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Theme Song[]

(music)

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax.

You'll laugh till you collapse.

We're Animaniacs!

*Yakko and Wakko:

Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot:

And the Warner Sister Dot

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot:

Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.

Wakko packs away the snacks

We pay tons of income tax

We're Animaniacs

Meet Ralph and Dr. Schratchansniff, say hi to Hello Nurse

Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse.

Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.

The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?

*All:

We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max

There's baloney in our slacks!

We're Animanie-,

Totally insane-y...

*Wakko:

Penny Laney

*Warners:

Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

A Hard Day’s Warners[]

(The Warners run away from their fans.)

*Warners: (singing)

You can see that we're black and white

And we are running from our fans

Riding on invisible bikes

And walking on our hands

And everywhere that we go

We get no peace, don't you know

That's why we're running from our fans.

In cartoons

Everything's crazy and wild

In cartoons

We are corrupting your child!

You see we're doing wacky gags

While we are running from our fans

We're hiding behind mags

And we run inside garbage cans

We always get this attention

At a cartoon convention

So we're running from our fans

Yes, we're running from our fans!

(Song ends. The Warners run inside the cartoon convention, and Ralph closes the door behind them. Their fans crowd the door.)

*Ralph: D’ouch! Oof! Hey, you crazy fans!

(The Warners run into a room. The cartoon is now in color. They all pant.)

*Yakko: Phew! I’m glad we got away from that.

*Dot: The fans?

*Yakko: No, that black and white segment.

(The Warners sit down on the couch. Dr. Otto Scratchansniff comes up to them with a pile of mail.)

*Otto: Where have you kidses been? You are late!

*Dot: No, I’m Dot. But you knew that.

*Otto: Stop it! You knew you’d have to answer this fan mail before the press conference!

(Otto gives all the mail to Yakko and Dot.)

*Wakko: Isn’t there any for me?

(Otto shrugs and shakes his head.)

*Yakko: Maybe it’s your hat, Wakko.

*Dot: People think you’re hiding something.

(Elvis comes out from under Wakko’s hat.)

*Elivs: Hey, man, I told you to keep it a secret.

(Someone knocks on the door. Elivs goes back under Wakko’s hat.)

*Ralph: More mail for youses! (comes in with bag of mail) It’s for Wakko.

(Ralph gives Wakko his letters.)

*Yakko: Gee, Wakko, where’d you find time to write those?

*Wakko: I didn’t write them. Not all of them, anyway.

*Otto: Please! Please! This is no place for silly shenanigans! This is a cartoon convention! You are the guests of honor, and there are a million fans in there!

(The fans break down the door, crushing Otto.)

*Yakko: That guy needs a compass.

*Dot: And we need an exit!

(The fans spot the Warners and run after them. Ralph opens a door to a hall, and closes it behind the Warners.)

*Ralph: D’oww! Oof! You crazy fans!

*Otto: (sighs) Why couldn’t I just work with the Olson twins?

(The Warners run past booths, including the Tiny Toon booth, Batman booth, and John Wilkes booth.)

*John: Sorry, sorry. I’m sorry,

(The Warners stop.)

*Yakko: (points) This way!

(The Warners run and are chased by their fans. They then end up alone with one girl.)

*Girl: Oh my gosh. Aren’t you-

*Yakko: No.

*Girl: You look just like them.

*Dot: We’re not them. We’ve seen them.

*Girl: Really? What do they look like?

*Wakko: They look.. exactly like them.

*Girl: Wow. Now that you mention it, you really don’t look like them.

*Yakko: No. But thanks.

(The Warners run away, but then poke their heads back in.)

*Warners: Hello nurse!

(The girl screams, and the fans run after the Warners. The Warners run to a mask stand, and put on masks. The fans run past not noticing them. The Warners take off the masks and toss them away.)

*Yakko: And we did all that without computers.

(The Warners scream and run, and are chased. They run towards a press conference room.)

*Otto: Let’s go! Time to meet the press.

(The Warners go in, and Ralph closes the door.)

*Ralph: Ooh! Ow! You crazy fans!

*Reporter: Which comic book character would you most like to work with?

*Yakko: Michelle Pfeiffer.

*Reporter: (laughs) She’s not a comic book character.

*Yakko: Don’t get technical.

*Reporter 2: What do you like best about fame?

*Dot: The scene where Irene Cara dances on a car.

*Reporter 3: Should your mean cartoons have more lessons instructing children in acceptable behavior within a group dynamic?

*Wakko: Oh, yes. That, and this.

(Wakko presses a button. A 16 ton anvil drops on the reporter.)

*Yakko: Uhhhh, I think just this.

