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Opening Segment[]

*Narrator (singing): Just listen up, and you'll hear a tale, a tale of the Warner three! When from the water-tower, they did try to flee! They shot into the puffy clouds, some seeds to make it rain and rain it did, so much in fact, the tower floated away all around L.A.! When the rain dried up, the tower was aground on the Burbank lot. The Warner Brothers, they escaped with their sister Dot and they took off like a shot. Now they're being chased around the Warners Studio by Scratchansniff and Hello Nurse, The C.E.O., Ralph the Guard, Some movie stars, The Professor and Mary-Ann on the Warners' lot!

Theme song[]

[The intro begins with a shot of the Warner Bros.' water tower. The camera zooms in to the shield of tower, of which the Warners open while singing and jump out. ]

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: It's time for Animaniacs and we're zany to the max

[The scene then cuts to Dr. Scratchansniff sitting in while watching a television; the Warners (wearing lab coats) appear and tickle his feet, sending him into hysterical laughter and Yakko sends Scratchansniff crashing into the floor with the lever of the examination chair.]

Yakko, Wakko and Dot: So just sit back and relax. You'll laugh till you collapse.

[The show's title appears with them singing]

Yakko, Wakko and Dot: We're Animaniacs!

[Yakko and Wakko walk in a silly way along the Warner Bros.' studio lot while Dot hops in.]

*Yakko and Wakko: Come join the Warner Brothers

*Dot: And the Warner Sister Dot

[The siblings do a double take and run with Ralph the Guard chasing them with a net]

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot.

[Ralph locks the Warners in the water tower, but they appear on his head under his hat]

Yakko, Wakko and Dot: They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught.

[They run away outside the lot.]

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot.

[They are hit by the show's title with them singing again]

*Yakko, Wakko and Dot: We're Animaniacs [Dot appears posing on a stage and Yakko talks to an annoyed yak, who splashes his face into the soup.] Dot is cute and Yakko yaks. [Wakko eats food from a truck loading it into his mouth. Bill Clinton is playing a saxophone before the Warners pop out of it.] Wakko packs away the snacks, while Bill Clinton plays the sax! We're Animaniacs!

[Yakko plays a bunch of characters from the show (mainly their 'special friends') like a xylophone. Pinky and the Brain are introduced; they are standing on top of the Earth.]

Yakko, Wakko and Dot: Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe. [The Brain turns on a huge magnet with an awestruck Pinky gazing at the power beam, before Saturn crashes into the two. The Goodfeathers are standing on top of a power line; Squit hugs Bobby and Pesto before they are hit by Slappy's purse.] Goodfeathers flock together, Slappy whacks them with her purse. [Buttons chases Mindy across a steel beam, while Rita sings and Runt smiles while the Warners singing.] Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse. [Two writers in their office go crazy, Yakko and Dot throw away a script, of which Wakko eats.] The writers flipped, We have no script, Why bother to rehearse?

[The cast are then seen walking, and show their contracts]

*All: We're Animaniacs! We have pay-or-play contracts!

[In a lavender background, the Warners appear singing.]

*All:We're zany to the max [Backed up by the cast (colored in blue), Dot puts slices of bologna in Yakko's slacks, of which Wakko is pulling.] There's baloney in our slacks! [Zooms out with the cast singing in a dark-colored background.] We're Animanie- Totally insane-y

Dot: Here's the show's name-y

[The show's logo appears one last time with the Warners singing the show's title (zooming letters), proclaiming "Those are the facts.", and the song ends.]

All: Animaniacs! Those are the facts!

Opening segment[]

*Colin: One time, okay, see, one time Randy Beaman's mom had a dream that she ate a *big* marshmallow, and it was really good, and she-and when she woke up, her pillow was gone, 'cause she ate it! 'Kay, bye!

