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Theme song[]

(music)

Yakko, Wakko and Dot: It's time for Animaniacs! And we're zany to the max! So just sit back and relax, you'll laugh till you collapse, we're Animaniacs!

Yakko and Wakko: Come join the Warner Brothers...

Dot: ..and the Warner sister Dot!

Yakko, Wakko and Dot: Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot! They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught, but we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot!

We're Animaniacs, Dot is cute and Yakko yaks; Wakko packs away the snacks; we pay tons of income tax; we're Animaniacs!

Meet Ralph and Dr. Scratchansniff, say "Hi" to Hello Nurse, Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse, Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse, The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?

All: We're Animaniacs, We have pay-or-play contracts, we're zany to the max, there's baloney in our slacks! We're Animanie, totally insane-y

Yakko, Wakko, and Dot: Frasier Crane-y

All: Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

A Very Very Very Very Special Show[]

[Cartoon opens, showing the office of the Humanitarians Awards Organization]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, once a year, the coveted humanitarian animation award is given to that children's program which best achieves the goal of promoting human values.

[Cut to inside of the office, where the award is being watched over by two guards]

Announcer: We at the Warner Brothers Studio would like to be included as humanitarian animation nominees, but would never stoop so low as to pander for such a prestigious award.

[Scene cuts to a beach, where a whale has washed up on the shore]

Dot: Goodness, brothers. We're going to have to save this poor baby whale!

Yakko: Yes, Dot. He is among several endangered species of marine life that have fallen victim to man's irresponsible behavior.

Wakko: All set!

[He starts up the boat, dragging the whale back into the sea]

Yakko: I just have to say that, uh, I feel a lot of love in this cartoon right now.

Dot: Me, too.

[Wakko's watch beeps, camera focuses on him]

Wakko: Hey, it's time to get going to that lecture on ozone depletion.

Yakko: We can catch the bus over here.

Dot: Well, why don't we just walk? It'll be a positive step towards helping the environment.

Yakko: Oh? How so, Dot?

[Camera focuses on Dot as she pulls down a chart reading "Combustion Engines", along with a diagram of one]

Dot: Well, you see, Yakko, car engines consume fossil fuels, which are a non-renewable source of energy.

Wakko: And the burning of those fuels contributes to pollutants in our atmosphere.

Dot: That's why carpooling and use of public transportation can go a long way in helping to provide a cleaner environment.

Yakko: That, and getting a ride with Ed Begley Jr. You know, I'm glad we had this little talk.

Wakko: Me, too.

Dot: Hey, do you guys mind if we stop off at the library next? I have to return this book I've been reading about Mahatma Gandhi.

Yakko: Sure, but we have to get back by 3:00, okay?

Wakko: Why is that?

Yakko: Well, I'm helping plant more trees for the nature conservancy this afternoon. Oh, that reminds me! Dot, how's the spotted owl you've been nursing back to health?

Dot: Oh, fine! In fact, it's playing with the white Siberian tiger.

Yakko: We'd like to encourage all of our viewers to give generously to protect our precious natural resources.

Dot: Goodness, what's that terrible smell?

[Camera pans out to reveal Thaddeus Plotz, sitting on a beach chair while smoking a cigar]

Wakko: I believe it's secondhand smoke.

[The Warners walk up to Mr. Plotz, Wakko and Dot cover their noses and mouths]

Yakko: *Coughing* Excuse me, sir, but did you know that new state and federal statues prohibit smoking in certain areas?

Thaddeus Plotz: Really? I had no idea. How rude and inconsiderate of me.

Dot: Not only that, but the Surgeon General has determined that smoking is a leading cause of lung cancer. [Turns to Yakko and Wakko] Is it A leading cause, or should it be THE leading cause?

Yakko: I don't know, but it contains carbon monoxide.

Thaddeus Plotz: You don't say! I'd better get rid of these cigarettes right away.

[He crumples a pack of cigarettes in his hands, and throws them into a recycling bin, though it ends up hitting the sand below it]

Dot: It's important not to litter, too.

[She walks up to the recycling bin, and puts the crumpled pack of cigarettes inside of it]

Thaddeus Plotz: I guess I owe you kids a debt of gratitude. Thanks for your concern.