*Reporter 3: (getting out from under anvil) I will be heard! Now, shouldn’t your nasty cartoons express values that are kind and gentle?

*Yakko: Yes. Kind, gentle,

*Wakko: And heavy.

(Another anvil drops on the reporter.)

*Reporter 3: You may think that’s funny, but what about the people? What do the people want?

(The Warners run up to a stage.)

*Warners: (singing)

They want to laugh, laugh

They want to laugh, laugh

They want to laugh, laugh, laugh!

*Yakko:

You say you're gonna make a feature film

With animation really fine

*Dot:

You say it's gonna be a preachy film

With a heartfelt storyline

*Yakko:

Just make sure that it's good and funny

*Wakko:

‘Cause things ought to make you laugh!

*Warners:

They want to laugh, laugh

They want to laugh, laugh

They want to laugh, laugh, laugh!

(Song ends. The Warners see their fans, and run through the back of the stage. Ralph tires to shop away the fans, but they run past him. The Warners see fans coming from every direction, and then they climb a miniature water tower to get away from the fans. Yakko writes a letter, folds it into a paper airplane, then sends it off. It flies away from the convention, and to Acme Labs, where it lands by Pinky and the Brain.)

*Pinky: Poit! Narf..

*Brain: At last, Pinky! We’ve gotten an audience with the pope! Here’s the address.

(Back at the convention, the Warners are still trapped on the water tower.)

*Wakko: I don’t know if I can take it!

*Yakko: Don’t worry, sibs. There’s one thing that will divert their attention. (climbs in roof of water tower) Please, I have an announcement! We know you like us, and thank you. But we are just three silly cartoon characters, friends. You should be focusing your attention on bigger, more important things.

*Fan: Like what?

*Yakko: Like, uhhh.. Pinky and the Brain! There they are!

(Everybody turns to look. Pinky and the Brain and in the doorway, confused. The fans all cheer, and the mice run, and are chased by their fans. The Warners finally hop down from the water tower.)

*Yakko: Well, let’s go home, sibs. I think our job here is done.

*Pinky and the Brain: (singing)

We’re running from our fans

Yes we are running from our fans!

Good Idea, Bad Idea[]

*Narrator: It’s time for another good idea, bad idea. Good idea, buying a pair of shoes on sale.

(Mr. Skullhead walks out of the store with a new pair of shoes.)

*Narrator: Bad idea, buying a parachute on sale.

(Mr. Skullhead jumps out of a plane and pulls the parachute, but it falls off.)

*Narrator: The end.

Slappy and Skippy Intro[]

*Warners:

She's a cranky old critter,

She's bitter, we warn ya.

She lives in a treehouse

In Burbank, California.

Along with her nephew,

He says, "Spew!"

He's cheerful

Then his aunt starts to rant

She gives him an earful!

She's grumpy, he's happy,

It's generation gappy.

Take a whirl with the squirrels,

Skippy and Slappy!

*Slappy: Ah, put a sock in it!

*Skippy: That’s my..

*Skippy and Warners: Aunt Slappy!

Gimme A Break[]

(Slappy is on a hammock.)

*Slappy: Ah. My first day off since Roosevelt was president. No distractions, no explosions, no violence, no reminders of my work.

*Skippy: Aunt Slappy Aunt Slappy Aunt Slappy Aunt Slappy! You’ll never believe it! Not in a million kabillion kazillion years!

*Slappy: Brad Pitt asked for my phone number?

*Skippy: Spew, no! This is the best thing that’s ever happened anywhere near here! I’m not kidding!

*Slappy: (Gets flung from hammock) If this has anything to do with pugs, I’ll shoot myself.

*Skippy: They’re filming the most violent, action packed movie ever filmed in this very neighborhood!

*Slappy: Oh, happy day.

*Skippy: And every action adventure star you could think of is in it! Arnold, Bruce, Keanu, Snipes! It’s mega, Aunt Slappy, mega!

*Slappy: Is it mega?

*Skippy: It’s mega!

*Slappy: Good. Buh-bye. (slams door)

*Skippy: Don’t you wanna go watch some state of the art mega action?

*Slappy: Nah, I’m on vacation and I need a sit-spell.

*Skippy: Huh?

*Slappy: Nevermind.

*Skippy: Come on, it’ll be fun!

(Skippy ties to drag Slappy out the door, and the set flips, revealing the Warners taking a bath. Dot screams.)

*Wakko: Uh-oh, I feel a bubble coming on.

*Slappy: Go away!

(A new set is placed, a building labeled Acme.)

*Skippy: They’re gonna blow up that set, Aunt Slappy! It’s move-making magic!

*Slappy: Here’s my chance to get a cheese sandwich. Bye.

*Skippy: Look, it’s Bruce!