The Big Candy Store[]

[Cartoon opens up on The Goodfeathers. Camera pans left to Flaxseed's Totallity of Candy. "Dance of The Sugar Plum Fairies" from "The Nutcracker Suite by Pytor Tchaikovsky plays in the background. Fade to inside. A weasel in fine clohtes and a toupee, is sucking on a green sucker, looking at himself in the mirror. Sister Margaret-Mary-Anne-June-July walks up to the counter]

*Sister Margaret-Mary-Anne-June-July: Eh, Beggin' yer pardon, son!

*Ferman Flaxseed: [taking the green sucker out of his mouth] Yes? Yes? What? What? What?

*Sister: I'm Sister Margaret-Mary-Anne-June-July, and -- well, I was wonderin', Mr. Flaxseed -- our orphanage hasn't much money, and, well -- would you consider donating some of your fine candies to our sweet boys and girls for our Easter celebration?

*Flaxseed: [looks at the camera] You mean -- for free?!?

*Sister: Yes, exactly!

*Flaxseed: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-[camera trucks-in on his mouth. As he laughs, his tonsils, each with a purple toupee, laugh with him. Camera trucks-out of his mouth] AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-ha!!! NO! [kicks Sister Margaret-Anne-June-July out. She blows raspberries, then walks away] Deadbeats! Where DO they come from?

[The Warners ride on a city bus, in Roman outfits. Yakko is whipping the bus. The green light turns red. The bus stops at the red light, neighing like a horse]

*Yakko: How's *that* for an entrance?

*Wakko: (sniffs)

*Dot: [pointing to Flaxseed's Totallity of Candy] Look!

*Singers: [offscreen, as light shines on Flaxseed's Totallity of Candy] Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

*Yakko: One of these days, I'm gonna find those singers!

*Flaxseed: [turns to see the Warners outside the window] Hmmm? Oh!! What horrifying little children! I shall be frightened for hours! [waving to the Warners to go away] Go away! Go away!! Shoo, shoo! You frighten me!

*Dot: Look! He's waving at us! What a nice man! He wants us to come in!

*Warner Trio  :[enters the candy store; singing] The Candyman's swell, one look and you can tell that this nice man wears a toupee!

*Wakko: Please don't mind what I will now say! I think that you should wear ... a beret!

*Warner Trio: Hey!

*Yakko and Wakko [spoken]: We're the Warner Brothers!

*Dot: And the Warner sister!

*Flaxseed: Buy something or leave!

*Yakko: I like him! Don't you?

*Wakko: This is a great store, Mr. Candyman!

*Flaxseed: I'm not the Candyman!

*Dot: Well, you sell candy, don'cha, kid?

*Flaxseed: I'm *not* a kid!

*Yakko: Relax, my good man!

*Flaxseed: I am not your good man!!

*Yakko: [sitting on the counter] Hmmmm...we're running out of options here.

*Flaxseed: What - do you want?!

*Yakko: [grabbing a jar of red jelly beans] Well, world peace would be nice... and a Chevrolet in every driveway ... an end to pestilence and famine ... and pestilence... [Ferman Flaxseed takes the jar of red jelly beans] Until then -- we're just browsing!

[The Warners start touching and eating the candy. Dot licks the lollipops, Yakko drinks out of the melted milk chocolate barrel, and Wakko licks a candy cane]

*Flaxseed: Stop! Stop -- stop *touching* everything! If you want to see something, ask!

*Dot: All right! We'd like to see the jellybeans!

*Wakko: Not those! Those! [points upwards]

[Ferman Flaxseed looks up to see a giant jar of jelly beans on top of the giant shelf. The camera turns to truck-out fast to a high-angle shot of the really tall ladder. He turns to the Warners, nervous. The Warners smile. He climbs a very tall ladder, passing a goat on two giant candy canes]

*Goat: Baa!

[Ferman Flaxseed continues climbing, passing an astronaut]

*Astronaut: Come in, Houston!

[Ferman Flaxseed is near the top, where the giant jar of jelly beans is. His right eye gets big. He looks down, nervously. Close-up on Ferman Flaxseed's nervous face, shaking nervously, sweating]

*Dot: Don't look down! You might fall and hit your head and die and your brains would leak out all over!

