?

*Troll: Uhh, I do.

*Dot: Look at those split ends. What kind of shampoo do you use?

*Troll: Ground-up toad.

*Dot: Oh, no, no, no, toad’s for dry hair. You should use a nice ph-balanced hanna(?).

(Dot smiles and skips away,)

*Troll: (growls) Blah, I’m gonna eat you!

*Dot: Why do you wanna do that?

*Troll: ‘Cause I’m a, troll!

(Wakko plays the organ.)

*Dot: You don’t wanna eat me. I’m just a little skinny thing. (skirt falls down, she pulls it back up) I know. Eat my brothers. They’re way meatier than I am. They should be coming over the bridge any minute now. Pweaseeeee?

*Troll: Hmmmm.. Okay. I’ll eat your brothers. You can go.

*Dot: Thank you! (curtsies, skips away) Good luck with you hair!

(Yakko and Wakko sit in the meadow.)

*Man: Psst! Yakko, Wakko.

*Yakko: (taps Wakko) We’re on!

(They get up and continue romping.)

*Yakko and Wakko: Romp-romp-romp-romp-romp-hey!

(Wakko groans, walks away.)

*Yakko: Romp-romp-romp-romp-romp-hey! Romp-ro… (looks back) Where are you going?

*Wakko: Ah, my bottom’s all sore from romping. I’m gonna go pick flowers with Dot.

*Yakko: (sadly) Fine. Don’t worry about me. I’ll find someone to romp with.

(Yakko gets an idea and whistles. Five showgirls rush to his side.)

*Yakko: I love cartoons.

*Yakko and Showgirls: Romp-romp-romp-romp-romp-hey! Romp-romp-romp-romp-romp-hey!

*Wakko: (singing the theme to Tiny Toon Adventures)

We’re tiny, we’re toony

We’re all a little..

(spoken) Ah, I’m sick of that song.

It’s time for Animaniacs

And-

(The troll lands in front of Wakko, he gets scared.)

*Troll: Blah blah blah!

*Wakko: What happened to your hair? Wait a minute! I know! You’re a.. troll!

(Dot plays the organ.)

*Dot: Well, somebody had to do it.

*Troll: I’m gonna eat you, blah!

*Wakko: You can’t eat me, mister troll. I’m on a contract. Warner Brothers would be very upset with ya. They’d chew ya pants off.

*Troll: Ohh? Go on through.

*Wakko: Thank you. Oh, anyway, you should eat my brother. He’s way meatier than I am.

(Back at the meadow, the showgirls all walk away, tired.)

*Yakko: Come on, one more romp? I’ll even get in front this time! Well, it was nice while it lasted. (starts walking, to camera) Come on! Romp-romp-romp-romp-romp-hey! Romp-romp-romp-romp-romp-hey! Romp-romp-romp-romp-romp-hey! Romp-romp-romp-romp-romp-hey!

(The troll comes out.)

*Troll: Blah, I’m gonna eat you.

(Yakko hits him with a mallet without hesitation and keeps going.)

*Yakko: Romp-romp-romp-romp-romp-hey!

*Narrator: And so, Yakko joined his siblings to pick flowers in the forbidden meadow. The end.

(The Warners on the book cover each blow a kiss to the audience.)

*Warners: Goodnight everybody!

Dot’s Poetry Corner[]

*Narrator: And now, Dot’s Poetry Corner.

*Dot: (clears throat) Roses are red. Roses are red, violets are blue. That’s what they say, but it just isn’t true. Roses are red, and apples are too, but violets are violet, violets aren’t blue. An orange is orange, but Greenland’s not green. A pinky’s not pink, so what does it mean? To call something blue when it’s not, we defile it. But, oh, what the heck, it’s hard to rhyme violet.

*Narrator: This has been another visit to Dot’s Poetry Corner..

The Mindy 500[]

(Mindy drives a small car around in her yard, tethered to the tree.)

*Mindy’s Mom: Everything okay out here, honey?

*Mindy: Hi lady!

*Mindy’s Mom: Call me mom! If you need me, I’ll be inside drafting a PTA resolution against negligent mothers.

*Mindy: Ok lady I love you buh-bye! (drives off)

*Mindy’s Mom: She knows I’m mommy. One day she’ll call me that. Buttons! I want you to watch Mindy. And don’t dig any more holes in my flowerbed! I just planted them.