*Slappy: Springsteen?! Where the heck’s my lip gloss?

*Skippy: Not that Bruce.

*Slappy: Oh.

(Bruce Willis walks by.)

*Bruce: How’s my hair look?

*Woman: Great, babe.

*Slappy: What hair?

*Skippy: Shh!

*Slappy: Rogaine, anyone?

*Skippy: Stop it!

*Slappy: Alright, mr. president of the hair club for men. Yeesh.

*Skippy: I’m not just the president, (takes off hair) I’m also a member!

*Man: Aaaand, action.

*Bruce: Yi-yi-yippe-yi-yo-ki-yay.

*Slappy: Ooh! What dialogue. Time for that sit-spell.

*Skippy: Wait! The building’s gonna blow!

*Slappy: Don’t ya get it! I’m on vacation! I don’t wanna hear no explosions!

(The building explodes, Slappy cringes. Bruce falls on top of Slappy, on fire.)

*Man: That was beautiful!

*Bruce! How’s my hair look?

*Slappy: Who cares!

(Slappy eats food on a bench, a person sits next to her.)

*Slappy: So I figure, at this point, the only way to get away from any reminder of my work is to get outta town. Thanks for the chocolate.

*Tom Hanks: Mom always said that life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.

(He bites into a chocolate, which explodes. A bus pulls up, and Slappy gets on.)

*Slappy: Is this the bus to the airport? I got a flight to catch.

(The bus goes fast, a parody of the movie Speed.)

*Slappy: I ain’t in that big a hurry!

*Driver: There’s a bomb on this bus! If we go under 50 miles per hour, it’ll explode!

(A man gets on the bus.)

*Man: Like, I’m looking for a bomb.

*Slappy: Check out your performance in Dracula.

*Man: You must drive fast. Very fast. Over 50 fast. You’re cute. Can I have your number?

*Slappy: Hey, Nancy, Sluggo, you wanna look where you’re drivin’?

(They scream, seeing a gap in the bridge. The bus makes it over, and to the airport. They crash into a plane, which explodes.)

*Director: Cut! That was so, (tearing up) so, you know. Pretty. (sobs)

(Skippy hops over the gate and to the bus, where a charred Slappy gets out.)

*Skippy: Aunt Slappy, you didn’t tell me you were in this movie! Mega!

*Slappy: (sees three Skippy’s, dazed) Well if it isn’t Huey, Dewey, and Louie. I haven’t seen you guys since Daisy Duck’s bat mitzvah. (passes out)

*Skippy: Guess Aunt Slappy need a little lie-down.

(The scene changes to an airport.)

*Slappy: I need a plane ticket to Ohio. I want a vacation where nothin’ happens.

*Hello Nurse: Huh? I don’t get it.

*Slappy: No one expects you to. (on plane) 54, 55, 56, ah, 57!

(Wesley Snipes is in her spot.)

*Wesley: No way, I’m passenger 57!

*Slappy: I hate my life. (sits) Okay, let’s get this boat off the ground.

(The plane takes off, goes fast.)

*Slappy: Impressive takeoff. (pulls face back to normal) Care for some creamed sardines?

*William Shatner: There’s, some, thing, on the wing. There is, some, thing, out there!

*Slappy: Calm down, staccato boy. Let me look.

(She looks out the window, there is a man on the wing.)

*Slappy: I’ll go talk to the pilot. Here’s a sponge.

*William: Beam me up, Scotty.

(Slappy goes to the cockpit. There’s two men and a woman dancing on a pole.)

*Slappy: I feel good about the regulation, don’t you? Let’s say we land this thing.

*Pilot: I’m just an actor. I don’t know nothin’ about landin’ planes, miss Slappy.

*Slappy: (facepalms) My head hurts.

(The plane crashes into a mountain and explodes.)

*Director: That’s a keeper. Let’s break for lunch.

(Slappy rolls away from the wreckage.)

*Slappy: It’s not Ohio, but it’ll do.

*Man: Food!

(Many men appear with silverware.)

*Man: Squirrel rump roast!

*Director: Cut! (sobs)

*Skippy: Whoa, another mega scene! Grrrrrreat!

*Slappy: Tony the Tiger, is that you? (faceplants)

*Skippy: She needs lots of lie-downs.

(The scene changes to a boat.)

*Slappy: This boat ain’t named the Titanic, is it?

*Man: No.

*Slappy: Poseidon?

*Man: No.

*Slappy: And your name isn’t Hook Kirk?

*Man: No..

*Slappy: (singsong) I’m goin’ on vacation. I’m goin’ on vacation.

*Man: If you ask me, she’s already left.

(The boat sails off.)

*Slappy: Ah. Finally, a break from violence.