Yakko: Ah, gee, we like helping out because it makes us feel good. Not because we're trying to...you know, win a humanitarian animation award or something like that.

Thaddeus Plotz: Good for you.

[A whistle is heard off-screen, the camera focuses on Hello Nurse in a bikini, while several men cheer and ogle at her]

Yakko: [Shakes his head] You know, it's a shame that there are some men who view women as objects.

Dot: I'll handle this.

[Dot walks up to a man watching Hello Nurse, and is about to attack him with a giant hammer. Before she hits him, Yakko taps Dot on the shoulder, and the camera focuses back on the Warners.]

Yakko: Excuse me, Dot, but I don't believe violence ever solved anything.

Wakko: I agree. There's too much violence on TV as it is.

Yakko: That's why we at Animaniacs feel there should be a more productive means of conflict resolution than inflicting injury on another party.

Dot: You're right. Losing one's temper only makes you wrong.

Wakko: Hey, I'm hungry. Anybody care for a sandwich?

Dot: What kind do you have?

[Wakko opens his grab bag, and pulls out two sandwiches]

Wakko: I've got ground beef and veggie.

Dot: I'll take the veggie.

Yakko: Yeah, me, too.

Wakko: You sure you don't want beef? It's really good.

Yakko: Well, Wakko, as much as I like the taste of beef, recent studies have shown that the high fat content of certain meats can be a major contributor to heart disease.

[He grabs a book with "USDA" on the cover, and opens it to reveal a statistic labeled "Heart Disease From Beef"]

Wakko: Really?

Yakko: Oh, yes. The plain and simple truth is that we are what we eat. Proper nutrition augmented with a proper exercise regimen is the best way to ensure a healthier lifestyle.

Dot: And if you haven't got your health, you haven't got a thing.

Wakko: You know, I think it's really special that we could share this moment together.

Yakko, Wakko and Dot [In unison] Group hug!

[As the Warners are hugging, the scene cuts to a special news bulletin]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt this program to bring you the following special news bulletin: The winner of the Humanitarian Animation Award is about to be selected.

[Cut to the stage, where a woman hands the announcer the card with the winning cartoon written on it.]

Announcer #2: I'm proud to announce that this year's award goes to..."A Panda Called Pookie."

[The crowd applauds, and the screen now shows the Warners' reactions.]

Announcer #2:: To the winners of this great honor and the accompanying large cash award, we wish to say congratulations. And to the losers, well, better luck next year.

[Scene cuts back to the Warners, Yakko takes Dot's hammer]

Yakko: May I borrow this?

Dot: Certainly.

[Yakko runs up to the same man that Dot almost hit, and attacks him with the hammer]

Wakko: Anybody want a piece of really fattening cheesecake?

Dot: Does it have a ton of sugar in it?

Wakko: Yeah!

Dot: I'll take two.

[Dot and Wakko eat the cheesecake]

Yakko: I think I'm gonna go buy a large hot fudge sundae and have it for dinner. You wanna come?

Wakko: Okay, but let's take the car.

Yakko: Yeah. We'll have to stop and fill it up, though. That pig sucks gas like it's water.

Wakko: How about you, Dot. Wanna come?

Dot: Nah, I think I'm gonna go chop down a Christmas tree and put it in my house to decorate. Then I'm gonna sit on my butt and watch TV all day.

Yakko: Okay.

[Hello Nurse taps Yakko on the shoulder]

Hello Nurse: Excuse me. I just heard. I'm sorry you didn't win the Humanitarian Animation Award.

Yakko and Wakko: Hello, Nurse!

[Yakko and Wakko jump into Hello Nurse's arms]

Yakko: Oh well. There's always next year.

[Yakko and Wakko kiss Hello Nurse on either cheek. Cartoon ends]

Mindy and Buttons Intro[]

Mindy: Buttons! Oh, buttons!

Buttons: [Runs towards Mindy and jumps, but falls down a deep hole]

Mindy: He-he-huh! Silly puppy!

Night Of The Living Buttons[]

[Cartoon opens, showing Mindy in her front yard attached to a tree by a rope. Buttons is in his doghouse. Mindy plays with a wind-up frog]

Mindy: Froggy bouncy-bouncy, bouncy-bouncy-bouncy-bounce!

