Theme Song[]
(music)
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
It's time for Animaniacs
And we're zany to the max
So just sit back and relax.
You'll laugh till you collapse.
We're Animaniacs!
*Yakko and Wakko:
Come join the Warner Brothers
*Dot:
And the Warner Sister Dot
*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:
Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.
They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.
But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.
We're Animaniacs
Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.
Wakko packs away the snacks
We pay tons of income tax
We're Animaniacs
Meet Ralph and Dr. Schratchansniff, say hi to Hello Nurse
Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.
Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.
The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?
*All:
We're Animaniacs
We have pay-or-play contracts
We're zany to the max
There's baloney in our slacks!
We're Animanie-,
Totally insane-y...
*Warners:
Money down the drainy
*Warners:
Animaniacs! Those are the facts!
Variety Speak[]
(At the psychiatry building, Hello Nurse sits at a desk reading a newspaper, while Yakko and Wakko stare at her, and Dot glares at them.)
*Dot: We’re here for our appointment with Dr. Scratchansniff.
*Nurse: I’m afraid there’ll be a short delay. He’s a little behind today.
*Yakko: He’s not a little behind to us!
*Wakko: He’s a big one.
*Nurse: No, he’s running late. He shouldn’t be long. If you’ll just take a seat.
(Wakko carries a chair.)
*Wakko: I’ve got mine!
*Dot: She means sit, Wakko.
*Wakko: Oh.
(Wakko throws the chair, and sits like a dog, panting. Dot throws him a treat.)
*Dot: Good dog. Now roll over.
(Wakko rolls over, then runs back to where he was. Dot throws him a treat.)
*Dot: Good. Now give me your paw and shake.
*Wakko: Hey, big daddy, sup, what it is what it is.
*Dot: Play dead.
(Wakko theatrically pretends he’s wounded.)
*Wakko: Oh! Is this the end of little Rico?
(Wakko falls down with his arms and legs in the air.)
*Dot: Now speak
(Wakko gets a podium that says vote for Wakko.)
*Wakko: My fellow Americans, I am not a crook.
(Dot throws him a treat.)
*Dot: Good dog.
(Yakko leans against Hello Nurse’s desk.)
*Yakko: Can I borrow your newspaper?
*Nurse: Why?
*Yakko: Uhhhhhh, (holds Wakko) he’s not housebroken.
(Dot lays out the newspapers, Wakko sees one that says Hix makes Pix.)
*Wakko: Hey, look at this. “Hix makes Pix”. What’s that mean?
*Yakko: Oh, that’s the trade paper.
*Dot: It’s nothing but showbiz news.
*Wakko: I don’t get it.
*Yakko: Well, you see, Wakko.. (singing)
In Hollywood, they have a different language that they speak.
It's spoken by those folks who went to school for just one week.
*Dot:
It's found inside Variety, a magazine they use.
*Yakko and Dot:
And no one understands it when they read the movie news.
*Dot:
Like "Hix makes pix but the flick needs fix"...
*Yakko:
Means someone made a movie that bombed.
*Dot:
"The VEEPS in charge are now at large"...
*Yakko:
Means everyone involved is gone.
*Dot:
"The plot conflix, no beautiful chix"...
*Yakko:
So it's comin' out on video soon.
*Dot:
"They're takin' their licks 'cause the critics say nix"...
*Yakko:
And the editors are gonna try to fix it in the mix.
*Dot:
Well, "the stock sees green" on page 13...
*Yakko:
Means Disney's up a nickel a share.
*Dot:
"Stallone cuts deal for a major reel"...
*Yakko:
Means Rocky Number VI, so beware!
*Dot:
If you want the poop...
*Yakko:
Or ya need the scoop...
*Yakko and Dot:
On Hollywood Town this week,
You're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!
*Chorus Girls:
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah,
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
*Dot:
“A boffo-smash makes Warner cash"...
*Yakko:
Means there's gonna be a sequel next year.
*Dot:
But "Paramount hurts and they're losing their shirts"...
*Yakko:
Means Schwarzenegger's doing King Lear.
*Dot:
"Oliver Stone does next Home Alone"...
*Yakko:
Means he's gettin' paid an arm and a leg.
The budget goes "crunch!"...
*Dot:
But his name "packs punch"...
*Yakko:
So they called up the accountants and they're gonna "do lunch".
*Dot:
Well, "the ratings smile on the O.J. trial"...
*Yakko:
Means a movie of the week to premiere.
*Dot:
"Universal cuts deal with Mr. Spiel"...
*Yakko:
To do a hundred thousand movies a year!
*The Warners:
You gotta play it smart
If y'wanna be part
Of the crowd that's hip and chic!
You're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!
*Chorus Girls:
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah,
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
*Yakko and Dot:
Normal talk makes producers walk...
You might as well speak Greek.