*Flaxseed: [as the ladder trembles, rocking back and forth] Goh! Uuh -- ooh!

*Yakko: Whoa! Dumber than advertised!

*Flaxseed: [Panting] There! Now... how many do you want?

*Yakko: Oh, we don't want any! We just wanted to SEE 'em!

*Warner Trio: [look at the giant jar of jellybeans Thank you!

*Flaxseed: Right! So you're making fun of me!

*Yakko: We aren't making fun of ya! THIS is making fun of ya:

*Warner Trio: (In stupid voices) We sell candy! We sell candy!

*Dot: See the difference?

[Ferman Flaxseed snaps and jumps at them, but The Warner Siblings dodge him and run between the other aisles]

*Wakko: [grabbing taffy from The Mr. Taffy Machine] I love a taffy pull! [pulls the taffy from The Mr. Taffy Machine through three aisles and a stack of cans in a zigzag path, only to run into Ferman Flaxseed]

*Flaxseed: Give that to me! ..[Wakko gives him the taffy] Eaowgh!

*Warner Trio: [chugging past him as a train, puffing out smoke] Choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-Whoooo-whoooo! [they make a hissing noise as they shuffle to him]

*Dot: [handing him the toupee] You dropped your hair!

*Flaxseed: [angrilly getting out of the taffy machine] Blblblbl! [putting on toupee] Bleugh! Now this really takes the cake!

[Each Warner Sibling has a cake]

*Wakko: Where do you want us to take 'em?

*Flaxseed: [pushing the cakes] Ough!! Either you BUY something right now, or I shall delight in throwing you out of here!

*Yakko: That's going to be a problem ... See, we don't have any money.

*Dot: Can we have something for free?

*Flaxseed: For FREE!?! [kicks the Warners out]

*Yakko: Hey! He can't do that to us!! [they go back in and get kicked out again] On second thought, uh -- maybe he can!

Ferman Flaxseed is pouring a bag of marshmallows into a barrel. Yakko, disguised as a mail man, comes in with a telegram for him]

*Yakko: Telegram for Ferman Flaxseed! [hands him the envelope] How about a tip?

*Flaxseed: Don't eat lead!

*Wakko: [as he and Dot appear out of envelope] Didja miss us?

*Dot: Give us a kiss, kid! [kisses him on the nose. They run as he gives chase]

*Wakko: Look! Malted milk balls! [pours the malted milkballs out of the jar and into his mouth. He becomes a machine gun as Ferman Flaxseed advances towards them. He spits them out with Dot winding his tail, shooting at Ferman Flaxseed. Ferman Flaxseed deflects the malted milkballs, which go into Yakko's mouth, using the silver platter as a shield. Wakko runs out of malted milkballs] I'm out!

*Flaxseed: [angrily grabs Wakko and Dot] Naugh-ty, naugh-ty children! [holds up Wakko and Dot]

*Sister: Stop right there! [as her shadow overlooms Ferman Flaxseed] You put those children down, you beast!!

[Sister Margaret-Mary-Anne-June-July stands at the doorway with a ruler, very angrily; Yakko smiles]

*Flaxseed: But, you -- don't understand! They were--

*Wakko and Dot: Waaaaa--hhhhh!

*Sister: Come on, girls! That's the one I toldja about! Get him!!

[She and the nuns march in angrily, with yard sticks in their hands. Camera trucks-in on Ferman Flaxseed's terrified face]

*Flaxseed: Wait! You're nuns! You're not allowed to resort to physical violence!

*Sister: He's right! ... Let us pray. [she and the nuns pray mumblingly. Outside Flaxseed's Totallity of Candy, a Notre Lame bus pulls up. Cheerleaders and The Notre Lame Marching Band come out of the bus as The Notre Lame Football Team comes to beat up Ferman Flaxseed] Our prayers have been answered! [blows the whistle]

[The Notre Lame Football Team marches down an aisle of Cheerleaders and beat up Ferman Flaxseed]

*Warner Trio [cheerleading]: Clobber Flaxseed, clobber Flaxseed! Sis-boom-bah! Fighting Irish, fighting Irish! Rah! Rah! Rah!