(A plane flies.)

*Man: I have you now, mister bomb.

(A bomb is dropped on the boat, which explodes. A mechanical shark walks in the background.)

*Director: That’s a wrap. Nice work, Slappy.

*Skippy: Wow, Aunt Slappy, you were, you were-

*Slappy: (dazed) Mega? (laughs)

*Skippy: You know what? I think Aunt Slappy needs a vacation.

(Slappy falls over backwards.)

Good Idea, Bad Idea[]

*Narrator: It’s time for another good idea, bad idea. Good idea, climbing a mountain.

(Mr. Skullhead climbs a mountain.)

*Narrator: Bad idea, climbing a mountain lion.

(Mr. Skullhead tries to climb a mountain lion, but gets eaten, then spat out.)

*Narrator: The end.

Please Please Please Get a Life Foundation[]

(A nerd who wears blue glasses and a WB t-shirt, is shown in a cartoon decorated with various cartoon merchandise.)

*Steven Puttner: In the newsreel opening, it says the Warners were created in 1930, but to have a 65th Anniversary show in 1994 means they were created in 1929. And In Yakko’s World, Tibet is not technically a country. (eats sandwich) And in cookies for Einstein, e=mc squared is not the relativity formula, it is the mass-energy conversion formula. And Slappy’s driving a Dodge Viper but races the Roadrunner, which was the name of a Dodge Charger RT variant in the 60’s. And the numbers on that Yakko’s Universe song are so wrong, it’s hardly enjoyable. And in the theme song it’s pay or play contracts, not pay for play. Some people think it’s for, but it’s or. The closed captioning was wrong when it said or. And the Pinky and the Brain title the Tokyo Movie Shinsha version, which is on ones, it has BH 90201, which is supposed to be BH Beverly Hills 90210, how could they get that wrong?

(Yakko watches Steven Puttner. He pauses the recording.)

*Yakko: Is this you? Are you happily engrossed in inconsequential cartoon trivia to the point that your socks can probably stand up by themselves? Well, if you are, there’s hope. There’s help. There’s the Please, Please, Please, Get a Life Foundation! Since it’s inception, the please please please get a life foundation has gently, and calmly, brought people back to Earth.

*Nerd 2: In Gift of Gold, there’s this guy with a T-Shirt that says 839 on it, and that’s the cartoonist union local 839 OK. What’s amazing is the episode number is 406-839.

(Wakko hits him on the head with a mallet.)

*Yakko: Our staff of trained professionals will soothe you with their comforting therapy.

*Nerd 3: In Pavlov’s Mice, Pavlov wasn’t really interested in conditioned response, he just wanted some saliva to study.

(Dot pulls a rope and drops a massive anvil on the nerd.)

*Yakko: Yes, even the toughest cases are solved in a nurturing, serene manner.

*Nerd 4: In Girlfeathers, the sign that says Niagra falls is misspelled.

(Wakko hits him on the head with a mallet, to no effect.)

*Nerd 4: In Chairman of the Bored, there’s this drawing that looks like Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep, who were both in Kramer vs. Kramer, and they’re sitting with the guy from Seinfeld who plays Kramer!

(Dot drops an anvil on his head, also with no effect.)

*Nerd 4: And in Woodstock Slappy you can see Scratchansniff for 4 frames on the magic bus, and Woodstock was '69, but they mentioned Hair which opened in 1970.

(The Warners agree on something, then Yakko opens a door.)

*Nerd: In Opportunity Knox, Brain is Mister Perkins, which is the most common name in Elizabethtown, Kentucky, 10 minutes from Fort Knox.

(Baloney comes out of the opened door.)

*Nerd: And in Christmas Plotz, Slappy wants four-

(The nerd sees Baloney.)

*Nerd: No! Not him!

*Baloney: (laughs) Gosh and golly uncles, it’s my yummy-yum fun fun yummy fun yum yum friendaloo!

(Baloney picks up and hugs the nerd.)

*Yakko: Quick, it’s not too late. Call us before you rewind to see what was in the room in the opening shot. There is hope. There is help. There is the..

*Warners: Please, please, please get a life foundation!

*Nerd 2: Thanks please please please get a life foundation.

*Nerd 3: I couldn’t have done it without you!

*Nerd 4: You guys are the g-ratest.

*Yakko: Call now. The life you get, may be your own.

*Steven: Did you notice that the third please is misspelled with 2 e’s I think that was intentional.

(The screen closes, gets stuck on the Steven's nose.)

*Steven: The iris out on the nose thing’s been done.

Ending[]

(Animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Yakko: I’m Yakko.

*Wakko: I’m Wakko.

*Dot: And I’m rabid.

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