You're gonna have to learn...
*Wakko:
Or the meeting will adjourn...
*The Warners:
Unless, my friend, you learn that Variety speak!
*Chorus Girls:
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah,
Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!
*The Warners:
Bop, doo, bop, doo, bop, doo, bah, dah!
Slappy and Skippy Intro[]
*Warners:
She's a cranky old critter,
She's bitter, we warn ya.
She lives in a treehouse
In Burbank, California.
Along with her nephew,
He says, "Spew!"
He's cheerful
Then his aunt starts to rant
She gives him an earful!
She's grumpy, he's happy,
It's generation gappy.
Take a whirl with the squirrels,
Skippy and Slappy!
*Slappy: Ah, put a sock in it!
*Skippy: That’s my..
*Skippy and Warners: Aunt Slappy!
Three Tenors and You’re Out[]
(Skippy runs out the door.)
*Skippy: Come on, Aunt Slappy, we’re gonna be late!
*Slappy: Alright, already, I’m comin’. I promised him all summer I’d take him to a baseball game.
*Skippy: And tonight’s the night! Go dodgers! I’m gonna eat peanuts and popcorn and dodger dogs ‘till I burst!
*Slappy: Life is good.
(They arrive at the stadium.)
*Slappy: Feast your eyes, Skippy m’boy! Dodgers stadium.
*Skippy: Yay!
(They enter the stadium.)
*Skippy: Domino, Pepperoni, and Carumba? Who are these guys?
*Slappy: Must be the new infield for the Montreal Expos. Better get to our seats, this game’s gonna be packed.
*Announcer: Welcome, ladies and gentleman, to tonight special presentation at dodgers stadium! Now, our national anthem.
(A man steps into the spotlight, silhouetted. He is about to start the song, but Yakko runs up to him and shakes his hand, also silhouetted. Yakko crushes his hand, and Wakko jumps over the man. Yakko runs off, and Dot runs in, kisses the man, then leaves. The man then starts the national anthem, and an American flag is raised. Slappy shouts in the middle of the song.)
*Slappy: Play ball!
(She is shushed by the audience. The song finishes, then Domino, Carumba, and Pepperoni come out from behind the stage.)
*Skippy: Who are they, Aunt Slappy?
*Slappy: Umpires, Skippy. And it looks like one of them is related to Shamu.
(She is shushed again.)
*Slappy: Well, excuse me for livin’!
(The three umpires start singing.)
*Skippy: What is this?
*Slappy: Must be the Canadian national anthem. Just hum along if you don’t know the words. Ooo.. eeee… aaah.. ooooh… Can-a-daaaa!
(They shush her again.)
*Slappy: You sound like a broken slurpee machine.
(The umpires finish, the crowd applauds. Another note is sung, more people applaud. A final note is sung, and everybody gets up and claps.)
*Slappy: Up, down, up, down, what is this, a Jane Fonda workout?
(Another song is started.)
*Skippy: When’s the game gonna start?
*Slappy: I son’t know, this pre-game show’s takin’ an eternity.
*Umpires: (singing)
Calamari
Marinara
Ravioli
(Vir?) Ricotta
Minestrone
Macaroni
(incomprehensible)
And a big slice of baloney!
(The crowd cheers.)
*Skippy: I don’t think they’re umpires, Aunt Slappy.
*Slappy: For the love of Mike, I thought that fat guy looked familiar! It’s Tommy Lasorda! Hey Tommy! Get back on that slim fast diet, you’re losin’ the war! And shave that beard while you’re at it.
(Pepperoni resumes singing.)
*Skippy: I’m hungry, Aunt Slappy.
*Slappy: Me too, where’s that concessions guy?
(Pepperoni notices Slappy as she yells and gets annoyed.)
*Slappy: Hey, Peanuts! Peanuts here! The service around here stinks. Hey, peanuts! PEANUTS! PEANUTS!!
*Pepperoni: (stops singing) Oh, somebody get her some peanuts!
(All the people throw their food at Slappy and Skippy.)
*Skippy: All right!
*Slappy: Now that’s more like it.
(The three men start singing another song. Slappy drinks and eats food loudly, and the three men notice. She is shushed by the audience.)
*Slappy: Ah, put a salary cap on it! (burps)
(The three singers start another song.)
*Slappy: Too bad it’s not free bat night.
*Skippy: (yawns) I’m bored.
*Slappy: Me too. Let’s see what else is on.
(She picks up a remote control and points it at the big screen that is broadcasting Pepperoni’s face. It changes to a cartoon about dogs, then changes to what appears to the the Andy Griffith Show.)
*Slappy: Hey, I wonder how the Yanks are doin’?
(She changes the channel to a different baseball game.)
*Announcer: Sliding into second, he’s safe!
*Slappy: Safe? Safe?! Replay! Let’s see that again!