(A flower goes into a hole, and a gopher blows a raspberry at Buttons. A truck comes by with a race car on the back that has a clown logo on the side. The driver gets out to check the chain connected to a tire.)

*Driver: Well, that seems tight.

*Mindy: (gasps) Wanna drive clown car!

(The truck drives away. Mindy tries to drive after it, but can’t because of her harness. The harness flings her backwards, and he car swings in circles in the air around the tree. Buttons whines and goes over to her, barking. The car hits him, and he goes flying back into his dog house. Mindy flies into the air, still in her car, and the harness snaps off. Buttons watches her fly through the air and land on the back of the truck, next to the race car. She hugs the car, and Buttons hops over the fence. The light turns green, and the truck drives off. Buttons runs after her and grabs into the back of the truck. Mindy’s car is half off of the truck, so Buttons uses his head to keep it from falling off.)

*Mindy: Hi Buttons-doggy-head!

(Buttons pushes her car back up onto the truck, then gets up there himself. He hits a sign that says Entering Indianapolis Motor Speedway, and falls off the truck. A ramp comes off of the back of the truck and Mindy’s car rolls off. Mindy’s car rolls towards the entrance as Buttons chases her.)

*Mindy: Clown car! Clown car!

(Both Mindy’s car and the race car roll onto the track.)

*Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines!

(He waves the flag, and all the cars go. Mindy’s car slowly rolls down the track.)

*Mindy: Clown car!

(Buttons looks around for Mindy and sees her in the track. He runs towards her and moves her car off the track so that it is rolling through grass. He breathes a sigh of relief, but then see all the cars coming while he is still in the road. He dodges all the oncoming cars, and then breathes another sigh of relief. He is then hit by the same race car that Mindy was after. He flies off the front and hits a wall. And is squished like an accordion. Mindy rolls up to him.)

*Mindy: Funny puppy.

(Buttons daydreams of sheep, but is snapped out of it when Mindy talks.)

*Mindy: Stop clown car! Stop clown car! Stop!

(Buttons puts his car in the road, where it is ran over and flattened. The car crashes, then explodes. Buttons runs into the road, but is ran over by the fire truck, bending him into a tire shape. He rolls into a pit stop, where he is mistaken for a tire. His mouth is filled up with air, then he is bolted onto a race car. Mindy rolls by.)

*Mindy: Silly Buttons!

*Man: All clear!

(The car drives off, with Buttons still there as a tire. Mindy’s car rolls up to a man cleaning something.)

*Mindy: Hi mister man, watcha doin’?

*Cleaner: Cleanin’ an oil filter.

*Mindy: Why?

*Cleaner: ‘Cause it’s dirty.

*Mindy: Why?

*Cleaner: It’s got oil all over it.

*Mindy: Why?

*Cleaner: It’s a car thing, kid! Now, look out, I’ve got to get to work.

*Mindy: Okay I love you buh-bye!

(The race car Mindy was after pulls up next to her.)

*Mindy: Clown car!

(People work on the car while the driver gets out and takes his helmet off.)

*Driver: Does this gas station give coupons? (laughs) Grace under pressure. Anyway, I have to potty.

(The driver gets up and goes into the restroom. Mindy gets out of her car and walks to the clown car.)

*Mindy: (amazed) Clown car..

(The driver with Buttons as a tire pulls up.)

*Driver: Change this tire! It’s a dog.

*Worker: Oops. Sorry.

(The man takes Buttons off, and he bounces to the side. He sees Mindy climbing into the clown car, and she puts on the helmet.)

*Worker: All clear.

*Mindy: Happy clown!

(Buttons pulls the driver out of the car on which he was a tire, then gets his helmet and gets in the car in his place. He swerves back and forth trying to steer the car. He gets right beside Mindy, then puts one foot on her car, and one of his own.)

*Mindy: Buttons!

(Mindy’s car gets further away, stretching Button’s legs. He sees another car about to go in between him and Mindy’s cars, so he jumps to Mindy’s car, letting his own crash and burst into flames. People come up with marshmallows on sticks and stand by the fire. Mindy let’s go of the steering wheel to hug Buttons, who is behind her.)

*Mindy: Buttons!