[Mindy's Mother opens the door]

Mindy's Mother: Hi, Mindy, dear.

Mindy: Hi, pretty lady.

Mindy's Mother: Well, I'm glad you think I'm pretty, sugar, but "Mom", dear. Say, "Mom."

Mindy: Okay, pretty lady.

Mindy's Mother: I'm leaving now, Mindy. I'm a guest on Oprah, since today's topic is overprotective mothers.

Mindy: Okay, pretty lady, I love you, buh-bye!

[Camera pans to Buttons, who is digging a hole by the fence. Mindy's Mother walks up to him]

Mindy's Mother: Now, Buttons. You look after Mindy while I'm gone.

[Buttons gives Mindy's Mother a salute. He looks over the fence and on to the cemetery]

Mindy's Mother: That's odd, you don't normally see fog over the cemetery at this time of year. Oh well, gotta run.

[Camera pans back to Mindy, as a frog hops in front of her]

Frog: Ribbit, ribbit.

[Mindy becomes fascinated with the frog, and starts chasing after it]

Mindy: Froggy bouncy-bounce!

[Mindy walks past Buttons, who has just finished digging his hole, and is about to bury a bone inside of it]

Mindy: Come back, froggy!

[Buttons buries the bone in his hole, then screams once he realizes Mindy is missing. He looks at her latch and wind-up frog]

Mindy: Froggy bouncy-bounce!

[Buttons turns around, realizing Mindy is headed toward the cemetery. He breaks free from the latch, and starts chasing after her]

Mindy: [Giggles] Froggy.

[The frog jumps on a lump of dirt, but quickly jumps off once it starts shaking. A zombie then comes out of his grave]

Mindy: Hiya, Mr. Zombie Guy, whatcha doing?

[The zombie growls at Mindy]

Mindy: Why?

[The zombie growls again]

Mindy: Why?

[The zombie growls a third time]

Mindy: Okay, I love you, buh-bye!

[Mindy goes back to chasing the frog. The zombie snarls and begins walking towards her. Buttons catches up to Mindy, then shudders once he sees the zombie behind him. As Mindy runs after the frog, she walks above a grave where several zombie hands are seen reaching out at her. Buttons tries to save Mindy, but ends up falling down the grave himself]

[Mindy lands on a wreath in front of a different grave. Buttons tries to run away from the zombies, but they grab him and pull off some of his hair. Buttons tries to hit the zombies' hands with a wooden plank, but they take it from him. Buttons successfully escapes]

Mindy: [Giggles] Buttons hair funny.

[Buttons pants in exasperation as the frog jumps by him and Mindy]

Frog: Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit.

Mindy: Froggy bouncy-bounce!

[A zombie appears behind Mindy, ready to hit her over the head with a shovel. Buttons becomes furious and runs to save Mindy, but ends up getting hit with the shovel himself. Buttons is then shown with his head stuck underground, when another zombie spots him. Buttons screams, then hides inside the first zombie's vest. He screams again, then runs, taking the vest with him. He looks for Mindy, then spots her chasing the frog to an abandoned house.]

Mindy: Froggy! [Giggles]

Frog: Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit-ribbit.

Mindy: Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy!

[Buttons watches as Mindy enters the house. More zombies appear behind him. He turns around, sees the zombies, then runs inside the house himself. Zombie versions of Yakko, Wakko and Dot are seen walking in front of the house, running away from a zombified Ralph T. Guard and an unknown female zombie. Zombie Ralph trips over a string and falls]

[Inside the house, Buttons quickly closes the door, hyperventilating as he does so. Mindy giggles as she continues chasing the frog. Buttons hears something on the other side of the door, and is scared to open it. When he does open, there are more zombies on the other side. He quickly closes it as the zombies try to get in from the windows. Buttons finds a toolbox, and uses it to barricade the door]

Mindy: Froggy!