(She watches it again. All the men in the crowd get up and cheer.)
*Slappy: Out by a mile.
(The men in the audience around her growl. The two squirrels are kicked out of the stadium.)
*Slappy: Why, of all the nerve!
*Skippy: Now we’ll never see the game.
*Slappy: Now, Skippy, I promised I’d take you to a dodger game. And that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.
(Back at the stadium, the three men are standing in front of their podiums.)
*Pepperoni: Now, the next song is from the greatest Hollywood music of all time.
(Skippy runs behind the three men and changes their music.)
*Skippy: That’s what they think. (laughs)
(The song starts. It starts snowing. The song slipping on the ice from episode 50 plays. The stage gets covered in ice and snow.)
*Three Men: (singing)
We're slippin' on the ice
Just slippin' on the ice
For a fabulous pratfall
Just follow our advice
*Domino and Carumba:
Let your feet take a flip
(Carumba falls)
*Carumba:
I've broken my hip
*Domino:
We're slipping
*Pepperoni:
and sliding- w-whoa- w-whoa w-wh-whoa!
(Pepperoni falls off the stage.)
*Slappy: On the ice!
(The crowd cheers. The three men get angry.)
*Skippy: Hurry up, get into your costumes for the next number!
*Pepperoni: Costumes? What costumes??
(Skippy pushes the three men off the stage. A man is about to start the song, but Slappy comes up to him. She hits a button on a remote, and a trapdoor opens, sending the man through the floor. Slappy takes his place. The three men come back on stage, all in silly costumes and with drums. Slappy starts the song.)
*Three Men: (singing)
Tommy Lasorda, Jackie Robinson
Roy Campanella, Henry Aaron
Mantle, Maris, Reggie Jackson, Baby Ruth
(The three men start to approach Slappy, holding their drums like weapons.)
Willie Mays, and Filipe Alou
Lou Gehrig, DiMaggio
And Rod Carew
Matty and Moses Alou!
(They are about to hit her with their drums, but stop, and go back up to continue singing. Slappy comes out from the bottom of the stage, playing an organ.)
*Three Men: (singing)
Take me out to the ball game
(Three hooks start coming down from the ceiling.)
Take me out with the crowd
Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks
(Their clothes are ripped off so they are wearing baseball outfits.)
I don’t care if I never get back
(They approach Skippy with their baseball bats as weapons.)
Let me root, root, root for the home team
If they don’t win, it’s a shame
(They all swing at Skippy and miss.)
For it’s one, two, three strikes you’re out
At the old ball game
(The men look like they are about to hit Skippy, but he stops playing the organ.)
*Skippy: They’re here..
(Bright lights shine in the sky. The men all turn to look. They gasp, seeIng spotlights on the horizon. An alien ship comes into view and hovers over the stadium. The men scream. The ship turns upside down, showing Slappy and Steven Spielberg inside.)
*Slappy: I decided to bring in the big guns.
(Steven pulls a lever, and four lights on the ship flash as four notes play. The men sing the notes.)
*Men: La, la, la, la.
(Four more notes play.)
*Men: La, la, la, la.
(Four more notes play.)
*Men: La, la, la, la.
(Four fast notes play.)
*Men: La, la, la, la.
(Four more fast notes play.)
*Men: La, la, la, la.
(Four faster notes play.)
*Men: La, la, la, la.
(Four even faster notes play.)
*Men: La, la, la, la.
(Four faster notes play.)
*Men: La, la, la, la.
(Four slower notes play.)
*Carumba: La, la, la, la.
(Four more notes play.)
*Carumba: La, la, la, la.
(Four more notes play.)
*Carumba: La, la, la, laAAA-
(Carumba falls over backwards. The spotlight shines on Domino.)
(Four notes play.)
*Domino: La, la, la, la.
(Four more notes play.)
*Domino: La, la, la, la.
(Four more notes play.)
*Domino: La, la, la, laAAaa-
(Domino falls over backwards as well. The spotlight moves to Pepperoni. Four notes play.)
*Pepperoni: La, la, la, la.
(Four more notes play, but those notes turn into a line of take me out to the ball game.)
*Pepperoni: La, la, la, la laaaaa..
(The ship plays some of the notes. Pepperoni wipes his forehead.)
*Pepperoni: Laaa, la, la, la, la la la la laaa.
(More notes play from the ship.)
*Pepperoni: La laaa, la la la la laaaaa.
(The ship continues to play.)
*Peppeeoni: La la laaa, laaa, (takes deep breath) laaaaaaaaAAAAaahh! (starts flying)
*Skippy: It’s a long fly back, back, going, going, holy cow that butterball is outta here!
*Umpire: Play ball!
(The players run to their positions. A ball is pitched.)
*Umpire: Strike!
(The crowd cheers.)