(Their car is the first to finish, but it drives through the winner’s circle. Buttons is holding a trophy, and Mindy giggles. They swerve, and crash through the fence. Mindy climbs on Buttons’ back and outs her hands over his eyes.)

*Mindy: Doggie no see!

(The car swerves through the streets. Ralph chases the Warners on a sidewalk. The car swerves and hits parking meters and goes under a semi truck. The car backs into the fence of their yard, and Buttons and Mindy fly into the air.)

*Mindy: Wheee!

(Mindy falls through the tree into her harness. Buttons ends up face-first in the flower bed.)

*Mindy: (giggles) Dirty doggie!

(Buttons pulls himself out, still holding the trophy.)

*Mindy’s Mom: Buttons. I told you not to dig holes! Bad dog! Bad! Look at this old piece of junk you dug up! Bad! Bad dog!

(The gopher pops out of the ground and takes the trophy.)

Morning Malaise[]

(Acme studios is shown.)

*Howie: Hello, you’re on the Howie Turn show.

*Caller: Uh, yeah, Howie?

*Howie: That’s my name, don’t wear it out, and turn down your radio you goofball.

*Robin: I’m Robin.

*Howie: You’re on the air.

*Caller: Am I on the air? Oh, alright I just wanted to say that I think you guys are great and I love your show.

*Howie: Oh really? Well, look, call someone who cares. (burps)

(Robin giggles.)

*Caller: (laughs) I love it when you burp.

*Howie: And, sir, I love it when I hang up on you.

*Robin: He was giving you a compliment, Howie.

*Howie: I’m the number one media personality in the world, Robin. Like I need compliments from these people. (burps)

(Phone rings, answered by Howie.)

*Howie: Our next caller, you’re on the air.

*Caller: Howie: I listen to you and Robin every morning. You’re like my best friend.

*Robin: Oh, that’s so sweet. Thank you.

*Howie: Hey lady, here’s some advice. If we’re your best friends, then get a life!

(The caller laughs.)

*Howie: I love this job.

*Robin: You’re incorrigible Howie. Don’t you ever get pangs of conscience?

*Howie: Hmm. Truthfully.. no! (laughs, phone rings) Alright, very good, next loser- I mean caller. You’re on the air.

*Yakko: Hello?

*Howie: You’re in the air, what do you want already?

*Yakko: Uhhhhh, we don’t think you should be so nasty to your callers.

*Howie: Ohh, you don’t, don’t ya?

*Yakko: Uh-uh. Maybe you should try to be a little nicer.

*Howie: Ooh, be a little nicer? Now, wait, wait, let me get this straight, now, you’re telling me, Howie Turn, what to do? Well, why don’t you come here and say that, you loser! Ha!

(The Warners show up.)

*Yakko: We’re here!

(Howie screams.)

*Howie: Who are you?

*Yakko and Wakko: We’re the Warner brothers.

*Dot: And the Warner sister. And you must be Howie Turn.

*Howie: That’s me, you’re lookin’ at him.

*Yakko: Nice wig you got there.

*Wakko: Does Cher know you’re borrowing it?

(Robin laughs.)

*Howie: What are you snickering at?

*Robin: It made me laugh!

*Yakko: She obviously has good taste.

*Howie: Would you mind telling me what you are doing in my studio?

*Wakko: You told us to come here.

*Robin: They got you there, Howie.

*Howie: Hey, Robin, who’s side are you on?

(Yakko and Wakko rush to her side.)

*Yakko: Ours, I hope.

(They each take one of Robin’s hands and kiss it.)

*Howie: Alright, enough. I want you kids out of here now, you’re messing up my show!

*Yakko: Hey, your show was messed up way before we got here.

*Howie: Ooh, very funny. Who writes your material.

*Yakko: They do.

(Wakko and Dot are seen typing on typewriters.)

*Howie: Look, why don’t you just go and bother Rush Limbaugh?

(Dot rips the paper off of her typewriter and hands it to Yakko.)

*Yakko: We’re, uh, afraid he might eat us.

(Robin laughs.)

*Howie: Stop laughing at them!

*Robin: Ok, I’m sorry.

*Yakko: Ooh, I like her.

*Howie: Are you challenging me?

*Yakko: (nods) No.