[A zombie in a night gown appears behind Mindy. Before he can attack her, Buttons hits the zombie with a wooden shelf. Mindy is seen running in front of another door full of zombies, and Buttons pushes her away from them. The zombies grab Buttons instead, and he bites off one of their arms, uses it to grab a chair nearby, and barricade the door with it]

[Mindy is seen covering herself with a blanket as another zombie appears in the window behind her. Buttons uses the zombie arm to make the zombie fall down, then blocks off the window. Mindy grabs the frog and shows it to Buttons]

Mindy: Kiss the frog, baby.

[Mindy puts the frog up to Buttons's face, much to his disgust. The zombies attempt to break through Button's barricade, as both he and Mindy look over in shock. The zombies are eventually successful in breaking through, and run after Buttons and Mindy, while the frog hops away. Buttons finds a hammer on the wall above a glass container that reads "IN CASE OF ZOMBIES, BREAK GLASS." He breaks the glass, and a pink gas is released into the air. Mindy appears confused, then gasps when she sees that Buttons now looks like a zombie. He and the other zombies dance to disco music]

[Buttons uses the dance line to lead the zombies back into their grave. He then puts a metal door in front of it]


Mindy: Froggy? Froggy?

Frog [From inside the tombstone] Ribbit, ribbit.

Mindy: Froggy! Buttons! Froggy! Froggy in there! Froggy! Froggy, Buttons!

[Buttons opens the tombstone]

Mindy: [Gasps] Froggy?

Frog: [Singing] Hello, my lady! Hello, my mommy! Hello, my graveyard ghouls!

[Mindy and Buttons scream as they run out of the cemetery, back to their house]

Frog: [Singing] Ya-da-da-da-da-da. Ya-da-da-da-da-da!

[Cartoon ends]

Soda Jerk[]

[Cartoon opens, as the Warners are shown running across the city. They stop in front of an alley to catch their breath. Ralph is seen chasing after them, but he runs in the opposite direction]

Wakko: Hey, guys, look!

Yakko, Wakko and Dot: Time out!

[The trio run in to an ice cream shop]

Wakko: Oh, Mr. Ice Cream Man!

Yakko: Here, here!

Toby: Hey, hi, kids! What'll you guys have today?

Yakko: The usual. Give us the mango, papaya, quince...

Wakko: ...coconut, persimmon, guava...

Dot: ...and avocado...

Yakko, Wakko and Dot: ...big super-duper-triple-malt shake!

Yakko: Make mine stirred, not shaken.

Dot: Make mine non-fat. Girl's gotta watch her figure.

Wakko: Make mine with extra fat.

Toby: Coming right up!

[He puts ice cream of several colors into a cup, then puts the cup into a blender. He then puts the blended ice cream into three milkshake glasses, then puts straws in each of them. He gives each of the Warners their order, and Yakko and Wakko start drinking their shakes]

Dot: [To Wakko] Are you gonna drink that in one gulp?

Wakko: Maybe.

Yakko: Could be more than you can handle.

Wakko: I'll take that as a challenge.

[He knocks Dot out of her seat]

Dot: [In the background] Hey!

Wakko: I've been doing this since I was a kid.

[He drinks his shake in one gulp, then floats back into his seat, now inflated.]

Wakko: Told you.

[Yakko gives Wakko a condescending look as he drinks from his milkshake. Dot is then seen drinking hers in the seat behind Wakko. Wakko's stomach starts to bubble, which causes him to hiccup. He then hiccups again, returning him to his normal size]

Dot: Cut it out!

[Wakko hiccups again]

Yakko: Ew, that's gross. Can you do it again?

Wakko: I can't help- [Hiccups] -it.

[He hiccups again, then puts his hands on either side of his head]

Yakko: Toby, a glass of water.

[Toby gives Yakko the glass. Yakko and Dot hold Wakko upside down as Yakko offers the glass to Wakko]

Yakko: Drink this.

[Wakko drinks the glass of water, then hiccups, causing him to fall down to the floor]

Yakko: [To Toby] We need a bigger glass!

[Toby hands a bigger glass to Yakko, and Yakko pours it into Wakko's mouth. He seems clear for a moment, but hiccups not long after]

Yakko: Bigger!

[Toby hands a fish tank to Yakko, who proceeds to pour it into Wakko's mouth once more. The fish dive off of Wakko's tongue, and they are then seen in a milkshake glass. Unfortunately, Wakko hiccups again]

Yakko: I heard a spoonful of sugar will do the trick.