*Dot: Go, Flaxseed!! [Violence stops] Just kidding!

[Violence continues. The Warnerss eat popcorn as they watch the violence. The Notre Lame Football Team stops beating up Ferman Flaxseed, and leaves. So do Sister Margaret-Mary-Anne-June-July and the nuns. Ferman Flaxseed is beaten up and weak from the fight]

*Yakko: You should go hit the shower!

[They throw him into the quick drying chocolate. He gets covered in chocolate]

*Wakko: Make sure to wash behind your ears!

[They dunk him in quick drying chocolate. He becomes a chocolate bunny]

*Dot: He's so cute!

*Sister: I know all of us here at the orphanage want to thank the Warner Brothers --

*Dot: And the Warner sister!

*Sister: ...for donatin' this lovely chocolate Easter Bunny to the children!

[Kids cheer as they rush toward the chocolate bunny]

*Yakko: Wait'll they get to the creamy filling!

[The Warners wave their eyebrows]

Intermission[]

(Colin comes out of his house licking on an ice cream cone, trying to keep it upright...)

Colin: One time, okay, see, one time Randy Beaman's aunt was sitting on the-on the front porch, and she, and she was in her bare feet, and she felt a lick and she thought it was her dog licking her feet, but it wasn't, it was this crazy guy that did that a lot. (as he takes another lick, he spills the ice cream from his cone onto the front walk) 'Kay, bye!

(Colin goes back into the house, leaving the mess of spilled ice cream on the walk.)

Slappy Squirrel intro[]

*Warner Trio: The crankiest of creatures in the whole wide world, Our next cartoon features Slappy the Squirrel!

*Slappy: [opening the door] Enh, enough with the singing already! [closing the door]

*Warner Trio: That's Slappy!

Bumbie's Mom[]

(It begins at a movie theater showing a "Bambi" parody: "Bumbie the Dearest Dear"...)

SINGER: Bumbie, the dearest deer,

Deep in the darkest forest he grew;

Bumbie, the dearest deer,

His mother the only friend he knew...

(Slappy and Skippy Squirrel are watching the film together. Slappy looks pleased as Skippy happily eats popcorn.)

SLAPPY: Life is good.

(Skippy bobs his head to the beat of Bumbie's theme music as he eats more popcorn. Then we see Bumbie happily frolicking with a white rabbit, Bumper. Then Bumper dashes over to a log and rapidly bumps his butt on it.)

BUMPER: I'm bumpin'! That's why they call me Bumper! Nyee-hee-hee-ha-ha!

SKIPPY: (giggles and eats more popcorn)

SLAPPY: His biography said he bumped his butt 'cause he ate too much sugar. It's sad, really.

SKIPPY: Shhh!!

SLAPPY: Okay, Mr. Gene Shalit!

(In a parody of the ice-skating scene, Bumper gives Bumbie a push and he stumbles around before colliding with a tree and falling forward. A butterfly lands on his tail, ala the iconic "Bambi" scene. Bumper laughs some more as Skippy smiles happily. Then we see Bumbie prancing around his mother...)

MOM: You must be careful on the meadow. There's no cover here from the hunters.

BUMBIE: I will, Mommy!

(As the music gets menacing, Skippy starts to look nervous...)

SLAPPY: (yawns and starts to doze off)

BUMBIE: Mommy? Mommy! Where are you?!

(A loud gunshot is heard as Skippy spills his popcorn in shock. In the movie, it begins to snow as Bumbie looks sad...)

BUMBIE: Mommy...?

(Skippy, now looking glum, widens his eyes and then they start to tear up...)

SKIPPY: Bumbie's mommy... (starts crying grossly and loudly)

SLAPPY: (wakes up) Pat! I'd like to buy a vowel!

SKIPPY: (continues crying) Bumbie's mooooommy!

SLAPPY: Calm down, kiddo. It's just a movie. She's not really--

SKIPPY: Dead. She's dead! Bumbie's an orphan!