*Howie: Alright, you little paint smears, stick around. I’ll show you why my show is number one. Alright, listen up, America, if you just tuned in, I’ve got three kids in here that think they’re funnier than the great Howie Turn! Y’know what I say to that? (burps)

*Wakko: That’s not a burp.

*Howie: Oh no?

*Wakko: Nope.

(Wakko belches loudly, Howie flies into wall.)

*Wakko: That’s a burp.

(Robin laughs.)

*Howie: What kind of fool do you take me for?

(The Warners all raise their hands.)

*Warners: Ooh! Me! I know! Pick me!

*Howie: Oh, yeah, these kids think they’re really cute.

(The Warners all nod, Dot motions for Howie to come closer.)

*Dot: I can’t help it if I’m cute. (kisses Howie on mouth, spits. He’s got gingivitis.

*Howie: I’m Howie Turn! I’m a big star! I’m a household name!

*Yakko: So is the mister Ty-D-Bowl Man. Are you related?

*Howie: Well, that’s pretty funny coming from a kid who looks like a demented monkey!

(Yakko looks at the camera.)

*Wakko and Dot: Ohhhhh.

*Yakko: You know, you could talk your head off all day and never miss it.

*Howie: Oh yeah? Well, is that your face, or did you block a kick?

*Yakko: Too bad the closest you’ll ever come to a brainstorm is a light drizzle.

*Howie: There’s a train leaving in a few minutes, why don’t you be under it?

*Yakko: You know, you’d make a fortune renting your head out as a balloon.

*Howie: Oh, oh yeah? Well, I-I guess you’re on of those mighty brains. Mighty empty.

*Yakko: Last time I saw a mouth that big it had a fish hook in it.

(Howie looks around.)

*Howie: You’re a little shorty.. shorty!

*Yakko: Oh yeah? You couldn’t even count to 20 without taking off your shoes.

*Howie: You’re a little.. big eared.. kid!

*Yakko: You’ve got a great face for radio.

(Howie’s mouth hangs open.)

*Howie: You’re a, you’re a-a-a noony-head!

*Yakko: I know you are but what am I?

*Howie:You’re a, a, a…

*Wakko: Watch out! Duck in cover! Duck in cover!

(The Warners and Robin Duck behind the desk. Howie stutters, then screams. He explodes, and feathers go everywhere.)

*Yakko: Well, sibs, he’s finally starting to make sense. Our job here, is done. (stands on desk) But let this be a lesson to all! For wherever there is belching,

*Wakko and Dot: (stand in desk) We’ll be there!

*Yakko: Wherever there is stupidity!

*Wakko and Dot: We’ll be there!

*Yakko: Wherever there is candy!

*Wakko: We’ll be there a lot quicker.

Dot’s Poetry Corner[]

*Narrator: And now, Dot’s Poetry Corner.

*Dot: (clears throat) The poem that I wrote. This is the poem that I wrote. These are the words that are in the poem that I wrote. This is the mouth that’s saying the words that are in the poem that I wrote. This is the person who has the mouth that’s saying the words that are in the poem that I wrote. (audience boos) This is the audience who would do anything to shut up the person who has the mouth that’s saying the words that are in the poem that I wrote. This is the TV show that tortures an audience until they would do anything to shut up the person who has the mouth that’s..

*Narrator: This has been another visit to Dot’s Poetry Corner.

Wheel of Morality[]

(The Warners run. They all stop.)

*Yakko: It’s that time again.

*Dot: To make stovetop stuffing instead of potatoes?

*Yakko: No. It’s time to learn today’s lesson. And to find out what it is, we turn to: The Wheel of Morality!

(Yakko spins the wheel.)

*Yakko: Wheel of Morality, turn turn turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn. Moral number 2. And the moral of today’s story is..

(He looks at the paper.)

*Yakko: Don’t be a fool. Stay in school

*Dot: I’m speechless.

*Wakko: Pat, I’d like to buy a vowel.

*Yakko: Wrong wheel.

*Wakko: Oh, sorry.

(Whistle blows.)

*Warners: Yike!

(The Warners all run away, and are chased by Ralph.)

Ending[]

(Animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Announcer: Hey, Warner brothers and the Warner sister, you just completed another great show! What're you gonna do now?

*Yakko: We’re going to.. the bathroom.

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