[He holds Wakko's nose and pours the sugar into his mouth. Wakko hiccups again.]

Dot: How about a spoonful of honey?

[She hold's Wakko's nose and puts a beehive into his mouth. Wakko hiccups and sneezes the bees out]

Yakko: I think this calls for professional help!

[The Warners run out of the ice cream shop as Yakko hails a taxi. The three make their way to the Center for Advanced Research, with Wakko constantly hiccuping along the way]

Female Researcher: If I don't get a desk soon, I'm gonna quit.

[Wakko is seen sitting on a chair attached to a wall, with a helmet on his head. A researcher pushes some buttons next to him as he hiccups. The researcher then places two keys into two locks, activating a red button, which he then pushes. Wakko is shown undergoing the effects of the machine, but still hiccups]

Male Researcher: It won't start!

Yakko: Hey, fellas. Try a quarter

[Yakko inserts a quarter into the coin slot]

Yakko: They got one of these at Chuck E. Cheese.

[Wakko is shocked several times by the machine]

Wakko: Hey, I think I'm cured! [Hiccups] Maybe not.

[Cut to the Warners getting ready to board an airplane]

Yakko: Come on, sibs!

[Wakko hiccups]

Yakko: We'll scour the globe for the answer!

[The plane takes off, and it is shown going up into space]

Dot: Maybe we can scare Wakko's hiccups away.

Yakko: Well, it's worth a try.

[Dot walks up to Wakko, carrying a miniature box]

Dot: Oh, Wakko! Do you wanna have a cookie?

Wakko: Okay. [Hiccups] Sure.

[Dot opens the box, revealing a giant monster that scares Wakko]

Dot: Well?

Wakko: [Hiccups] Nope.

[Cut to an acupuncture room, where Wakko is receiving acupuncture treatment]

Dot: Maybe acupuncture will work.

Wakko: Uh-oh

[His stomach starts to bubble]

Yakko: He's gonna blow!

[Yakko and Dot hide behind a desk. Wakko lets out a massive hiccup, getting rid of his acupuncture needles. Yakko and Dot are shielded from them, but the acupuncture artist is seen stuck to the wall behind Wakko]

Acupuncture Artist: Ow, ooh! Ow, ooh! Ee, ow, ee!

[The Warners take their plane to another destination, though Wakko's hiccuping causes a screw to fall out of it. Cut to a Frankenstein-esque castle, with Yakko and Dot in labcoats, and Wakko as their "monster"]

[Wakko is seen on a bed attached to a kite. The kite absorbs electricity from the lightning around it, and Yakko pulls the lever to shock Wakko. Dot looks on in shock]

Yakko: [Maniacal laughter] Yes!

[Wakko is lowered from the roof of the castle, and gets up from the bed. Yakko and Dot await his fate]

Yakko: Well?

[Wakko hiccups, causing him to take the shape of Frankenstein's monster for a few seconds before returning to normal]

Wakko: Didn't work.

[Cut to a sign reading "Polar Bears Club", as several people are swimming in what appears to be the Arctic. Wakko is about to go on the diving board, but is scared to jump in. He eventually does so, causing him to freeze in an ice cube, which he then hiccups out of]

Wakko [Shivering] Didn't work.

[Cut to a Native American-esque bonfire, as the Warners watch a tiki man dance around it]

Dot: Maybe this guy will do the trick.

[The tiki dances around them, and Wakko starts to join in. He then stars hiccuping, his head taking the shape of other tikis.

Wakko: Yeah!

Tiki Man: That's it, I quit! Twelve years of Harvard Medical School for this?

[Cut to the Warners watching a comedian holding a golf club]

Comedian: I'll tell ya, old golfers never die, huh. They just kinda putt it away. [Laughs]

[Yakko and Dot pour eye drops into Wakko's eyes as he's watching the show]

Comedian: Thank you, you're all beautiful. I wish I could take y'all home with me. My cat is not very nice.

Wakko: No! It's too cruel! [Hiccups]

Dot: It's not working.

Comedian: Hey, where's Brooke Shields, huh? [Purrs]

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