(Skippy resumes his loud sobbing, as a fat walrus lady behind them comes up, very annoyed.)

LADY: WHAT is that child's problem?!

SLAPPY: Me! And in about two seconds, you're gonna share that problem.

LADY: Well! I never!

SLAPPY: Well, you should. It's fun.

(Slappy pushes the walrus lady back into her seat and sits down herself. Skippy looks up and lets out a weepy gasp in horror as the background changes red. A terrifying forest fire has started in the movie, and Skippy moans and cries in fear now...)

SLAPPY: What do you say we get some air, heh?

(Skippy lets out another scared sob, and Bumbie, still a small fawn, prances through the wildfire in fear...)

BUMBIE: Mommy?

(Skippy bawls loudly at this. Slappy picks him up and starts carrying him out of the theater. The walrus lady is about to say something...)

SLAPPY: Say one word and I'll throw dynamite down your pants!

(The lady recoils nervously as Slappy and Skippy exit the theater. Skippy continues to sob.)

SLAPPY: Ohhhh, use a tissue!

(Slappy hands one to Skippy, and he blows his nose into it, sounding like a party horn, letting the tissue cover his head. Slappy lifts it up and looks at him...)

SLAPPY: No one ever really gets hurt in cartoons. Look!

(Slappy pulls a Pluto-like dog into the scene and hands him a lit bomb. The dog reacts in fear and frantically tries to blow out the fuse, but fails as the bomb explodes, leaving the dog charred black. Then a speeding freight train comes out of nowhere and runs over the dog. After it passes, a house falls onto the dog, and his feet, now wearing striped stockings, start to curl up ala "The Wizard of Oz", and Slappy lifts up the house a bit so the curling-up feet can fully fit under the house.

SLAPPY: You're all right, right?

DOG: (poking his head out, dazed) Never felt better!

SLAPPY: See?

(Slappy drops the house onto the dog again. Under the following line, the dog stumbles off in a daze...)

SKIPPY: But Bumbie wasn't a cartoon. It was a movie. Bumbie's mother is-- (resumes bawling loudly)

SLAPPY: (to the camera) Is it me? (to Skippy) That mama deer was just an actress, Vina Walleen! We were pals. She used to date George Jetson. Look. Have I ever lied to you before?

SKIPPY: You said Keno™ was legal in Burbank. You said Magilla Gorilla was a woman. You said--

SLAPPY: Can it! Let me prove it to you. (goes through her purse) Ehh, where'd I put that thing? (pulls out a roller paintbrush) Ah, here it is.

(Slappy repaints the background so they are now at an airport. They walk into a jet airliner...)

SLAPPY: I'm gonna take you to meet Bumbie's mom.

SKIPPY: Bumbie's mom? She's... (lets out a couple of loud sobs)

SLAPPY: (sarcastically) Oh, joy.

(The plane starts to move as Slappy and Skippy fasten their seatbelts.)

SLAPPY: We're going to Tucumcari, New Mexico.

SKIPPY: Why?

SLAPPY: To meet Bumbie's mom!

SKIPPY: Bumbie's mom? She's... (cries loudly and grossly)

SLAPPY: (to the camera) Pavlov would love this kid.

(The airplane takes off as Skippy continues bawling throughout, so loud it can be heard from outside the plane. A little while later, Skippy breathes in a whimpering manner, to the annoyance of Slappy, before he finally stops crying. A stewardess resembling Hello Nurse walks up to them...)

STEWARDES: Would you like anything?

SLAPPY: Perhaps a sedative?

STEWARDESS: Huh? I don't get it.

SLAPPY: Go away.

(The stewardess shrugs and begins to walk off in a sultry manner. A suitcase drops down from the overhead compartment and opens to reveal the three Warner siblings...)

YAKKO AND WAKKO: Helloooooo, nurse!

(The stewardess runs off, and Yakko and Wakko pursue her. Dot dances away on her toes to the tune of "Dance of the Reed Flutes".)