*Slappy: I said we’d see a ball game and I meant it!
*Three men: (singing)
She’s the crankiest of creatures in the whole wide world
Let’s play ball with Slappy the Squirrel!
(A ball flies, and Skippy catches it.)
*Slappy: Now that’s comedy.
Bingo[]
(At the Warner lot, Dr. Otto Scratchansniff enters a building. He looks around, and then the camera shows the building he is at is Otto’s Bingo. He checks his watch.)
*Otto: Oh well, I guess no game today.
*Wakko: Dr. Sratchansniff!
(Wakko runs up to him.)
*Wakko: Am I too late?
*Otto: Well, yes Wakko, you are too late. There is nobody here so I am not having the game today. Bye bye.
*Wakko: Oh, I so wanted to play! Oh please, please, please! Just one game!
*Otto: (sighs sadly) Ohhh, alright. O game.
*Wakko: Faboo!
*Otto: You.. do know how to play, don’t you?
*Wakko: Sure! Well.. I’ll catch on as we go along.
*Otto: Okay, um, welcome, everybody, to Otto’s Sunday bingo!
(Wakko rolls out multiple cards.)
*Wakko: Ready!
*Otto: Anyone can win so make ze game begin! Let’s bingo-go-go!
(Wakko stands on the table and claps.)
*Wakko: Very nice.
*Otto: Thank you. And now, our first combination is.. B-4.
*Wakko: Before what?
*Otto: Hm. I-29.
*Wakko: Oh no you’re not! You must be at least 50! Really. 29. (wags finger)
*Otto: Oh nein, oh nein..
*Wakko: O-9? Bingo!
*Otto: Oh no, not O-9, the next one is I-30.
(Wakko brings him an Abyss Boy drink.)
*Wakko: Here you go.
*Otto: What’s this?
*Wakko: You said you were thirsty.
*Otto: No, no! I-30! 30! 30!
*Wakko: And you’ve got a funny lisp.
*Otto: Sit!
(Wakko runs and drops the drink, which splashes on Otto.)
*Wakko: Ready!
*Otto: Wakko, how about being a good boy, ya? Why can’t you be one?
*Wakko: B-1? Bingo!
*Otto: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wakko, I don’t give you a B-1, I give you a B-10.
*Wakko: A beatin? I don’t think so! You should be ashamed. A beatin.
*Otto: Wakko, do you practice this behavior or is it innate?
*Wakko: N-8? Bingo!
*Otto: No, no, no, I told you before.
*Wakko: B-4? Bingo!
*Otto: That’s not the bingo! Oh nein!
*Wakko: O-9? Bingo!
*Otto: Stop! Now your cheatin’!
*Wakko: G-10? Bingo!
*Otto: No! Cheatin’! Cheatin’! Cheatin’!
*Wakko: Bingo, bingo, bingo!
*Otto: Okay, I must inform-
*Wakko: N-4? P
*Otto: I didn’t say N-4, I said informmmmma!
*Wakko: Oh. I’m that case, bingommmmma!
*Otto: Oh nein.
*Wakko: O-9?
*Otto: (covers Wakko’s mouth) Ya, ya, ya, ya, I know. Bingo.
*Wakko: No, bingommma!
*Otto: Okay! Okay! You get it! You win! You win! You’re driving me crazy!
(Otto goes across the room. He comes back with a prize box.)
*Otto: Reach in and get your prize.
*Wakko: You’ve made a little boy very happy. And if he ever meets ya, I’m sure he’ll thank you.
(Wakko reaches into the box and pulls out a slip of paper.)
*Wakko: Got my prize! Got my prize!
*Otto: Well, what is it?
*Wakko: Oh, doctor, this is the best! Free bingo for a year!
*Otto: Oh nein..
*Wakko: O-9? Bingo!
(Otto faints.)
Finale[]
(The stadium is shown again. The three men come back on stage. Slappy bows, then starts the song.)
*Three Men:
We are Animaniacs
And we're zany to the max
So just sit back and relax
You'll laugh 'til you collapse
We're Animaniacs!
*Pepperoni:
Meet Pinky and the Brain
Who want to rule the universe
*Domino and Carumba:
There's Skippy and there's Slappy
Say hi to Hello Nurse
Buttons chases Mindy
*Pepperoni:
While Rita sings a verse
*Domino and Carumba:
The writers flipped
*Pepperoni:
We have no script
*Three men:
Why bother to rehearse?
We're Animaniacs
We have pay-or-play contracts
We're zany to the max
There's baloney in our slacks
*Domino:
We're Animanie-
*Carumba:
Totally insaney
*Pepperoni:
Spaghetti stainy
*Three Men:
Animaniacs!
Those are the facts!
(The whole crowd bursts into cheering and applause.)
Ending[]
(Animaniacs theme instrumental)
*Warners: Gesundheit!