SLAPPY: (to the camera) That was pointless. (to Skippy) How ya doin'?

SKIPPY: I feel airsick! (belches, then his cheeks bulge as if he's about to puke)

SLAPPY: (to camera) Dissolve to the next scene, quick!

(It does so, they are now on a bus.)

SLAPPY: (to Skippy) Better?

SKIPPY: Yeah.

(They get off the bus in a New Mexico desert. The Road Runner zips by, followed by Wile E. Coyote on a backpack helicopter device...)

ROAD RUNNER: Bip-bip!

(They chase ahead of the bus; the Road Runner sticks his tongue out at Wile E. and takes off in a cloud of dust. They get to a four-way intersection, where the bus from earlier hits Wile E. Coyote, leaving him battered on the ground...)

ROAD RUNNER: Bip-bip! (dashes off)

SLAPPY: (to the camera) Enough with the gratuitous cameos!

(They walk up to Vina Walleen's trailer home, where there are many spinning wind decorations...)

SLAPPY: Here we go! You meet Vina, and I avoid payin' huge therapy bills when you're nineteen.

(Slappy rings the doorbell, and Vina opens it a crack...)

VINA: What?

SLAPPY: Vina, it's me!

(Vina opens the door all the way; she looks quite old now, roughly around Slappy's age.)

VINA: Slappy! Slappy darlin', is that you?

SLAPPY: If it ain't, you better call my agent!

SLAPPY & VINA: Yah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ah-ha-ha!

(they hug as "Auld Lang Syne" plays)

SLAPPY: (to Vina) This is my nephew, Skippy. Say hello, Skippy!

SKIPPY: (hiding behind Slappy, uncertainly) Hello.

VINA: Well, come on in. I got some Wiener-Beaner mix up on the stove, and a six-pack of Fresca in the fridge.

(They enter the trailer. Some time later, Skippy looks bored as he sits in an easy chair...)

VINA: ...so then Pebbles says, "Hey! Get yer own Bamm-Bamm, lady!"

(She and Slappy laugh loudly, until Slappy notices Skippy's expression...)

SLAPPY: Ah? What's with you?

SKIPPY: That's not Bumbie's mom! She's old!

SLAPPY: (to camera) Tactless, yet rude. (to Vina) Hey? Could you do a piece of the old "Bumbie" bit for my nephew?

(Vina gets up, walks daintily towards Skippy, then goes into a tornado-like spin and now appears as she did in the movie...)

VINA: You must be careful on the meadow. There's no cover here from the hunters.

SKIPPY: It is her! Bumbie's mom!

(Skippy leaps into Slappy's arms and they hug. Vina starts to shiver and reverts back to her elderly state.)

VINA: Boy, them flashbacks don't last as long as they used to!

SLAPPY: Nothing does, baby!

(They laugh. The scene changes to Skippy and Slappy back on the airliner plane, heading for home...)

SLAPPY: Feel better?

SKIPPY: (happily) Yup.

SLAPPY: Let's watch the in-flight movie, eh?

SKIPPY: 'kay.

(They put on headphones and watch. On the screen, a boy plays with the dog Old Yellow...)

BOY: Here, boy! C'mon!

(Old Yellow barks happily and licks the boy. Then we cut to Skippy...)

BOY: Old Yellow! Old Yellow!

(As the music intensifies, Skippy gives a distressed look. Slappy looks horrified, and a gunshot rings out on the movie!)

BOY: (sadly) Old Yellow...

SLAPPY: (flatly) Uh-oh.

(Skippy's eyes are now big, and they begin to tear up once again. Skippy starts bawling uncontrollably again, more gross and annoying than ever.)

SLAPPY: (to camera) Fade out, already! We got the joke!

(The plane flies off as Skippy continues bawling, and it fades out.)

End[]

(Warner Trio returns to Water Tower. Wakko brings out a catapult, which flings them to the top. Ralph tries, but he gets flung to the floor. The Warner Trio escapes inside)

(animaniacs theme instrumental)

*Warner Trio: Goodbye, Nurse!

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